As Real As It Gets

When It Rains, It Pours, and when it doesn't...

2008-11-26T08:45:00.006-06:00

Gosh, I love getting comments on my blog! Sometimes I think I'm blogging just for me, lol - getting your comments affirms that I'm not alone, so thanks for letting me know you're out there! :)

Before I get into any juicy details about what I've been up to, I have to share this with you... Yesterday I treated myself to a one hour full-body massage. OMG! Now I've had massages before - many, in fact - but yesterday was the BEST massage I've ever had! Holy cow! This woman started with me on my back, and she began at my head, worked her way down to my feet, flipped me over, and then worked her way back up to my head. It was FANTASTIC! She even massaged my ears! LOL All for only $45, which just amazes me, because the last massage I had cost me more than twice that, and while it was a really good massage, this one had it beat hands down. After the massage I found out that this woman is actually a massage therapist instructor - let me tell you, I'm so impressed that I'm making a monthly appointment with her whether I can afford it or not, lol - and I've even made an appointment for me and my son when he comes home for the holidays. He's never had a massage, and I want him to experience a great one his first time. :) K, just wanted to share that. lol

Well, Hubby has been gone to Iraq for over two months now. Including the training he had to go through before he left, he's been gone for more like three and half months. It's been a tough time since he's been gone. I really miss him lots. Thankfully, we get to talk almost every day, which really helps, but its still hard. There is simply no replacement for the physical relationship, even if its just for hugs, and it really sucks that we still have 10 months of this to go. :( But I'm hanging in there, and trying to keep myself busy every day so I don't get depressed.

The hardest part of this time apart from Hubby is the lonliness for me. I spend so much time alone. Since I work alone, and I'm home alone, the only time I see anyone is when I push myself to go out on Ladies Night. But even that has its moments of lonliness. I've been out several times over the last couple months where I went alone. I just sit there in the bar by myself, drinking my drink, and hoping someone will at least ask me dance, or come sit and chat with me for a few minutes. It's almost worse than sitting home alone, because you see all these other people socializing and hanging out with their friends, while wishing you had someone to hang out with too. And the worst part for me is that I hate sitting alone and looking pathetic. I don't know where the heck all my normal party buddies have run off to. It's like they all dropped off the face of the planet. :(

There is good news, however. The last few months haven't been a total waste, as you will soon see. :) That's why I titled this post, "When it rains, it pours..."

We already know that I spend a good deal of time alone. That's the, "when it doesn't" part. When it's not raining, it like a severe drought around here, lol. It seems like these dry spells last for two weeks at at time, and then all the sudden, it starts raining like there's no tomorrow. We'll start with Biker Dude...

Biker Dude and I have been friends for a couple years now. And we've messed around a few times over the course of those couple years, but he and I have never had total-alone-time. Actually, he's kind of a hard one to figure out, because sometimes he's all about getting together, and other times it's like he has no interest what-so-ever. I don't understand it, but there it is. I really enjoy Biker Dude - the few times that we have been together, it was a good time. I like his kisses, A LOT, and I have to tell you, he's very talented with his tongue. ;)~ And when we do get together, there's a heated passion between us that rev's my motor big time.

Well, before I left on my vacation back in September, I started getting text messages from Biker Dude telling me that he really wanted to "hook up". We agreed that when I got back from vacation we'd make it a point to do just that. Then, while I was on vacation, he continued to send me text messages, telling me how horny he was for me, how much he'd been thinking about me, and how he couldn't wait for me to get back from vacation. These messages continued on until, on my way home from vacation, I'm sitting in a hotel room, and I start getting bombarded with messages from him telling me what he plans on doing to me when I get back. Mind you, I hadn't had sex in a few weeks, and the description of his intentions were really turning me on. Good thing I had my vibrator with me. ;)

I can honestly say that is the first time I've ever had "text message sex", LOL! He did a damn fine job of sharing his imagination with me. *grins* Of course, I was all about getting together with him in the real too, once I got home.

Even after the night in the hotel room, Biker Dude continued to send me messages over the weekend and into the following week. Finally, on Wednesday morning, he sends me a message telling me again that he's thinking about me, and that he has big plans for me that night. He knows where I am on Ladies night. So I sent him a message back, asking him if we should get a room that night, to which he agreed.

This all started around 10:30 in the morning, and from that moment on, my day was all about preparing for my time with Biker Dude that night. I immediately called my waxing girl and made an appointment for a brazillian waxing that afternoon. I also started getting my overnight bag together, with toys, lotions, and potions, prepping for the night. One of the things B.D. had requested was that I wear thigh hi's and heels for him that night, so of course, those went into the overnight bag along with everything else. Meanwhile, B.D. is sending more text messages about what he is going to do to me that night, making me slicker than a banana peel on a wet floor, hehe, and he tells me he hopes I have time for a nap that day, because he plans on keeping me up through the wee hours of the morning.

This is a big night for us. We've waited a long time for this, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help wondering just how long I was going to have him for the night, because he's got a wife and kids at home. Given that, I sent him a text asking him what time he'd have to be home that night, and he tells me the wife is out of town, so I have him all night long. This was just getting better and better. ;)

Finally it's time to head downtown for my waxing appointment, so I loaded up the car with my goodies and left the house. While I'm driving to my appointment, I start thinking to myself, I've got these really pretty thigh hi's and rockin' 5 inch heels I'm wearing for him tonight. Wouldn't it be nice if I had a sexy outfit to go with them?? So I head to the toy store and hit up their lingerie rack. I found the perfect outfit! Sheer black, open in the front, with a little leather trim holding it together right under my breasts, and leather collar to go around my neck. Sexy! Ironically enough, lol, he sends me another text while I'm there asking me if I have any edible body paint. Oh my! So I pick up some body paint and my outfit and get to my appointment.

After my appointment, I headed over the hotel we would be staying at that night, and got ready to go out to Ladies Night. I knew B.D. was working that evening, and when he works evenings, he usually doesn't show up for Ladies Night until around 11/11:30, so my plan was to go to Ladies Night, have a good time, and hook up with him when he got there. Well...

Around 11:45, B.D. still hadn't shown up. So I send him a text asking him if he was still coming. He says he is, but that he's bartending that night at another bar, and doesn't get off work until 1:00. Huh? Now why didn't he tell me that before??? But he assures me that he has every intention of meeting me at the hotel after he gets off work. Okay. As long as he's still showing up eventually, it's all good. I'll just continue on with my night, and head back to the hotel when the bar closes. That's only an hour away, so no biggie.

12:45 rolls around, and they kick us out of the bar, as is their usual custom, and I tell Lil' Pistol and Big Momma that I have plans, so I won't be going out to breakfast with them, and then I leave. ("Big Momma" is one I need to fill you in on yet, but another day, lol) With that, I head over to the hotel. Within in seconds of getting in the room, I get a text from B.D. telling me he's on his way and he'll be there in a few minutes. He was only down the street, so he really meant only a few minutes, lol.

After getting his text, I opened the door so he could just walk in when he got there, and I ran into the bathroom, freshened up, put on my new outfit - thigh hi's and heels included - and B.D. arrived before I even finished getting ready.

When I walked out of the bathroom, B.D. grabs me and kisses me like he hasn't "eaten" in a year - OMG! I LOVE A HUNGRY MAN! But keep in mind that I did some prepping for this night with him. I had toys laid out, covered with a towel, feathers, blindfolds, hand cuffs... don't forget the body paints... I was prepared! I also had my laptop with me for music, along with candles to be lit... so I pushed B.D. down on the bed, laid a yummy kiss on him, and told him to hold that thought, while I went over to the table to light a candle and get the music going.

Let me tell you, he was not going to be put off! As I'm bending over the table, purposely giving him a view of my ass under that sheer black nighty, he comes in from behind, gets on his knees and starts using his tongue, pulling me down on him. We actually had a bit of struggle with that one, because I was bound and determined to get that music and candles going, and he was bound and determined that I was going to sit on his face, lol - but I finally managed to get them going, and in the midst of the amazing things he was doing to me with that tongue of his, I eased myself down on him. Yum!

Eventually, we get off the floor and he takes me to the bed, where he lays me down on my back and continues to go down on me until I came like waterfall. B.D. is really good with his tongue, and he definitely makes a meal out of it. *she sighs with a delightful shiver* :)~ Then he helps me off the bed, and helps me out of my sexy nighty, stating that he never lets the sexy nighty stay on that long, but he couldn't help himself because I looked so hot in it, hehe - and, mind you, the thigh hi's and heels stayed on all night - then he turns me over, lays me down on the bed on my belly, pulls my hips up towards him so that I'm now on my knees, and he ever so slowly comes in from behind, hard as a rock. My G-spot was ripe and I had my second orgasm within seconds! He continued to take me from behind, until he reached his peak, and as he's doing so, he moaned like I've never heard him moan before. It was hot to hear him get off! ;)

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I tend to have an insatiable appetite when it comes to sex. I've been called a nympho more than once, lol - I can't help it. I don't know what it is, but so often I can go for hours and never get enough no matter how many times they get me off. I think that's part of it - since I can have multiple orgasms, I'm always ready for the next one. ;) But I always feel bad for the guys, because once they get off, it usually takes them some time to get hard again, and some guys can't go more than one round in a night. I can tend to wear a man out, and have been told so on several occasions, LOL!

On that note, it wasn't long before I was ready to go again, and I was in a 'no mercy' mood, lol, so after smokin' a ciggy, I walked over to B.D., who was sitting on the edge of the bed, and I got down on my knees, and began to use my tongue. *devilish grin* Lo and behold, he actually surprised me, because it didn't take long for him to "rise to the occasion", and before I knew it, we were going at it again. But this time, I laid him on his back, straddled him, and rode him slow and rhythmic like! This go-round lasted quite a while too, which was even better.

Do you know what I love? I love the feeling of a man's hands on my hips. Mmmmm.... that gets me all hot and bothered too. And the longer he hangs on to my hips, ridin' with me, the better it is. Just thought I'd share that. ;) So anyway... hehe ....

B.D. and I were at it for a total of about 2 hours that night. After getting myself off a third time riding him on top, and after getting him off for the second time that night, he tells me with an awed look on his face, that he's hasn't gotten off twice like that in such a short period of time, since he was in High School! I'm laughing, of course, but that really is a compliment. It feels good to know that he'll remember that night because of it.

B.D and I had a good time in those two hours we spent together. I have to be honest and tell you I was a little disappointed when he said he had to get home after only two hours together, because the way he made it sound, we'd be at it until the sun came up. But he had to get home to his kids, and it was already 3:30 in the morning, so I'm trying not to be too disappointed about it. I think the thing that dissappoints me the most is that the toys, paints, feathers, blindfolds and handcuffs never got touched. :( But at least he appreciated the outfit, and I'm going to hold on to the rest of it in hopes that he and I are not done having fun yet. ;)

Then, that same week, not two days later... stay tuned...

The Problem with Blogging...

2008-10-16T20:23:00.004-06:00

The problem with blogging is that my life happens far faster than I can keep up with on my blog. I have so many back-stories that I'd love to tell you, but I just can't seem to keep up if I keep having these intentions to share them. So... I have decided that I'll blog what I can, when I can, and if a back story or two pops up, well then, so be it. :)

First, let me say that I just came back from a wonderful vacation visiting friends down South. I got to spend a substantial amount of time with Mr. & Mrs. WS, which was fabulous! Everytime I see them in person, I'm reminded of how special they are in my life. Truly the best friends in the world! *HUGS* to Mr. & Mrs. WS!!

While on vacation, I got to see almost everybody that is special to me in that neck of the woods. There were only two people that I could think of that I didn't get to see who live there...both of them men, and when I think about it, sadly, it's probably better that I didn't see them. But all in all I had a great vacation, and damn near partied my butt off almost every night. It was really good to see everyone!

I did see Sexy Man while I was there. That was a tough one, and I'm not sure I'm ready to rehash what happened. Suffice it to say, I walked away from him with the decision that I won't be maintaining our connection anymore. But if he decides he wants to keep in touch, I will allow that. He knows my number from memory, so there are no excuses on his part. If our relationship completely dissappates, it was his choice, because I'm tired of being the only one to keep in touch, and I'm tired of feeling so confused by his actions, and/or lack thereof. The one thing I do know is that I will always love him, and nothing will ever change that. But if it's time to let go, then it's up to him. I just can't do it anymore.

Last night was Ladies Night. I wasn't even going to go out last night, because I'm still recovering from my vacation, which seemed to be non-stop from the moment I left my house, to the moment I returned. The day after I got back, I had to work, and I still haven't really stopped since I got home. I'm looking forward to getting through this weekend, so I can get myself back on track.

Anyway, I did go out last night, as I said. Initially I thought I was going to end up going out alone. I got in touch with a few of my fellow partyer's, and no one seemed interested in joining me last night. Even still, I went out anyway, and I ended up being joined by R&R later in the eveing. (They are the couple we had that wild night with in the hotel room a few months back.)

I like R&R. They are a nice couple, and sex aside, I like hanging out with them. Last night seemed to go well. There were no intentions of "hooking up" - it was just meant to be a laid back, have a few drink together, kind of night. And that's all it was, from my perspective. But at one point, I got up to use the restroom, and when I returned, Ms. R grabbed her jacket & purse, stating that she was going outside, as she stormed out of the bar. I was a little confused by what had just happened. Mr. R said it was because she was ready to leave and he wasn't. Then he goes outside to check on her. When he gets back, he says she's ready to go home, so we said our goodbyes, and he left. I had sent Ms. R a text message asking her if she was okay, and she sends me one back about a half hour later telling me, "no". I still wasn't quite sure what went down while I was in the bathroom, but I decided maybe it would be best to let it rest until the morning.

So this morning I send Ms. R another text message, asking her if she was doing any better today. She sends me one back saying, "sorta". Of course, now I'm worried that maybe I did something last night to offend her in some way. Well, I managed to drag out of her what had happened, and apparently she felt like Mr. R was flirting with me just a little too much last night, paying an "extraordinary" amount of attention to my cleavage. OMG. She also said he said something while I was in the bathroom, but I couldn't manage to get that one out of her. Although, she did suggest that it had to do with me.

Mind you, when I go out, I hardly dress like a nun. She knows this. Okay, so I'll be honest and say that the shirt I had on last night was a "F* me shirt" if ever I owned one. The cleavage I put out with this shirt is kind of *va-va-va-voom!*, if you know what I mean. When I wear this particular top, I do tend to get quite a bit of attention from the men. The ones that know me know that they can comment and stare all they want, and I usually take it light-hearted and just laugh with them about their reactions. Well, Mr. R was no different. But honestly, he only commented once or twice about it, and then let it go. And the truth is that I didn't even know they were going to join me last night until I was already dressed and out the door. I know Ms. R has jealousy issues, and if I had known they would be out with me last night, I would have probably chosen a different top to wear. (Okay... maybe not. LOL!) But then again, she came out last night wearing ratty old blue jeans and a sweatshirt, no make-up, and her hair wasn't done. If she's worried about her man looking at other women, I'm thinking maybe she should turn her attention to herself then, and give her man a reason to look at her. Am I wrong?

So now I have to worry about how I dress when I go out with R&R??? I don't think so. I'm very secure in who I am, and I can't help it if she's that insecure. I won't change my ways for her. And I'm not going to deal with her insecurities about her man, either. That might sound harsh, but the woman has issues, and it's not up to me to deal with them. I have my own issues to deal with.

I guess one of the other things she got upset about was that we actually talked about sex last night. Are you kidding?! Our whole relationship started because we met on an adult website. Is it just me? I would think talking about sex would only seem natural based on how we met. But according to her, "we weren't out to hook-up last night, but Mr. R & you (meaning me, Lady Lover) can't seem to let the issue of sex rest." Wow. First, it was brought up that they were interested in getting together again. I agreed that I would be up for that. Then Mr. R and I had a brief conversation about what Ms. R is and isn't comfortable with at this point, and then the "sex" conversation was over and done with.

I don't need this. I think I'm going to have to tell R&R that we won't be hooking up anymore, at all. Her jealousy issues just go way too deep, and while she "thinks" she's ready to share and let loose, she isn't - not by any stretch of the imagination.

The good news is that Ladies Night was not a total loss. I met J.D. (she says with a big ol' grin)!

When I first got to the bar last night, I had only been there long enough to take off my coat, and get my all-you-can-drink bracelet. I hadn't even gotten my first drink yet when, as I'm walking up to the bar to get that drink, this guy asks me if I dance. I said, "Yes, but please give me a few minutes to get a drink." I think he took it as though I was blowing him off, because I got my drink, sat down to drink it and smoke a ciggy, and there I sat for most of the night. He never asked me to dance again. Although, all night long, every time I glanced in his direction, he was looking at me.

Finally it was the end of the night, the bar lights had come on, and I decided to go talk to him. So I walked up to him and whispered in his ear, "The next time you see me, try asking me to dance again." He grabs my hand, and tells me that he was going to ask me to dance again, but then my "boyfriend" showed up. Uh, boyfriend? LOL He was either talking about Mr. R, or this other guy I know that came and sat down by me for a little while after R&R left. Either way, I assured him that wasn't my boyfriend, just a friend. (Hmmmm... that would have probably been the ideal time to let him know I was married, but it just didn't cross my mind at the time, lol) Anyway, he kissed my hand and told me when he sees me again, he'll definitely ask me to dance. Yay for me! Then he pulls me to him and kisses me dead on the lips. Ooooo - Yummy!

Okay, so I don't mind saying, this guy is nice lookin'! Oh yeah! He's got that good lookin' cowboy thing going on! YeeeHawww!

After that, I went outside, where Lil' Pistol was waitin' on me to go to breakfast with her - she had just arrived from work. We're standing outside where the crowd is doing their usual after-mingling, and guess who shows up. Yep... the cowboy! :) He's directing me to come over to him, so I do, of course, and he pulls me to him and whispers in my ear, "What are you going to remember?" I looked at him a little puzzled, and he says, "You're going to remember J.D. - just remember J.D.", as he's pointing to himself. The he kissed me again. YAY! As I walked away, I told him my name, with a smile, of course. :)

Let's just say I'm looking forward to Ladies Night next week!

xoxo

Don't Envy Me

2008-07-16T08:35:00.016-06:00

envy- 1: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary

I dread hearing this word.

Last night I was on the phone with the "Dominator" - for three hours. He's the guy that my girlfriend, Cutie Pie, has been seeing, which I believe I shared with you in a previous post. These two are having some serious relationship issues right now. Somehow I managed to become confidant to both of them, as they both call me when they need someone with a willing ear to hear them vent about the other. I'm not sure how I managed to receive this honor, but these two are driving me crazy.

A little background history is definitely in order here...

Back in the January/February time frame, I had gone out one night for Ladies Night (imagine that), and I had a bit too much to drink that night (imagine that, again, lol) Mr. Cinco de Mayo ended up showing up that night with a friend of his... none other than the Dominator. Mr. Cd'M introduced us, and while we sat near each other most of the night, he sat one table over from us, holding a seat for Mr. Cd'M while he floated around the bar socializing. Eventually I invited Dominator to sit with me, which he did, rather shyly, I might add.

When I first met the Dominator, I really didn't pay too much mind to him. He did seem pretty shy, sitting there quietly drinking his beer, scoping out the bar, taking things in. When Mr. Cd'M introduced us, he did so stating that Dominator was one of his closest friends. After D joined me at our table I started to wonder, if he and Mr. Cd'M were such good friends, why I hadn't met him before now? I started up a conversation with him, asking him about this, and he told me that he hadn't been in town very long, but he had definitely been to the watering hole before and never remembered seeing me there either. Strange, because I'm always running into Mr. Cd'M on Wednesday nights when I go out. Anyway, once the ice was broken, we sat there having casual conversation for the remainder of the night. The more I talked with Dominator, the more I realized how cute he was. I also found out that he is only 26. Eee gads! Another youngin'! Although he seemed very mature for his age. He's also got a cute little devious smile that was starting to make my panties wet. ;)

By the end of the night, I was pretty lit, and horny. Lil' Pistol had been hanging out with us on and off most of the night too, when she wasn't at the black jack tables. When it was time to go, I needed to run to the ladies room, and Lil' Pistol went with me, but not before telling Dominator to wait for us by the door, as she is handing him my jacket to hold.

At this point in the night, I was feeling pretty good, but I hadn't had any intentions of doing anything after the bar closed, except to go out to breakfast with Lil' Pistol to buy myself some sobering-up time, and then go home. When we got back from the restroom, there stood Dominator, like a good little boy, holding my jacket. He looked so cute standing there waiting for us, and as we are walking out the door, I couldn't resist grabbing his arm and he letting him escort me outside.

Once we were outside, Lil' Pistol disappeared. I have no idea where she went - no doubt she was being the usual social butterfly with everyone hanging out outside. Dominator and I, on the other hand, walked around the side of the building, heading to the other side of the parking lot to our cars. When we got around the corner, I asked him for a kiss. (You know me... always searching for that next delicious lip-lock, lol - and when the mood strikes me, there's no stopping me, LOL) For a few minutes, getting that kiss became a little game. He was resistant to kissing me, which was driving me harder to get that kiss. He's telling me he knows who my husband is, and there's no way he's going there with me. (The story of my life *sighs*) When I told him it was just a kiss, and that Hubby wouldn't have a problem with it, he continued to tell me no. This bummed me out, so I said, "Seriously, Hubby and I have an open-marriage, and he really has no problem with it - it's just a kiss." He says, "Well, if Hubby were here to tell me that himself, I'd believe it, but until I hear him tell me that, we aren't going there. Silently laughing about how much I love the cell phone age, I grabbed my phone and immediately sent Hubby a text message telling him what was going on, asking him for his "permission" to "kiss" Dominator. Obviously, I knew what Hubby would say, and shortly thereafter, I receive a text message back from Hubby telling me, "Have fun! ;)" When I showed Dominator the reply, he immediately grabs my hair, yanking my head back fast, and kissed me so hard I thought I lost a lip in the process! Wow! (So much for shyness. It's always the quiet ones that come out of the closet in freak-mode, lol.) After telling Dominator he needed to be a wee bit more gentle, he apologized and kissed me again - this time a little more gentle, but still with the same heat that accompanied the first one. This lead to a pretty hot make-out session, which in turn had my head spinning and my juices flowing like Niagara Falls!

It wasn't long before Dominator and I were ready to take this to the next level, but before we left, I needed to let Lil' Pistol know that I wouldn't be going out to breakfast with her, so me and "D" went searching for her. Once we found her, she and Dominator started flirting too. Somehow, suddenly, there was an announcement by Lil' Pistol that if she was coming with us, it needed to be clear that she was there for my benefit only, and not his. Interesting twist. I honestly don't know how she even got invited to this little party. No doubt the Dominator had plans that involved both of us, which he failed to let me in on. I guess I had more to drink than I realized, as this whole conversation is a little fuzzy to me. All I know is that I wasn't really thrilled with the idea of sharing at that particular moment, but as always, I went with the flow, lol - On that note, the three of us headed to the Dominator's house.

Wow - okay, so I was already horny as hell, and Lil' Pistol and I had been teasing each other for quite some time, with every intention of hooking up when the time was right. I guess this night was the night, even though I was initially resistant to the idea! ;) When we got into D's apartment, it was only a matter of minutes before we were all kissing and caressing each other. I helped Lil' Pistol out of her clothes, sucking and licking her nipples, and kissing my way down her belly, until I leaned her over the edge of the sofa, and began exploring between her legs with my tongue. Somehow, D managed to get me undressed with very little effort, because suddenly I found myself bare-assed, with it up in the air while I was going down on Lil' Pistol, and D entering me from behind. Oh my!

Eventually we moved to D's bedroom, where we would have more space, and we ended up in a tangled pretzel, lovin' all over each other. I'll will remind you now of Lil' Pistol's comment about how she was only there "for my benefit", and I have to say, she stuck to that tooth and nail. No matter how hard D tried, she wouldn't let him f* her. She did, however, let him go down on her - which was hot as hell to watch! But when it came to f*ing, he was all mine. *grins* Fabulous! I really enjoyed this little threesome tremendously - each of us getting our attention in different ways - but all of us always pleasuring someone in the process. The orgasmic moans that filled the room that night were incredible. There's nothing better than a tangle of bodies, all hot and sweaty, with someone always touching you, providing a wave of orgasms between us - Mmmmmmm!

We spent an easy three hours having sex that night. By the time we were done, we were all beyond spent and ready for sleep. I actually had more orgasms that one night than I ever have in a single session of hot sex. This guy is amazing in bed! My legs were wobbly for three days after that one, hehe - Anyway *she says with a grin, ear to ear*, Lil' Pistol eventually announced that she had to get home, and since I rode with her and I needed to get my car, we left together.

An interesting note to this is that Lil' Pistol got in trouble with her husband that night when she got home, because she didn't let him know where she was at during the course of events. She says she told him she was with me, as well as what happened between us, but didn't bother to share with him that D was involved in this little ordeal. This really bothers me. I mean, it's her life, and I know she and her husband have a fairly good relationship, so for her to do what she did that night and keep if from her husband is only asking for trouble, in my opinion. The thing that bothers me most about it is the 'I want to do what you do' syndrome, which I believe she was feeling at the time. She is 30 years old with a mind of her own, but now she has a curfew - and a secret she will have to deal with the rest of her life. As far as I know, her husband had no problems with her being with me that night, as they had actually previously discussed the idea - but guaranteed he would have a problem with Dominator being involved. And now I feel bad, because my lifestyle has affected yet another person through the "envy factor".

It actually gets a little worse where Lil' Pistol and her husband are concerned. She and I had a talk a couple days ago. Since that crazy night a few months ago, when Mr. Pistol and I had sex with her permission, in her presence, I noticed she has backed off from me, not being nearly as "friendly" as she usually is. Given that, I asked her again if everything was okay with her and Mr. Pistol where that night was concerned. She swears everything is cool, but as she is telling me this, she's avoiding eye contact with me, which is not her style. I told her I wasn't getting a warm fuzzy about it, and hated the thought that it might have a bad effect on their relationship. Again, without looking me in the eye, she says everything is fine, to which I made her swear it was really cool between them, and if it wasn't they needed to let me know. She swears to me all is well. I have to take her at her word, even though I know there's something she's not telling me. Needless to say, I won't be going there with them again. It's fairly obvious to me, even though she won't admit it, that their relationship is not ready for this lifestyle.

Back to the Dominator...

D and I have had a few solo encounters since that night with Lil' Pistol. Again, sex with this guy is amazing! And he really is a freak! Totally into bondage, whips & crops, candle wax, and rough sex. I didn't give him the name "Dominator" for nothin'! ;) Mind you, I'm not really into all that. My rule of thumb is, 'if it involves pain of any sort, I'm not interested", although this "youngin'" has taught me that there are degrees of pain, and I have found that I am totally into things that heighten sensation without actually causing pain. One night he introduced the crop to me, and - OMG! - the man knows what he is doing! WOW! My motto: You're never too old to learn something new! ;) And, oh by the way, can we please add a crop to the toy box?! hehe

Well, after a few times together, I guess D decided that, while he enjoyed being a playmate - actually telling me one night during sex that I had one of the best p*'s he'd ever f*d, which is quite the compliment for a woman my age to hear from a young guy who is as experienced as he is - he decided that he needed more than just sex. He wanted someone who would be there waiting for him at night when he got home, and could curl up with him when he went to sleep, which obviously wasn't a possibility with me. I completely understood where he was coming from, so we ended the sexual aspect of our relationship, but have remained friends, and a few weeks after this conversation, he met Cutie Pie.

When D and Cutie Pie hooked up, D pretty much disappeared on me. I didn't hear from him for almost three weeks. Then he calls me one night to tell me all about her, and in the process tells me that he would love to have me join them in a threesome. He says he's been telling her all about me and the lifestyle Hubby and I are into, and then he tells me she's never been involved in a threesome. Mind you, at this point I haven't even met Cutie Pie. Then he tells me the night we were with Lil' Pistol, that was his first experience with a threesome as well. Are you kidding me?! Wow. I would have never guessed that in a million years. Seriously. This guy has it going on, and he gave us definite equal pleasure as though he had experience with threesomes. Anyway, he tells me that he has been wanting to get into this lifestyle for a while, but he's never had a willing partner in the past. He continues on by telling me that I am the "perfect" partner to introduce the lifestyle to Cutie Pie. This is something I have heard from others in the past. I don't quite know why people find me to be so "perfect" for this job. I know I should consider this a compliment, but it seems as though I am forever being the teacher. I silently groaned to myself when D said that, because I am so done with the teacher-student scenario, because it usually means the student gets all the action, and Lady Lover gets nothin' because said students have no clue how to do anything else but lay there and receive. In all my "experience", I have only ever had one woman that didn't need me to teach her anything. Might I add, it was GREAT! It wouldn't hurt my feelings in the slightest to have a few more female partners like her!

Ladies, if I may... for all of you who are, or may find yourself to be bi-curious, but unsure of what you might do with another woman should you ever have the opportunity, the key is this: If you know what you like for yourself, it's as simple as applying those techniques to the woman you find yourself with. It amazes me the number of women I have met in my life that haven't a clue what pleasures them sexually. If you're one of these women, it's time you started exploring the possibilities either through masturbation, or with your partner. Believe me, you won't be sorry. Once you find those things that really rev your motor and get you off, your sex life will improve dramatically. There is so much more to the pleasure of sex than just laying there and getting screwed. The best way to learn about your pleasure buttons is to get to know your body very well on an intimate level. You can't be afraid to explore your own body. Then you need to be able to share that knowledge with your partner. If you can't be open with your partner about what feels good and what doesn't, then sex is going to become more of a chore than a pleasure.

So, anyway... One night I was out with the crowd, and we ended up at Mr. Cd'M's house at the end of the night. D showed up with Cutie Pie, so I finally got to meet her. There's another one who is rightly named... Cutie Pie. She is cute as hell. She's 24, and just flat out sexy. We hit it off right off the bat and spent most of the night chit-chatting, eventually getting to the subject of sex. She tells me that she thinks I am sexy too, as well as beautiful *batting my eyelashes, lol* but that she's not sure how she feels about this whole threesome thing. I got the impression that D was pushing pretty hard for the three of us to get together, so I told her that I'm not into pressuring anyone, and if she decided later on that she was interested, to let me know. I was finding myself to be very attracted to her, and the feelings seemed to be mutual, as we ended our talk with a rather yummy kiss.

Since meeting Cutie Pie that night, she and I have started to become pretty good friends. Dominator left a few months ago for some military duty elsewhere, and Cutie Pie and I hang out together on Wednesday nights at Ladies Night. She and I have determined that we really want to spend some time alone together, but there has been one major glitch in our plans - Dominator does not want Cutie Pie and I to hook up without him being there. She and I have had some major make-out sessions since he's been gone, but both of us are trying to be good until D gets back next month. As I said in the beginning of this post, the two of them are having major issues, which sadly stem from his desire to explore the open relationship lifestyle, so if Cutie Pie and I were to hook up without him, if he found out, all hell would break loose. Which leads me to the envy factor once again...

As I said in the beginning of this long post, D and I had a three hour long conversation last night. During our talk, he was discussing the issues he and Cutie Pie are having. Without giving more details, because that would double the size of this post, their problems basically stem from the fact that he wants to go out and f* other women while he's gone, but he has a problem with her having sex with anyone else, because he's afraid she's going to find someone better and leave him. I'm sure you can see the twisted unfairness in this double-standard he's trying to get both of us to accept. Not. I told him that was bullshit, and if he wants his relationship to work with Cutie Pie, then he needed to keep it in his pants until he gets back, when they can work all this out in person. Meanwhile, he's also trying to get me to have phone sex with him, to which I told him yet again, how unfair that was. If I couldn't be alone with Cutie Pie, because now I've become an issue to him in their relationship, I most certainly wasn't going to mess around with him behind Cutie Pie's back, on the phone or otherwise. He wasn't too happy about that, to which I replied, "Tough shit." That's when he said it...

His exact words, "I envy you."

I cringed when I heard him say that. I told him my lifestyle is nothing to envy. He says, "It's not just the lifestyle. It's the fact that you and Hubby have been together for so long and made this lifestyle work in your marraige all these years." It always boils down to the lifestyle. *sighs*

Here is a simple fact: If my marraige provided me everything I truly needed in my life, emotionally and physically, this lifestyle wouldn't even be a consideration. We, as human beings, have needs that we desire to be fulfilled. If those needs aren't being met, we tend to find ways to fulfill them, regardless of the avenue we take to get there.

While there is a freedom in this lifestyle, and yes, it has it's physical pleasures, it also doesn't come without it's price tags, which can come in many forms. If you desire this type of life, I ask you to ask yourself, what is the appeal? And, what do you hope to gain from it? If you have a lifemate, and you are considering this lifestyle, or want to get your partner into it, ask yourself what you are missing in that relationship that makes this so desirable. It's one thing to enter into this lifestyle just to enhance your sex life, but any other reasons need to be carefully considered. When the sex is over, are you fulfilled? Or do you walk away still feeling like you're missing something? Above all else, don't envy me - I live this lifestyle openly, because it makes my marriage work. Without it, I probably would have ended my marriage years ago. That's nothing to envy.

xoxo

When the cat's away...

2008-07-15T08:43:00.002-06:00

It's Tuesday, and as I'm typing this, I'm horny as hell. I don't know what it is, but since Hubby left on Sunday, it's like my horny-mones have gone into overdrive! In one respect, it's a real bummer because Hubby's gone, and now I have to be thankful for my stock of batteries, vibrators, and dildos, which are on hand at a moments notice. On the other hand, I am really looking forward to Ladies Night this week. I have every intention of going out and finding a playmate for the night! ;)

A few weeks ago, Hubby and I had a conversation about whether or not he felt comfortable with me continuing to live "the lifestyle" while he is gone for a year. I told him that if he wanted me to behave myself, he had the option to tell me so. I have to confess that would be very hard for me, but I was willing to be a "good girl" while he was gone, if that's what he wanted. Goddess Bless Hubby, because he says to me, "It's okay - go out and have fun. I know it's a stress-reliever for you to go out on Wednesday nights, and part of that is about letting the naughty girl come out to play." Thank goodness, lol - At the same time, I do feel a bit guilty that I will get to play, while he, on the other hand, will have very limited options while he's in Iraq. I can't even send the man naked pictures of me, because porn of any type is illegal over there. We were in a toy shop again a few weeks ago, and I asked him if he would like one of those simulated coochies to take with him, and he wasn't interested. Hey, at least I tried. I told him he, at the least, had to take a box of condoms with him, just in case he finds a playmate of his own while he's there. He agreed, while saying that he doubted he'd need them, but I'd rather him be safe than sorry.

I don't understand my husband sometimes. Seriously. Most men would die for the chance to be able to openly play around. But not my husband. I suppose I should be thankful for that, and flattered that he only wants me. If truth be told, there are times when I feel really guilty that I'm the only one that plays for the most part, even though I know that excites him. But I also get turned on by watching him receive pleasure. I know part of his "issue", if you want to call it that, is that his self-esteem is low. He doesn't think other women are attracted to him. He couldn't be more wrong, and I try to tell him that. I see women looking at him all the time, which I point out often.

Except for being overweight, my husband is a good looking man. He's got a full head of salt & pepper hair that in his younger years was a beautiful dark brown, the kindest eyes, and a fabulous smile. When he's not acting like a miserable, pessimistic shit, he's actually got a great personality, getting along well with almost anyone he comes across, and he's got a great sense of humor. I used to think of him as sexy as hell, and while I still think he's sexy today, he is slowly losing his sex appeal. That sounds bad, I know. I think "sexy" is a frame of mind. If you feel sexy, you project that out to the world. Apparently, he doesn't feel sexy, so he doesn't put himself out that way. My efforts to help him feel sexy seem to be for not. I know a lot of that has to do with his weight, which in turn has to do with depression, because he's so miserable most of the time due to his job and where we are stationed right now. I'm secretly hoping he'll drop a good deal of weight while he's in Iraq, if by any other means, then at least through osmosis of his circumstances. When he gets back from Iraq, I really hope the change of scenery will also turn things around for him, and bring back the positive, happy-go-lucky man I fell in love with 23 years ago.

Yeah - so - I totally didn't mean to go there about Hubby, but I feel better now, having gotten that off my chest, lol No doubt, you will hear more of my bitchiness and griping about him and our marriage over time. I have a lot of things I need to get off my chest about my marriage these days. It seems every time we're apart for an extended period, I learn more and more about myself. I think it's because I have a chance to explore life more when he's not around, and I always have far too much time on my hands to think. Lucky you! Because you get to be the recipient of all those thoughts, LOL!

So... back to Ladies Night!

I have decided that while Hubby is gone, I will continue to find playmates, since he is agreeable to it. But at the same time, I have also decided I don't want to find any one person to spend any extended time with. The last time we were apart for a year - just three years ago - I made the mistake of spending too much time with one man, and ended up falling deeply in love with him. Of course, I'm talking about Sexy Man. Wow, I haven't said that name in a while. Now it's confession time...

Sexy Man and I are still in touch. Not regularly, but we have talked every few months over the last year and half. Mostly it has been me keeping in touch with him. I will send him a text just to see how he's doing, and more often than not, it leads to one of us calling the other, and we end up talking and catching up on each others lives for about an hour or so. Our conversations always end with "I love you" coming from both of us, and then we hang up and don't talk to each other for a few more months.

As each month passes, the distance between us gets further and further apart. I had actually started getting to the point where I have considered simply not getting in touch with him anymore, because I'm always the one to initiate the contact. I have said to him more than once that it bothers me that he doesn't try to contact me in the interim, and he always tells me how bad he is about keeping in touch with anyone, and that he just gets busy. Hmmm. Yeah, right. While I still love this man, and he says he still loves me, I can't help wondering what kind of love he really has for me anymore, and often tell myself it's time for me to permanently let go.

From the moment Sexy Man and I started spending time together three years ago, I always felt like my time with him was a dream. I felt like I lived in one of those continuous states of "pinch me" moments, because I was always waiting for him to tell me it was over, like the relationship we had was too good to be true - and too wrong to last, because we were both married. Many times over the last three years, during our conversations, I have asked him if he would prefer for me to just disappear - if he would prefer never hearing from me again? He always tells me no - that he doesn't want me to disappear - that he loves me and enjoys talking with me. Often I have wished that he would just tell me to get lost, so I could bring some final closure to our once fabulous relationship. But in the process, I could never bring myself to end it. I have needed, all this time, to hear him tell me that it was over.

To this day, I still miss Sexy Man terribly. I still miss the connection we had - the chemistry; I miss the peaceful feeling that washed over me every time we were together; I miss the way he could always make me laugh, no matter how bad things seemed; I miss his smile and his touch, and I miss touching him, and feeling his lips against mine. I also miss the way he touched me, mind, body and soul, when we made love. My relationship with him was everything I always imagined a loving relationship between a man and woman should be, and everything my marriage is not - which is why I fell so deeply in love with him, and why I have never been able to let go of him completely.

I wish my marriage had all those elements in it. I often crave that feeling of complete and utter happiness in my life. Quite honestly, if my marriage was anything like my relationship with Sexy Man, I would never need, nor want, to be with anyone else again. The lifestyle I have lived all these years would be history. Yes, my relationship with Sexy Man was that fulfilling. But, alas, my relationship with Hubby is not, nor will it ever be, like the relationship I had with Sexy Man. And, so, I will continue to cling to 23 years of a life I have built with my dear Hubby, while finding my satisfaction and release in this lifestyle I have become so accustomed to. Remember, however, as you are reading this, that I do still love my husband. He has been my friend and confidant for many years, and we have built a relationship which, while it may seem unorthodox to many, works for us.

Having said all that, I will continue my confession...

When I found out Hubby was going to be leaving for a year, the first thing that popped into my head, after the shock, was Sexy Man. I couldn't help wanting to make use of the time apart from Hubby, being back in a state of bliss with Sexy Man. (No, our relationship was not always "blissful", but for the most part, I was the happiest I have ever been when I was with him - and the most miserable when I was without him.) In my heart, I wanted nothing more than to run to him down in Texas and spend a year being in his arms as often as possible. But in my head, I knew how dangerous that could be, because, ultimately, I knew if I did that, my marriage would most certainly end. But even knowing that, I had to know if there was still a chance for Sexy Man and I after three years of being apart.

Shortly after I found out Hubby would be leaving, I sent Sexy Man a text message telling him we needed to talk. I was very nervous about broaching this subject with him. Deep down, I knew this would be the ultimate test of our relationship - there was really only two ways it could go. 1) He would tell me that he wanted to be with me, in which case I would move down to Texas as soon as Hubby left, and we would both probably end up in divorce court eventually, or 2) It would force him to tell me it was over. As much as I dreaded the latter, I needed to know one way or another.

While I was on the phone with Sexy Man, we spent the first 20 minutes catching up on life in general. Eventually, he asked me what I needed to talk to him about. Taking a deep breath, and bracing myself for the worst, I began to tell him about Hubby leaving for a year. He, of course, asked me if that meant I was moving back to Texas, and he actually sounded hopeful about it. Then I told him that would depend on him. When he asked me what I meant, I said, "Baby, if I come back to Texas right now, it will be solely because I want to be with you." Then I told him, "I need to know if you are comfortable with that, and if you have any desire to pick up where we left off? If you don't, I need to know now." There was a long stretch of silence on the other end of the phone, and in that moment, I felt my heart being wrenched out of my chest.

I knew the probable outcome of this conversation before it ever took place. When I said I was bracing myself for the worst, I mean that to the fullest extent. His silence seemed to go on forever, and with each passing second, I knew when he finally spoke again it was going to hurt like hell. Then I hear him say, "Baby, you know I love you." All I could say was, "I know." Then there was another long pause, and he finally says, "I'm sorry." Trying desperately to choke back the tears, I said, "I was bracing myself for this." He said, "I just can't do this anymore. I do love you, but we will never be able to have the life we want together." I said, "I would have given anything to spend more time with you, even though we are married." Then he says again, "I do love you, and I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry." I told him, "I always felt like the love you had for me was very different than the way I felt about you, and I needed to know. Thank you for your honesty." Then I continued by saying, "I suppose this means it is time for me to finally disappear." To which he responds, "Please don't do that." I said, "What?" He says, "Please don't disappear. If you come down this way for a visit, I want to know, so that we can see each other - maybe go for a walk in the park, or have a drink, or something." I asked him if that meant he wanted to remain friends, and he said yes.

Can I simply remain friends with this man? I don't think my heart can take being that close to him without wanting to be physically connected with him as well. I don't think I can take walking in the park with him, without the usual hand-holding and snuggles. In short, I love this man too much to just be friends, but I agreed that we will remain friends none-the-less. With that, I told him I needed to go. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and I didn't want to sob in his ear. As we are saying goodbye, he says, "I love you. I'm sorry." All I could say was that I needed to go. I hung up from our call, and allowed myself only a moment to grieve. It wouldn't have been good to go home with my eyes all swollen and puffy, because I knew Hubby was waiting for me. I vowed that I would save the tears for a time when I would be alone and could fully grieve my loss undisturbed.

Since that day, I have tried not to think about Sexy Man. Today, however, I have cried over him while typing this. It hurts. But at the same time, I feel a strange sense of relief over it too. As much as I never wanted to lose him from my life, I needed that closure. I needed to hear him tell me he loved me, but I also need to know that he didn't want an intimate relationship with me anymore. I feel like I can finally move on with my life - almost.

You see, a while ago I started a scrapbook for Sexy Man about our time together. At the time, I also made a similar one for myself, so I have two of these scrapbooks. The last time I was in Texas, I wanted to give it to him, but things being what they were, I never even told him I was in town until the day before I left. We had a long conversation on my way out of town the next day, and he let me know how disappointed he was that we didn't get together. I regret not letting him know that I was there, but I think, at the time, it was for the best. But now, I still have this scrapbook that I want to give to him, because I made it for him, and honestly, I can't bring myself to throw it out. Anyway, since our recent conversation, I have decided I still want him to have it. I have plans to make a trip to Texas in a few months, so when I go down there, I will meet with him one last time to give him this scrapbook.

Am I crazy for wanting to do that? My head is screaming at me that I'm a lunatic for even allowing myself to see him again, and I'll probably make a complete ass out of myself when I hand him that book. Who knows if he'll even accept it. Personally, at this point, I don't care what he does with it after I hand it to him, as long as I place it in his hands. Then I can say I at least gave it to him... one last gift from my heart. Then I will say goodbye to him, and tell him that he will never hear from me again. Sounds kind of dramatic, doesn't it? Yeah, I think so too. I don't really want the drama - I already know I'm going to end up balling my eyes out in the process, probably in front of him, making an ass out of myself one final time. But deep within me, I know he really did love me at one time - enough so that he came close to leaving his wife for me - I want him to always remember that I loved him too. It also feels like its an appropriate way to bring closure to our relationship from my end. I need to be able to say, face to face, that it's over. So that's the plan. I won't be in touch with him until I have set my dates for the trip, and then I will plan to get together with him, even if it's only for a few minutes. I will hand him the book, and then walk away from him and get on with my life.

I am actually trying to get on with my life even now. It has been a long haul getting from point A to point B where Sexy Man is concerned. I have tried so hard to work on my marriage over the last three years, and it has been a tough road getting my marriage back to some semblance of stability. As much as I love Sexy Man, I also love Hubby, and I plan on continuing to work on my marriage. Being apart for yet another year is not going to be easy, but I know that I can never allow myself to have feelings for someone else the way I felt about Sexy Man. It is imperative to me that I am able to close off that part of my heart, unless it is for Hubby. I can only hope that Hubby and I can one day reach that point after all these years. *sighs* Which finally brings me back to our lifestyle, and the infamous Ladies Night...

Having been through what I went through with Sexy Man, and knowing in the end that I will remain with Hubby, I will continue with our sexscapades, because that is part of what makes our marriage work. I will get through this year, guarding my heart from ever falling for anyone else, and I will have fun doing it, damn it! lol I refuse to roll over and die - and let's face it, I love sex! If I can manage to find a playmate once or twice a month that can keep my appetite for sex satiated, then all the better for me! ;) While the cat's away, this little mousy is going to play, play, play!

xoxo

Let the Games Begin...

2008-07-14T22:40:00.002-06:00

Hi Everyone! I guess you could say that I have been taking a blogging sabbatical, lol - there's been too much going on lately in my personal life, and I simply haven't been able to bring myself to blog about it. Not that things have been bad - things have just been stressful. We'll start with a few weeks ago when I had my third anxiety attack...

I'm pretty sure I mentioned in a previous post that Hubby has orders to go to Iraq for a year. We found this out several weeks ago, and since that time, things have just been stressful here at home. With all the information we have been receiving about his leaving, and everything he has had to do to get ready, it has put our life in a state of chaos. Well, between knowing that Hubby was going to be leaving, and everything else that has happened over the last several months, like Grandma passing away, and my Son's heart attack, I guess it was just too much for me. Actually, I thought I was handling it all pretty good, until I started feeling chest pains.

For about two weeks I had been feeling like I was having problems breathing, and I could feel my heart, like it was going to pound out of my chest. Since I have had two anxiety attacks in the past, I had a feeling that's what was happening again, so I let it go with the decision that I just needed to find a way to relax. Unfortunately, there was too much going on at home to really get to a state of true relaxation, and one evening my boss calls me to ask me to work for her the next day. I needed the extra money, so I agreed. When I got to work that morning, my chest started to feel like someone was sitting on top of me - my breathing got more difficult, I was getting really dizzy when I would stand up, and my left arm started to hurt. Within an hour of being there, I started to feel over-all like shit, and thought maybe I was having a heart attack. I ended up calling my boss, Hubby, and an ambulance, in that order. When they started to put me on the stretcher, I actually collapsed. Talk about scary.

It turns out that I was having a severe anxiety attack. These things suck. Honestly, for the most part, I'm probably one of the most laid-back people you could ever meet. I am so frustrated by these anxiety attacks that I have, because I don't understand why I have them. They come on like a freight train, and I have no control over what's happening. It's almost like my body says, "Girlfriend, you've had enough stress building up, and now its time to blow off some steam." And the worst part is that each one has shown more than one symptom of a heart attack. On the way to the hospital that day, they had to give me 4 aspirin and 3 shots of nitroglycerin under my tongue before the chest pains started to subside. And let me just tell you, both of them are nasty as hell even one time - yuck! Then they get me to the emergency room and start running all kinds of tests - I hate this process. Needles... I HATE needles. But in the end, the blood test showed no signs of the enzyme your body releases during a heart attack, so that was ruled out. They even did an x-ray of my chest to make sure I didn't have some kind of blood clot in my lungs, which is something I experienced many years ago, because I had pneumonia. That's some scary shit too! After the x-ray results came back, they determined that it was another anxiety attack, then they prescribed me the strongest Valium they had and sent me home.

Since that day, I have tried really hard to relax and find ways to reduce my stress levels. Taking the Valium is not an option unless I'm prepared to sleep for 7 hours. It's been difficult. While I am trying to "relax", Hubby was still swirling around me in a whirlwind, trying to get ready to deploy, with constant stories of his frustration about the whole thing, not to mention sharing stories with me that he has heard from other people about the "Iraq Experience", which I really didn't need, nor want to hear. It finally got to the point that, as wrong as this is going to sound, I was ready for Hubby to leave. I needed him to just go, so that I could settle into a routine for myself, and start trying to handle the time alone. Again, this is going to sound wrong, but I got to a point where I couldn't wait for him to leave, and I pretty much told him that. Thankfully, he understood. Was I looking forward to his leaving? Not really - only so much in that I knew once he was gone, we could both start dealing with this, and we both knew that it also meant we could start working on getting him back home again. The waiting for the inevitable was hard on both of us.

Now he's gone. He left early Sunday morning. He hasn't actually left for Iraq just yet, because he's got some survival training to go through before he goes over there. So right now, he's doing that training at another base. He'll be home Friday evening, and we'll get one day together before he leaves again for more training at yet another base, to which he'll be gone for a month. Then he'll come home for a week, and after that he'll leave for a year in Iraq. Yes, it sucks. No, I'm not looking forward to a year without him. I'm not looking forward to worrying about his happy ass being in a combat zone either. But as a wife of a military member for nearly 20 years, I know that we do what we must. *sighs*

There is good news at the end of all this, however. We finally have our hard copy orders out of this crappy place we've been stationed at, and we're heading South when he gets back. We won't be going back to Texas just yet, but we'll be about two hours from where we intended to retire, so it's close enough for the moment. If I can just remain positive, and keep myself focused on our move next year, then I'm hoping to get through this with flying colors. Time will tell.

xoxo

They don't call it "Ladies Night" for nothin'!

2008-06-14T12:02:00.005-06:00

Wednesday night I wasn't sure if I was really going to go out. Fancy moved, so I don't have her to hang out with anymore, unless she comes for a visit. Lil' Pistol works as a black jack dealer most nights, and while she usually shows up on Wednesday nights, we won't generally see her until sometime between 11:30 & 12:00 a.m.. As for the guys we hang out with, as I said in a previous post, they work the swing shift, so unless they get cut back early, chances are they won't come out at all on Wednesday nights. It seems more and more lately that the ladies night crowd is dwindling down. This can actually be good thing for me, because I can freely mill about if I want to. The down side, however, is that I hate going into bars alone. It's much more fun if you have someone to party with, and I hate looking like the poor old lady who doesn't have any friends, LOL! It is also almost a guarantee that if I go to bar alone, I'm going to get hit on by every drunk, toothless wonder that walks in the bar. Either that, or it's the older gentlemen who hit on me. And when I say older, I'm talking the mid-60's+ group. It's kind of like my Dad hitting on me, if you know what I mean. *sighs*

I'm trying to figure out why it is that men my age don't hit on me. Seriously. I know there are plenty of single guys my age that come to the watering hole, but for some reason, they never approach me. The guys that hit on me are always substantially younger or older. And when I say "substantially", I mean they are at least 15 years older or younger. I just don't get it. As an example, this past Wednesday, I actually had not one, but TWO 22 year old's hit on me! I kid you not! And they were trying HARD! I can't help but look at these youngin's like they are my son, since my son is 21. It's messed up, lol

So, as you can tell, I did decide to go to Ladies Night this past week. I actually got a call from Cutie Pie wanting me to come out. I even hesitated when she called, because she's slower than molasses, and while she always says she'll be there early, she usually doesn't end up getting there until 10:30/11:00. That means I still have to sit there at least two hours by myself. I don't get this either. If I'm not out by 9:00 at the latest, then you can pretty much assume that I'm home, in my pj's, laying in bed watching TV. But for some reason, I'm the only one I know that seems to think going out means making the most of the night time-wise. Most of my party-buddies these days come out late. It actually bugs me, lol - Come on, People, lets get moving and go out and have some fun! :) I actually said this very thing to Cutie Pie when she called, and she promised me this time that she would be out by 9:00.

When I left the house, I knew Cutie Pie wasn't going to be on time, so as I'm driving down the road, I decide to make a pit-stop to see Lil' Pistol at work. Let me tell you, Lil' Pistol is a damn good Black Jack dealer. I watched her in wonder as she's slinging out the cards, calling out totals, and sweeping the losers paychecks away in the blink of an eye. I could never do that job. My brain doesn't work fast enough to calculate the card totals. I'd have to use a damn calculator! LOL I sat there watching for about 20 minutes, then Lil' Pistol got a break, and we went to smoke and chat for about 10 minutes. Afterwards, I said goodbye to Lil' Pistol and started heading towards the watering hole. By this time it's almost 9:30. I knew Cutie Pie would be running late...didn't I say that? Yeah, I did. As I'm on my way to the watering hole, I get a text message from her apologizing for how late she was, LoL. We actually managed to arrive at the bar about the same time. Damn, I'm good! ;)

For the most part, it was a mellow night. The band was good, but the drinks were going down pretty slow. Cutie Pie is having boyfriend issues, so I got the honors of sitting with her discussing those issues. The guy she is seeing also just happens to be one of my playmates, so this is a tough one for me. She knows about my history with her boyfriend, and I am good friends with him on top of it, so not only am I hearing her side of things, but he has also been discussing their problems with me too. I'm trying really hard not to get into the middle of it, but for some reason they both feel very comfortable confiding in me about what's going on. I love them both dearly, and they keep telling me they have the greatest respect for my opinions, which is why they feel comfortable knowing they are both talking to me about what's going on. The only problem I have is that I refuse to choose sides, which is not always easy to do. I will also call it like I see it, so I'm very upfront with the both of them about what I've said to either one of them, and if I see either one of them being butt-heads about something, I'll tell them straight up.

The tough part about the problems these two are having right now stems from the fact that he's military, and currently away for four months. Before he left, they had a discussion about seeing other people while they were apart, and it was agreed that they were going to cut each other loose when he left. Part of the reason for that decision was because she was supposed to moving to a different State before he returned, so they had no intentions of getting back together when he got back. Then he left, and all went as planned. Except they really didn't cut the ties when he left. He's been gone for a month, and they talk to each other every day... for hours at a time. I knew when he left they weren't going to be able to break it off that easy. I was right, of course. These two have a definite thing for each other, and now she's decided to stay here. But now this "open relationship" thing is causing some serious issues, which inevitably is going to tear them apart. I hate to see this happen, because when they were together, you could tell how happy they were. But since they have both started telling me what's going wrong, I've told them both that cutting ties now might actually be a good thing. They're driving each other nuts over it, and in the process, I'm going nuts having to hear it, lol I hope they work things out, one way or another.

Anyway, Cutie Pie and I talked for quite some time, and then the two of them started sending text messages to each other, which pretty much left me just sitting there with her, not talking, and enjoying the band. This is when the first 22 year old hit on me. He asked me to dance, and since I love to dance, I decided to tell him yes. We headed out to the dance floor, and his hands were all over me. When I'm in a situation like this, the best I can do is try to find the humor in it, so I pretty much laughed the entire time. He was pretty lit, and couldn't dance for shit, so he was more embarrassing himself than anything else. Then, you have to love this... One of his old teachers just happened to be there, and of course, she's giving me the evil eye, like 'what the hell are you doing dancing with a guy so young.' Hey! I wasn't robbing the cradle... I was just dancing for pete's sake. But when the dance was over, try as he may, I wouldn't dance with him again. Cute as he was, he was just too young for my taste, and the amount of alcohol he'd had wasn't making him any cuter, lol

I went back to the table to sit with Cutie Pie, and she's still text messaging with the "Dominator". I no sooner sit down and another 22 year old comes up to ask me to dance. What is it with these guys tonight? Is it "hit on the ol' lady night"??? I politely told him no thank you, but he was being persistent. Still, I wasn't going there, so I told him no again. About that time, one of the older gentlemen I know that frequents this bar also asked me to dance. To him I said, "Yes." I dance with this guy all the time. He actually has quite the crush on me, according to Fancy, who says he always talks about me when I'm not around. I already knew this, because he has made it quite clear that he thinks I'm the prettiest woman in the bar, haha, and he's so much as told me that he wants to take me home and treat me like a queen. If this guy wasn't 68 years old, I would actually consider it! LOL He is quite the gentleman! He took me out on the dance floor and held me really close. I had a little bit of a buzz going, so I let him. When we were done, he kisses me - on the mouth - and then he slipped me the tongue! OMG! He's never done that before! Totally took me by surprise, and he knew it, quickly apologized for it, and said he "couldn't help himself". HAHA! I'm going to have to watch myself with that one - I don't want to lead him into thinking I'll go there with him.

After my dance with the older gentleman, the two youngin's that had been trying so hard to hit on me returned. Now they're trying to sit with me and Cutie Pie. I told her she should go for it, because they were closer to her age, and she just looks at me like I'm nuts. Thanks a lot! What ever happened to helping a girlfriend out? lol The thing that kills me about these two guys is that they couldn't be more complete opposites - and they didnt' even know each other. That's when I got the bright idea to introduce them to each other, which didn't go over so well. One of them was all farm boy, while the other looked like he was from L.A. Central. Ironically enough, I found out later that he really was from Los Angeles, LOL So, upon introducing these two guys to each other, they both got up and walked away, LOL! I got a good laugh from that one.

Not long after they left, I was looking around the bar, and I spy this guy that I had spent some time with last year. ;) That was a pleasant surprise! I haven't seen him in months, and really didn't think I'd ever see him again. I can't remember if I ever got around to blogging about him, so a brief back story is that he and I hooked up one night at the bar. He actually works in town during the summer months, and then heads home in during the winter. We had hung out a few times together last fall, and one night he asked me to come back to his room with him. I did, and I have to tell you, he and I had some of the best sex I've ever had. We actually got together twice after that, and the only reason it ended was because it was time for him to head back home, which is about three hours from here. This man works a lot, actually working here in the summer, is a trucker during the winter months, and then has a big farm on top of it, which he works on in the fall and early spring. OH...and the good news... he's only two years older than me! YAY! LOL We're going to call this guy Farmer Joe, because I'm sure you'll be hearing more about him as time goes on. ;)

Anyway, when I spotted Farmer Joe, he spotted me about the same time, and we both got big ol' grins on our faces. I immediately went to him to say hello, and we shared a yummy hug! It was really good to see him! Especially with the younger/older action I seemed to be attracting that night, lol Then he tells me how good I look *grins*, and says he has thought about me over the last few months he's been gone. He then tells me that he came out that night hoping he'd see me, but figuring I probably didn't go there anymore. Surprise! lol He and I stood there talking for a few more minutes, then I see Cutie Pie looking for me, so I had to explain that I was with a girl friend, and excused myself , letting him know where I was sitting.

After that, I went back to the table to sit with Cutie Pie again. Yes, she was still text messaging with her boyfriend. *sighs* I was in a pretty good mood at this point, having run into Farmer Joe. Then who should walk into the bar? None other than Mr. Yummy! About ten minutes after that, Lil' Pistol walked in the door too. The night was definitely getting better as time went on! Both Mr. Yummy and Lil' Pistol sat with us on and off, as they kept trading time at the Black Jack tables. Eventually, somewhere along they the line, they were at the Black Jack tables at the same time, leaving me sitting there with Cutie Pie, whom I'd pretty much written off for the night, because she was still talking with her boyfriend. But I'm in a good mood now, sitting with a smile on my face, and dancing while sitting in my chair to the music. Then here comes Farmer Joe. :)

Joe sat down with us, with his chair facing me, and we start talking again. Now he's starting to flirt with me, making it pretty clear that he's hoping I'll accompany him back to the hotel he stays at while he's here. I would have been all for it, but then the bad news strikes. I had to excuse myself to go to the ladies room, only to discover that Mother Nature has just come for a visit. Shit! So much for that one! I went back to table, and about that time the band starts playing a slow song. I grabbed Farmer Joe's hand and we headed to the dance floor, where he proceeded to hold me very close to him, while his hand gently moved up and down my back. I have to tell you, there's nothing worse than being horny and having your period at the same time. While having sex during that time of month doesn't bother me, I know it does bother some guys. Knowing this, I had to let Joe know that I wasn't going to be able to join him that night. But he assures me that we'll have to get together soon. :) We finished our dance, then went back to our table where we finished our drinks. Soon after, Joe says he's going to head out, giving me his phone number again (which I had lost when my cell phone got run over by a car, lol), and then tells me I can call him any time. And believe me... I will be calling him! ;)

After Joe left, Mr. Yummy returns. I was starting to get a really good buzz going now, and I asked Mr. Yummy if he'd mind if stayed at his house that night. As always, he says, "No problem." It was coming up time for the bar lights to come on, so we all started arranging rides and what not. Then Lil' Pistol returns, and suggests that I go to breakfast with her. I agreed. Mr. Yummy wasn't interested in joining us for breakfast, so he worked it out to get my car to his house, and told me he'd leave the front door unlocked for me. What a nice guy! lol

Lil' Pistol and I gave Cutie Pie a ride home, because she had also had too much to drink. Then we get to breakfast...

While we're sitting there eating, I got a text message from Mr. Yummy that says, "Front door is unlocked - just come into bed whenever you get done." I actually had to read that message twice. From where I stood, it actually sounded like he was inviting me into HIS bed. I read the message again, and then I showed it to Lil' Pistol, asking her what she thought it meant. She says to me, "It says exactly what you think it says." Wow! I was not expecting that - at all! So I sent Mr. Yummy a text back saying, "Thanks. Umm ... guestroom?" He sends me another one that says, "Whatever you want. You know where I'm at in the house." Holy Shit! And then, holy shit again! Because I started my damn period!

This thing between me and Mr. Yummy has been going on for so long now, that I had pretty much given up the thought of having sex with him one-on-one. After he pretty much pushed his way into our little "party" last week, I thought that would be the end of it - particularly because he was trying so hard to get Lil' Pistol into bed. Apparently not. Wow. lol

Lil' Pistol and I finished eating, and then she took me over to Mr. Yummy's house. I have to say, Lil' Pistol had an interesting look on her face when she dropped me off. It was the kind of look that said she wished it was her. I felt a little bad about it. But the fact was, she also knew it was that time of month, and I had told her I doubted anything was going to happen once he found out. That didn't seem to cheer her up much, but with that I said good night and I headed into the house.

When I got inside, initially I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Because of my period, I thought maybe it would be better if I really did just go the guestroom and go to bed. But something pulled me towards Mr. Yummy's room, so I went with it. When I got in there, I walked over to the bed quietly, not knowing if he was asleep or not. I bent over the bed, and it sounded like he was sleeping, so I started to turn around and tip-toe out of the room. I didn't get very far, as his hand reached up and grabbed mine and pulled me to him. He immediately started kissing me. Ohhh God! I really like the way he kisses me. But the reality was staring at me, and in between kisses, I let him know that I had just started my period. He says, "What? No." I said, "Yes, unfortunately." Then I explained to him that I didn't have a problem with it, but it was up to him. Well, he didn't have a problem with it, at all. My clothes came off, the towel came out, lol - and after four months of waiting, Mr. Yummy and I finally had our time alone. Even though we were a bit restricted as to what we could do, I have to tell you, it was well worth the wait! It was very different than our previous encounter the week before. It was so much more personal, and the passion and desire after waiting all this time really was incredible.

And thus ended my ladies night. Mr. Yummy and I laid there talking for about half an hour after we were done, and then I decided, given Momma Nature's visit, that I should probably head home, because I really wasn't prepared for an overnighter in that circumstance. So we kissed goodnight, and then I headed home.

When I got home, I woke up Hubby and I shared with him what happened that night. This always makes him hard, lol, so he and I also had sex, and then I fell blissfully asleep, while he got ready and left for work - But not before telling me how much he loves his "Bad Girl" hehe

xoxo

Sexscapades - The Aftermath

2008-06-10T08:25:00.008-06:00

My last post ended up being so long, I didn't dare add anymore to it. I actually considered breaking that one up into two parts, but I felt it would break up the story too much and lose its impact of how long and yummy the night really was. Anyway, there's is a little more to tell, so I thought I'd continue in one more post. :)

Like I said before, Hubby and I were exhausted from the previous night. When we got home, we pretty much passed out cold - Hubby more from all the beer he had that night, and me... well, that was more sex than I have had in a REALLY long time in one sitting, so my exhaustion was definitely of a physical nature. When I got up later that day, I could barely walk! But I consider that a good thing, because it was a really good kind of sore - hehe - Even better was the fact that I got a delicious massage from Hubby later on, which helped tremendously. And, of course, as I said, Hubby and I ended up going another yummy round after that. Have I told you how much I love sex & Hubby?!

So after Hubby and I woke up and gave each other some more lovin', we determined that we were both starving. Neither one of us felt like cooking - who wants to ruin a perfectly good 24 hour period with menial labor, LOL - so we decided to go out for a burger. As we are sitting there eating we, of course, started talking about the night we just had. I was a little worried about whether Hubby actually enjoyed himself that night, because he spent most of his time either walking around watching, or sitting in that damn chair drinking his beer. Again he assures me that he really did enjoy himself, stating that he's never had his cock sucked so much in one night, lol - then he tells me, "The best part was watching those guys f* you!" And he starts telling me how hot I am when I'm f*ing, how he loves the way my body moves, thinking it's sexy as hell, and telling me how good my ass looks from behind when I'm on top when there's a cock sliding in and out of my p*. He also mentions that he was taking a shit load of mental pictures for his "spank bank" while he's in Iraq, because things like porn, phone sex, and the like are a big no-no over there. Hearing this was a downer, but then Hubby tells me that he really wants more nights like this before he leaves. ;) Yay!

While we continue to sit there talking and eating, my cell phone rings, and it happens to be Ms. R. She was just calling to tell us what a good time they had that night, and asks if we'd be up for getting together again? I said, "Absolutely!", also telling her what a good time we had. Then she says to me, "Can I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure!" She says, "Would you mind if I f* Mr. Yummy?" At least she had the good graces to ask. I laughed at her question, then told her, "As long as Mr. Yummy is agreeable to it, I don't have a problem with it." Actually, I really do have a slight problem with this, because Mr. R is still off-limits to me. It seems to me that if she wants to start f*ing the people I'm f*ing, then she needs to hand over Mr. R for some fun, don't you think? But the reality is that she doesn't need my permission to have sex with Mr. Yummy, because he's his own man, and can make his own decisions. Even still, it was nice to see her acknowledging the fact the Mr. Yummy was a playmate of mine - especially after that shit that happened with Big T a few months ago. Finally, someone with some manners. Anyway, I told her that we really did have a good time that night, but next time we're going to have to figure out a more private rendezvous spot for us, so that just the four of us can hook up, lol - and she says, "No, really, we didn't mind Mr. Yummy being there, and would actually enjoy having him with us the next time too! He's cute!" I told her we would let Mr. Yummy know, then we said goodbye. Hubby and I finished eating then went home.

When we get home, my cell phone rings again, only this time it's Lil' Pistol. She was just calling to see how I was feeling. :) I told her I was sore as hell, sharing a laugh with her, then I asked her how Mr. Pistol felt about what happened that night. She tells me they haven't really talked about it yet, and then she drops a bombshell on me. She says, "LL, you are the first woman Mr. Pistol has f*ed besides me in the 10 years we've been married." Holy shit! I was really shocked at hearing this. They were so quick to peel off their clothes that night and jump right in! I would have never guessed that this was new to them. Wow! I told Lil' Pistol, "If I had known that, I would have never suggested it." She says, "I am that comfortable with you, that I really had no problem with it." I told her how honored I felt that she allowed me to have sex with her husband. This is a big deal that is not lost on me. Then I apologized again, stating once more that if I had known, I would not have done it. Then she tells me, "Do you wanna know the weird part? It really, REALLY doesn't bother me. If there's anyone I would have wanted for that first time, it's you." Again, wow! I'm flattered beyond words at this point, and now feeling a little bad that I pursued that, but then she says she, too, would be interested in getting together again like that with Hubby and I and Mr. Pistol.

I have to tell you, in the past there have been several instances when either Hubby and I have introduced someone to this lifestyle, or I have had bi-curious women, whom I've turned fully bi. Every time it happens, it's like an eye-opening experience for these people that becomes truly life changing and liberating for them. It's not that we do this intentionally - it's just that we are that open and honest about the lifestyle to anyone curious enough to find out what it's about, and we are gentle with them as well, as we do try to make these experiences as enjoyable for them as we can. But in the midst of being a "teacher", there is a moderate amount of responsibility that goes with it, because not everyone can handle this lifestyle. Either they don't understand the etiquette that it entails, or they have jealousy issues that can flat out destroy relationships. I tend to forget this can happen sometimes. And when someone tells me this "was" their first time, as opposed to this "will be" our first time, I get worried, because I never got the chance to really feel them out to see if they could handle it. If I think you've "been there, done that", I'm also not as gentle, if you will. Not that it's my job to tell anyone whether they can handle it or not, but if I sense that it might cause issues or problems somewhere down the line, I try to steer clear of that. Anyway...

As much of a flirt as Lil' Pistol is, as openly as she talks about sex with me, and the fact that she has actually had sex with me, with someone else, no less, (that's another back story that I owe you), not to mention how quickly they peeled off their clothes that night, I genuinely got the impression that they'd done this before. Now all I can do is pray there won't be any problems for them because of it, because as of today, almost a week later, Lil' Pistol says they still haven't discussed that night.

Up to this point, I've talked to Ms. R, Hubby, and Lil' Pistol about that night. Then Friday night rolls around.

Late morning on Friday, Hubby asks me if I'd like to go out on a date with him. He wants to take me to the movies for a late afternoon matinee, and then to dinner. And since we're already going to be dressed for a date, I suggest going to our local watering hole afterwards for a few drinks before we head home. He agrees, and that afternoon we both get ready and head out on our date. By the way, we went to see the new Indiana Jones movie - not bad, but it could have been better, lol - then we went to Applebee's for dinner. Afterwards, we headed to the bar.

When we get to the bar, I get a phone call from Lil' Pistol asking if Hubby and I would be going out that night. I said, "We're already here!", and she tells me that she and Mr. Pistol are coming out too, and they'll see us soon. Shortly there after, Mr. Pistol comes walking in and joins us. I guess they were riding in separate cars, because Lil' Pistol had to go pick up Dee. (She's the woman that pissed me off the other night and I ended up telling her she wasn't invited.) So the three of us are sitting there, and inevitably the other night gets brought up, as Hubby cracks some joke about Mr. Pistol have a "green minty cock", LOL! I took that as my cue, so I chimed in and asked Mr. Pistol if he was cool with what happened the other night. With a shit-eating grin on his face, he says, "HELL YEAH!" Alrighty, then! LOL I guess that means he enjoyed himself! Not that Hubby and I really doubted that, because we had talked about how, when Mr. Pistol was f*ing me, we knew he was enjoying it. ;) I didn't want to get into the personal aspects of it by asking why he hadn't talked with his wife about it though, so I just let it go after that. Then, about that time, Lil' Pistol walks in with Dee, and they join us at our table.

When Lil' Pistol got there, she didn't seem like she was in a very good mood. As a matter of fact, she was down-right quiet, and that's just not Lil' Pistol. She's usually rather loud and obnoxious, if truth be told, so I started to worry about what was up with her. I kept asking her if she was okay, and in a rather aloof way, she said she was "fine." I am hardly convinced that she's "fine", so I asked her again what was wrong. Normally, the first thing Lil' Pistol does is grab a chair by me, give me a kiss, and then she becomes a chatterbox. On this night, she stood on the other side of the table, just kind of looking pissed. This is not good, being the kind of stuff I worry about when things happen like they did the other night. Finally, I pull out the chair next to me, patting it for her to sit down, and eventually she strolls over and takes a seat. I hate issues, and being the upfront kind of person that I am, I leaned towards her ear and asked her if she was upset about what happened the other night, stating that if she was, then we needed to get it out in the open. Again, she says she is fine. I said, "I asked Mr. Pistol if he was cool with what happened the other night, and he says he is totally cool with it." Mind you, at that point I really didn't think his "HELL YEAH" response was going to go over very well. She says, "Yeah, well, he still hasn't talked to me about it." Uh oh. I let it go after that. I was fairly well convinced that it wasn't me she was having issues with now, because she was throwing those evil-eye darts at Mr. Pistol when she said it, lol Unfortunately, though, it sounds like there are definite issues about the other night, but they'll have to work that one out on their own. Meanwhile, I decided that I was going to try not to show Mr. Pistol too much attention, because I didn't want to add to the issues.

By now it's about 11:00 p.m., and I get a text message from Mr. Yummy asking me if I was out, and if so, where was I? I sent him one back telling him I was with Hubby, Mr & Mrs Pistol, and Dee, and that we were at the watering hole. He says, "We're at 'such&such' strip club. Come over here and have a drink with us." I told everyone what was up, and asked them if they were interested, and everyone agreed to go, except Mr. Pistol, who decided to head home, saying something about the kids. We said goodbye to him, and headed over to the strip club.

As soon as we pay our cover and go inside the club, one of the strippers walks up to me, and says, "Hi Sexy!" And then she starts sliding her half naked body up and down me, LOL I said, "Hi!" and then got a little jiggy with her, then I turned to the bar and ordered a drink. Then we find all the guys we usually hang out with, along with Mr. Yummy and a few of those 20-something girls they all like to have around. The guys were, of course, sitting around the dance floor drooling over the dancer, and throwing their money at them. Being at this strip club managed to turn things up a notch or two, and I could feel the energy that was building in our group, especially with Lil' Pistol. I don't know if that was because Mr. Pistol wasn't there, or if her drinks had finally started to kick in, but she definitely started to loosen up.

So, Hubby and I, Lil' Pistol, and Dee all found a seat on a couch over by the dance floor, and ordered more drinks as we watched the strippers do their thing. I wasn't really too impressed with the strippers themselves, as they just weren't seeming all that experienced in what they were doing. I was, however, getting a kick out of watching these guys with the strippers, because they were all acting like they'd never seen naked women before, lol What is it about strip clubs? I have been to many strip clubs over the years, but as much as I am also attracted to women, I've never really understood the thrill of these clubs. I would much rather have a naked woman that I can play with, rather than one that is grinding all over me that I can't touch. Maybe some day some can explain this too me, lol

The longer we were in this club, the more animated Lil' Pistol got - and eventually, she's sitting on my lap kissing me. This made me laugh, because I glanced up at one point, and there were several men who were sitting in front of us who turned around to watch us, rather than watching the strippers, LOL - yeah, we were that hot! ;) Anyway, not long after, the bar lights came on and everyone was directed to the door.

Remember that this group we are with is infamous for after-parties, so as we're heading out the door, everyone wants to know where we were going. Mr. Yummy offers up his house, and we all head over there. When we get there, there are a lot more people than we actually expected. It ended up being a pretty big party. We're all raiding Mr. Yummy's kitchen for alcohol, and once everyone has drinks, we all gather into his living room where someone had thrown in a porn flick, as well as a CD, so we're all watching porn, and listening to the music. Next thing I know, Lil' Pistol is dancing rather provocatively, and starts heading toward me. Keep in mind that this living room is full of people.

I am sitting up-right on the edge of the sofa, and as Lil' Pistol comes at me, she pushes me backwards so now I'm half laying down. Then she proceeds to make out with me, as she starts grinding against me, giving me a very erotic lap dance. Honest to goodness, I thought she was going to start taking her clothes off at one point, LOL - and while she's doing this, I hear all the guys in the room reacting to what she was doing to me. Mind you, the girls that were watching weren't taking it all so well, behaving a little shocked, and making a few snide comments. I really didn't care though. My first thought was, "Grow Up!" I was feeling pretty good from the alcohol, and Lil' Pistol was really turning me on, but then it hit me hard that we had a fairly large audience at that point, so I stopped Lil' Pistol from what she was doing. She decided she wasn't having any of that, and continued to bump and grind against me until the song was over. Then I looked around the room, and apparently this whole scenario had made a few people uncomfortable as they all cleared the room, except for Hubby, Mr. Yummy, Dee, and one other guy who was sitting in his seat with his mouth gaping wide open. With that, I got up off the sofa and went to fix myself another drink.

For the rest of the night, Lil' Pistol followed me around the house, kissing me and throwing major sexual connotations my way. I guess I was equally as bad, because I was kissing her back, as well as dirty dancing with her at every turn. If there weren't so many freakin' people there that were so young, I would have probably stripped Lil' Pistol and had my way with her! This, of course, is part of the aftermath from the other night. We're obviously still feeling the heat from it, and being at a strip club that night only added fuel to the fire. It would have been very easy to just get naked and do it all over again!

Somewhere along the line, Lil' Pistol disappeared - I think she must have gone to the bathroom or something, but I took the opportunity to join Hubby and Mr. Yummy, who were sitting on the couch talking. When I joined them, they were talking about none other than Wednesday nights sexscapades. I took this opportunity to ask Mr. Yummy if he had a good time the other night, because that was his first "group" experience. He says, "HELL YEAH!" It's good to know these guys had such a good time that night, LOL - Then I asked him if he'd be interested in doing it again, to which he eagerly says again, "HELL YEAH!" Then I told him about Ms. R's request to f* him, and his "HELL YEAH" faded more to an, "Okay." That actually made me feel good, because he sounded more like he'd be willing to do it for the sake of the party than anything else. With everyone eager to get together again, it looks like we have another meet-up planned for the near future. ;)

After this conversation with Mr. Yummy, Lil' Pistol suddenly reappeared. Right about now, I had caught the rhythm of the song that was playing, and I had started to dance, grinding against Hubby. Lil' Pistol comes over, and politely moves me out of the way as she takes over giving Hubby a lap dance, and in the process starts kissing him. Whoa! I honestly didn't mind, but the look on Hubby's face told me that she completely caught him off guard! I let her go for it, figuring that if Hubby had a problem with it, he'd let her know. I guess he didn't, because she was still kissing him, hehe I was so tempted to give Mr. Yummy a lap dance too, but there were too many of his buddies around, so I decided it probably wouldn't be a good idea. With that thought, I sat between Hubby and Mr. Yummy while Lil' Pistol worked on Hubby.

It really is too bad that there were so many people there that night. There was definite sexual energy floating between the four of us, and I have no doubt that if we had been alone, there would have been some great sex involved. But it was about 3:30 in the morning now, and I had to work the next day, so it was time to go home.

As we are getting ready to leave, Lil' Pistol disappeared, and she was our ride, so I went to go find her. I go to the kitchen, and there she is standing there talking to Mr. Yummy. When I walked up, she immediately pulls my shirt down, exposing my breasts and starts sucking on my nipples, while Mr.Yummy watched. I reciprocated, and then things started to get a little hot and heavy between us. Mr. Yummy finally says, "My turn!" as he lifts up his shirt, exposing his chest to us. Lil' Pistol and I immediately went to work sucking Mr. Yummy's nipples, and when I heard him moan, I reached down to start stroking his cock through his jeans. He was hard as a rock. I felt a little bad for Mr. Yummy, because I knew as much as this was turning him on, there wasn't going to be any sex that night. Let's face it - after the stuff that happened the other night between Mr. Yummy and Lil' Pistol, while she's really good at getting men to want her, in the end, it wasn't going to go any further. Although, I know Mr. Yummy still wishes he could f* her, and I'm getting the definite impression that Lil' Pistol is actually contemplating this thing with him. If she isn't, then I think it's pretty wrong on her part to keep making him think there might be a possibility of it, but those two will have to work that one out between them.

Hubby is now waiting outside for us to leave, along with Dee, so I finally told Lil' Pistol we had to get going. She agreed, and off we went, leaving poor Mr. Yummy standing there with his hard-on.

We finally made it home that night, and as soon as Hubby and I got into our bedroom, the clothes were gone and Hubby and I were going at it. Afterwards, I fell dead asleep for two whole hours before I had to get up to go to work. Yes, Saturday was a very long day at work.

As of this point, as you can probably tell, I had been feeling everyone out about what happened that night, mostly trying to make sure everyone was cool with everything that went on. There's nothing worse than having a night like that only to find out later that there were issues somewhere down the line. If everyone was willing to do it again, its better to know those issues beforehand. The only one I hadn't talked to yet was Mr. R.

I made it through my weekend at work, and woke up Monday morning feeling refreshed. When I get up in the morning, one of the first things I do is log on to my computer while my coffee is brewing. On this morning, I no sooner log on when Mr. R sends me an instant message telling me what a great time he had the other night. :) Then he tells me the only downer to the whole night was that he didn't get to f* me. He explained that Ms. R is having some serious insecurity issues about seeing him have sex with other women. Then he tells me, "If she can't see me f*ing you, she won't have any issues." On that note, he says to me that he has to run, because he's at work, so it ended up being a short conversation. I was just glad to hear he had a good time that night, even though Ms. R was the only one who was allowed to give him the majority of attention. Before he logged off, he ended the conversation with, "We really have to get together again!" Then we said good-bye.

Since that night, there have been additional conversations about getting together for round 2, although I am getting the definite impression that it will much different from the first time. I guess we'll have to wait and see, but I'll definitely keep you "posted". ;)

xoxo

Sexscapades with a Capital "H.S." - part 3

2008-06-09T03:14:00.003-06:00

I am determined to finish telling this story before Ladies Night arrives again, lol... Here we go! ;)

We are all finally in our cars, heading away from the bar. There's Hubby and me in our vehicle, R&R in theirs, with Mr. Yummy following us somewhere behind. Rather than risk pulling over and being accosted by the group again, lol, we started calling each other on our cell phones to finalize our plans. Gotta love the cell phone age! Since there weren't any liquor stores open this late at night, we decided to stop by Mr. Yummy's house to raid his fridge and get some beer. While we're there, I realized that Mr. Yummy hadn't yet been formally introduced to R&R, so I called him over and did the honors. Things felt a little awkward at first, but then they started talking to each other and relaxing a little. So far so good. :) Then as we're all piling back into our cars, Mr. Yummy says to me, "You're riding with me." I asked Hubby if it was okay, and of course, Hubby had no problem with it, so I climbed into the car with Mr. Yummy and we all headed over to the hotel.

While I'm in the car with Mr. Yummy, I asked him what made him decide tonight, of all nights, that he wanted to get together with me. While I was at it, I asked him why he has put me off for so long. He tells me I looked sexy as hell, for starters, and that he just decided the time was right. The irony of that is just too much, because technically it couldn't have been a worse night, LOL - but okay. ;) Then he tells me that he's been "putting me off' because there are always so many of his buddies around that the timing has never been good. Like things were any different on this night? lol Again, okay - whatever. Then he tells me that hanging out with all these "immature" guys is getting old. Ahhhh... now we're getting somewhere, because now he's starting to realize the "mature fun" that I'm offering. Then he grabs my hand, places it on his crotch, holding my hand there so that I can feel his hard on. YUMMY! I started to rub his cock, then I start to pull my hand away, and he says, "Please don't stop." Who am I to argue, so I continued to rub his hard-on until we pulled into the hotel parking lot. As we are getting out of the car, he says to me, "I hope you are ready." I said, "Oh, I'm ready. The question is, are you?" hehe He just gave me that cute grin he has that gets me wet, and we gathered in the parking lot with everyone else. Hubby and Mr. R went into the hotel alone to get us a room, after which, the five of us head into the hotel.

When we get into our room, the five of us are just standing around. It was obvious that most of the occupants were a bit nervous and unsure how to start the party. At this point, my patience are wearing thin, and I'm horny as hell, so I decide to kick things off. I go over to R&R, who are laying on the bed by now kissing, but still fully clothed.

Back story... During our talks on-line, I had been told that Mr. R has been very active in this lifestyle for some time, so he was very comfortable with anything that could happen. Ms. R, on the other hand, is very new to it, and very nervous, unsure of what to expect. The one thing she confided to me was that she was not sure how she'd feel watching another woman f* her man. I wasn't about to cross any boundaries that she wouldn't be comfortable with, and I let her know that I wouldn't touch Mr. R if that was going to bother her. So, before Mr. Yummy got introduced to the party, I was pretty much just assuming that Hubby and I would have sex, and R&R would have sex, and that would be that - We'd all just have fun while watching each other. This was fine with me, as Hubby and I enjoy watching others have sex. And if things got comfortable enough to go beyond that, then so be it.

While we're all trying to figure out how to start things off that night, I decided to join R&R on the bed, and I ask them what they wanted in all this. Of course, Mr. R said, "Anything goes." Ms. R, on the other hand, stated that she thought she'd feel more comfortable if it was just she and her man, and then me, Hubby and Mr. Yummy could have our own fun. It's all good. ;) Then I walked over to Hubby and Mr. Yummy who were also still standing there with their clothes on, and I gave them the scoop.

Keep in mind that I'm hardly shy in situations like this. I feel quite comfortable getting naked in front of people. Since no one else was dropping clothes, I quickly made the decision to be the first. :) Off went my shirt (the bra had come off as soon as we got into the room, lol). Then I helped Hubby take off his shirt, while Mr. Yummy got a clue and started derobing himself. Then I reached over and helped Mr. Yummy finish getting undressed, while Hubby took off his pants.

And there we are... the three of us standing there buck-ass naked, and I'm thinking to myself, oh my - I'm finally going to get my MFM! But what does Hubby do? He sits down in a chair, with beer in hand, prepared to just watch the action! Oh no... this will not do! Not this time! I started kissing Mr. Yummy, then leaned down and started sucking Hubby's cock. Then I made Hubby stand up, so I could suck and stroke both of them simultaneously. Yummy! In the process, I noticed that R&R finally started taking their own clothes off, as they devoured each other.

And thus began our night! :) From that point on, it was anything goes, within reason of course, because Mr. R was off limits to me. Or so I thought.

At one point, I determined it was time for a restroom break, so I excused myself and went into the bathroom. When I come out, guess what I got an eyeful of? Ms. R had all the guys standing around her, blowing each of them, trading off one cock for another, as she went around on her knees in a her little circle of friends! Of course, when I walked back in the room, the first thing I see is her sucking on Hubby! Now wait a minute. I could have sworn she said she was only interested in sex with Mr. R, and now she's got her lips wrapped around Hubby's cock? Then Mr. Yummy too?! Is it just me? Or is this completely contrary to what we discussed? Needless to say, I was a little shocked to see this. Once I got over my initial reaction, I stood there watching, and I have decided that it was HOT watching another woman give Hubby a blowjob!

Just between you and me, I am the only woman who has ever given Hubby a blowjob until now. That's the honest truth. Given our previous sexscapades, I'm not sure why it's never happened before, but now that it has, I have decided that I want to watch this chick give Hubby a full blowjob, from beginning to end. ;) Anyway...

When I saw what she was up to, I also decided what's good for the goose, is good for the gander. Fair is fair, right? If she has the balls, excuse the expression, lol, to give Hubby a blowjob after telling me we weren't going there, then that makes Mr. R fair game! So I walked up to him, started kissing him, and then slowly kissed my way down to his cock where I proceeded to suck him. ;) I love it when a guy moans with pleasure, hehe, and I'm proud to say I had Mr. R moaning oh so pleasurably! The only problem with all this cock sucking is that we really don't know who's got the stamina to go another round after they get off, so rather than get anyone off at this point, I decided I needed some attention too! I stopped sucking Mr. R, gave him a kiss, then grabbed Mr. Yummy, because Hubby was otherwise preoccupied with Ms. R's lips wrapped around him.

With that, I led Mr. Yummy to the bed, and not long after, R&R laid down next to us and started f*ing. Then Hubby comes over to Mr. Yummy and I, joining us for more fun. Hubby actually stood by, for the most part just watching, while Mr. Yummy went down on me. Finally Hubby starts relaxing and getting into it, and I'm feeling his hands and mouth on me. We're all laying on the bed next to each other, and occasionally I would I also feel a third pair of hands on me, as Mr. R would reach over every once in a while, stroking whatever part of my body that happened to be available at the time, while Ms. R rode him on top. I was in heaven!

In situations like this, Father Time just doesn't exist. And when it comes down to it, it's hard to say who did what to whom as the night goes on. It's nothing but naked bodies, skin on skin, with pleasure being sought and given at every turn. With so many people involved, it's hard to give details, lol, but I'm tryin' ;)

Mr. Yummy brought me to very yummy orgasm, as he worked his magic with his tongue and fingers, with Hubby sucking on my nipples at the time. Then Mr. Yummy helps me off the bed, turns me around and leans me over the bed. I don't know about other women, but sometimes it can take me a long time to get off even once. But once I've had that first orgasm, I become multi-orgasmic. I don't understand why that is, but it's fabulous! And I have this thing after the first one, that if it was via oral sex or a vibrator, that I am ready for someone to f* me silly after, because I'm already ready to have another one. When Mr. Yummy leaned me over the bed, I was ready for some cock! No doubt about it! I have a rather large tattoo along my lower back, and he's rubbing it as he's f*ing me from behind. Anytime a man does that, it's like a magic button for me, being a major turn-on. I never noticed this prior to getting this tattoo a few years ago, but since then, oh my! As Mr. Yummy is f*ing me from behind, while rubbing on this tattooed area, he leans forward and tells me that he's been waiting a long time to get up-close & personal view of my tattoo. BINGO! I exploded in another orgasm, as Mr. Yummy reached his own, and we both collapsed on the bed! There's nothing better than when two people can time their orgasms together - I love it!

It's really hard to say what anyone else was doing in the room at that time. I was in my own little world, lol - but once I gathered myself, I spied Hubby getting his cock sucked again, while R&R were still f*ing. This made me ready for another round, as I wanted Hubby to f* me too! I was assuming, at this point, that R&R were not going to f* anyone else, even though there hands and mouths were willing to explore. I wasn't going to let Ms. R take Hubby's load - I wanted it for myself - so I signaled to Hubby to come over to me, as I laid down on the bed, spreading my legs and inviting him in. ;) I was ultra sensitive now, and Hubby's cock felt beautiful as he slipped into my wet, warm, and worked pussy. And the moan he let out as he slipped into me told me that was what he had been waiting for. Hubby then f*ed me hard and fast, knowing that by this time, that's what I wanted, until he not only got me off again, but then got himself off. Did I mention I was in heaven? hehe

By now, Hubby, Mr. Yummy, and myself were pretty much spent. None of us had the energy to go another round right now. But I have to give R&R some serious credit here, because they were still going! So the three of us sat back watching the two of them go at it. Apparently they really enjoy being watched, lol - because they seemed to perform for us as much as they were performing for each other. ;)

After a while of watching R&R, I actually started to get revved up again, and I look over to see Mr. Yummy with a growing hard-on. I grab his hand, and lead him back over to the bed. Laying him on his back, I straddled him and proceeded to ride him. Then Hubby comes over, standing at the foot of the bed, watching me f* Mr. Yummy. This turned me on even more, and I started to ride fast and furious. I was nearing my own orgasm again, and Hubby came over to me and started whispering into my ear to, "give it to him good - f* him harder - make him explode in your hot, wet pussy..." OMG! Between the sensation of Mr. Yummy's cock and Hubby cheering me on, I exploded in an orgasm so hard that my body was nothing but one big wave of ecstasy! As I sat on top of Mr. Yummy trying to prolong the sensation, he also exploded with a moan that rocked the whole room! By this point, I was D-U-N, lol - and I guess Ms. R was reaching her own finale, because she let out a moan that was equal to my own.

I climbed off of Mr. Yummy, just in time for Mr. R to pull out of Ms. R, although he still had a raging hard-on. As I'm about to climb off the bed, Mr. R grabs me and asks if I'd like to taste Ms. R's cum from his cock. I couldn't resist. All night long I had been silently wishing I could play with the two of them, but I was trying to be respectful of her wishes, so I pretty much steered clear of them. With his invitation to suck him clean, I couldn't say no, so I did! :) Might I add, she is very tasty! I hope one night she'll loosen up enough to let us play with the two of them more. But again, I didn't finish off Mr. R, as she grabbed him, turned on all fours, and he proceeded to f* her doggy style.

I laid in bed with Mr. Yummy, while these two did their thing, and again, I have to give them both some serious kudos! They were at it for a while! I have no idea how many times either one of them got off that night, but I enjoyed watching Mr. R's face as he reached his peak during this round. It was hot watching him get off!

Now we're all spent. Things started to wind down, and R&R needed to head home. We watched them get dressed, we said goodbye with hugs and thank you's, and they left.

For the next half hour or so, Mr. Yummy and I laid in bed snuggling, while Hubby sat in his chair with a beer, as we all talked about the night and how much fun we had. There was a definite exhausted, but happy mood, as we talked about how we would have to do this again. I also interjected with my desire to have Mr. Yummy and Hubby alone one night, just the three of us, to which they both agreed. :)

You would think with all that has already taken place that night, that we'd all be ready for bed by now. But don't you know, at the end of our conversation about a threesome, Mr. Yummy says to me, "Call Lil' Pistol, and have her come to the hotel." Huh? It was about 3:30 in the morning, but I knew Lil' Pistol would still be out and about. I said to Mr. Yummy, "What? I wasn't enough for you tonight?" HA! He says, "That's not it." I said, "I know - you really want to f* her, don't you?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Okay, I'll call her, but I'm telling you now, while she might come over, she's not going to let you f* her." He said, "We'll see about that." I said, "I'm telling you, she and I have had sex, and we've talked a lot about sex in the process. She is faithful to her Husband, and guaranteed she'll tell you no." Again, he says, "We'll see." Then he says to me, "You just get her here, and then if you can get her to the bed with you, I'll take over. All it will take is three minutes, and I'll have her naked and f*ing." At that point I told him, "I'll see? Yeah, well, I'm telling you, you can try all you want - I'll even give you 30 minutes, but it isn't going to happen." Then I called Lil' Pistol.

When I talked to Lil' Pistol on the phone, I explained that R&R had left, and the three of us were still at the hotel chillin' out. Then I asked if she'd like to come to the hotel, but that she'd have to come alone. She said, "Okay", then we hung up and the three of us waited for her to get there.

After about half an hour of waiting, Lil' Pistol finally shows up. Ummm... Did I, or did I not, tell her she had to come alone? I did. But when she walks in the door, right behind her is some other chick. Is she serious? This is not a f*ing free-for-all! Hubby and I are still walking around the room with no clothes on, and Mr. Yummy only had his underwear on. We didn't know this chick at all, and I was really bothered by the fact that Lil' Pistol would have the audacity to bring a stranger with her, knowing full well what had been going on at the hotel that night. Then this chick walks in the room, looks around realizing we're all naked, and she says, "OMG - did we just walk into a swinger's party?!" OMG IS RIGHT! Next up, she immediately starts taking her clothes off! Holy Shit! I wanted to throttle Lil' Pistol! Within minutes, this chick is sitting on the bed naked with me and Mr. Yummy. I immediately got out of the bed, and walked over to the window to smoke a cigarette, because these knuckleheads got us a non-smoking room. Lil' Pistol lit up and stood there smoking with me by the window, and I said, "I thought I told you you had to come by yourself." She said, "I couldn't get rid of her, what was I supposed to do." My immediate thought would be, "tell me you can't make it." Then I looked over at the bed, and this other chick and Mr. Yummy were making out. I was extremely frustrated with Lil' Pistol, but given that Mr. Yummy had already hooked-up with this other girl, I didn't see the point in fighting with Lil' Pistol at the moment, although she and I are going to have a serious talk about this one later. As a matter of fact, given everything that has happened so far that night, I am going to have to have a major talk with both Lil' Pistol and Mr. Yummy. I need to lay down some serious ground-rules with them.

Finally, I started to relax a little bit, as Hubby seems to be enjoying the show that Mr. Yummy and this girl are putting on, not to mention that those two seemed to be having a good time of their own. Who am I to deny anyone pleasure. *sighs* I finish my cigarette, and walk over to the bed to sit down. Lil' Pistol follows, and sits on the bed with me, then starts kissing me. This seemed to distract Mr. Yummy and his new friend, and they stopped kissing each other, turning their attention to us. Next thing I know, both Mr. Yummy and this girl start touching us, caressing us, and overall trying to get in on what Lil' Pistol and I were doing. Then the girl gets off the bed and begins to take Lil' Pistols' clothes off, to which Lil' Pistol was none-too appreciative. Suddenly the focus became whether or not they could get Lil' Pistol out of her clothes, while Mr. Yummy started kissing on Lil' Pistols neck.

I do believe that I told Mr. Yummy he wouldn't' be able to f* Lil' Pistol. And she proved me right, as she fought with the two of them to keep her clothes on. I thought at one point I was going to have get involved with helping her remain dressed, because she was determined that she was not taking them off. Finally she says, "Look! My clothes are staying ON! If it was just LL & her Hubby, I wouldn't have a problem. If my husband was here, I wouldn't have a problem. But I am NOT having sex with the two of you here without my husband being here!" Then she tells Mr. Yummy what a great cock her husband has, and how her husbands presence is the only thing that is going to get her naked. Ouch. LOL She basically slapped Mr. Yummy's dick in the dirt in a big way, and it was bad blow to his ego. He immediately got off the bed, like a beaten spoiled brat, and said he had to go home. I tried to tell him, didn't I? Then she walked up to him and tried to explain why things had to be this way, knowing that she had hurt his ego. At the same time, I crawled off the bed, and walked up to him and said, "What about me?" I mean, I'm the reason he was there in first place, right? He said, "I'm sorry. I need to go." We all tried to tell him what a brat he was being, and to lighten up, while trying to get him to stay. Then he starts walking around the room trying to gather his clothes. Meanwhile, Lil' Pistol and I went to the window to smoke another cigarette, and she called her husband to come join the party.

As we're waiting for Lil' Pistols husband to show up, Mr. Yummy is still looking for all his clothes, when this other girl drops his drawers to his knees, and starts giving him a blowjob. It was enough to get him to stay, lol - and he laid down on the bed with her and began to enjoy himself again. The rest of us were just milling around the room waiting for Mr. Pistol to get there. Then Lil' Pistol takes my hand and leads me to the bed again, where she proceeds to make out with me, while the other two started feeling each other up, getting all hot and bothered again. Hubby was still sitting in his chair drinking another beer, while watching the newly developing festivities. Then Lil' Pistol gets off the bed and starts keeping an eye out through the window for Mr. Pistol's car.

I'm still laying on the bed, and I start chatting with Hubby, making sure he's having a good time. He assures me that his is enjoying himself, but I knew that he had too much to drink at that point to even try to get him hard. Then I start feeling hands on me from Mr. Yummy and his friend, and they start to bring me into their little thing they have going on. I figured, what the hell, so I just tried to go with the flow. Then this girl starts sucking on Mr. Yummy again, and he's hard as a rock. He looks at me and starts telling me, in some sign language kind of way, that he wants me to come over and sit on his cock. I was a little confused about this, because I assumed he'd be f*ing this other chick now. I found out later that while he had no problem kissing her or letting her suck his cock, there was no way he was going to f* her. Doh! We all agreed later that she was a little scary. Honestly, as rude as this going to sound, she looked a little used and abused, if you know what I mean. Anyway, per his request, I said, "Excuse me - coming on!" LOL I felt kind of bad doing this to her, as I'm sure she was also expecting him to f* her, but she actually took it fairly well. And then Mr. Yummy and I proceeded to f* again!

Mr. Yummy turned all his attention on me at that point. But this girl was not to be completely forgotten, and she starts touching me, playing with my clit while I rode Mr. Yummy. Mind you, I didn't know this chick for shit, but what she was doing to me, combined with Mr. Yummy's cock, felt great! She obviously knew what she was doing, lol - Next thing I know, she starts playing with my ass while she's still rubbing my clit with her other hand, and before I know it, she's finger-f*ing me while I'm stroking Mr. Yummy! I had no complaints - I was too far gone to care, and it felt damn good! Somehow, Mr. Yummy and I managed to climax together again! Damn, lol - I really didn't think I even had another one in me, but I wasn't complaining. ;) Mr. Yummy wasn't complaining either, as he laid there just trying to gather himself again. :)

After I collected myself once more, I climbed off Mr. Yummy and went over to Hubby and sat in his lap, snuggling, while Mr. Yummy got up and continued his search for his clothes - telling us how he really did need to get home because he needed some sleep and he had to work the next day. So we let him get dressed, we said our goodbyes, and he left.

I continued to snuggle with Hubby, being pretty wiped out from the nights sexscapades. Meanwhile, the other girl was just laying in the bed, chillin' out, and Lil' Pistol was somewhere outside the hotel, waiting for Mr. Pistol to get there. By this time, I'm pretty sure it's somewhere around 5:00 a.m.

About 10 minutes after Mr. Yummy left, Lil' Pistol walks in with her husband. As we're all saying hello, Lil' Pistol starts taking her clothes off, and then helps Mr. Pistol get out of his clothes. I got up off Hubby's lap to give hugs and say hello, and Lil' Pistol starts kissing me. I hear Hubby and Mr. Pistol saying hi to each other, and Lil' Pistol starts heading to the bed. Mind you, I haven't really had any female action that night, except for the little bit from the other girl while I was f*ing Mr. Yummy. I immediately laid Lil' Pistol on her back on the bed, and starting licking and sucking her. Mmmmm - I really do enjoy the taste of women! ;) I have no idea how long we were there, but I continued to devour Lil' Pistol until I had her creaming all over my face, hehe

After I satisfied Lil' Pistol, I went back the window to smoke another cigarette, and Mr. Pistol was sitting in another chair by the window. Lil' Pistol decided to join him, as she climbed on him, facing him and started f*ing her husband. I took a seat on the floor, Hubby was still planted in his chair with yet another beer, and the other girl remained on the bed, as we all watched Lil' Pistol have her way with her husband. It was sexy as hell the way she f*ed him - slow and rhythmic, as we watched her slide up and down his shaft, rocking her hips, and then got herself off twice while she was at it.

Eventually, she climbed off her husband, still leaving him with a hard-on from hell. I went to lay back down on the bed with the other girl, and Lil' Pistol joined me on my side of the bed to snuggle with me. Then Mr. Pistol hollars, "Comin' IN!" as he dives on the bed between me and the other girl. Then he says, "I just love being surrounded by women!" LOL As he layed there next to me, with Lil' Pistol on the other side of me, and the other girl on the other side of Mr. Pistol, we all started teasing him about how he was still hard. No one was doing anything about his hard-on, other than gawking at it, lol (yes, he had a big cock!) I can't believe I said this, but I looked at Lil' Pistol and said, "I know how to put that to good use! LOL" At first, she was a little stunned that I said it. She said, "What?" I said, "I have a condom in my bag, and I know how to put that cock to good use." She didn't look too receptive, so I decided maybe she didn't want me f*ing her husband, leaving me retracting my comment with a, "never mind." Then she takes my face between her hands, kisses me, and tells me it's okay, she doesn't mind. I said, "Seriously? I don't want to step on anyone's toes." She says, "Seriously, it's okay!" With that, Hubby finally gets off his chair, goes into our bag and grabs me a condom and hands it to me.

Lil' Pistol was really cool about it, as she grabs the condom out of my hand, opens it, then proceeds to put it on her husband for me. Now I have to tell you about this condom ... About the same time Lil' Pistol opens the package, she's also taking gum out of her mouth, because she wants to put it on him with her mouth. At that time, I smelled something minty, assuming it was her gum. But as Lil' Pistol is placing the condom on her husband, she says, "OMG! This condom tastes like mint!" I don't think any of us were aware that they make mint flavored condoms, LOL - and we all got a big laugh out of it! Once the condom was on, it was my turn to climb onto Mr. Pistol.

Honestly, he was the biggest cock I'd had in me all night, and it felt great! The only problem was that I had been in the top position one too many times that night, and my legs were really feeling it, lol - So I told Mr. Pistol that he was going to have to do a little work for this one, as he's laying there on his back with his hands behind his head. With that, we switched positions, as I layed on my belly and he went back to f*ing me from behind. It was awesome! I had Lil' Pistol laying next to me kissing me, while her husband had his way with me. And I had the other girl ever so gently making sure my hair was out of my face. Hubby is once again back in his chair watching as I got laid once again that night. Try as I may, and as good as it felt, I just couldn't get off again. But it did feel fabulous, just the same, and we continued to screw until Mr. Pistol got himself off.

The night was over, everyone was spent, except for maybe the girl that had shown up with Lil' Pistol - yeah, we all felt kind of bad about that one. But we all got dressed, left the hotel, dropped of the woman that was with Lil' Pistol, then me, Hubby, Lil' Pistol and her husband headed to breakfast, where we sat and talked about the night, and enjoyed each other's company for another hour or so. Hubby and I finally made it home around 9:30 that morning, where we headed to bed and passed out cold! LOL

This concludes the "Sexscapades". Was I lying when I said it was a wild night, well worth the wait? LOL I hope you enjoyed hearing all the details. It was definitely a crazy night! We could have gone without the drama, and the extra unknown chick, but all in all, it was FABULOUS! I honestly don't think I have ever been that sore after sex. The next day, I could barely move. Every muscle in my body was aching big time, lol - but ya know what? After we got home and got some sleep, Hubby gave me a massage, and then we went another round, just the two of us! I do love my Hubby - he rocks! ;)

xoxo

Sexscapades with a Capital "H.S." - part 2

2008-06-07T05:57:00.008-06:00

At the moment I am sitting here wishing I hadn't gone out last night. It seems like more and more these days, Hubby and I have taken to going out on Friday nights, as well as my usual Wednesday night outings. Now I am sitting at work again with only two hours of sleep, and praying this day goes by fast so that I can go home and crawl back into bed. I really don't think I can take partying like this anymore - I'm tired as hell! lol Thank the Gods for coffee!! Back to telling you about a Ladies Night this week while I strive to stay awake...

So we arranged to meet with this second couple, whom we'll call "R&R". I was feeling very comfortable with these two, so we decided that we would meet with them during Ladies Night at the place we frequent. It just so happened that Hubby got the week off from work, so he would actually be able to go out with me to Ladies Night this week, without him having to worry about getting up at 4:30 in the morning to be at work the next day. It made for the perfect evening get-together. We were both excited about this particular meeting, because it was sounding like there was a definite possibility that things were going to work out with this one.

When we get to the bar that night, we spied R&R, recognizing them from their pictures. It was good to see that they represented themselves with current photos. We had done the same thing. (The previous couple we met did not do this. They were much older than their photos led us to believe.) We walk up to the table sharing hugs and hand shakes, since we had talked quite a bit over the two weeks prior to this meeting. They were every bit as fun in person as their conversations had been on-line. She's 35, and he's 39, so they were a little closer to our age, which also helped. (The previous couple was 10+ years older than us. Not that age is a problem, but at least be honest about it, right?) We partied with R&R for the next few hours, getting to know each other even better. It had been agreed upon prior to meeting, that we would get together in public first, and if we were all comfortable enough at the end of the night, then we would consider carrying the party forward. ;)

One thing I hadn't counted on that night was all the additional people we hang out with these days. All the guys usually work until midnight, so they hadn't been coming out much at all lately during the week. Don't you know, they all showed up that night, including Mr. Yummy, and of course, they all ended up sitting with Hubby and I and our "new friends", so it ended up being quite the party. I was worried that R&R would be a little overwhelmed, but they took things in stride.

There is also this cute woman that I had met several weeks ago, with a very yummy story as to how we actually met, but as usual, I'll have to share that one with you later, lol - She and I had been flirting with the idea of spending some alone time together. ;) Up until now though, all we had done was kiss - mostly she had been expressing her interest verbally, but was behaving a little stand-offish physically. Although she did seem to like to kiss me, because she has kissed me several times without my prompting it. It was like she couldn't decide if she was really ready to go through with it or not, lol. I'm not one to be pushy, so I have pretty much let her take the lead. Anyway, she doesn't always show up for ladies night either, but you've probably already figured out that she also showed up that night, and to my delight and amazement, she was ALL OVER ME!

If you can just imagine this whole scenario... Meeting R&R for the first time, with the possible intention of having sex with them that very night... trying to not lose my potential female playmate now that she's decided to "come out of the closet", LOL, while trying to continue to get to know this couple - and just to add more interest into the mix, there's at least 9 military guys thrown in for entertainment as they start getting drunk and crazy. The word "interesting" does not begin to cover it. But some how, between Hubby and I, we managed to balance it all out and everyone seemed to have a great time!

And here's something else that was interesting... Remember I mentioned meeting the first couple and it not working out so well? Get this... I have been going to this bar for, what? Almost two years now? Guess who showed up that night? Yeah - it was the man from that other couple! He walks in with some youngin' on his arm! Aside from the night we met him with the other woman, I have NEVER seen him in this bar. Of all the nights for him to decide to start taking his dates to this bar, he chooses the one night we're there with potential playmates! I couldn't believe it, and quite honestly, I found it a little unnerving - especially when I noticed him looking at me. Ugh. I tried my damnedest to avoid any eye contact with him - but if I even so much as glanced in his direction, because I had more friends sitting over by him and his date, he would be looking right at me. It made me uncomfortable. I was just thankful that Hubby happened to be there that night, and that we were surrounded by a crap load of friends. Otherwise I could see a very awkward situation arising out of that one. The worst of it is that now I'm going to have to keep an eye out for him when I go there alone, just so I can avoid him. He's really starting to give me the creeps. I'm really hoping this doesn't turn out to be some kind of stalker situation, but I also happen to be pretty good friends with the night manager and all the bartenders - so they will be my saving grace in the future, I'm sure, should I need some help. Anyway...

So here we all are, partying and having a great time, and in the midst of it all, I have this woman hanging all over me, kissing me, giving me lap dances, snuggling with me on the dance floor, even, lol - and then another girlfriend of mine walks in - one whom I have actually been in bed with, and now SHE'S kissing me and showing me all kinds of attention. Let me just tell you - I was feeling GREAT! Albeit a little flustered, wondering how the hell I was going to explain to these other two women that neither one of them was going to get to take me home that night! I'm just glad that this new couple already knew that I was bisexual, and they managed to handle all the "entertainment" pretty good! LOL I was really starting to feel a little like a Sex Goddess! YAY for ME!

Finally, the end of the night starts to near, and the bar announces that it's last call. Well, the whole purpose of the night was to feel out this new couple for an evening of fun. I was already comfortable enough with the idea, and so was Hubby, so we approached them about whether or not they were up for taking the party over to a near-by hotel. With big ol' smiles on their faces, they eagerly said, "Yes!", and we began to make arrangements for the rest of the night.

Now it was time to sneak away from the rest of this group, so we could move on to more adult fun. As far as the one woman was concerned, the one that was all over me all night, she was pretty much trashed, so I never had to explain anything to her. Our only concern was getting her home safely, because she was too drunk to drive. After a brief conversation, we figured out getting her home, and we started heading out of the bar to do just that.

Like things aren't exciting enough, we get outside of the bar, and it's mayhem - a ton of people milling around, still trying to party outside the bar, and we're trying to get to our vehicles. Next thing I know, I feel these arms wrap around me from behind, and it's Mr. Yummy. He leans in and whispers in my ear, "So what's going on? Where are you guys going?" I said, "We're trying to get this girl home safely." He says, "No, I mean, what are you and Hubby doing afterwards?" I said, "Why?" Still whispering in my ear, Mr. Yummy says, "Because you aren't going anywhere without me." I looked at him in a total state of disbelief! Are you kidding me?!?!?!? How many months have Mr. Yummy and I been playing this freakin' game? And he's going to choose THIS NIGHT to tell me that he finally wants to F* ME??? OMG! LOL

I truly could not believe what I was hearing! My brain was really scrambling on this one, because now I'm trying to figure out how the hell I'm supposed to tell Mr. Yummy "no" after all this time. I finally decided to tell him straight-up what was going on, because I couldn't see any other way to do it. So I tell him, "You see that couple we've been hanging out with?" He says, "Yeah - what about 'em?" I said, we're going to a hotel room to hang with them." He says, "I don't care. You're still not going anywhere without me." Well, shit! Now what do I do?!? LOL With that, I said, "No Baby, I don't think you understand... We are going to a swinger's party, and this couple is new to us, so I don't think it would be a good idea for you to join us tonight, because I don't know how they'd feel about it." Keeping in mind that Mr. Yummy is aware of our lifestyle, because this whole thing between us started based on his knowledge and curiosity about our lifestyle, Mr. Yummy says, "Again, YOU are not going anywhere without me!" And he starts kissing on my neck.

All I can say is, WOW! My panties are so wet at this point, because of all the attention I've already received so far that night, that if anyone were to touch me between my thighs, I would have probably cum on the spot! LOL But I still had to make a decision about the best way to handle this one, so I finally said, "I'll tell you what... I'll go over and talk to the couple, and if they are agreeable to you joining us, then you can come along. But if they say "no", you'll have to wait for another night." He agreed.

When I walked over to R&R, who were sitting patiently in their car waiting for the mayhem to settle down, I told them what was up. I started telling them about Mr. Yummy, and I said, "It's totally your call. If you aren't comfortable with him joining us, all you have to do is say the word." They looked at each other like they weren't quite sure how to take this latest development." I can't really blame them - I was as unsure as they were, lol, and it felt odd, to say the least, to be adding someone else in the mix when we hadn't even been with them yet - but I told them, "Mr. Yummy is a good guy. He's cool, but it's still your call." (It is worth noting that I had pointed Mr. Yummy out earlier that evening to Ms. R, telling her that I'd really like to f* him. She had laughed, agreeing that he was cute.) They didn't give me much of a reaction at this point. I finally said, "How about we go ahead and get this one girl home, and when we get back, you can let me know your decision." They agreed to that, so I went back to Mr. Yummy and let him know that it's still undecided. Then we took Cutie-pie home, leaving Hubby, Mr. Yummy, and the rest of the guys waiting for us in the bar parking lot.

In the midst of getting Cutie-pie home, we had to recruit the aid of woman #2, who was also all over me that night. We're going to call her "Lil' Pistol", cuz that's what she is - quite the hand-full, hehe So anyway, Lil' Pistol helps us to get Cutie-pie home, but Lil' Pistol has another woman with her, who we can't seem to get rid of, and whether we liked it or not, she was coming along for the ride.

We finally drop off Cutie-pie safe and sound. Lil' Pistol and I had taken her into the house, and on the way back down to the car, I told her what was going on, because she was asking me if we were going out to breakfast when we got back. In the process, I had to let her know that she wouldn't be able to "tag along" to the hotel, and she was understanding of the situation. Then we climbed into R&R's car, and headed back to the bar.

When we get back, Hubby and Mr. Yummy are still waiting for us, along with all the other guys. As I'm climbing out of the car, I asked R&R if they had decided about Mr. Yummy. Ms. R says that they have decided it's cool if he comes along, saying, "We'll see how things feel once we get to the hotel. If I end up feeling uncomfortable around him, we'll ask him to leave." What else could I say to that? I agreed and went to collect Hubby and Mr. Yummy.

Now the problems start to arise. This group that we hang out with loves to go to "after-parties". Most of the time the after-parties are at someone's house, and everyone was still hanging around when we got back, apparently waiting to find out who's house we were going to. The problem, of course, was that we weren't going to that kind of after-party, and obviously, they couldn't all come with us. It was a delicate situation, to say the least. How to tell these people that they couldn't come with us, without hurting feelings or pissing anyone off, and still managing to leave without anyone following us, while maintaining some kind of privacy about what was going on. Mr. Yummy didn't help this situation, AT ALL.

Of course, I can't seem to tell a story without a back-story, so here goes, lol... Mr. Yummy has been flirting with Lil' Pistol for a while now. She has been flirting back - she's also very good at the flirting game, but she doesn't "put out" because she's married, and they don't have an open marriage. She loves people to want her, and does a damn fine job at making sure they do. But the fact that she's married makes her the "forbidden fruit", which only drives these guys crazy, as they try to get her into bed anyway. She LOVES being the forbidden fruit, because she knows what it does to these guys, and it makes her feel powerful. I'm sure you are getting the picture here.

While we're standing in the parking lot trying to shake all these people, Mr. Yummy puts his arm around Lil' Pistol asking her if she's coming too. Thank goodness I had already had a talk with Lil' Pistol about what was going on, and she actually had to clue Mr. Yummy in on the fact that she wasn't invited, and that HE was extra cock in this scenario. Apparently he didn't quite get it, because he wanted his forbidden fruit too, and she had to explain it to him again. I was about ready to tell Mr. Yummy that he could kiss my ass, seriously. But I guess she finally got him to understand what was going on.

Then there's this chick that was with Lil' Pistol, who we couldn't seem to get rid of. She wants Mr. Yummy, but Mr. Yummy has no interest in her what-so-ever. Well, when she saw that Mr. Yummy was coming with us, she tried to talk Lil' Pistol into going with us too, so that she could tag along and hang all over Mr. Yummy. Did I mention DRAMA?! I hate this shit. She's leaning against our car, insisting that she and Lil' Pistol are coming with us. I finally looked at her and said, "You aren't invited." She was pissing me off and I just wanted to get on with the rest of my night. She looked at me in a total state of shock, but I think I got my point across. I felt bad about it afterwards, but what else could I do? Then I guess Lil' Pistol clued her in on what was going on too. Great! Now everybody knows our business. *sighs*

"Discrete" was supposed to be the word of the night, but these people were making it hard as hell. As I'm getting in our car to finally leave, the rest of the guys hanging around start walking up to me, asking me what was going on - where are we going - blah, blah, blah. At this point I had had it and told them, "We're going home." With that, I got into the car and we finally left.

In the past, we have managed to work things out in a much more quiet and reserved way than this. We're usually able to slip away without any issues, when other people who aren't involved are around. This is the first time we've had people practically demanding that they were coming with us. I suppose, in one respect, we should consider it a compliment that they want to continue hanging with us, but I have determined that any meet-ups in the future will definitely have to be made elsewhere, because this was just downright ridiculous.

Part 3 is just around the corner - stay tuned...

xoxo

Sexscapades with a Capital "H.S."

2008-06-05T08:50:00.007-06:00

What's that, you ask??? "HS"?? "Sexscapades" doesn't even have an "h" in it?! No, you are absolutely correct. Actually, the "H. S." stands for HOLY SHIT! I have had some pretty crazy ladies nights in the past, but last night beat all others, hands down! Let me begin by filling you in a little on our extracurricular sex life...

All these years, when Hubby and/or I find playmates, it has always been on a whim. In other words, we go out & meet people, hang out, party together, or what ever, but basically, if we find someone we're interested in, we clue them in, and if they are agreeable, we take them home and play. :) For the most part, this has actually worked out well for us. I wouldn't say it was a regular thing, because we don't always go out looking for it, but it has happened often enough over the years that we can call it an on-going lifestyle for us.

I don't know if I have clarified this in the past, but if I haven't, I think now would probably be a good time to do so. .. Again, for the most part, the extracurricular sex in our life has been me going out and finding the playmates. On a rare occasion Hubby might find someone he was interested in, and we have had a few instances where we've swapped couples, but he has never really been that active in finding playmates for himself. Overall, he is more interested in watching me get f*ed by someone else, or enjoying the aftermath once I get home from a wild romp with someone. Does this make me a "hotwife"? I don't know. We've always just said we have an open marriage. Anyway...

Over the years, I've always had the desire to see Hubby be more active in the lifestyle, rather than simply standing by during the whole process, from the hunt right on through to the end. I think part of my desire might be out of guilt, because I feel, more often than not, like I'm the one having all the fun, and I'd love to see him have some fun of his own. That's not to say that he never has, but it is extremely rare. But, alas, he has always preferred to be more of a voyeur and captive audience to my stories. I've never really pushed the issue with him, assuming that if he really wanted it, he'd find it. Lately, though, with the pick-up of activity in my sexscapades, I am coming to realize more and more that Hubby really is content to watch and just hear the details... as long as he gets to f* me when it's all said and done. This is what he truly enjoys.

When it comes down to it, I really do enjoy when Hubby is present for the fun, whether he actively participates in some way, or just sits back and watches. But due to our work schedules being on completely opposite days, this just doesn't seem to happen anymore. While I have realized where his contentment lies, I still can't let go of wanting him to be more of a part of what's happening.

Well, lately I have found myself surrounded by pretty much the same group of people. For some reason, they always seem to be around when I go out, making it tough for me to sneak away and find new playmates when I want to. While this is okay for the most part, because I really do enjoy the group I hang out with, when you are hanging around the same people all the time, there is bound to be drama somewhere along the line - Mr. Yummy and Big T being a prime example. It also leaves me with slim pickin's, because I won't hop from one "friend" to the next when it comes to my sexscapades. If there is someone I'm interested in within the group I hang out with, if we hook up, that's the end of the line for me. I won't hook up with anyone else in that group. Never say never, but it's just not my way. I don't like to bed-hop among friends.

It just so happens that among this group of friends I hang out with, Mr. Yummy is who I chose for my prey, after he let me know he was "interested" - but we see where that has gotten me so far, right? lol Between the drama that has been going on, and my lack of selection, I have actually been contemplating giving the extracurricular sex life a break. It gets old after a while when you feel like all your doing is playing games. Games can be fun for a little while, but when there's no end result, it takes the fun completely out of it.

Well, one day while I was sitting at work, Mr. WS and I started text messaging each other, and he asked me if Hubby and I had ever used one of the adult websites to find playmates. I told him we hadn't, and he suggested we try one, or two...or three, LOL Prior to this, I would have never considered it. It just seemed to me that there were too many chances for weirdo's and freaks, and Hubby and I have always preferred to get to know people really well before we'd even consider suggesting a hook-up. But with the way things have been going lately, I decided that maybe Mr. WS's suggestion would be exactly what we needed to liven things up, so we went ahead and joined one of the websites.

Initially I was hesitant about where one of these sites could lead. I'm not really into "perverted", and I was sure that's all we would get. But we went ahead and filled out a profile, and sat back waiting to see what would happen. It didn't take long before we started getting hits on our profile, and shortly after that we started getting messages from people wanting to know if we wanted to get together.

I have to tell you that I was taken a little back by the amount of people who were interested. I called it the "fresh meat" stage, lol - because we were new to the site and, of course, the "new girl in town" means fresh meat for the pickings, lol I enjoyed this stage very much. ;) The compliments I received on my pics were enough to make Lady Lover blush more than once, LOL!

Hubby and I joined the site as a couple. This was also thrilling to me, because it meant that Hubby would finally get to participate in the process of finding playmates, as we can pick and choose who we would be willing to meet. And given the circumstances of it being an internet thing, there is no way in hell I would meet with anyone without Hubby being present - so the agreement was that Hubby and I would decide together who we would meet, and then we would go together and make the decision from there as to whether or not we would take it any further. The best part of all for me is that Hubby would have to be present for the fun if it went that far.

Through the messages we received for possible hook-ups, we started weeding out people we would be willing to even talk to, and then we started having conversations with some of the people to feel them out further. We finally settled on one couple that we had been talking with for a personal meet up. We scheduled an evening at a local bar once our schedules worked out, and we got together with them for a few drinks.

We spent about two hours sitting and chatting with this couple. We actually enjoyed just sitting there talking, but from a sexual standpoint, this couple just didn't do it for us. The woman, while nice enough, was just not Hubby's type in any way, shape, or form. And every time sex got brought up, I swear the guy needed a drool pan, and his eyes would get really big like he was ready to hop all over me. We won't even mention the fact that he just wasn't attractive, actually looking a bit greasy, if you know what I mean. And the more eager he became, the less attractive he was. At one point, the woman and I went the restroom together, and she confided in me that he also has another girlfriend. Well, as far as I care, the guy can have all the girlfriends he wants. But Hubby and I started to get the impression that this guy was just using this woman he was with to find more woman to screw. Something else that bothered us was that this guy was trying to act too much like a player. It wasn't attractive. And it doesn't help that, quite literally, two crack-whores walked up to our table while we were there, trying to hang all over this guy. Ewww. Not impressed.

Anyway, things just started to feel really wrong with this couple, so we tried to bow out gracefully. But then, every day for the next week, I was getting messages from this guy wanting us to come to his house and hop in his hot tub with him. Pushy people are a big turn off for me, so we finally ended up telling this couple that we decided we were going to put anymore meet-ups on hold, because Hubby would be leaving soon, and we wanted quality time together alone before he left. The next day we got a message from this woman, apologizing to us about how pushy he was. We haven't been in contact since.

Then we met another couple on-line through this site. At first it was the guy and I talking to each other, getting to know one another, when he eventually pops on me, "Oh, by the way, I have a girlfriend who is all part of this mix." That didn't bother me in the least, and she and I actually ended up chatting on-line as well. She and I hit it off really great! We spent about two weeks chatting on-line, and we finally set up a meeting in person, which leads me to telling you about last night...

Right now I'm pretty beat, as I'm still trying to recover from last night, lol - so I think I'm going to head to bed for now, and snuggle with Hubby until we fall asleep. ;) I'll try to be back soon to tell you the rest of this story. And believe me, it will be worth the wait!

xoxo

A-Camping We Will Go...

2008-06-01T12:15:00.007-06:00

Last weeks work schedule basically kicked my butt. I got off work Wednesday morning at 8:00 a.m., but was unable to go home right away because I had some errands I needed to run. So when I got off work, I headed downtown to get some things done. It turned out to be a very, VERY long day, as I didn't end up getting home until almost 4:30 in the afternoon. Having been up for over 24 hours straight, I found myself utterly exhausted by the time I got home. My plan was to at least take a three hour nap, then get up and get ready to go out, because it was Fancy's last night in town, and since it was also ladies night, we had plans to party our butts off that night. Well, don't'cha know, I never made it out that night. I ended up sleeping straight through ladies night. I was bummed about it, but then again, there's always this week. :)

When I woke up Thursday morning, Hubby tells me a bunch of his buddies were going camping for the weekend, and they were leaving on Thursday afternoon. Given my work schedule, I usually miss out on the fun stuff that happens over the weekends. I had already missed a few camping trips because of work, and I really enjoy camping, so I told Hubby I'd love to go for at least an overnighter if he was up for it. He said, "Hell Yes!" With that, we packed the truck with all our camping gear, and headed out.

We had a great time camping! There were actually quite a few of us who went, but we ended up camping at two different campgrounds about 10 miles apart. The site we were at we called the "grown up camp", lol - because there were only four of us, and we were all in our late 30's/early 40's. What this means is that we were more laid back than the other group. The rest of the campers went to the "youngin's camp", because they were all in their 20's, and their only goal was to get trashed all weekend. Not that I'm not up for a good weekend of partying, but lets face it, I'm getting too damn old to be spending four days straight acting like a drunken idiot. It just doesn't appeal to me, and physically, I just can't handle that kind of partying anymore. Aside from age, the other difference was that we were eating grilled chicken, grilled shrimp, ribs & steaks, while the other guys spent their weekend eating burgers and brats! lol Of course, we had enough for everyone, but the youngin's didn't really come around much, so they missed out. Bum deal for them.

Some of the "kids" from the other group did stop by our camp on Thursday night. We all stayed up until about 3:00 a.m., drinking and carrying on. I got a little schnockered, to say the least, lol! I drank almost an entire bottle of Jack by myself! Oh... and Mr. Yummy was there too, so between being intoxicated, and my usual alcoholic horniness, especially where Mr. Yummy is concerned, Lady Lover became the flirt extrodinaire, LOL! Actually, Mr. Yummy and I were both hanging all over each other that night. He was even kissing on my neck at one point. AHHHHH!! This guy is driving me crazy!! We did manage to have a conversation, sometime through the course of the night, about the night I stayed at his house and his invitation to "sleep" with him that night. I basically asked him what was up that night, because of him stressing the fact that he wanted to talk to Hubby. He said that "flew right out the window when I started kissing him that night." If that's the case, I really wished he had been more aggressive in getting my ass into his bed. I simply can not figure this guy out. Hubby is convinced that Mr. Yummy is going to make his move on me after Hubby leaves for Iraq, completely tossing out Mr. Yummy's comment about being more comfortable with a threesome. I told Hubby he was probably right. As a matter of fact, I'm betting there are one or two other guys who will do the same thing, lol, and I told Hubby as much.

There's another guy in this mix of a camping trip that was also adding some interest to the evening too. I'm still feeling this one out though. He comes up to me and asks me about a certain rumor about a certain night, and a naked Lady Lover in a hot tub, wanting to know if was true or not. When I confessed that it was true, he leans in to whisper in my ear that he also has a hot tub. Life is just full of surprises these days, LOL! The only problem with this guy is that he's married, and I don't think he and his little wifey play the same game we do, so I have a feeling I'm going to have to be careful on this one. Although, he made it pretty clear, as he threw several subtle hints my way, that he was interested in "something". Our second night camping, he tried his damndest to get me to play strip poker, but I wasn't biting, because the fourth guy at our camp would have probably went high-tailing it for the woods if things got any more friendly than they were, lol

When we went to bed Thursday night, I was horny as hell. As soon as Hubby joined me in the tent, I basically raped his ass!! I have to tell you, I have a tendancy to get a bit vocal during sex, and when you add that I was as toasted as I was, staying quiet just wasn't an option. ;) As soon as Hubby and I got started, we realized how our "sounds" might be a bit loud in a camp ground, so we told the guys to turn up the radio that was playing. They did, but unfortunately, they thought we just wanted to hear the song that was playing, LOL - As it turns out, they ended up turning the radio down really low after the song was done, then proceeded to listen to Hubby and I having sex. It was funny as hell, actually, because those two started to giggle like to two school kids, and Hubby and I were too intent on what we were doing to care, LOL But if you can just imagine between the "ooo's and ahhh's" that Hubby and I were also laughing our asses off, it made for quite the funny moment! Of course, the next morning, the other two started razzing us right away, and continued to do so at every possible opportunity for the rest of the day! Here's to good times! LOL

Initially, we had plans to only stay for one night, because I had to work Saturday morning, but we ended up having such a good time, that Hubby and I braved staying another night. I'm still trying to decide if it was worth it or not, lol - It rained on us the second night there, and the temps dropped drastically because of it. I ended up laying in our tent shivering my ass off all night long, while Hubby tried to keep me warm. And poor Hubby was so paranoid about making sure we heard the alarm in the morning that he was afraid to let himself get any solid sleep. Well, we made it through about four hours of this when the alarm went off at 4:30 a.m.. Tired as hell, he and I climbed out of the tent, packed up, and headed home.

I'm happy to report that I did manage to make it to work on time that morning. :) It made for a very long day at work, again, but we had a good time, so it was worth it!

xoxo

My Ladies Night Sexscapades

2008-05-28T03:27:00.007-06:00

It's 4:30 in the morning, and I'm at work right now. This is day five in a five day work schedule that is kicking my butt in a big way. As you know, my regular shift is to work the weekends and all government holidays, from 8-4. This weekend has been a humdinger for me. Saturday I worked 8 to 4; Sunday 6 to 4 (2 extra hours to cover a co-worker who needed to take some vacation time); Monday I came in at 8 am, worked until 4 pm, went home and took a 3 hour nap, only to get up and go back into work at midnight for another eight hour shift; which leads to today, working a second midnight to 8 am shift. These graveyard hours were to cover another co-worker who covered my shift while we went out of town to visit our son and Hubby's mom. At the risk of sounding repetitive...I HATE MY JOB! *breathe, LL, breathe*sighs* These people have no consideration for anyone else when they want something, and they could give a rats ass about anyone else's health or family needs. Anyway, I'm so effin' tired right now that I can barely see straight. But since I'm sure my boss wouldn't take too kindly to me taking a nap on the job, I thought I would try to stay awake by sharing more of what's been going on in my life lately, so here I am! ;)

The most pressing circumstance lately can not be placed in the "happy, happy, joy, joy" catagory. As a matter of fact, I'm a bit freaked out about this one. Here's the latest scoop... Hubby has been called to duty to spend a year in Iraq in the combat zone. It is a non-volunteer thing, so he doesn't have a whole lot of choice. Wait! He had one other choice... retire 3 months shy of his 20 year mark. The latter choice would have seriously complicated our life, and it would have had a negative financial impact on our future, so it wasn't an option, leaving us with only one other choice... spend another year apart while Hubby does his military duty... in Iraq... in the combat zone... ugh.

Mind you, I have been a military wife for as long as Hubby has been in the service. We were already married and had our son when he joined up. In all these years, you would think I am used to this stuff because, goodness knows, we have spent our fair share of time apart for the sake of the military. I actually sat here estimating the time we have been apart in the last 20 years because of his military duty, and when you add it all together, including this upcoming assignment, it will be equivilant to approximately 4 years of seperation, not including his short/temporary assignments, where he's only been gone for a week or two at a time. That's more than four years of our marraige and family life that the military has taken away from us. Now, just a few months away from the finish line (kinda-sorta, 'cause we were actually considering extending a few more years), THEY decide to give him an ultimatum. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Where the military is concerned in our life, it has been a tough road. We can say that we have been proud to serve and do our duty over the years, both as an active duty member and a spouse, but with all the time we have spent apart, and all the bs propoganda we've had to cope with over the years, it is sadly leaving a bitter taste in our mouths. Unfortunately, we are having to stick it out though, because of the little bit of retirement benefits we get at the end of all this. Let's just say, the benefits of being in the military aren't what they used to be. As a matter of fact, over the 20 years we have been in, we have seen a major decline in these benefits, but in the end, it would be an insane move to give up the small amount of benefits Hubby has earned. Okay, I'm not going to dwell on this right now, because its only going to piss me off, lol - I'm sure I'll post more about it as times goes on. *LL, MOVE AWAAAYYYY from the bitch session!*

Now that I have pretty much (finally) caught you up on the Yum Factor, I thought I'd share with you what else has been going on while I've been waiting on Mr. Yummy to stop torchering me, lol - Like I said, I pretty much moved on after all the stupidity that happened - Although, I do have to say that I still want to f* Mr. Yummy in a big way! He is so damn good at making me want him, and that is driving me nuts! But two can play at this game, and after everything he has put me through up to this point, he's going to have to continue to do more serious ass-kissing before I'll drop my panties for him! ;) Meanwhile, I've had a couple interesting ladies nights that I thought I'd share with you...

We'll begin with Thursday evening - March 6th

It was an unusual Thursday night for me - I usually stay home on Thursday nights recovering from Ladies Night, but this particular Thursday afternoon I had just returned home from my grandmother's funeral. Needless to say, when I got home, I was fairly wiped out emotionally, and all I wanted to do was relax. So I grabbed my computer, crawled on to my bed, and started checking my e-mail.

While I'm on the computer that evening, I get an instant message from a friend of mine we'll call LS, because he's the one that calls his house "the love shack", which I blogged about a while ago. LS and I have known each other now for about a year and a half or so. He was actually the one that I was going to try to hook up with on my birthday last year too, since Biker Dude had stood me up that night. Okay...I know I blogged about that too, and there's a lot of blogging missing, lol - but anyway...

I'm on-line chit-chatting with LS that evening. LS knows that I love strawberry margaritas, and he happens to mention that he was drinking strawberry margaritas that particular night while we are chatting. Now one of the missing blog notes is about how I have been bugging LS to buy some strawberry margarita mix ever since the first night I met him, when he served me an overload of regular margaritas at the love shack that one night many moons ago. I really don't like regular margaritas, as they are too sour for me, so I always told him that if he bought strawberry margarita mix, I'd come over and help him drink it. ;) So I start giving him shit for buying the strawberry variety and not inviting me over, and he tells me that he actually thought about me when he bought it. Then he tells me that he's actually thought about me a lot lately, and with that he invites me over to his house the following Tuesday night to have margaritas with him.

Once again, a little history... (I seem to be bad at blogging while things are actually going on, but good at fillin' ya in later down the road, lol - I'll try to be better about that in the future. :) )
LS and I talk on-line a lot. In the year and a half we have known each other, we have become pretty good friends, although we don't get to hang out very often. Mostly we just talk on-line. Between his work schedule and mine, plus the fact that he's got four kids, and spends as much time with them as humanly possible, there's not much opportunity to get together. It's actually been about five months since I had seen him last, but we talk regularly. LS got a divorce about a year ago, and his life has been turned up-side down because of it. He started drinking pretty heavy during the divorce, and ended up getting a DUI. Six months later he got his license back, and the very first night he drove again, he got a second DUI. Can we say, "screwed"??? I feel bad for him that he has had such a tough time with the divorce, but I have a hard time having pity for someone who doesn't know how to catch a cab. Personally, there was no excuse for him to get that second DUI (nor the first one, for that matter)- I believe getting a dui is nothing more than plain ol' pure and simple stupidity, but DUI aside, LS is a good guy at heart.

During our on-line history, me and LS have had some pretty racy conversations that ended, more than once, with some serious masturbation. With that in mind, you can fairly well imagine that the two of us were due for some quality one-on-one time in person. You would think that we would have gotten together long before this, but it wasn't from a lack of effort on either of our parts. Again, our schedules are tough to coordinate. The poor guy works 12 hours shifts, six days a week (and I'm bitching about my schedule, right?) So when he's not working, or trying to spend time with his kids, he's usually sleeping or on-line with me, lol.

Hubby knows that I talk to LS all the time on-line, and he also knows about the racy conversations that LS and I have had. When I told Hubby that LS invited me over for margaritas that next Tuesday night, Hubby's comment was, "Margaritas my ass!" We laughed and then Hubby told me to have a good time. ;)

All day the following Tuesday my hormones were in an uproar! It was all I could do to keep myself from pulling out my vibrator, but I wanted to "save" myself for LS that night, so I allowed myself to pleasurably suffer throughout the day. Then Hubby came home from work, we had dinner together, and I started getting ready to go out.

Hubby gets very turned on at the thought of another man f*ing me - so much so that he has a hard time controlling himself when he knows its going to happen. He proved that point as I was getting ready that night. I'm standing in the bathroom putting on my makeup, and here comes Hubby. He starts rubbing his hands all over me, which is making me hornier than I already am. I feel his hard-on growing, and he leans me over the vanity in the bathroom and starts f*ing me.

Now here's the thing... I feel bad for Hubby when this happens, because I always have to hold him off - which really isn't fair to Hubby. But in all fairness to the guy(s) I hook up with, not everyone gets turned on by the thought of "sloppy seconds". If, by some chance, the guy I'm going to be with that night wants to go down on me, I would like to be clean and sweet smelling for his pleasure, rather than feeling and smelling like another man has been there. I don't think this is unreasonable, but as many times as I try to explain this to Hubby, he prefers to ignore that fact more often than not. Hubby really gets off on f*ing me right after another man has had me. He says its because I'm so wet and soft afterwards, because it's been "worked". I have no issues with this at all! But during the pre-game, I prefer to wait, so I told Hubby he was going to have to "hold that thought". He doesn't complain too much when I do that to him, and honestly, I think it just makes him harder knowing that he'll get his "soft & wet, worked puss'n boots" at the end of the night when I get home. And with that, I finish getting ready, and head over to the Love Shack. :)

When I get to LS's house, I walk in the door and LS wraps his arms around me, and kisses me with a force that caught me off guard. Mind you, LS has kissed me before, and I like his kisses very much! But this one was definitely all about HIS horny-mones, lol! It's so nice to feel wanted! hehe Even still, I had to push him off of me, because I wasn't about to walk in the door and just get naked that quick. I wanted my strawberry margaritas first, and some one-on-one time to chit-chat and get reaquainted with him in person, because I hadn't seen him in over five months. He was very gentlemanly about it, and he backed off and headed to the kitchen to pour me a margarita.

For the next hour or so, LS and I sat in his livingroom talking and drinking our margaritas. It was nice to just sit there and bullshit with him. At the time, we were sitting across from each other, and he gets up and comes over to me and lays another one of his horny kisses on me. Of course, by this time the margaritas started kicking in, and I was a little more receptive to his advances now. We started groping each other, and making out like two teenagers, then he tries to take my pants off. Now, I'm not cruel - really I'm not - but I wasn't ready to end the casual part of our night just yet, so I held him off again, and grabbed his hand and led him to his computer room. I had a picture of him that I wanted him to grab for his myspace page, so we went on-line where I had the picture stored, and we transferred it to his pc.

While we're playing on his computer for the next hour, LS grabs me and tells me he won't be put off anymore. Oh my! hehe In his computer room, he has one of those high barstool type chairs, which I was sitting on, and a regular computer chair which he was occupying. When he grabs me, he kisses me passionately, then goes straight for the zipper of my jeans, and in the blink of an eye, both my pants and panties are gone! lol Might I add, he was really good at that! It was so smooth that I barely noticed what he was doing. *blushes* Before I know it, he's got his face buried between my legs, and he's licking, sucking and fingering me to a heavenly orgasm.

After I came down from my high, with wobbly legs beneath me, he stands me up and pulls off my shirt and bra. Then be begins playing with my breasts, sucking my nipples, running his tongue along me neck and ears, and expertly using his fingers again, until I tell him it's time to move to a more comfortable spot, because the chair I was sitting in during this extravaganza was starting to become a hinderance. With that, he takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom.

When we reach the bedroom, I start pealing off his clothes, because he's still fully dressed at this point. In the process, once he's undressed, I start sucking him. I love the power I feel when I give a man a blowjob! Especially when I hear him give one of those deep moans that tells me I'm rocking his world! I wasn't about to let him have his orgasm yet though. I knew he was getting close, but I wasn't done having fun with him yet, so I pulled away, and slowly laid down on the bed, giving him time to collect himself a little.

LS lays down on the bed with me, and starts kissing me again, while his hands start to roam. Not long after, I straddled him and slowly eased him into me, while I watched his face show expressions of yummy satisfaction. With one quick downward motion, I took the rest of him into me, and he lets out another deep moan. I have to tell you, I love being on top. It's another power thing for me. I know that when I'm on top, I'm in control. I don't think a man gets nearly as much friction with me on top, but I get to rock my hips, and aid the process in hitting all the right spots on me this way, which is heavenly for me. ;)

Slowly I begin to rock my hips. Hubby says when I do this, it's like I'm dancing on his cock, lol I suppose I am dancing in a way, because I don't just slam up and down in this position. I tend to rotate my hips in the process. So with one hand on my hip, and his thumb on my clit, I'm slowly and sensuously stroking him, riding him for all it's worth, when I realize he's coming close to getting off again. I'm such a tease, lol - but I'm not done yet, and I try to climb off of him, but he doesn't let me. He holds me in place, continues to roll my hips around on his cock, until I explode! I guess I misjudged him, because he managed to hold off while he got me off for a second time that night. I collapsed on his chest for a few minutes, and after I recovered, he turns me on all fours, so that he can take me from behind. With that, he enters me, and takes charge.

I have this thing for men who can do two things at once. I look at it this way - a man's cock is an extremety, and when that one's busy, he still has two hands left to occupy. LS is one of those guys who knows this little tidbit, and he reaches around my waist and starts rubbing my clit again with his fingers. It wasn't long before I reached another fabulous orgasm! Then, realizing I was bit shakey again, LS rolls me over and lays me on my back, where he proceeds to f* me, and f* me hard.

By now, I am so freakin' sensative from the three orgasms that I've already had - when I get that sensative, it seems to be very easy for me to orgasm again via straight f*ing. I think it's because my g-spot is so swollen at this point, and if a man can pay attention to my g-spot this far into the game, then I know I have at least one more good one in me, and it's usually the one that beats all others. Well, don't you know, LS must have had just that in mind, because he managed to f* me into oblivion! And not far behind, he finally allowed himself to release his own load, then he collapsed next to me with this shit-eating grin on his face, lol - I love it! Both of us spent, we layed there snuggling and talking, until we both fell asleep. I, however, didn't sleep long, as I get a text message from Hubby wondering when I'll be home.

After hearing from Hubby, but still with shakey legs, I get up, get dressed and head out the door. LS woke up while I getting dressed, and asked me why I wasn't staying the night. Damn. I would have loved to stay there and sleep, but I explained that Hubby was waiting for me, and I needed to get home. He smiled, kissed me, then walked me to the door, while telling me two things. One, he thought it was cool as shit that he made me squirt that night, lol - yeah - it was FABULOUS! And two, we'd have to get together again real soon. YAY for Lady Lover! Then I headed home, where Hubby was ready and waiting with his own hard-on. I obviously didn't have much more in me at that point, so Hubby took the reigns, and rode me until he managed to cum buckets, then we both passed out. ;)

LS and I obviously had a great time that night. It was well worth all the time we had to wait, and all the teasing and on-line pleasing we went through. Unfortunately, it would be the last time he and I would get together. Things went down hill about a two months later, and I'll tell you all about it in my next post. I hate drama. *sighs*

xoxo

The Yum Factor... Finale???

2008-05-26T22:11:00.001-06:00

So much has happened since the day I found out Mr. Yummy & Big T supposedly did the "nasty". At this point, dates totally elude me, because it's been over three months since all that happened, so I'm just going to tell you the gist of what's happened since then.

Less than 24 hours after getting the shocking news about Big T and Mr. Yummy, Big T starts sending me text messages, asking me if we are going to be able to work through this and be friends again. You can't be serious?!? I'm not one to usually hold a grudge. I can actually be very forgiving of stupid shit, but not this time. And certainly NOT this soon! For the next few days, she continues sending me text messages, telling me how sorry she was...blah, blah, blah. This is the same week I was told my grandma was dieing, so while she's sending me all these text messages, I'm dealing with trying to get home to be with Grandma. Understandably, I ignored her messages. The next weekend I was home with my family, as Grandma passed away that Friday. Thankfully, Big T's text messages stopped that weekend. I assume someone told her what was going on, since someone had to cover my shift at work. Anyway, I didn't have to deal with Big T again, until I got back to work the following weekend.

I worked my usual shift that weekend, and when Big T comes in to relieve my shift, she starts telling me, once again, how sorry she was about what happened, and then she adds that she can't believe she "did that to me" at the same time that I'm trying to handle the death of my grandma. This is the last thing I needed to hear at this point. Do not equate your stupidity and thoughtless bullshit with my grandmother's death! I didn't actually say that to her. I should have, but I didn't. I basically stayed silent, as I was hurting too bad to even deal with Big T and the shit she pulled with Mr. Yummy.

The following weekend, and for the next few weekends after that, Big T continued to try to have conversations with me about what had happened that night, telling me how sorry she was, how she would do anything to make it up to me, and how she wished we could work through this because she misses me. At least she had the good graces to cry a few tears over it, but it wasn't enough to get me to forgive her. Of course, during that time, my son also had his heart attack, and the weekend after that happened, Big T says to me, "You should have said something. I could have been there for you." That's when I pretty much stopped talking to her all together, but not before telling her that I didn't know if I could ever bring myself to trust her again. I told her a while ago that I would be civil to her, because we have to work together, but outside of that, don't ever expect us to be buddy-buddy like it used to be. To be quite honest, I can't look at her now without feeling disgust. She comes into work every weekend trying to start up conversations with me, and I just don't have it in me to talk to her.

There have been a few times over the last few months when I have asked myself if I was being unreasonable about this whole thing. After all, she and I are both married, and it's not like she stole a boyfriend from me, since there was no romantic involvement. But, dammit, I definitely did put some time into this one, and then I remind myself again that I have the freedom and permission for extracurricular sex, while she, on the other hand, would end up divorced if her husband ever found out what she did. I also have to remind myself that she was the one person around here whom I shared details with, so she pretty much knew ALL the details about what was going on with Mr. Yummy. She is the one that betrayed our friendship, along with my confidence and trust in her. I am not at fault here, and so I have to tell myself that I shouldn't feel bad for being so upset with her.

I think what kills me most is how Big T is trying so hard to act as the innocent in all this. "It just happened", my ass! What I find most interesting of all, is how more and more of the story has evolved since that night. Ever heard the saying, "There are three sides to every story - there's his version, her version, and the truth." ??? Yeah, so... There's Big T's version, which seems to change ever so slightly every time she tries to tell it. Then there's Mr. Yummy's version, which not only remains constant, but is also confirmed via the third story teller in this ordeal, and that would be Beauty, because she was there that night when it happened. And I hardly think Beauty and Mr. Yummy are in cahoots with each other, because they really don't know each other that well. Plus, Beauty and Big T have been good friends for quite some time now, so she must be really disgusted with Big T to be sharing her version at all. Here's the version Mr. Yummy tells...

They were in the hot tub, and he got out. Big T also got out about the same time. He headed to the back bedroom to get dressed. Big T followed him in that direction. When he saw her following him, he headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. She followed him in there, switched out the light, and started to give him a blowjob. He says he was also drunk, but not stupid. He let her start, and then he "woke up", so to speak, because it hit him that she was married, and he worked with her husband. The way he put it, his career started flashing before his eyes, and he made her stop. Knowing Mr. Yummy like I do, stopping her because of his career sounds like something he would do. This would also explain why "they weren't in there very long", which is something I have heard from all three of them. It would also explain why Big T was curling her fingers through his hair on the ride home, trying to work her "charms" while claiming she could help him sleep better that night, and why he turned her invitation down.

All this also confirms what I already knew about Big T - she thinks she's "da bomb", and "everyone loves her cuz she's so darn cute." Can you see my eyes rolling in the back of my head?? In all her "cuteness", she has failed to remember that I have been privy to her "naughty antics" for a lot of years. I have witnessed her diabolical plots to get what she wants. I have seen the face that is ANYTHING BUT INNOCENT. There is one thing I haven't quite figured out yet, though. When I first found out about this "thing" with Mr. Yummy, she let me believe that she actually f*ed him. It wasn't until I confronted her with Mr. Yummy's version of the story that she actually agreed that it was only a blowjob. Why would she do that? I haven't actually asked her straight out about that, because it didn't really sink in until after I decided that I was done listening to her babbling bullshit. If I brought it up now, it would only bring this whole thing to the surface again. Except for telling you the rest of the story, I'm pretty much done with that whole thing.

So, anyway, I have come to the conclusion that, for what ever reason, Big T coveted something of mine. Either that, or she was trying to prove some kind of point, as if to say she was more desireable than I am. I'm not exactly sure, but she knew she couldn't have Hubby, so I feel like she went for the next best thing...one of my playmates - or in this case, 'potential playmates'. I think I have to actually pity her for that.

This is going to sound a bit conceited, but while no one, until Big T, has ever stabbed me in the back like this, this isn't the first time someone was envious of our lifestyle. The reason I say that is because I feel like she was trying to see what it's like to 'be me', if you know what I mean. Big T has expressed her envy over the years, wishing that she could play openly too, with Hubby being her main goal if she could have him. Knowing how I felt about her with Hubby just seems to put all this into the catagory of "coveting what you can't have". I can't tell you how many people have told me over the years, after they found out about our lifestyle, how they wished their significant other would be open to living like this, and while Big T might wish she could live like this as well, her husband wouldn't have a thing to do with it. I'm sure Mr & Mrs WS know exactly what I'm talking about. There are people who don't approve, and that's okay, but you would be surprised at how many people think its just "SO COOL!" What these people don't realize is that it takes a very secure relationship to even open the door to the possibility of doing what we do. I tell people not to envy me - while having the freedom to go out and have sex with others can be exciting, like anything else in life, it too has its price tag which can come in many forms.

Anyway, where Big T is concerned, our friendship is done. I can only hope she really does regret doing what she did that night. Although I have to say I have my doubts about how remorseful she really is, since a real friend wouldn't have done it in the first place. And what about Mr. Yummy? Well...

Mr. Yummy and I still haven't "hooked-up" yet. Like I said before, I wasn't nearly as upset at Mr. Yummy about what happened, because we'd had the previous conversation about what he was and wasn't looking for. That's not to say I wasn't upset at all with him, because I was upset. I feel like this guy was putting me on the back burner, while he was trying to sow his wild oats with a bunch of youngin's. Lady Lover is not a back-burner kind of girl. And I certainly don't appreciate being told, "not tonight", then hearing that you f*ed one of my closest friends that night instead. It was a blow to my ego, and with it, the attraction I had for him started to fizzle.

Hubby and I have talked several times about Mr. Yummy, and why we think he has put me off like he has. Hubby seems to think Mr. Yummy is scared. Not fearful, or anything like that, but more like apprehensive and unsure as to what he might be getting himself into. Hubby thinks Mr. Yummy is nervous about being with a "real woman", as opposed to the little girls that he keeps trying to play with. In short, Hubby doesn't think Mr. Yummy can handle what I have to offer in the sack. I, on the other hand, am leaning towards a strike on my vanity, because I think Mr. Yummy isn't really attracted to me that way. Being 15 years older than him, I keep thinking that the "old lady" is the last resort. And when you factor in that he has yet to make a single physical move on me without my prompting it, I can't help wondering why he would even say he's attracted to me. The only "moves" he has made were, 1- to tell me he's interested, and 2- to invite me to "sleep" with him, for the most part, anything beyond that has been me hitting on him. Personally, I think he's more attracted to the idea of our lifestyle, than he is to me, although he insists verbally that he's attracted to me. If that's the case, then what the hell is he waiting for?!?

Given all the circumstances, I made the decision that Mr. Yummy was history. We continue to be friends with him, partying together and hanging out at barbaque's, etc., but sexually speaking, I stopped flirting with him, and pretty much moved on. Now here's the interesting part...

Over the last few weeks, Mr. Yummy has started sniffing around again, and he's flirting with me more than he ever did. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it, lol - bring it on, Baby! Do I still think Mr. Yummy is yummy? Hell yeah! Do I still want to f* him?? Most definitely!! But I have concluded that it is now MY turn to make him suffer, so I'm playing the 'cool chika' now, and holding him off. Essentially, this has become a game. I think he and I are just going to tease each other mercilessly, until one day he and I are going to end up having one of the wildest romps imaginable. There have been a few things that have happened that lead me to believe this...

So, one night we were all out partying, and afterwards we head to Denney's for one of our after-party breakfasts. There were 6 of us, but the booths only seat 4. So four of us sat in one booth, and the other two of us were seated in the booth directly across the isle. Wouldn't you know, Mr. Yummy and I sat in the booth alone. He got up to go to the bathroom, and while he was gone, I kicked off my shoes and stretched my legs under the table, resting my feet across on his benchseat. When he gets back, I move my feet out of the way. He slides into his seat, and I ask him, "Which way are you going? Left or right, so I can put my feet back up, lol" Rather than sit on either side, he sits directly across from me, with this little grin on his face. So I placed my feet between his legs. Then I told him, "Be careful, my feet move around a lot, and if you get any closer to them...", and I left it at that ,winking at him. What does he do? He purposely scooches his ass forward so that my feet are in contact with his crotch! And right there in the middle of Denney's, with friends at the table next to us, I basically lightly massaged his cock with my feet for about an hour. I had to laugh, because a few times I noticed how flush he was getting, lol - and he had to clear his throat more than once when someone was talking to him. But here's what I don't get...

He gave me a ride back to my car that night, which was still sitting in the parking lot of the bar, because I was too lit at the time the bar kicked us out to drive it to Denney's. On the way back to the bar, it was just the two of us, and we hardly said two words to each other while he was driving. And when we get there, he doesn't try to touch me, kiss me, nothing... It's like he enjoys torchering me. He even gave me one of his sly, devilish little grins that I like so much, as if he was waiting for me to hop all over his ass. I just got out of the car, gave him his devilish little grin back, said "see ya later", and left. *So proud of myself* LOL

Last Friday night, we all went out, Hubby included, and Mr. Yummy was being as cute as ever. He's killin' me though, because he's coming over and hugging me, and whispering cutsy little comments in my ear, telling me how good I smell. Then he asks me why I'm not doing shots of tequila that night. (Have I shared with you my tequila issue? Yes, I'm the girl who's clothes fall off when I do shots of that stuff, LOL - I don't know what it is about tequila, but it makes me horny as hell!) So, anyway, I told him it was because I had to work in the morning, and then whispered in his ear, "I don't need alcohol to get cozy." *wink* Then he says, "When Hubby leaves, we'll have to hang out more!", as he winks back at me. Hubby was sitting right there when he said it, and chimed in with an "HEEEEY! What's up with that?!? LOL" Of course, then we all laughed, and carried on with our night. There was also another cutie there that night, and when Mr. Yummy wasn't flirting with me, this other guy was. I couldn't help noticing that every time this other guy would put his arm around me, Mr. Yummy was watching intently! I hope he's learning something, cause this other little cutie was pushing all the right buttons!

Anyway, I don't know what's going to happen where Mr. Yummy is concerned. I don't understand the game he's playing, but I'm keeping things fresh by playing back now. I have learned that it's best not to have any expectations where he's concerned. I'm just going to go with the flow. If something happens, okay - if not, okay. Meanwhile, I'll just have fun with him, hanging out and doing whatever it is we're doing, lol

On that note, I think its safe to say that the "Yum Factor" has come to a close, for now. If anythings manages to "pop-up" in the future, I'll be sure to let you know. ;)

xoxo

The Yum Factor - pt.4

2008-05-05T23:07:00.007-06:00

This has been a long time in coming, but here it is... The Yum Factor saga continues...

Saturday - Feb 23rd

Saturday at work was a very slow day. I kept myself busy by playing games on my computer - and I did a lot of thinking about what happened Friday night. Mr. Yummy is not the first friend that Hubby and I have approached about hooking up. Although, believe it or not, I have never had a threesome with two men. There have been instances where I have been with another man while Hubby sat in the corner and watched, then Hubby would have his way afterwards; We have had threesomes with other women; We have had couple swaps when I have watched Hubby f* another woman, while her husband and I had fun. Shoot! I've even "stolen" a girlfriend from Hubby, LOL - he f*ed her one night, and then she and I ended up intimately involved for several months after, which is kind of a running joke now between Hubby and I. :) Then, of course, there are the numerous men that I have been with alone, but in all these years, I have never had a threesome with two men in bed with me at one time. That's crazy, right? But it's the sad truth, lol

You can only imagine how turned on I was at the thought of finally having two men at the same time. It would be a fantasy come true for me! And, obviously, I really like Mr. Yummy! Not just because he's yummy, but I completely trust him, he and hubby are good friends, and he really is a good guy all around, being yummy on top of it all, so he was the perfect candidate for this experience. The fact that he is more comfortable with a threesome with us just blew me away. That's precisely the reason I haven't had an MFM yet - because the men I have been with so far just haven't been up to the challenge. I don't know if it's a homophobic thing, or what, but most men I get together with usually give a resounding "NO" when it's brought up. After a while I quit trying, and settled for being satisfied in other ways.

Needless to say, I'm thrilled at Mr. Yummy's comfort level on the threesome. Although now I don't understand why he doesn't want to be alone with me. I hate when I'm thrown for a loop, and this one has me looping all over the place, lol - Especially after the night he invited me to "sleep" with him.

So...While I'm at work on Saturday thinking about all this, I started to get excited about telling Big T what happened the night before, because she was otherwise preoccupied that night, and we hadn't really had a chance to talk. I couldn't wait to fill her in! And I also wanted to hear what had happened between her and her boy toy after we left. I waited for her to get to work. (She's the one that relieves my shift.)

I usually get off work at 4:00, and Big T usually arrives about 15 minutes prior so we can chat a little before I head out. But on this Saturday, she came in a full half hour early, which I didn't think too much about at the time. When she got there, she wasn't her usual chipper self, and I thought, "Uh oh - she's either got a really bad hangover, or things got worse last night after I left." So I kept things light-hearted and waited to hear what happened before I shared the news about Mr. Yummy and Hubby having their talk.

As Big T hangs up her coat, she says, "I was really bad last night." Knowing about her usual naughty antics, I said, "Yeah right! Spill the goods! LOL" She says, with a kind of wild look in her eyes, "No, I mean I was really bad last night." I thought, "Oh shit - something big happened last night." But still trying to keep things light-hearted, I said, "Oh honey, it can't be all that bad! What happened??" She said, "[Mr. Yummy] and I...", and before she finished her sentence, I said, "You F*ed [Mr. Yummy] last night." She nodded her head to say yes, and our 12 year friendship ended at that moment.

I was so stunned, I was speechless. And let me tell you, that doesn't happen very often. You just don't f* with another girlfriends playmates! It's that simple. I just stood there dumbfounded, like every thought in my mind high-tailed it out of my brain. When I finally started to collect myself, I looked at her and said, "Tell me." The fear on her face was that of someone who was preparing to get her ass kicked in a big way. Fortunately for her, I'm not like that. Then she told me what happened.

According to her, after Hubby and I left that night, she got left by her boy toy. He apparently walked her to a gas station across the street so she could use the bathroom, and while she was in there, he just disappeared on her. She managed to get in touch with Beauty, and I guess Beauty had already taken off with Mr. Yummy and a few other peeps, believing that Big T had left her behind, but they all came back and picked her up, and headed over to Mr. Cinco de Mayo's house where they all ended up in the hot tub. Then, according to her, she and Mr. Yummy got out of the hot tub at the same time, headed into the house to dry off and get dressed at the same time, and she ended up F*ing in Mr. Cinco de Mayo's bedroom. According to her, "It just happened."

I listened quietly as she spewed her story, still in shock at what I was hearing. Then I turned around, without a word, and started packing up to go home. I didn't know what to say to her. I was in a total state of disbelief. Then she starts telling me how sorry she was, again how it "just happened", and how she told Mr. Yummy not to tell me, that she needed to tell me. She says, "It was only for a few minutes, and I stopped it because I thought of you." Like that's supposed to make it alright. Then she begins making excuses for why it happened, like she's trying to analyze her stupidity. I said, "There is no excuse." Then I finished packing up to go home, and I walked out the door.

When I got in my car to go home, I was shaking so bad I couldn't drive, so I sat there smoking a cigarette trying to compose myself. Hubby and I were supposed to go over to Mr. Yummy's that same night for a tattoo party. So now, not only was I dealing with Big T's news, but I had to see Mr. Yummy too. In addition to that, Hubby was really looking forward to getting a tattoo that night, and with Mr. Yummy being such a good friend of Hubby's, I was afraid of how Hubby might react when I told him about what had happened. It was a real dilemma for me as to whether or not I should tell Hubby right away, because I didn't want to spoil his tattoo time, and I didn't want to cause problems with their friendship. Never mind my feelings on this one, right? I decided that I wouldn't tell Hubby before the party. Then I went home, tried to act like nothing happened, which was hard as hell, because I was in total shock. But we got ready, as planned, and headed downtown.

When we got to Mr. Yummy's, I walked in and the first thing I did was try to make eye contact with him. He wouldn't look me in the eye. Then I see Beauty, who's there to get her very first tattoo, and she walks up to me and asks me if I'm okay. I said, "I guess you know." She said, "Yeah, I was there last night, and I just got off the phone with Big T. I don't want to get in the middle of this, but I just want to make sure you're okay." I said, "No, I'm not okay. I feel like I've just been stabbed in the back." Then Beauty and I sat down in an out of the way spot and had a little talk.

It turns out that while Big T is telling me how guilty she feels, apparently that was all bullshit. Beauty says, "I really don't think they did anything. They weren't back there that long." I said, "Why would Big T put herself through the ordeal of telling me, if it wasn't true." I was getting visions of the look on Big T's face when she told me. Then Beauty tells me about the car ride home. She says, "While we were giving Mr. Yummy a ride home, she was running her fingers through his hair, trying to talk him into letting her spend the night at his house, with some cutesy little comment about how she could help him sleep better, but Mr. Yummy told her no." Well, thank the Gods for at least that much, right? Because, honestly, if I found out she f*ed him that night at his house, I would have walked out the door that very second. I said, "I'm completely stunned at all this. After all that she and I have shared with each other, especially after our conversation last night ... I don't understand." Beauty agreed, after having been present for the conversation the night before, that she didn't understand either. That was the end of the conversation, and I spent the rest of the evening to myself, sort of lost in my own thoughts.

As it turns out, the tattoo artist never showed up that night, so the tattoo party was a total bust. The whole time we were there waiting for him, 4 hours in all, Mr. Yummy completely avoided me. At one point while we were all waiting, Mr. Yummy and a few of his buddies headed to the basement to have a jam session. Hubby wanted to go down, so he grabbed me and we went together. Hubby kept trying to get me to sing, but I really wasn't in the mood. I feigned a few verses here and there, but that's about it. Of course, Hubby kept asking me what was wrong, and I just told him I was tired. Eventually he accepted that, and stopped asking me. Then it came time to go home.

Hubby and I are in the car, heading down the highway, and I said to him, "You ready for this one? You won't believe what happened. Guess who [Mr. Yummy] f*ed?" He jokingly replies, "Who? Big T? LOL" I looked at him and said, "Yes." After a few seconds, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, he says, "No way! I was kidding!" I said, "It's no joke." Then I proceeded to tell him what happened at work, and let him know what Big T and Beauty had told me.

Hubby was as surprised as I was to hear what happened, although, it affected us differently. Quite honestly, this was a major blow to my ego. Here this guy has been holding me off (and that's putting it mildly), then he turns around a f*s one of my closest friends here?!? On the very same night he and Hubby finally had their little talk, no less. All I could think was, "Wow." Of course, there was this whole conversation between Hubby and I on the way home that night about why I didn't tell him sooner, which I explained. He kept telling me I should have told him sooner, but then he forgave me, and we began to discuss the issue at hand.

What it basically came down to was that I wasn't nearly as pissed off at Mr. Yummy as I was Big T. Mr. Yummy and I had the whole conversation, previously, about how he was just looking for some unattached fun in the sack, where Big T flat out betrayed our friendship, because she knew everything that was going on, and f*ed him anyway. On her part, it was just wrong, no matter how you cut it. On his part, well, it was wrong there too, to put me off like that and then f* her, but when we look at the reality, what normal, recently divorced 28 year old male would turn down the chance to get laid when the opportunity presents itself?? The irony of that one, right? Because apparently, any normal, single, 28 year old male wouldn't turn that chance down...except with me. Which I TOTALLY don't understand. Let me tell you, while Big T is cute and all, when she's dressed - undressed is a whole different story... ewwww! We're talking serious fat, flab and cellulite hell. Not to be cruel, but she's no prize in the figure department. I couldn't help thinking that he's an idiot, and with that, we went to bed that night, and I tried not to think about it anymore. Yeah, right.

The Yum Factor Finale is right around the corner... stay tuned!

xoxo

Where to Begin...

2008-04-26T20:01:00.004-06:00

Several times over the course of the last couple months I have tried to blog about what's been going on. It seems life is happening far faster than I can type these days. I have at least 6 drafts going right now, and I'm going to try not to make this one a seventh, lol - This is going to be my attempt to catch up on my blog. I don't know how successful I'm going to be, but we're going to give it a shot just the same.

It's Saturday night, and I am at work right now. My usual shift is 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., but this weekend I'm working the swing shift of 4 p.m. to midnight, because I was supposed to take a trip to Oklahoma & Texas last week, and this shift was going to buy me some time for my trip. As luck would have it, I had to cancel my trip. I've been bummed out about it all week. I really need a trip home. The stress factors I've been dealing with the last few months has me in "emotional wreck" status.

I know I still owe you a post or two to finish telling you about "The Yum Factor", but right after I posted part 3, I received a phone call from my family telling me that my Grandma was in the hospital, and she wasn't going to make it. With that news, I got on the next available flight and made it to my Grandma's side the day before she died.

I am still dealing emotionally with my Grandma's passing. As of yet I don't feel like I have really had the opportunity to mourn her death. When she died it was a very surreal moment for me, because I was with her when she passed, holding her hand as she took her very last breath. I can't begin to describe what this felt like, or how it has affected me. I really miss my Grandma.

After Grandma's funeral, I flew home. That was on a Thursday. Given my mood and emotional state, I didn't go out at all that week. I stayed home, tried to cope with Grandma's death, worked through the weekend, and took it easy on Monday and Tuesday of the next week. Then Ladies night rolls around, and I decided I would go out, because I really needed something to cheer me up. It ended up doing just that, with an unexpected, but delicious outcome! However, I need to get through the emotional garbage in this post, so I will fill you in on my ladies night escapades in my next few posts.

Moving forward a week later...

It's another Thursday night. I had gone out to ladies night the night before, and I spent Thursday chillin' out at home. That night, around 8:00 p.m., I get a phone call from Son. He says, "Mom, I just wanted to let you know I'm in the emergency room right now." This is the last thing you want to hear from your child who is 1,400 miles away! So I ask him, as calmly as I can muster, "What's going on, Sweets??" He tells me he was experiencing chest pains that morning, but they went away, but that night he started feeling them again, only this time it was radiating into his shoulder. He says, "I'm feeling fine now, but I'm still waiting to see the doctor." For the next few hours I am on the phone with my son, as he gives me updates about his emergency room visit.

It turns out, my 20 year old son had a heart attack. Another surreal moment for me, as well Hubby. 20 year olds' are not supposed to have heart attacks! Our son got some kind of virus in his heart, something we are still trying to understand. This virus caused his heart to swell, which caused him to have the heart attack. We were told by his cardiologist that any normal 20 year old would not have survived this, because they eat so much garbage, and are generally not very health conscious, which is understandable, because they are "young and invincible". But, Goddess Bless my Son, because he does take good care of himself, and is a vegetarian to boot. The doctor said the fact that he is a vegetarian saved his life.

Son is doing much better now. He is back to school, living his life as a college student, and even made the Dean's List this past semester. The heart attack caused him 50% damage to his heart, but the doctor says, "because his heart was in such pristine condition prior to the heart attack, there's a good chance his heart may heal itself." Only time will tell, and we will remain positive about it.

In addition to my Grandma passing away, and Son's heart attack, we have also been coping with the fact that Hubby's mom has lung cancer. This is actually her 6th round of cancer, and 3rd round of chemo and radiation. She has experienced 2 bouts with breast cancer, skin cancer, ovarian cancer, cervical cancer, and cancer of the uterus. Needless to say, she is getting to a point where quality of life is becoming more important than her chemo treatments, because the chemo treatments are so difficult on the body. Given her state of health, Hubby and I made a trip to see his parents. She seems to be doing well, under the circumstances, and we have hopes that this round of treatments will give her more time, but we also know the eventual reality of this, and we are preparing ourselves for it. Hubby seems to be handling it as well as can be expected.

After we visited with Hubby's parents, we headed to see our Son and my parents. Don't you know, the day we left my mom & dad's house to head home, my mom ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. She is also doing much better now, and got out of the hospital last week.

Did I mention, through the course of all this stuff, my cell phone got run over by a car?!?! Yeah, I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was not very funny. And, of course, I didn't have cell phone insurance, so I had to pay full price for my new phone. Just what I needed. Between all the traveling I've had to do over the last two months, and having to buy a new cell phone, I'm pretty sure you can understand why I had to cancel my trip this past week. *sighs*

Then... in addition to everything else, the week after we got back from traveling, Hubby had to have surgery on his hand. He is healing, but we will both be relieved when he finally gets the stitches out!

But wait! There's more! And you'll just have to read about the rest of it in my next few posts. ;) I will fill you in on the drama that's been surrounding Ladies Night the last several weeks. *sighs, again*

I desperately need a vacation!

xoxo

The Yum Factor - part 3

2008-02-26T10:42:00.004-06:00

The saga continues...

THURSDAY - FEB 21st

Thursday morning I woke up overall feeling like shit, but still horny as hell for Mr. Yummy. He was still sleeping, of course, and I was tempted to slide under the covers and wake him up. ;) But I decided, yet again, that I would behave myself, so I went into the kitchen and made myself some coffee.

While I was sitting in the livingroom having my coffee, just trying to wake up and control myself from molesting Mr. Yummy, I get a text message from Big T, wanting to know what I was up to. For the next hour or so, she and I sent text messages back and forth having a conversation about our latest potential playmates. See, the night of the whole hot tub incident, Big T was there, and she kinda-sorta hooked up that night with one of Mr. Yummy's friends.

Keep in mind as I continue "The Yum Factor", Big T is also married, but she doesn't have permission to go out and play like I do. As a matter of fact, her hubby is a rather jealous man, to the point that he won't even let Big T and I play around, which is something she and I have been teasing each other about for years. I actually teased him one night about it, and he told me, in a stern tone, to stay away from his wife - that she was HIS. So you can only imagine how he would react if he found out she was messing around with another man. Big T and I have also known each other for about 12 years, and she is very used to hearing me talk about my lifestyle. She has known about it for a very long time, and is one of the few people that I can share things with. And in the process of sharing with her, I don't judge her for her indescretions while she is sharing all the naughtyness she's been up to. Anyway...

That morning while I was at Mr. Yummy's having coffee, she and I sent cutesy girly messages back and forth to each other, talking about "the boys". I was telling her what happened the night before, and she was telling me how she couldn't wait to see "her man" again. The conversation ended, but not before finalizing some plans we had for Friday night.

I was hoping that if I sat there long enough, Mr. Yummy would eventually crawl out of bed and have a cup of coffee with me, but to no avail. Sleeping Beauty was still snoring when Big T and I got done having our text conversation, so I decided to head home.

By the time I got home, it was lunch time, so I got in touch with Hubby and we met at BK for lunch. While we sat there eating, I filled him in on what had happened the night before. Then I told him to PLEASE have that conversation with Mr. Yummy SOON, and he agreed that he would talk to him the next time he saw him. For the rest of the day, I just chilled out. That night Hubby and I had a really good romp, and then we fell asleep cuddling. Awwww. hehe

FRIDAY - FEB 22nd

Yay for Friday! Big T and I had plans that night to go to a sex toy party. When the time came, Big T picked me up, along with Beauty, who was also going with us. The plan was that we were going to go to this party, then we were going to head to the watering hole, where Hubby was going to meet up with us, along with Mr. Yummy, and Big T's playboy, as well as a few other friends. I had high hopes for the night. ;)

While we were on our way to the toy party, I was telling Big T about a text message I had received from JJ that afternoon, telling me yet again how she had gone out with Mr. Yummy the night before. I started bitching about how I was sick and tired of her rubbing that in my face. Then we talked about how I had given JJ the chance to tell me to back off, but she never did, and how I wouldn't do that shit to a girlfriend. Big T agreed, and emphatically stated that she could never do that to a friend either.

There is something else you need to know about Big T. I have known for years that she has a crush on my husband. And, again, she knows about our lifestyle. She also has yet to be faithful to anyone she's in a relationship with. She is divorced and remarried, and she has hinted more than once over the years that she would like to f* my husband. She is constantly flirting with him. I don't mind women flirting with my husband - it's good for his ego! The only problem for me where she is concerned is that I was actually a little jealous of Big T, because she is VERY flirty overall and she's damn good at it. So I had one rule with Hubby - he can F* anyone he wants, just not Big T. My issues with her are that I was afraid she'd try to steal my husband, because she's all cute and shit, and she has said to me more than once that Hubby is the kind of man she likes. I also know by other things she's said and done that she has no scruples when it comes to getting what she wants, and I didn't want her coming in between Hubby and me. Plus, I have issues with being compared to anyone in bed. Call it my little insecurity. So anyway, one day I confided in Big T. She knew that Hubby wasn't allowed to mess around with her, and about two months ago I finally told her why. Her reaction was that she felt very complimented by that, as she should be. But I felt secure enough in our friendship that I didn't have a problem telling her.

So anyway, we get to the toy party that night, and we have great time! We're teasing each other, waving vibrators and dildo's around, taste-testing yummy creams and lubes, lol - just being goofy and having fun. We all bought some toys, among other things, then we headed out to the watering hole.

When we got to the watering hole that night, we were all jazzed up because of just having come from that toy party. I have to say, I bought this cream for my nipples - OMG! It had my nipples all tingly and perky, and it was making me horny as hell. Knowing that Mr. Yummy was coming out, and that he and Hubby were finally going to talk - add the fact that I had this delicious fire spreading around my nipples - all I kept thinking was I'm finally going to have my way with Mr. Yummy, and it's about damn time!

So Hubby arrived at the watering hole, and not soon after, Mr. Yummy and the rest of the boys walked in. Everyone said hello with the usual hugs and hand-shakes, we all ordered a round of drinks, and then I watched Mr. Yummy disappear over to the Black Jack tables, without saying another word to either me or Hubby. I'm thinking to myself, "not again." Seriously. This guy needs to decide what the hell he's going to do, because I'm starting to get really tired of this little game.

Eventually, Mr. Yummy comes back from the Black Jack tables, and takes a seat at the bar, right behind where Hubby and I were sitting at a table. I had stood up to use the restroom about the time he walked up, and Mr. Yummy made some comment to Hubby. I didn't hear what he said. But at that moment, I pulled Mr. Yummy and Hubby close together and said, "Would you two please have that talk? I don't know how much more of this I can take!" With that, I walked away and went to the restroom.

When I returned from the restroom, Mr. Yummy and Hubby were talking. Finally! They must have talked for about half an hour. I took it as a good sign, because they were both smiling and joking around in the process.

Finally, Hubby returned to his seat. I walked up to Hubby and asked him if everything was okay. Hubby said, "Yes, it's all good." Then I walked up to Mr. Yummy. Mind you, I'm thinking "it's all good" means we were going to have some fun that night. So I asked Mr. Yummy, "Everything okay?" He says, with a big smile on his face, "Yeah! Everythings great! We've got it all worked out, but I am more comfortable with a threesome with you two, if that's okay?" Are you serious??? OF COURSE it's okay!! So I told him, "Yes, that's definitely okay with me." Then I moved in to give him a kiss on the lips, and before I get there, he takes a step back and says, "But not tonight." Uh, what???

If Mr. Yummy is trying to torcher me, he's doing a damn fine job of it! I ask you again, just how much, exactly, is one woman supposed to take? I mean, really.

After telling me, "Not tonight", I asked him if he already had plans. His answer: "Sort of." I was actually cool with that. Mr. Yummy can have all the fun he wants, just so long as I get my fun too.

So, more than a little dissappointed, but still trying to maintain my composure over it, I walked over to Hubby after that, told him what Mr. Yummy had just said, and I said, "I don't understand what's going on." Hubby told me not to worry about it, that they had a good talk. He also said that he told Mr. Yummy the ball was in his court. I assumed that to mean that Mr. Yummy would work it out and make his move when he was ready. But again, seriously, I can not figure out what the hell he's waiting for. The night I stayed at his house, I had asked him if he'd ever had a threesome. He told me that he had, before he got married, and he sounded quite comfortable with the idea. So, given what Mr. Yummy told me, and Hubby telling me not to worry, I got the impression that the two of them were going to surprise me one night. Yay for me! And, of course, you know my panties were dripping wet at the thought of it! With all that said, I sat down with Hubby, had another drink or two, then we headed out of the bar.

On the way to the car, we see Big T and her boy toy. Things didn't look good. She was trying to snuggle up to him, while working her "magic", and he was pushing her away. Apparently her boy toy found out she was married and he wasn't having any of that. Doh! I could have sworn she said he knew, but I guess that wasn't the case, Well, she got pissed off and walked away with an attitude. Okay, so I'd be a little pissy too, but I feel that if you are going to play the game, you need to be honest in the process, or be willing to accept the consequences. But, like I said, she has no scruples when it comes to getting what she wants. Even so, I was worried about how she was going to get home, so I tried to talk her into going with Hubby and I. She wasn't having any of that, and she stomped away. Hey - she's all grown up and can take care of herself - plus I knew Beauty was around somewhere, and she had Big T's car, so I let her go and got in the car with Hubby.

When Hubby and I got home, I told him I hoped he was ready, because I needed his cock in a big way, and within a matter of seconds, he was hard as rock! (Gotta love a man who can perform on demand - *grins*) So he bent me over the bed, and we f*ed like rabbits to the point of exhaustion, then we curled up in bed together and fell asleep.

Yum Factor - Part 4 soon to be revealed...

xoxo

The Yum Factor - part 2

2008-02-25T22:58:00.005-06:00

A lot has happened since I started blogging about Mr. Yummy on Saturday, so I will try to give as much of a "to the point" explanation as I can. We all know how I love to give details, so please bear with me. ;)

SUNDAY - FEB 17th

Sunday rolls around. In the early afternoon, while I'm still working, I got a call from Mr. Yummy telling me he was having a party at his house that night, and he wanted me and Hubby to come if we could. At that point I was still waiting for Hubby to get home from his camping trip, so I told Mr. Yummy I would mention it to Hubby when he got back, and I'd let him know if we'd be able to make it. Of course, I wasn't thinking for a second that we wouldn't make it. I already knew about the party anyway, and with our recent conversations, kisses, and hard-ons, the only thing going through my mind was that Mr. Yummy and Hubby were going to have "the talk", and that night I was going to get to have some fun!

Hubby finally got back from his camping, and stopped by my office to say hello. I told him what had transpired between me and Mr. Yummy over the last two days, and Hubby said, "Of course we'll go to the party!" I sent Mr. Yummy a text message to let him know we'd be there. He sent one back, saying, "Nice!" That left a smile on my face as I finished out my day at work.

We got to the party around 9:00. When we arrived, there was a house-full of people, with more than half of them sitting around Mr. Yummy's coffee table playing drinking games. Hubby and I walked in and started to mingle with the remainder of the crowd. Yet again, it turns out that Hubby and I are the oldest ones there. (We really need to find some friends our own age, lol)

Aside from saying hello to us when we walked in, Mr. Yummy really didn't talk to us too much that night. Most of the time, he was sitting at the coffee table playing drinking games. I have to add that the girls sitting there were also the same 20 year olds that were in the hot tub that Friday night. The few times that Mr. Yummy did talk to us, it was low-key conversation, and I was getting yet another impression that he was feeling uncomfortable. Hubby noticed it too.

Eventually, Mr. Yummy walked away from the drinking games and headed to his basement where he has a room set up for jam sessions. He plays guitar and drums. We had talked previously about he and I getting together to jam, because I also sing, so I used that as my opportunity to get some time with him. He wasn't down there very long when he saw me, then he grabbed my hand and led me back upstairs. He grabbed his acoustic guitar on the way, and we headed to his office where he started to play for me. Then we found a few songs that we both knew together, and we had a mini jam session. Because of all the people that followed us into his office, I was unable to do anything but behave myself. And the few rare instances when we were alone, neither one of us made any moves. Rather than rock the boat, because there were so many people in the house, I decided I'd just bide my time until Hubby could at least get him alone and have that talk.

After making a little music together, of the literal variety, lol, Mr. Yummy and I headed back to the party. For the rest of the night, he barely said two words to me, and again, Hubby commented on how he felt like we were being avoided. We just let it go, with the thought that everyone is really starting to get drunk at this point, and maybe it would be better if we waited to have this "talk" after the party started to thin out. By now, it's about 1:00 a.m., and again I have to work in the morning.

We continued to party for another hour or so, and people finally started to head out the door. You can only imagine that the anticipation is killing me at this point. Then I look over to find Mr. Yummy's arm wrapped around one of the young girls that was there. He's holding her hand, stroking her shoulder ... okay, I can't take any more of this shit. I grabbed my coat, then and there, and told Hubby it was time to go. Then I walked over to Mr. Yummy and whispered in his ear, "I don't understand your 'interest'." He asked if that was why we were leaving, and I said, "Yes." Then I told him, "I'm no dummy. If you put a 20 year old and a 40 year old in a room together with a man, and you told the man he could have his pick, most men would go for the 20 year old every time." Then I said a few things about feeling ignored and dropped like a hot potato for a twenty year old. He said they were just friends, blah, blah, blah... Yeah, right, and I'm Mother Teresa! I said, "We were going to talk to you tonight." He said, "We will talk soon." I walked out of the house, mumbling again about how I won't compete with a 20 year old.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. I'm getting very frustrated - Either he wants to F* or he doesn't.

WEDNESDAY - FEB 20th

I worked all day Monday, because it was President's Day. On and off, all day, I thought about Mr. Yummy, trying to make some sense of his actions, or lack there of, the night before. Is it just me? I mean, if a man tells you that he wants to F* you, wouldn't the normal course of action be to get it worked out, then have some fun? I'm not used to a man telling me he wants me, only to end up ignoring me. All I kept telling myself was that he must just be feeling really uncomfortable about this, and unsure of how he's supposed to act. I tried to let it go after that.

Then Tuesday comes and goes, and I pretty much spent the day cleaning house and napping, while trying to recover from the weekend.

Finally, Wednesday night rolls around, and it's Ladies Night! Yay for Ladies Night! I could use some real fun after what happened over the past weekend. I started thinking about G-Man again, hoping maybe he'd come out that night, and that maybe at least he and I could have some fun. So I went through my day, looking forward to going out, anticipating better times ahead.

When I got to the watering hole that night, my intentions were to take it easy on the drinking. I was really feeling the toll from the previous weekend, and if G-Man showed up, I didn't want any more issues with his waterbed, lol. Plus, Fancy was out of town for the week, so if I needed a place to stay, I was shit out of luck. I really wasn't expecting Mr. Yummy to show up, because he works mid-shift during the week.

Well, don't you know, G-Man never showed up that night. Little JJ showed up though, and when she did, she and I started doing shots. Then she tells me that Mr. Yummy will be showing up that night too.

You have to know by now, even with the way he's been acting, all you have to do is tell me I'm going to see Mr. Yummy and my panties start getting wet! I can't help it. This guy really has that affect on me.

About a half hour after JJ tells me he's coming, Mr. Yummy walks into the watering hole, looking just as cute and sexy as he always does. He walks over to me and gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then we all order a round of drinks, and the party continues.

Again, I can't help myself, and I start flirting with Mr. Yummy. But there's one problem, and that's Little JJ. She's starting to flirt with him too.

Let me fill you in on Little JJ and Mr. Yummy...

A few weeks ago, before all this started with me and Mr. Yummy, Little JJ started getting the hots for him. But according to her, all she wants to do is have sex with him, because she has a man. Although, also according to her, her "man" is out of town right now for a few weeks, and she doesn't want to mess things up with him by having sex with someone else. The night they met, she was hanging all over Mr. Yummy, and actually ended up spending the night with him. But they both say all they did was watch movies, and then go to sleep. Yeah, right - but, whatever - it's none of my business.

Since that night, though, I guess they've become friends. They had some sort of bet for the Superbowl, which she lost, and now she owes him a blowjob. He's been trying to get her to "pay her debt", but she's suddenly become a chicken shit and won't do it - which leads me to believing that they really didn't have sex the night she stayed with him. I mean, if they'd had sex, then I wouldn't think giving him a blowjob would be much of an issue. Would you? Anyway, I'm under the impression that there's nothing going on between them. But, I want to make sure before he and I do anything. I'm not the type to sleep with someone else's crush, or whatever you want to call it, so one night on the phone I asked her about it.

When JJ and I talked, she sounded pretty sincere in the fact that she wasn't interested in Mr. Yummy that way. She is one of the few people I hang out with that is aware of my lifestyle, because she and I have been intimate. So I asked her if she would have a problem if I hooked up with Mr. Yummy, and she says, "No - not at all - we're just friends." I'm thinkin', Yay - then I'm going for it, but I didn't say that to her.

Well, since then, everytime she spends time with Mr. Yummy, she lets me know about it. And one of our nights out, after she and I had our talk, Mr. Yummy was out with us, and HE told me that she said to him that night that she wanted to F* him. I cringed at that and told him that I wasn't going there with him if he had an interest in JJ like that. He said, "No - I just want the blowjob she owes me, and that's it." The plot thickens...

So on this particular Wednesday night, again, here comes Mr. Yummy. And as soon as I start flirting with him, JJ starts laying it on pretty heavy. That pissed me off big time, but rather than cause problems, I'd rather walk away. I don't feel that I need to be competitive when it comes to men. There were at least three other men in that bar that night that would F* me if I asked them too, so it wasn't worth going there with JJ.

On that note, I walked away and left JJ and Mr. Yummy sitting there doing whatever the hell they were doing, and I spied Biker Dude, whom I have been trying to hook up with for over a year now. I went over and flirted with him for a little bit. That's our relationship - we flirt good together, lol! Then one of Biker Dude's buddies walks up, and he and I played it cool after that. So we all sat and talked for a few, then I walked away to get another drink.

I went back to where Mr. Yummy and JJ were sitting, and oddly enough, they weren't even talking. Don't know what happened there, but as soon as I started talking to Mr. Yummy again, JJ got very animated and started hanging all over him again. Okay, enough of this shit, already! I had a pretty good buzz going, but I decided to go ahead and drive home. I can only take so much.

As soon as I grabbed my coat, Mr. Yummy takes my arm and tells me I shouldn't drive home - that I should stay at his house that night. I looked at him a little stunned, because that's the last thing I was expecting. So then he grabs my keys, and says, "Let's go." He even held my hand as he walked me to my truck. Then he put me in the passenger's seat, got behind the wheel of my truck, and we left.

As we're driving off, he mentions that he's hungry and asks me if I mind going to breakfast with him. Of course I didn't mind, and at that point food would do me good, so I said, "Sure." We went to some truck stop for breakfast, where we also met up with a few of his other friends. We had a nice breakfast together, laughing and carrying on. I have no idea what happened to JJ.

After breakfast, we said our goodbyes, and Mr. Yummy and I headed to his house. On the way to his house, we started to talk about our last few nights out, and open marriages.

Now here's a little info about Mr. Yummy...He is recently divorced. I can't remember how long they were married, but his ex was more than a little on the whacked side. She actually accused him of being a sex-addict, because he liked to look at porn. Pul-leezzzzze! She even made him go to counciling because of it. They hardly ever had sex, and when they did, it was pretty much just straight sex. And God-forbid the man ever even looked at another woman. She would go off the deep end! Wanna hear the kicker?? She now works in a strip joint - as a stripper. No shit! Poor Mr. Yummy. :(

So anyway, now they're divorced. Yay for Mr. Yummy! lol And, of course, being only 28 years old, he's ready to go out and have some fun! So while we were talking, I asked him what his interest was in me, "Are you just looking for someone new to f*?" He said, "Yes. Is that okay?" I told him, "Yes, it's absolutely okay. I don't want a serious relationship out of this. For me, it's all about having some fun!" He says, "That's it exactly! I'm just looking for new experiences." Then I said to him, "Good! Then would you please have that conversation with Hubby, so we can get to the fun part?!" He laughed at that, and then told me that he hopes I understand why he's been holding off, because he just wants to make sure Hubby is cool with all this. I told him I respected the fact that he wants to talk to Hubby, and I am eagerly awaiting the "fun part!" lol

Now Mr. Yummy and I are in his house - alone. Both of us are pretty pumped-up and unable to go to bed just yet, so he throws in a movie, and he and I continue our conversation. We talked about a lot of things - his ex; his lack of sex with the ex; my open-marriage and how his ex would have never gone for anything like that...then the conversation turns to giving a few details about what I like sexually. By now I'm dripping wet and so ready to just F* the hell out of him, but I'm trying so hard to behave myself until he's had that conversation with Hubby. In the meantime, I decided a kiss wouldn't hurt, so I leaned over and kissed him.

We all know how much I love kisses! And when someone is a good kisser, it makes those kisses all the more YUMMY! Mr. Yummy is most definitely a good kisser. Full lips, warm tongue, not too wet, not too dry, and he likes to softly use his teeth too, which is a major turn-on for me! Yum-yum-yum-yum-yum!!!

So we kissed several times. I wouldn't really say we were making out, because it wasn't one long continuous thing - it was more like I couldn't help myself, and I had to keep stealing those yummy kisses from him, which he returned in kind.

Finally he says he's ready to go to bed. I said okay, and we headed towards the bedrooms. But before we went our seperate ways, I had to steal one last kiss from him, and we stood in the hallway and kissed. This kiss was the most yummy of all, because it had a lot of umph behind it on his part. I could feel his hunger in that kiss, but still, I knew how he felt about wanting to talk to Hubby, so I walked away and went to the room I was staying in.

I laid in bed for about 15 minutes, and all I could think was how freakin' horny I was. Needless to say, I couldn't sleep, so I went out to the livingroom and smoked a few cigarettes trying to calm my frustration. Finally, I decided to try to get some sleep, and as I'm walking back to my room, Mr. Yummy calls out to me, asking me if the bed was comfortable enough. I said it was fine, and he says to me, "If you want, you can come sleep with me, because I know that bed is hard, and you'd be more comfortable in here." OMG!!! Is he kidding?!?! Here he is pushing the issue about wanting to talk to Hubby, and I'm trying with every ounce of self-control I have to respect that. Now he's going to invite me into his bed, just to sleep???? Not only no, but HELL NO!

I told him, if I crawled in bed with him that I wouldn't be able to behave myself, and that it would be better if I just went back to my room. I'm standing in the middle of the hallway, having this conversation with him from his bedroom, and I was frozen in my steps. Everything in my body wanted to crawl in bed with him. But everything in my head told me to just wait it out - that he and Hubby would talk soon, and then I could devour every inch of him. So I walked back to my room, as horny as I've ever been, and then proceeded to lay in bed for the next two hours trying to maintain some sort of sanity over this. Eventually I fell asleep, only to wake up three hours later, hungover, still horny, and in serious need of some coffee.

More to come...

xoxo

The Yum Factor - part 1

2008-02-23T15:19:00.005-06:00

Another Ladies Night has come and gone, and so has another Friday night, which means the weekend has arrived. I'm at work right now, still buzzin' from last night, but I've got a lot of catching up to do here on my blog, so grab yourself a drink, sit back and relax, and enjoy my latest tales while I try to get through another day at work. ;)

Just as a side note, I'm leaving dates as we go. There's a lot to tell you, so I just want to give you a timeline that's a little easier to follow.

FRIDAY - FEB. 15th

You already know that I usually only go out on Wednesday nights. It's actually pretty rare for me to go out on the weekends, because I have to work. Well, early last Friday I got a phonecall from Big T asking me if I wanted to go to the watering hole with her. I really wasn't so interested because, again, I had to work Saturday morning. I told her I'd think about it and get back to her. For about an hour she sent me text messages after that, trying to talk me into it, lol. I started considering it, because Big T and I haven't really been out together in a while, but I still hadn't given her an answer.

That same day, Hubby was leaving for the weekend to go on a camping trip with his buddies. At the same time, all my Texas family were gathering in Texas to party for the weekend, and I was really bummed that I wasn't able to join them. The further the day progressed, the more I started to consider going out with Big T.

Somewhere around 3:30 or so in the afternoon, I got another text message, only this time it was from Little JJ, a girl that I usually hang out with on Wednesday nights. She was also getting in touch to try to talk me into going out that Friday night. I told her I was thinking about it, and that I'd get back to her. And again, for the next hour, I got more text messages trying to talk me into going out.

At the same time all these text messages were coming in, Hubby was also hitting the road for his camping trip. Then, right after Hubby left, I get one more text message from Little JJ, telling me that Mr. Yummy was coming out too, with some of his buddies. I'm thinking, at this point, that I was destined to go out on Friday night. lol The fact that Mr. Yummy was going to be there cinched it for me, of course! ;) So I got back in touch with Big T and Little JJ, and told them I'd meet them down at the watering hole around 8:30.

As I was getting ready to go out that night, I decided that I should maybe play it safe and pack an overnight bag, just incase I end up having too much to drink and couldn't drive home. On nights like that, I usually stay at Fancy's house. But then I had a bright idea! *ding goes the light bulb* lol There have been many times in the past when Mr. Yummy has offered to let me stay at his house if I couldn't drive home. Remember, he's a good friend of Hubby's. So I decided, rather than stay at Fancy's that night, I'd call Mr. Yummy and ask him if he'd mind if I stay in his guestroom that night, (with ulterior motives of course!) So I sent him a text asking him, and he said, "Of course! Me casa su casa." Yay for me! I sent him another one to say thanks, and he responds by telling me after the bars close we're going to have a big orgy at his house. Yay for me, again! :)

While I was getting ready, I also started thinking about the comment that Mr. Yummy made on Wednesday night about being interested. I still wasn't convinced at this point if I actually heard him correctly - thinking maybe I was just imagining it, or maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, because I had been drinking. Either way, I was getting excited about seeing him that night to get a chance to find out - especially after his last text message.

Do you ever have one of those nights where shit happens, and you just have to go with the flow? Friday night was like that for me. As I was leaving the house to go out, I got a call from Big T asking me if I could pick her up. No problem. I headed to her house to get her. As we're pulling out of the driveway, she says she needs to stop at an ATM to pull out some money. No problem - I also needed to stop and get smokes. While we're at the mini-store, she say's, "Oh shit!" She had forgotten something at the house, and we needed to go back. But before we left the mini-store parking lot, my cellphone rings again, and it's Mr. Yummy wanting to know if I can pick him up from work and give him a ride home. Ummm. NO PROBLEM! lol So we swing by his work, grab Mr. Yummy and FINALLY start to head downtown, but not before stopping by Big T's house so we could grab whatever it was she had forgotten.

We finally make it to Mr. Yummy's house. I'm thinkin' we're just going to drop him off, and he'll meet us over at the watering hole. But then he asks if we mind us all going over to the watering hole together - he'll drive, since I was staying at his house that night. I said okay. He said 'right after he takes a shower.' *sighs* No problem. By this time it was almost 10:00, lol - and all I can think of was that we're missing some valuable partyin' time. Okay, no worries - the longer it takes us to get there, the less I'll actually drink, which means less of a hangover for me at work the next morning.

Big T and I sat in the livingroom while Mr. Yummy took his shower. As we're sitting there, I started thinking about Mr. Yummy in the shower...YUMMY! LOL Then here he comes, strutting by us with a towel wrapped around his waist, as he heads to his bedroom to get dressed. Did I mention the word, YUMMY?!?! lol He gave me a big ol' grin as he walked by, and I was trying not to cream my pants on the spot!

After about 10 minutes, Mr. Yummy comes out dressed all sexy in a black silk button up shirt and blue jeans. (Panties getting more wet by the second!) Then he throws on his leather jacket, and off we go!

At this point I'm still not sure if I heard him right the other night, so I try to remain calm as I'm thinkin', 'I really want this guy to F* me!' We finally get to the watering hole, and it's drinks all around. By now it's easily 10:30. We had some serious catching up to do if we were going to at least catch a good buzz before the bar closed at 12:45. And we did. I don't think I've ever slammed so many shots in a two hour period.

About an hour or so after we got there, I had already started to catch a pretty good buzz, so I decided it was time to have a "little chat" with Mr. Yummy. ;) So I sat down next to him and asked him if I imagined our conversation the other night. He said I didn't imagine it - he was definitely expressing interest! Of course, that just made my panties that much more wet, and it was 'game on'! After that, I started teasing him, brushing up against him, whispering a few naughties in his ear, sitting on his lap - that kind of stuff. I'm a huge flirt, especially when I know there's going to be some private fun later! And Mr. Yummy was having his own fun too, so it was all good. :)

Just about the time the bar was closing, Mr. Yummy asks me if I mind if we go over to another friends house for a little bit. (Mr. Cinco de Mayo to you, Mrs. WS, lol) I said sure. I felt like we had only just gotten out for the night, so I was ready to keep on going for a few more hours at least. After all, I didn't have to be to work until 8 a.m., and it was only 12:30.

In the car, on the way over to the friends house, I layed my hand on Mr. Yummy's lap, and started running my fingersnails up and down his upper thigh. It would take a few minutes to get to the friends house, and we had passengers in the back seat, so I could only do so much descretely, but the longer we were in the car, the more my hand got to explore. Then I looked at Mr. Yummy's face, and he was very quiet with a kind of 'oh shit' look on his face, so I asked him if he wanted me to stop. He said no, so I continued to explore until I started to feel him getting hard under my fingers. Then, damn the luck, we arrived at the friends house.

As we're walking up to the front door, I look to my left and there's a group of people hanging out in the hot tub. Even though it was -15 degrees outside, I was so ready to have some fun. But when we got into the house, the first thing I did was grab Mr. Yummy's hand, and we walked to a quiet, out of the way spot in the house. I couldn't help it...I needed to feel this mans lips against mine - He is Mr. Yummy, after all! ;) We stood there kissing for about 5 minutes, then someone called him, and we joined the rest of the party. Damn. lol When we got back to the livingroom, things started hoppin', and clothes started droppin' - my clothes in particular.

We're going to keep in mind that I am 43 years old. I would say, for the most part, except for being "full figured", I don't think I have a bad figure for my age. I could definitely stand to lose more than a few pounds, but I'm not too terribly subconscious about my figure...that is, until you put me next to anyone who has a great figure, then I just feel fat. lol But really, even then, I'm fairly comfortable in my own skin, and I feel sexy a great deal of the time.

We're also going to keep in mind that I am the oldest person at this party. Except for three women who are friends of mine who had followed us to the party (they are all in their early thirty's), all the guys that were there were in their early to mid-20's, and the remainder of girls that were there were all only 20 year's old - that would make them my son's age. And, by the way, I gave this absolutely no thought that night. It wasn't until the next day that all this age stuff dawned on me.

So, I'm standing there talking to a friend of mine, when I suddenly spy Mr. Yummy in his underwear, heading to the hot tub. I really wasn't sure about getting in the hot tub myself at that point, but then I hear the guys outside calling me, so I go out to see what's up. Apparently they all wanted to tell me they loved me and tell me how cool they thought I was, LMAO!!! Yes, they were all drunk. lol At the same time, while we're all sharin' the love, I see Mr. Yummy sitting there, and I decided it was time to get in the hot tub!

Before going in the house and de-robing, I asked everyone if it would bother them if I joined them with only my panties on. Hey, it's a courtesy thing - I just didn't want to offend anyone, and it looked like the "girls" in the hot tub were wearing either bras and panties, or bathing suits. My problem was that I wasn't about to put my $75 bra in a hot tub! And I wasn't prepared with anything more than what Mama Nature gave me. Anyway, they all said "NO PROBLEM!" (our words of the evening, lol) With that, I headed into the house, stripped down to my panties and headed back outside.

Can I just tell you... negative 15 degrees is FREAKIN' COLD! LOL Even now I can not believe that I walked in the snow barefoot and damn near naked in -15 degree temps. Of course, I was also drunk as shit at the time, so my body was a little numb already, lol. After hearing all the guys whoopin' and hollarin' my name because of the "no clothes" thing, I slipped into the hot tub next to Mr. Yummy, and all was well! ;) At least I thought it was...

Before I had decided to get in the hot tub, I knew there were girls in there. What I hadn't realized at the time, was how YOUNG those girls were. Lets just say things started to feel a bit awkward - particularly with Mr. Yummy, as my leg is hooked over his knee, my fingers running up and down his back, and he's talking to one of these 20 year old girls. Nothing like a cute 20 year old taking the attention of the guy you're trying to F* to make you feel old!

While geriatric feelings started to kick in, they were playing a game of "Truth or Dare". Suddenly it was my turn, and I had to ask someone truth or dare - so I chose Mr. Yummy, of course - he chose "Truth". With that, I asked him in a way that no one else would understand, "Given our recent conversations, are you sure??" Of course, I was referring to his "expressed interest" in F*ing me. He looked me square in the eye and said, "Yes, I'm sure." Then his attention turned back to the 20 year old. I didn't understand this. If he's so interested, then what the hell was he doing ignoring me and getting chatty with this chick?! At that moment, I told myself there's no way I can compete with a 20 year old. I wasn't even going to try, so I hopped out of the hot tub, and headed back in the house to get dressed. And thus ended my crazy Friday night hot tub moment.

For the next hour or so, I hung out with my 30-something friends, while the guys drooled all over the 20-something girls. Mr. Yummy didn't try to talk to me that entire time, and yes, it really started to piss me off, because I felt like he was all the sudden avoiding me, and the vibe I was getting wasn't a good one.

Finally around 3:15 or so in the morning, I decided it was time to leave. I had to be to work in less than 5 hours, which means I would be lucky if I got 3 hours of sleep at this point. So I asked Mr. Yummy for his house key, so I could pick up my stuff i had left there earlier. I decided that I didn't feel comfortable spending the night now, because I was really irritated at him, and honestly, I didn't want to wake up in the morning to find one of those little girls curled up with him in bed. So one of my girlfriends gave me a ride to his house, I picked up my truck, and headed home. As it turns out, I only got two hours of sleep that night, and I suffered a wicked hangover the next day at work.

SATURDAY - FEB 16th

While I was at work on Saturday, I was having problems getting in touch with Hubby while he was camping. I'm the worry-wort wife - we were supposed to be having a nasty snow storm coming in, and I just wanted to make sure he was okay. I tried calling Hubby's cell phone several times, but I wasn't getting a response, which really started to worry me, because Hubby is usually pretty quick to respond. After several attempts to reach Hubby, I decided it might be a good idea to try calling one of the other guys Hubby was with, but I didn't have any other cell phone numbers. The only person I knew who would have their numbers was Mr. Yummy, so I gave him a call.

Making the decision to call Mr. Yummy was actually kind of hard. I felt a little jilted from the night before, and that left a bit of sore spot. But while I was on the phone with him, I decided we needed to talk, so I asked him if everything was cool with us. He told me that everything was totally cool. But I couldn't let it go that easy, so I said, "I got the impression last night that you were avoiding me." That's when he confesses to me that he got a little weirded out about it, because he started thinking about Hubby and what he would say if he found out. This threw me off a little, because this whole thing started with Mr. Yummy telling me that he knew Hubby and I had an open marraige. I was thinking to myself, 'exactly what does he think an open marriage means?' But rather than pose that question to him, I simply said, "Hubby knows." I swear I heard Mr. Yummy "gulp" on the other end of the phone. That's when I began to explain our lifestyle to him.

Our lifestyle is not an easy one to explain to someone who's never been involved in anything like this before. There's this whole mainstream society view about what marriages should and shouldn't be about. I view our lifestyle as a definite sub-culture, because there are many couples in the world who have similar lifestyles. Whether mainstream society accepts it or not, it exists, and it's not going away. Maybe one day soon I'll blog about it, specifically. I know Mr. WS has asked me about our lifestyle, thinking that it is very similar to his life with the Mrs, and I had a hard time explaining it to him as well, although I know he understood to an extent. Anyway...back to Mr. Yummy...

So, I'm trying to explain to Mr. Yummy that I tell Hubby about everything I do. Okay, so there was wee-bit if a white lie in there (this blog for example), but for the most part, when it comes to extracurricular sex, Hubby usually gets the full scoop. I was telling him that Hubby knows what has transpired so far between us, and that he doesn't have a problem with it. I also told him about the other day - I got so horny thinking about Mr. Yummy that Hubby had to service me. I told him that Hubby knew why I was so horny, and he didn't have a problem with that either. Then he asks me what Hubby said about it, and I told him, "Hubby asked me if he could watch while you f*ed me." Mr. Yummy's only response to that was, "Really!?!?" I was getting the impression that Mr. Yummy was having a hard time with this, so I told him if it would make him feel more comfortable, then he needed to talk with Hubby. His response was, "Yeah. I'll definitely talk to [Hubby]." We left the conversation at that, and said goodbye.

I made it through the rest of the day at work, with a lot of x-rated thoughts about my new potential playmate. Then I went home and spent Saturday evening laying in bed watching TV for a while. Eventually I pulled out my vibrator, buzzed myself to yummy orgasm, then fell asleep.

There's more to "The Yum Factor", so stay tuned...

xoxo

Ladies Night With A Twist

2008-02-14T21:44:00.006-06:00

I had an interesting ladies night last night - not at all what I expected, as it had some twist and turns that made it unique from my usual Wednesday night escapades. Today I have been recovering from a wicked hangover too. That's what I get for mixing different types of shots last night. ugh.

I wasn't even sure if I would make it out last night, because we ended up having a mild blizzard. We got about 6 to 8 inches of snow yesterday, but in the end I figured - what the hell - I have 4-wheel drive, so I'm not really worried about getting stuck. The one thing you really have to watch out for around here is the black ice - which can be pretty scary if you don't know what to look for. But I decided if I just took it easy, all would be well.

When I originally started getting ready to go out last night, I had intentions of getting together with a man I'll call "G-Man". He's in his early 50's, with a great body, handsome, and has a sex appeal that he's totally unaware of. G-Man and I hooked up two weeks ago on Ladies Night, and since I didn't go out last week, because of being sick, I was hoping to hook up again with him this week.

Let me give you a little background history with G-Man...

G-Man and I are both regulars on Ladies Night. I have seen him there many times, but he usually sits alone drinking his beer, and I never see him talking to anyone. One night about six weeks or so ago, I decided to introduce myself, so I walked up to him and just started talking to him. He was very friendly, but not overly so. I have had instances where I've gone out on a limb to introduce myself to men, and I either end up getting brushed off, or the guys think I'm hitting on them so they become instant macho male-whores. Can't a girl just be friendly? I have made some great friends this way though too, so I try not to take offense to the times when I get brushed off. I do, however, usually run in the opposite direction when I get the "male-whore" response, lol! Unless, of course, I'm in "hunting mode" myself. ;) I found G-Man to be just an overall nice guy. :)

Over the next few weeks, G-Man and I would sit and have a drink together, and just talk. Through the course of our conversations, he finally figured out that I was married. (I never keep this a secret. I always wear my ring, but it just never came up before this.) He said to me that I was the story of his life, as he shook his head. I supposed he meant that he meets women that he likes and they always end up being taken, lol. But then the conversation turned to Hubby, and he asked me why Hubby is never with me. He told me what a pretty woman he thinks I am, and how he just doesn't understand how Hubby can let me go out alone like that all the time. Of course, I tried to explain to him that Hubby works during the week, and that Ladies Nights are my nights to go out and have fun, but still he seemed a little befuddled about why I was out alone.

I was finding myself very attracted to G-Man, and his questions were starting to become a little deep, so I decided it was time to let him in on the whole open-marriage thing. This confused him even more, I think, as he stated several times that he just didn't understand the open-marriage thing either, lol. So, I basically used him as an example by stating, "If he and I were to "get together" (hint-hint), Hubby would know about it, and it would be cool with him." I no sooner said that to G-Man, then he asked me "My place, or his?", lol. I said, "His place.", and that was how we got together.

That night at G-Man's, before anything intimate happened, I once again made it very clear that Hubby would know, and I wanted to make absolutely sure G-Man was comfortable with that. You see, G-Man actually manages the dealership where Hubby bought his motorcycle - which is something I didn't know until after I hit on him. Oops, hehe! That means eventually Hubby and G-Man would have to look each other in the eye, and I just wanted to make sure everything would be cool there. He said he was totally fine with that, so he and I got a little cozier.

At first, we sat in his livingroom watching a concert DVD of the Eagles. I am a HUGE Eagles fan, and was very happy to see that concert again. During the concert, I was sitting on the floor at G-Man's feet, while he was sitting on the sofa. We actually started singing Eagles song together, which was fun for me, and he has a nice voice, which made it all that more pleasant. Then he started rubbing my shoulders. Nice! :)

Eventually his hands started moving towards my breasts. He seemed a little hesitant at first, but I let him take his time getting to the goods. Then he makes a comment about how breasts like mine (I'm a 38DD) need a lot of attention.

Now normally, I do like my breast played with, but only to a certain extent. Most men tend to get a little rough with them. (One guy left me with bruises, and Hubby was none too happy about it!) Because of the overall rough play, it's never really much of a turn on unless I'm in the throws of the "do me hard!" stage. So needless to say, I have never really derived much pleasure from breast play. But that night, G-Man taught me that I like my breasts played with very VERY much!

G-Man must have spent at least an hour massaging my breasts, gently squeezing them, feeling the weight of them, rolling my nipples around between his fingers, and just overall showing appreciation for the beauty of the breast, (only with his hands, I might add) and all I can say is, WOW! Honestly, I almost had an orgasm just from breast stimulation! That's a FIRST for me!! But the key word here would be "almost", because I simply needed a little more zing in the moment - lol - I was horny as shit!

I got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore, so I stood up, got undressed and sat on G-Man's lap, facing him, and started devouring him, from head to toe. In one sentence he called me both passionate and a tease, lol - telling me he liked it like that! (All I need is for a man to start telling me I'm giving him pleasure, and it's like an instant rush of sexual adreniline for me.)

I think, at this point, I started to surprise G-Man. I don't know why, but for some reason a lot of men are a little taken back by my sexual forwardness. I can't help it. When I get horny like that, any shyness factor goes right out the window, and the lioness in me comes out! After he got over the "unexpected", lol, I suggested we move our little party to the bedroom. Bad idea.

I was completely unaware that G-Man has a water-bed. I have nothing against water beds - really - I used to sleep in one - but when you've had as much alcohol as I had that night, water beds don't tend to sit too well with the tummy when you're not expecting it, if'n ya know what I mean. Ugh. Thankfully I was able to keep things "in check", but the horny factor was gone within a matter of minutes. I just couldn't take the motion of the ocean, LOL! After exiting the bedroom, and given the fact that I now felt quezy, the best I could do for G-Man was give him a hand job. I felt bad, and I'm just not the type of girl to leave a man hurtin' with a raging hard-on. ;)

I was really bummed about this one. Things were great until the waterbed! I'm hoping he doesn't think I'm in the habit of getting motion sickness on a regular basis. I am also hoping there might be a round-two so that we can finish what we started. Which leads me back to Ladies Night last night.

As I said, I was really hoping G-Man would show up last night. But as soon as I pulled into the parking lot of the watering hole, a few of Hubbies co-workers showed up - one of which was a pretty good friend whom Hubby also supervised on the job for about 3 years. Eek! I knew immediately when I saw them that the night had just taken an interesting turn, because they don't usually show up at the watering hole on Wednesday nights. Although, at the same time, I also knew I was going to have some fun too, because I always have a blast when we party with these guys.

When we got inside, I headed towards my favorite bartender, who is also a girlfriend of mine. I don't believe I've given her a blog name yet, so I think we'll call her Fancy. Fancy has gotten into the habit of slapping a ladies night bracelet on my wrist for free these days. Then she serves me whatever alcoholic beverage I choose, whether it's on the bracelet or not, lol. Goddess Bless Fancy! :) Then she takes pleasure over the course of the night serving me whopping shots of Blue 100 or Patron, where she pours me three shots at a time in a single large shot glass. Apparently she gets a kick out of getting my dumb ass drunk, lol! At the end of the night, I drop a $20 tip in her hand, and we both walk away smiling.

So anyway...The drinks were going down really easy last night, and G-Man never showed up, so I just hung out with the boys, flirtin' and having a good time. The next thing I know, I wind up in a conversation with one of the guys (the good friend of Hubby's) about sex. I really don't know how the conversation got started, but it basically came out that he knows Hubby and I have an open marraige, and he "is interested".

By the time we had this conversation, I was pretty lit. I was mildly shocked at this little tidbit of of info. I wasn't even sure I heard him correctly, lol. The only thing I said was that I'm not sure how Hubby would feel about it, given that they are good friends and Hubby wasn't with me that night. Then the conversation ended.

Whoa. Honestly, I have to wonder if I imagined this conversation. I'm still a bit taken back at his comment. He's only 28, and he's very yummy! And I have said to Hubby more than once that I would love to get this guy alone and rock his world! But I never thought he'd be the one to approach the subject. Why he would be interested in me that way, when he can have any young cute little girl he wants, is beyond me.

We are supposed to go this guys house on Sunday night for a party. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime, I am suddenly having wild exciting fantasies (beyond the previous ones, lol) about being with him. Thank goodness for new toys!

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!
xoxo

A Better Day

2008-02-13T08:58:00.006-06:00

Yesterday was definitely a better day than the day before. And I'm hoping over the course of today and tomorrow it will get even better. :)

When I woke up yesterday morning, I decided I need some "me" time, so I got on the phone and made a few appointments for myself. After I made my appointments, I got a call from Hubby asking me what I had planned for the day. I told him I was having a pamper-me day, and he asked if he could join me. He needed to go downtown too and run some errands. I said, "Of course!", then I hopped in the shower and waited for Hubby to get home from work.

It's always a treat when Hubby and I have a day off together, which usually means Hubby has taken the day off from work. Yesterday he went in for about 3 hours, THEN he took the rest of the day off and we headed downtown.

First up on the list was breakfast with Hubby. I enjoy going out to breakfast with him. It's so rare that he and I actually get to have breakfast together, and its the one meal of the day where no one is bitching about what happened to them that day. It's a new day with a fresh start, and we usually have pleasant conversations where we actually get to laugh and just enjoy each other's company.

After breakfast Hubby dropped me off at the salon, where I treated myself to a brazilian waxing, which isn't so much a treat during the process, but afterwards, I just love that smooth clean feeling. hehe Then, I got a fabulous pedicure! The place I usually go for my pedi's is a "whip 'em in - whip 'em out" kinda place. This time I decided to the let the girl who does my waxing do my pedi too, and I have to say, that was the absolute BEST pedicure I've ever had. Well worth the extra $15 I had to spend to have it done in this salon! I've decided that I'm going to stick with her from now on, because she actually made it the treat it should be.

Then, of course, after my pedi I just HAD to get my nails done, lol - it just wouldn't be a true pamper-me day without it. I went to my usual nail place for this one. And yes, these are the same peeps who do the "whip 'em in - whip 'em out" pedicures. I think these people are losing my business. I just wasn't as happy with my nails this time as I usually am. And these people have zero personality. The guy who did my nails didn't look at me once while he was working on me. Nor did he speak to me. That bugs me. I am a beauty professional - licensed in the industry for over 25 years. The absolute most important aspect of a customer service business is customer service. Skills are important too, of course, but if you can dazzle your customers and have them leave with a smile on their face, regardless of the skill factor, then you are more apt to have that customer come back. Okay, let me rephrase that - you need to be damn good at your job to work on me. I'm about as picky as they come, which I'm sure stems from the fact that I know every aspect of the beauty industry. But I can also be forgiving to a certian extent when needed, because I can also go back and fix the screw-ups if need be. Well, like I said, I just wasn't as happy when I left this place yesterday. I didn't let it spoil my day though. My nails are do-able for the next few weeks, but I think next time I'm going to give the other salon a shot at doing them as well. I feel more pampered when I leave there.

After my pampering time, Hubby and I caught up with each other again, and we went to Wally-World to do some grocery shopping. By the time we were done there, it had been hours since breakfast, and both of us were getting hungry again. Since it was coming up on dinner time, we decided to go to dinner as well. We stopped by Pizza Hut, and realized it was their buffet night (they only do those on Tuesdays around these parts), but the buffet didn't start until 5:00. That meant we had an hour to kill.

This was pretty funny, really. Hubby and I looked at each other and asked what we could do to waste an hour. At the same time, he and I both said, "Toy Store". We're not talkin' children's toys here either *giggles* - so we got a laugh out of the mutal agreement, and we headed to the adult toy store.

I love new toys! To the layman (pardon the pun), one would think you can only have so many toys. I, for one, can never have enough! With all the different sizes, types, and speeds available, I'm like a kid in a candy store. Lotions and potions, lingerie, dildos, vibrators, pleasure toys for him ... lions, and tigers, and bears! OH MY! hehe So we walked around the store for about 45 minutes before I made my decision on my new pleasure pal, in addition to some tasty cherries jubilee and wet lube. Satisfied with my choices, and getting hornier by the second, Hubby and I headed to dinner.

Dinner wasn't really too thrilling. We pretty much ate to our heart's and stomach's content, without too much conversation. This was really the first day in almost two weeks that Hubby and I have even been out of the house, because of both of us being sick, and I think the day was starting to wear us out. LoL. Now with full bellies, we were getting sleepy, and it was time to go home.

On the way home, I spied the bag with my new toy in it, and I started to get horny all over again. Nothing like the thought of a new toy to perk you up! ;)

When we got home, we unloaded groceries, then I headed to the bedroom, peeled my clothes off, loaded my new toy with a fresh new battery, and popped open the wet lube. YUMMY!! Being freshly waxed, and now all slippery wet, I was ready for some serious action!!! Thankfully, Hubby wasn't far behind.

One of the best parts of having a new toy is that I know the sex that night will be all about using that new toy, which means the focus for the evening is going to be my pleasure. That's not always the case, not by a long shot, so when times like this come around, my horny-mones go into over-drive.

Hubby and I enjoyed about an hour of yummy toy time, and I have decided I definitely like my new toy! I think Hubby likes my new toy too, because he was checking out all the hmmmm-variations on it with me, hehe. How delicous!

Yes, I would have to say yesterday was definitely a better day! And tonight is Ladies Night, so I'm hoping today will finish off being a better day as well. ;)

xoxo

Tough Day

2008-02-11T21:53:00.000-06:00

Tonight I'm not sure where to begin.

My day started out pretty shitty. First thing this morning I received a phonecall from my boss about the whole snow drift ordeal over the weekend. Turns out this thing got snowballed out so bad (pardon the pun) that our office has now been black-balled because of it. And guess who gets to be blamed for the whole thing? Yeah...that would be me. That's the last time I try help out around that effing office. Next time, I think I'll just break my neck and then sue their asses.

I am also still feeling like crap, health wise. This damn flu seems to want to hang on for dear life. While I don't feel nearly as ill as I did last week, I just can't seem to get my energy back, and my poor little ol' nose makes me look like I should be related to Rudolph. I'll be so glad when I can shake this thing.

The weather where I'm at sucks. Below zero temperatures, mixed with icy winds and more snow is making Lady Lover a dull & disgruntled girl. Ugh.

On top of all this little nit-picky shit, there are much more serious issues going around here. For starters, my Grandma is not doing well. I am in serious need of making a trip to visit my family, because Grandma keeps asking for me, and the way my family is talking, she may not see 2009.

Grandma is 93 years old. For years I have joked around with her that she is like the "energizer bunny"...She just keeps "going, and going, and going", but I think her battery is running out. For about a year now I have been bracing myself for the inevitable, but its tough being strong, even though I know and understand the circle of life. No one likes to think their Grandma is anything but immortal. My Grandma and I have a very special relationship. I am planning a trip to visit her in about 6 weeks, but its tearing me up knowing this may be the last time I see her.

In the process of planning this trip, there is even more bad news. Hubby's mother has cancer. She has been fighting cancer for about 15 years now. She has dealt with skin cancer, breast cancer, ovarian and cervical cancer, and now she has lung cancer. She has fought hard battling this horrible disease, but she too is running out of energy. The chemo and radiation have taken their toll on her, and now sadly we must make a trip to see her as well, because they don't think she will make it another six months.

I don't have a good relationship with my in-laws. In short, they don't like me - they never have. One day I'm sure I will blog about that. Right now it seems pety considering Hubby's mother is not doing well, but I am having a difficult time maintaining a positive attitude for Hubby's sake. Anyway...

Now that things have gotten worse with both Hubby's mom and my Grandma, we will be making a trip to visit both of them in April.

In the midst of all of this, I am trying to find something to smile about. I got a call from Lil' Pistol today about taking a road trip to Oklahoma City. She tells me that she would like to make this trip in about a month. Eeee-gads! I could REALLY use a trip to my beloved Texas right now, and OKC is only two hours away from there - but with everything else going on, I just don't know if I can take the trip that soon. I thought we were going to wait until the end of April. The worst of it is that she wants to make the trip down and back in 6 days. That means we only get 4 days down there, because it's a 20 hour drive one way, which means two of those six days will be needed for driving, and the day we leave I actually have to work, so we can't even leave until after 4 p.m. Technically that means we'll only have three and half days. *sighs* But I am so desperate for some time down south, that I have agreed to make this trip with her. Good thing there will be two of us driving - bum deal that we won't get to spend a weekend down there. It is strictly a Monday through Friday trip.

My head is swimming right now. I need some sleep. Nighty-night.

xoxo

Ta-DAAA!!!

2008-02-10T11:33:00.000-06:00

I have been wanting to put a pic of me on my blog page, but I have issues about showing my full face, LOL! They are privacy issues, of course, 'cause Goddess help me if anyone should really recognize me --> DOH! So I spent some serious time searching through my photos, looking for the perfect picture to represent me and what my page is all about, for the most part. This is the pic I came up with. If you don't get the connection, then you haven't read enough of my blog, lol I don't know if I'll ever put any additional pics of me on this blog, but at least you get a smile, a kiss, and a little bit of a booby shot! ;)

I'm sitting at work right now, and it is about halfway through the work day. I'll be really glad when this weekend is over. I hate being here. Yesterday I had this big, long, drawn-out, two hour drama about something as simple as getting the sidewalk shoveled leading up to the door of our office building. Basically there is a rather large snow drift perfectly placed by Mother Nature right on the sidewalk, and you can't really walk around it, because it's also right at our door to the building. Mind you, I work on a government installation. One would THINK there are people available to clear the sidewalks when needed, right? Given that it's a weekend, apparently it's no ones job. Who cares that the winds keep blowing & the snow drift is getting bigger. You know what I was told? "When you literally can't get out of the building, then give us a call." What a crock of shit!! And it's just one more reason why I HATE THIS PLACE!!! *Breathe, LL, Breathe*

Today I come to work, and there is now a very packed, very narrow path leading to the door. It looks like someone had the good graces to shuffle their whole body through the snow drift. *rolling eyes* Now while I don't wish anyone harm, my boss is the main reason this ordeal was dragged out for two hours yesterday - with zero results. All I'm sayin' is that I hope she's wearing her high heels in the morning! *snickers*

The good news today is that I am actually FINALLY starting to feel better. Still dragging a little, feeling more like I've just got a cold rather than the flu, but at least I don't feel like I'm dying anymore. Oh, Happy Day! What I'm really hoping is that I'm feeling all better and at the top of my game by Wednesday night! ;)

xoxo

To Blog, Or Not To Blog?

2008-02-08T08:59:00.000-06:00

That is the question.

I'm excited right now. I have been pretty sick with the flu this past week. It's Friday, and this is the first day since Monday that I have been out of bed, except to get something to drink and to use the bathroom. I don't think I've ever been this sick with the flu. I don't know if it's my age, or if this really was just a nasty, NASTY bugger, but I'm feeling a bit of life creeping back into my spirit today. YaY! Sadly, Hubby is down with the flu now as well. He's about 24 hours behind me with symptoms, and it's kicking his butt just as bad as it did mine. I feel bad for him, because I know how he's feeling. Hopefully he'll follow suit and be feeling a little better in the next day or two. I'm just glad I'm starting to feel better. I really couldn't afford to take time off work, and I have to work tomorrow. Anyway, that's not what I'm excited about, LOL...

I'm excited, because I turned on my 'puter this morning and logged in to blog to discover that Mrs. WS is back! Not only is she back, but she brought Mr. WS with her! YAYYYY!

Let me explain - while many of you are familiar with Mr & Mrs WS, whether through this blogging site or elsewhere, they just happen to be my two closest and dearest personal friends in the world! I can say, with all sincerity, they probably know me even better than my own husband does, which is sad, but true. I never have to worry about what I say or do around them. I never have to hide my feelings, or hold back what I'm about. I can vent to them, share my secrets with them, party like a rock star with them, lol, be goofy with them, and I can be the real me when I'm around them, without ever worrying about what they will think of me. How many people can you really say that about in your life?

Don't get me wrong. The relationship I have with my husband is similar. He is my best friend, after all. I can tell him just about anything, but even with him I feel like I have to hold back sometimes. It shouldn't be that way, right? Well, it's unfortunate, but that's how it is. For instance, when I go out to party, if I'm with Hubby, I usually have to hold back my wild child within. Hubby really doesn't have a wild side. He's one of the reserved type. He likes to sit and watch the world go by, while I like to dance, socialize, flirt, and all around party up a storm. I would say I can drink with the best of 'em, and when I start drinking I loosen up, A LOT! You know the saying, "Girls just want to have fun!" That's me, to a "T", but I always feel hesitant to "let it all out" when Hubby's around. Part of it might be tinges of guilt, because I feel like I'm having a good time and he's not. Or it might be that I feel he holds me back. I don't know. All I can say is that you would understand if you saw us out together.

Just as an example, last Friday night Hubby and I went to the watering hole and met up with some of the guys he works with. Since I had to work the next morning, I decided to be DD for the night and let Hubby cut loose and be the drunk for the night - lol! Even sober, I was having fun. But while Hubby was doing the drinking, all he did was sit there for the most part. He did come out and dance with me twice - woohoo! But even then, he was very low key. About half way through the night, one of the guys came up to me and said, "They were right." I asked him what he meant, and he said, "They told me you were a lot of fun to party with, but [Hubby] just sits there." I wasn't sure what to say on Hubby's behalf, so I just told him, "I like to have fun when I go out." What else could I say without making Hubby sound like the Grinch, lol.

It makes me sad sometimes, that I can't just go out with Hubby and be the same party girl I am when I am out without him. The irony is that when I go out alone, the next day I fill Hubby in on everything that I was up to the night before. He never seems to have a problem with it, regardless of what "it" is, so I don't know why I have such a hard time being that same person when he's with me. There's just something different in the air when we are out together. I suppose I could look at it on the positive side and say, at least when we are out together he keeps me out of trouble, lol - but just once I'd like to go out and have a good time with him, as opposed to having fun while he just sits there. The man needs to loosen up. *sighs* Anyway...

It's moments like that when I feel grateful to have friends like Mr & Mrs WS. While we don't get to party or hang out together too much these days, because of the miles between us, it makes me feel good when I think about them and good times we do share. When I go out alone on my ladies night's, I often think to myself, "it's okay to be myself and cut loose and have a good time. Someone out there understands." *HUGS to Mr & Mrs WS*

Okay, so enough of that sentimental stuff, lol...

I had to laugh this morning when I logged on to blog. When I checked in with Mrs. WS's page, the first thing I see is this "Content Warning". OMG! I'm shaking my finger at the "tattle-tales" out there. Someone actually had the audacity to turn her in for "objectionable content"! Are you kidding me??? Hey! If you can't take the heat, stay out of the frickin' kitchen!! No one told you that you had to read her blog, and in case you missed it, this is a free world! And there is a hell-of-a-lot worse stuff posted on the internet than anything Mrs. WS posts! It's called LIFE folks, and just because you're a prude doesn't mean the whole world leads a boring life! You only wish you had half the charisma she's got!!

I, for one, LOVE reading Mrs. WS's posts. For starters, I get to check in with her page to see what she's been up to. *wink-wink* I think we tend to keep in touch this way, too. I love reading her daily antics when she has time to share them - it makes me feel more connected with my friend. And now that Mr. WS is posting too, I get to feel more connected with him as well! Yay for friends!

As for me, well... I was losing faith in the whole blogging thing. I was starting to feel like I was alone in blogger-land, because no one ever comments on what I write. It's no fun when you feel like you are talking to yourself. Although, there are times when blogging makes me feel better, just because I need an outlet to express myself, even if no one is reading them.

You see, as far as I know, Hubby doesn't know that I have this blog. I for one would like to keep it that way. This is the one place I can express myself about my life and my feelings, without worrying about hurting his feelings, or being concerned that what I share might have consequences. Here is where I feel I can be the most honest about what I've been up to, or vent about anything and everything, without worrying whether or not someone is going to be judgemental. Of course, there is always going to be someone out there who feels they have the right to judge, but to them I say, look to your own house. If you don't "approve" then move along, because I could care less what you think.

So...the question was, "To blog, or not to blog?" I am currently motivated by Mr & Mrs WS's recent activity, so I think I'll keep blogging. It may never be as exciting as some other "objectionable content", LMAO - but hey, it's all about keeping it Real.

xoxo

Happy New Year!

2008-01-05T21:41:00.000-06:00

Okay, so it's the 5th of January already, and I'm a little late, but if you think that's bad, I'm getting ready to finally send my Christmas cards out this week, lol - I figure, better late than never, right? *cheesy grin*

This week has been kind of a crazy one as schedules go. For the most part, my life is pretty laid back. Almost too laid back, if you ask me, so when I get a full week of running around, it tends to wear my ass out. Lets see...first I worked last weekend, then there was New Year's Eve. I didn't actually go out for New Years, because I had to work the next day. I hate not going out on New Year's Eve. It tends to set the tone for the rest of my year, as silly as that sounds. Instead, I stayed home with Hubby and Son, since Son is four months shy from being 21 and can't get into the bars around here. We baked cookies, which in itself turned out to be a royal joke. I was trying to make Snickerdoodle cookies, which turned out to be more like cinnamon bisquit hockey pucks, and Hubby made these no bake cookies which consisted of crushed corn flakes, melted chocolate, and a few other ingredients. His turned out to be nothing more than chocolate covered corn flakes, LOL! Then there were Son's cookies, which where supposed to be little round chocolate & cherry burbon flavored balls covered in powdered sugar, which instead turned out to be flat chocolate cookies, but still they were a hell of a lot better than what Hubby and I concocted. I guess you could say this years cookies were not going to make the top ten list, lol.

After the cookie malfunctions, we settled in at the kitchen table and played a game called "Buzz Word", which is actually kind of fun, and I watched while Hubby and Son got completely snockered. That was kind of fun too! hehe Then the clock struck 11:00 p.m., we popped a cork on some champagne, and I went to bed. Oh...yes, I said 11:00 p.m., didn't I? We are in the Central time zone, but we always celebrate the East Coast time zone, because that's where we are from originally. :) Some day we will change that habit, but this year our Son insisted, because that's when all his friends would be popping their champagne corks.

Then I worked on New Year's Day - which was a total drag. I don't really feel like I have much to call holidays anymore, because of my job. This year, for 2008, I have decided that my family is going to have to celebrate my holidays instead of the typical calendar holidays. For instance, I actually celebrate Yule, so instead of waiting for Christmas Day to roll around, we're going to have our holiday festivities on Yule this year. Hubby and Son said they're all for it - yay!

Anyway, then there was Wednesday night, which we all know is the infamous ladies night. Since I didn't actually get to go out for New Year's Eve, I made Wednesday night my New Year's Eve instead. I even wore the fabulous shirt I bought for New Year's Eve, which was a bit on the dressy side, all shiny black and silver. So, I go out all dressed up, and as usual I get all kinds of goofy looks from people. I'm such a misfit when it comes to this place. I refuse to spend my nights out on the town dressed in jeans, sneakers and a sweatshirt. While I almost always wear jeans, I at least try to dress them up with a nice top, and I never, Never, NEVER go out without fixing my hair and putting my makeup on. Maybe I'm just "old school", but it seems to me that if I'm going "out", I want to feel good about myself, even if I do get strange looks from people. Although, in all honesty, I started noticing recently that other women who regularly frequent the same bar I do, are actually starting to wear nicer clothes when they come to the bar. It's refreshing, and the conceited part of me hopes I had maybe a little influence there. *winks*

Well, one of my friends here is a bartender at the bar I go to. It ALWAYS pays to have a bartender as a friend, LOL! On ladies night's my favorite drink, Jack 'n Coke, isn't on the bracelet, but she serves them to me anyway. YAY! Blue 100 also isn't on the bracelet, nor is Patron. But again, she serves them to me anyway! *shit eating grin* Although, on this particular night, not only was she serving them to me, but she was serving them to me on overload. I had to question whether or not there was any coke mixed with my Jack, and there was a Blue 100 or Patron shot magically appearing in front of me every time I drank one down. She kept saying all night, "Have a drink & smile...it's New Years!" LOL Well, I did just that, and I got T-R-A-S-H-E-D! I really didn't need to be drinking like that, but I was sitting alone for most of the night, and the more I had, the easier they went down, which is par for the course. That's one thing about drinking...one minute you're feeling oh so fine, and the next, you feel like someone hit you with a Mack Truck. When the lights came on in the bar, I was so drunk I could barely stand. In the end, I called Hubby & Son to come get me, which didn't fly over too well with Hubby (he was being an ass that night). But they picked me up, took me home, and poured me into my bed.

Then, and ya gotta love this...I didn't get home until about 4 a.m., right? At 7:00 a.m. I get a phone call from my boss, asking me if I can work that night. Are you frikkin' kidding me??? I was still drunk when she called, and barely remember the conversation. All I remember was agreeing to work that night, because one of the guys we work with had a family emergency. When I finally crawled out of bed at noon, it's a miracle that I even remembered I had to work that night. I think I was up for about 2 hours before I crawled back into bed, and slept another few hours before I had to be to work. Then I worked until midnight.

The next morning, I got up at 5:30 a.m., and started getting ready for the day, because me, Hubby & Son were taking a trip two hours away, to a bigger town so that Son could spend his Christmas money. Let me tell you...after the last few days, the last thing I wanted to do was walk around a mall. But with a smile on my face, and bell's on my toes, so to speak, I got ready to go, then woke up Hubby and Son so he could spend his Christmas Cash. He had a great time! Me, on the other hand - all I could think of was, "PLEASE LET THIS DAY BE OVER!" We finally made it home at midnight, where I crawled into bed, only to get up @ 5:30 a.m., once again, because I had to work this morning. And now it's 10:40 p.m., I am throughly exhausted, and really need to get to a good nights sleep before I have to work again tomorrow. *sighs* So for now I will say, good night, and may 2008 bring you much peace, joy, happiness and prosperity.

xoxo

The sign says, "OUT OF ORDER"

2007-12-14T00:44:00.000-06:00

What happened to the days when life was actually fun?

I have been having a miserable time the last several weeks. It all started with that damn trip to the Mall of America, after I came back from my trip to Texas. Mind you, the trip to 'THE MALL" was a good time, but while we were there I ended having a serious shoulder issue, which I have now found out is severe tendinitis. So now I am in physical therapy for my shoulder...again. Today was the first day of PT, and she is starting me out with mild exercises, but my shoulder hurts and is feeling it big time tonight. *whimpers*

Also while we were at the mall, I ended up getting my period. (Hey, my blog is titled "As Real As It Gets", so if that's too much for ya, I might suggest reading another blog, LOL!) Anyway, it was a really bad one as periods go. I won't get into the details about it, because as real as it gets, it's just gross to go much further, LOL. Well, that one ended, kinda sorta, but I only got about two weeks break before the next one started up. Yes, they are only supposed to come about every 28 days or so, so two weeks was way too soon.

When it started again, it was worse than the last time. So bad, in fact, that I ended up in the emergency room because I was bleeding profusely. I was also experiencing really bad dizziness, to the point that I couldn't stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out. They ran blood tests to check my hemoglobin levels and make sure I wasn't having a miscarraige, and they did an ultra sound to get a look-see. In the process, they discovered that I wasn't pregnant, but I have several fibroids in my uterus, which can apparently cause really bad periods.

Now, to the men out there, I know it is hard for you imagine what a woman must go through on a monthly basis. For those of you who might be in a long term relationship, you'll probably have at least an inkling based on your sweethearts monthly mood changes and her intimate moments with a heating pad, chocolate, and salty foods, lol. While that might sound like a cozy picnic, it really isn't. Hubby asked me one time what menstrual cramps felt like. The best way I can describe it where a man might be able to understand is to say, remember what it feels like to have stomach cramps when you're having tummy issues? Now imagine having to deal with that for three to four days straight. His reaction was, "no thanks." LOL! And I can't say as I blame him. I would gladly give up this monthly ritual if I could. Actually, that might be the case for me.

Well, the fibroids they found prompted my gynocologist to do an endrometrial biopsy this past Friday. That's when they go through the cervix, into the uterus and take tissue samples to check for cancer. To say that is a painful procedure would be the understatement of the Century. First you have to endure the insertion of a 12-inch long narrow tube through your cervix and into the uterus, which is as painful as the biopsy itself. Then you have to lay perfectly still while they take the tissue samples. Let me tell you quite frankly, I NEVER want to go through that again!!! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I was crying like a baby and begging the doctor to be done, and that's after she even tried to numb my uterus with lidocain. I can't fathom what it would have been like without the lidocain.

When the procedure was done the doctor actually had the audacity to tell me, "no sex for at least a week." Just to set the record straight, as of right now I haven't had sex in six weeks. And after a procedure like that, sex was the LAST thing on my mind. She even gave Hubby a look that said, "NO SEX! UNDERSTAND?!" lol Yes, Hubby was with me during the procedure, which is done right there in the doctors office. He actually held my hand during the biopsy, which I was grateful for. Afterwards, all he could say was, "Thank God I'm not a woman." Needless to say, I think he gained a whole new perspective on what women go through. Of course, I could have gone without seeing the "holy shit" look on his face while he was watching the procedure, but I am still glad he was there. Now I am just waiting for the test results, which they said should take a week and a half to two weeks. Merry Christmas. Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

After almost three weeks of bleeding, the bleeding FINALLY stopped this past Tuesday. They have me taking Provera for ten days, by the end of which I've been told to brace myself for the worst period I've ever had. Swell. After the last six weeks, I can only imagine what I'm in for.

Now, check this out...

On Tuesday I was laying down getting ready to take a nap. Hubby came home early from work and laid down with me. We were spooning. All the sudden my hormones went into overdrive. I swear it's because of the Provera, but I got horny as hell. Of course, I'm not allowed to have sex yet, so all we could do was lay there talking about how horny we were. It was such a bummer.

Then, last night was ladies night at my local haunt. Hubby has jokingly dubbed it, "Lady-Laid Night", LOL! Anyway, I have been told not to drink alcohol right now because it thins the blood, so when I went out last night, I volunteered to be designated driver for anyone interested, and me and a few girlfriends went out.

Here's a little bit of a back story for you...

Last year, (yes, I said last year) I had an "intimate moment" with this guy I call "Biker Dude" (during my kissing spree moment). Biker Dude and I have never had intercourse, but during one night last year, we had quite the good time otherwise, and I left him driving home with a smile on his face that would tickle anyone. *grins* After that night, we tried several times to hook up again, but things just never seemed to work out for one reason or another. Well, over the course of this past year, he and I have actually become good friends, and in the process he ended up having some serious health issues of his own, which sadly also in the process, killed his sex drive. For the longest time until then, he and I would tease each other mercilessly when we we met up at the bar, always saying that we were going to tear each other's clothes off at the first good chance we got. That chance never came, and then his sex drive went out the window.

For the last four or five months when we would see each other, it was on a friendly level - always huggy-kissy, but no teasing with the heavy sexual innuendos. I always let him know that I thought he was still sexy, with a "wink-wink*, but his reactions were lacking enthusiasm anymore. After a while, I backed off, eventually asking him what happened to the "fun". That's when he confessed his lack of interest in sex, which had to do with his illness. From that point on, I stopped being the playmate, and I became the friend. And that was okay, because I have started to care about this guy as a close friend, and I love all my close friends dearly. Basically, I had settled on the fact that he and I would never "go there" again.

So last night, like I said, was ladies night. Biker Dude was there working. (He works there part-time as a bouncer.) When I saw him, we gave each other the usual ritual huggy-kissy, but then the damndest thing happened. He actually gave me one of those sexy growls in my ear, then told me how hot I looked and how he wanted to ravish me. Oh my!!! Could it be that my Biker Dude playmate had returned?

Throughout the night, every time we got close to each other, he would grab me and hug me and whisper sexy naughties into my ear. Keeping in mind that I wasn't drinking, but he was, all I kept thinking was it must be the alcohol...he's just drunk and only THINKS he's horny, lol, because he'd made it pretty obvious in the last few months that he wasn't interested. Then towards the end of the night, he tells me he needs a ride home, because he's had too much to drink. Now I'm thinking, great! I get to carry his drunk ass into his house, and explain to his wife that I'm just a friendly taxi ride. Oh, did I forget to mention the fact that he's married? Yeah, that was actually part of the reason we were never able to get together after that one night. That and he was one of a few friends who got DUI's last year, and that caused all kinds of "hook up" issues. Okay, so I tell Biker Dude there are no worries - I'll be sure he gets home safe and sound.

On the way home, it was just the two of us, and he asks me to pull over into this parking lot. So I pull over, and he starts telling me the doctors have him on this new medication, and he has his sex drive back. Then he tells me how much he has thought about me over the last year, and how much he wished he could have been sparked enough to take me somewhere and ravish me. (There's that word again, "ravish" - I kinda like it. *grins*) Then he proceeds to telling me how badly he wants me right then and there, and he kisses me like he is really really hungry for me. (Uh, have I mentioned the word "tingle"?! Cause that kiss made me tingle something fierce!!) All that teasing and temptation came rushing back, and all I wanted him to do was RAVISH ME!

We made out like there was no tomorrow for about 15 minutes. All the while, the tingles were screaming at me! Then it all came rushing back to me - kinda like a ton of bricks dropping on my head. I can't have sex right now.

I can't begin to tell you how bummed out I was. Then, of course, I had to break the news to him, all the while thinking how damned-the-luck ironic it was that his sex drive comes back in full force at the same time I'm going through all these female issues. Talk about sexual frustration. *sighs* So, I told him the news, and as expected, he was really dissappointed. Then he kissed me one last time and I drove him home.

I don't know when I'll see Biker Dude again, but I'm looking forward to our next huggy-kissy moment. I can only hope, when the time comes, that we are both in good working order. ;)

xoxo

Like, OMG!

2007-12-04T00:39:00.000-06:00

Where do I begin? I suppose 'where I left off' would be a good place, huh? ;) I believe that would be the subject of Hubby's possible retirement.

So...We went to that retirement briefing the Thursday before Thanksgiving. Now there's an eye opener for you. If you are military, and you are getting close to the retirement point, even if it's a few years away, I STRONGLY recommend that you attend the T.A.M.P. briefing! You are required to attend it anyway, but most people don't bother going until the last minute, just before they retire. The briefing is good for 2 years, so if you have two years to go before you plan to retire, go now. Really. There is information provided in that briefing that YOU NEED TO KNOW, and having that information well in advance can really help you to plan your future.

Like I said, Hubby and I attended the briefing. Afterwards, we were in total shock over the upcoming expenses, if we wish to maintain what we have now through the military. Retirement check, my ass! What it boiled down to is that we are not financially prepared for him to retire from the military. There are a lot of factors that cumulatively make up the reasons for that assessment, and everyone's circumstances are going to be different. But for us, if he gets out next year, our life will change drastically from a financial perspective, and not in a good way.

With this new information in hand, I did some financial forecasts based on the possibilities, and presented them to Hubby. Keep in mind that he basically knows nothing about our finances, except for what I tell him, and that's his personal choice. Try as I may, I just can't get him interested in our finances. He doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of bills, etc. Personally, I think its really sad. If something were to happen to me, he would be completely clueless. Anyway, when I gave him the financial facts, it was an added kick in the ass to him, because I forced him to take a good look at our bills. Even if he doesn't want to take an active daily interest in where our money goes, I think he needs to know at least the bottom line.

Well, once the finances were laid out in front of him, I told him that we had two choices: 1) Retire and brace ourselves, because the life we know now will be gone. We simply won't be able to afford the lifestyle we have become used to. Or 2) Stay in a few more years, and prepare better for life out of the military. Pay down some debt while we can really afford to do so, and get his bachelor's degree so that when he gets out, he will be more marketable for the kind of income we need to at least maintain our lifestyle. You can only imagine his reaction to the choices. Needless to say, he wasn't happy.

See, Hubby doesn't think about shit like that. He's really good at being frugal, and it's a good thing too, because I like to spend money, so he keeps me in check, most of the time. But on the other hand, he's also lets me buy whatever I want, because he thinks it keeps me happy, so there are plenty of times when I have to keep myself in check. It's a delicate balancing act. There's plenty of stuff I'd love to have, but I often have to weigh the needs against the wants. And as frugal as Hubby can be sometimes, he can also spend some serious money. For instance, within the few weeks before we went to this briefing, Hubby got a new cellphone, a new iPod, AND a new computer. We won't even mention our trip to the Mall of America. Does he think we just pull money out of our asses to afford that kind of stuff? Whether we pay cash or buy it on credit, it still needs to be paid in full somehow, even if it's through monthly payment.

In case you can't tell, I'm more than slightly frustrated with finances and Hubby's lack of interest in them. More than once I have asked him to take over, but he refuses, so I'm the one that has to deal with the frustrations, stress, and monthly pain-in-the-ass ritual of getting them paid.

The following few days after the briefing, the tension in our house was terrible. Neither one of us was really speaking, and when we did talk, it wasn't pretty. I am stressing because I know the financial reality if he retires. And was pissed off, because all he wants to do is get away from the base we are stationed at. Sadly, that's what it all boils down to. He hates it here with every fiber of his being. What he fails to realize is that I do too. But I'm not willing to throw our financial comfort in the garbage just to escape this duty station.

I don't understand my Husband. One night we got into a huge fight over this whole ordeal. All he kept saying was he hates this f*ing place, and just wants out. Again, "this place". I have asked him several times to please see what he can do to get us reassigned. He always claims that he has no control over getting reassigned, and I think that's total bullshit. We are not on a controlled tour here. And people we know are getting orders every time we turn around. I know he can access the military website where they are always looking to fill different positions all over the world. So I ask him to please check that website regularly, just to see if anything might come available that he qualifies for and can apply for. But does he check it regularly? No. As far as I know, as of right now, he hasn't checked it in at least two months. But he'll bitch and complain daily that he's still here. Does that make sense to you?

It's like he has no motivation to do anything to better his world. His perfect world consists of sitting in his office, messing around on the computer playing games, and listening to his music. Oh, and he faithfully sits in front of the T.V. nightly between 5:30 and 6:30. And if he can get laid, it's like the icing on the cake. Honestly, it's like he believes his only responsibility in life is to go to work every day. Beyond that, he doesn't want to deal with anything else.

One night, about a week ago, he went on this rampage about how he has made all the wrong choices in his life. It was a pity party if I've ever seen one. I watched and listened silently, while he kicked himself in the ass for every choice he has ever made. It was pretty sad. Thankfully, the only thing positive he had to say was that I was the only thing that kept him going. Good timing too, because I was bracing myself for him to blurt out marrying me as one of his bad decisions. I tried to be even more patient after that, while he continued his rant. Eventually, I got fed up with it. Hey, a person can only take so much.

It is times like this that I want to leave his ass in the dust, and move on with my life, but that wouldn't be very wifely of me, would it? I am so sick of all his bitching and complaining about his life. Several times over the last year he has stated that he, and I quote, "hates his life". He says it with such anger and disgust. I can never help but feel like I'm included in that mix of hatred. I always tell him to be careful about how he says that, because I feel like I'm included in that. Then he will always tell me that I'm the only good thing in his life.

Well, after listening to him rant for almost an hour about how he hates his life, and all his bad decisions, it was my turn to say something. What I wanted to say was, "Get over it." Instead, I said, as gently and lovingly as I could, that he needs to change his focus. Ironically, he has always told me that there is no sense looking at the past, because it's over and done with and can't be changed. So I pointed this out to him, and then told him what matters is the here and now, and what he can do to make changes for the future. I told him that a year from now he could either still be kicking himself in the ass for yet even more bad decisions, OR he can try to make some good decisions now, and be happier for them next year. I also told him that the plan, before he made this decision to retire, was to stay in at least 22 years, better if he made it to the 24 year mark, because of the major difference it would make in his retirement pay. The "plan" was that he wouldn't retire until he made Master Sergent and wore that stripe for three years, because that would also make a substantial difference in his retirement check. I told him how I wasn't asking him to stay in forever, but just until his 24 years, max. After that, he can retire, regardless of where we are financially. (Of course, I'm cringing inside while I'm saying this, because the thought of doing another 5 years at this base is like a knife wound in the belly, but I'm trying to be responsible about all this.) Then I suggested again that he change his focus, and maybe see what he can do to get his Bachelor's degree, which would also help him to pass the time in this God-Forsaken place.

Through this whole process, you have to remember that it was only a year ago that I decided I was going to stay with my husband, and make the best of our life together. For me, the important thing is that we are together, no matter where the togetherness takes place. Honestly, I still struggle with that decision a lot, but I keep telling myself its the right thing to do, even if Hubby makes that a difficult choice on a daily basis. So in the process of my turn to talk, I told him that he needs to remember that we are together, and that's the important thing. I would rather us be together struggling through the remainder of our time here, knowing that it will be better for us in the end, than leave here hoping to find our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, only to discover that we can't afford to live "happily everafter". This obviously didn't sit well with him, because he got up and walked away. And we haven't discussed it since then.

Yes, he hates it here that much. And yes, I think he forgets that I hate here "that much" too. But there is some good news, in my opinion. The next day Hubby went to the education office to see about that Bachelor's degree. So I am assuming that he is starting to at least weigh his options. He is supposed to have an appointment to go back and see them sometime this week, to see what they have to say. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting here waiting for the next talk about retirement. Oh the thrill, she says with a sigh.

xoxo

Feeling Really Blah

2007-11-13T19:04:00.000-06:00

Did you ever have "one of those of days"? Today has been one of those days for me. *sighs*

Let's see...it started yesterday, actually. When I got home from work, I was really tired, so I decided to lay down for a nap. That was at 4:30 in the afternoon. My nap lasted until 1:30 the this morning. I'd say 9 hours constitutes a really good nap! lol As you can probably imagine, by the time I woke up, I was rarin' to go to start my day. First things first: Coffee! Next up: Shower. Third on the morning kick-start list: Turn on the computer and see if I can actually get something accomplished today.

As you may or may not know, I am a Web-Mistress - meaning I build and maintain my own website. I have had this website for about 8 years in various venues. About 3 years ago I decided to purchase my own domain and find a good reliable web host. Once that task was accomplished, I began the major endevour of rebuilding my site from the ground up. That, my friends, is no easy task. I have painstakingly written code after code (because I'm stubborn that way, and it gives me more control if something goes wrong), designed my own graphics, not to mention the content that needed to be placed on my site. Many hours have gone into my website over the last 8 years, but it still needs a lot of work to make it a worthwhile site.

The last two years have not really been very mentally condusive to working on my site. Focus and concentration have been lacking, for various reasons. With that being said, I really haven't accomplished much on my website over the last few years. I actually considered letting my domain go, and giving up the web-mistress thing, because it has pretty much laid dormant, with only the occasional visitor sending me e-mails commenting on the fact that it is in serious need of updating.

Well, a few weeks ago I decided to surf over to my site and do a little work on it. One of the things I've really wanted to do for my site is add a blog to it. Most of the content on my site is 'read-only', and I wanted to add a way for people to interact. Before I became the head case that I have been, lol, I had actually found a blog program to add to my site. It was one of those 'ready to go, just install' programs, so I had installed it, and then spent several hours going through the code to customize it to my site. So, like I said, I surfed over to my site a few weeks ago to do a little updating. When I got to my blog, I couldn't remember my password. Eek!

Okay, so the logical step is to click that little link that says "Forgot password?" So I click the link, wait for the infamous email that sends me my password, and then get ready to get my password and move on. But wouldn't you know it? There's a glitch with the program I installed, and all I get in the e-mail is a bunch of garbled code. So, my goal for today was go into my SQL database and see if I can retrieve my password. This is the start of a bad day.

This morning, as I'm searching through my database files, I realize that I won't be able to retrieve my password that way either. This leads me to having to delete my database files and the program all together if I ever want to use that blog. So, the next logical step is save all the files that I have worked on previously, to try to save myself some time. I deleted the files afterwards, and went to reinstall an updated version of the program, so I wouldn't have password issues in the future. I was really bummed at having to delete the old version. It looked damn good, if I do say so myself. :) But sometimes, ya just gotta do what ya just gotta do.

After installing the newer version, and finding that the programmers had made a lot of improvements, I went into the code files to start fixing the blog up to match my site again. I'm thinking to myself, this shouldn't take very long, since I saved all the important code from the previous version, right? Yeah, right. They've made so many changes to the program, that I literally have to start all over with the code. *sighs* But at least I have a password now. I worked on that code from 2:30 am to 9:30 am today. 7 gruelling hours of my head spinning, while I tried to figure out what was what, and I still didn't accomplish much.

Then, at 9:30 this morning, I get a call from Hubby asking me if I want to go to breakfast downtown. I was starving and really could use the break, so I said yes. He came home and we headed downtown.

After breakfast, I needed to stop my Penny's to pick up a pair of clogs I had ordered. (Yes, I finally found my clogs! Yay! LoL) But when I get to the catalog department to pick them up, the lady tells me in a not so friendly tone that the delivery truck broke down and they won't be here until tomorrow. I was a little irritated at her attitude, but I walked away and said I'd be back tomorrow.

Then I tell Hubby that I really need to get my nails done, so we head over to the nail place, and Hubby drops me off. I go into the nail place, only to be told, and I quote: "You need to come back. I can't do you right now." That was it. No explanation beyond that. That irritated me a little more, especially since I'm a very loyal customer. And I tip good, damn it. At least ask me if I "mind" coming back later, or something a little more friendly. Don't just tell me to leave.

Okay, so now I'm getting a bit grumpy. I called Hubby to come back and pick me up. Then I tell him that I really want my nails done, and there's this place I heard about. "Let's try there", I say. So like a good Hubby, he takes me over there. While I'm in there, I tell the Lady what I want. I'm really in need of a new set, so I say that, and she looks at me cross-eyed and tells me they don't do that there. All they do is fills, and they never put on "new sets". Then she throws at me that she's been in the industry for 23 years. Don't pull rank on my ass like that. I've been in the industry for 25, and I told her so. Then I pointed out that sometimes it is necessary to take off the old acrylic and apply new, and that is what I wanted done. She starts arguing with me that all I need is a fill. Does this woman get it? I don't want a frickin' fill! I want a new set! Then I ask her how much. She tells me their prices and I about fell to the floor! Needless to say, I walked out of there mumbling under my breath, got into the car and told Hubby to take me home.

By this time, I'm tired and pissed off. It's about 1:00 in the afternoon, so I had been up for almost twelve hours. I was ready for another nap, but I had one more thing I needed to do yet, and that was to call Apple Computers about my iPod. My iPod had been glitching really bad lately.I knew something was wrong with the hard drive, so I called Apple to see what they recommended. I explain to the Apple representative about the issues I've been experiencing with my iPod, and without giving it much thought, in my opinion, the rep tells me, "It sounds like your hard drive has crashed. If you would like us to fix it, that will be $249.00." OMG! Are you kidding me??? That's the price of a new iPod! And the only reason I know that is because we just bought one for Hubby last week! I can neither afford to buy another iPod right now, nor pay to have this one fixed, which at this point seems completely senseless, since the new ones are so much more advanced. The only thought going through my mind at this point, is "screw this shit. I'm going to take a nap." So that's what I did. I laid down and took a 3 hour nap.

When I got up from my nap, my iPod odyssey continued, as I un-installed and reinstalled my iPod & iTunes programs. Then tried, to no avail, to restore my iPod to factory settings, but my iPod program keeps telling me something about it being the wrong version or some shit.

Well, there ya have it. That's been my day. In the end, I got nothing accomplished, except for to bitch here in this blog, lol. That being said, I'm done for the day, and now I'm going to veg out in front of the computer playing solitaire, until I feel another "nap" coming on, LOL!

xoxo

A New Life Ahead

2007-11-08T00:01:00.000-06:00

Hubby and I had a talk last night. It seems he has made the decision to retire from the military next year.

I am not sure how I feel about his decision. On one hand, I want this part of our life over with. I'm tired of living with the military b.s., and we already know how much I hate living where we are. On the other hand, I'm scared of what the future might hold. We have worked long and hard to get to where we are financially, and my worst nightmare is that we will end up moving backwards instead forward financially.

There are so many things to consider in making this decision - most of which have to do with money. I am a little bothered by the fact that Hubby is making this decision without considering how I feel about it, or the financial impact it could have on us. He is so terribly miserable, both with his job, and with the military in general. While I can completely understand and sympathize with where he's coming from in that respect, I don't think he realizes the simple fact that a job is a job. And the only difference he faces by retiring is that he'll go from working active duty military, to working for the military as a civilian. Either way, he'll still be working for the military. As for the difference in paychecks, it's hard to say right now if it will make that much difference financially. When you add that we will have to start paying for our medical insurance, and we will no longer have free housing or a housing allowance, those are big chunks of money that will have to come from somewhere. Even though he'll be receiving a retirement check, that check won't cover the funds necessary to put a roof over our head and pay for our health insurance. Not to mention the bills.

Then there is the upside to all this, and that is that I will be able to move back to Texas! That's the exciting part, but I have to look at the practical side of all this too, and that, of course, is the money.

I'm a little stressed about all this right now. With this shoulder thing I've been dealing with, and then Hubby springing his intentions to retire on me, I'm feeling somewhat overwhelmed.

Over the next month we will be attending four retirement information meetings. I only hope, in the end, Hubby will be able to put aside his misery long enough to make a practical and responsible decision about getting out.

I'm sure this isn't the last you'll be reading about this. But for now, I'm heading to bed. My head hurts from all of this.

xoxo

La-La Land

2007-11-05T22:53:00.000-06:00

Holy crap! It amazes me how such a little pill can have such a big impact!

Today I went for my MRI retake. Only this time I took one of those little "happy pills" the doc gave me. I am "happy" to report that I made it through the MRI - YAY! I still had issues, like this nawing feeling like I wanted out of there really bad, but then I really didn't care at the same time. Then I proceeded to come home and sleep for 5 hours. That little pill definitely did its job. It kind of makes you feel like you're drunk, lol. I had to take a practice pill last night, because the doc wanted me to see how I did on it. That was kind of fun, actually. How often does a doctor tell you to just take one to test your reaction? Hubby was laughin' his ass off at me! I do have to say, I don't think I would want to take that little white pill unless I really have to.

Personally, I'm not a pill person. I hate taking meds if I can really avoid it. Hubby calls me "the pharmacy" because I have so many prescriptions, and I always end up having lots of pills left that go to waste. I don't like taking anything unless I really have to. I try telling the doctors that, but for some reason they always give me more than I need. Ah well. In this particular case it was necessary, but I'm really glad its over. Hopefully the end result, the test results, will show no major issues with my shoulder. Then I can be done with this issue and move on.

xoxo

Claustrophobia

2007-11-02T21:40:00.001-06:00

I can't help wondering why shit always happens to me. *sighs* After last years fiasco of health issues and four surgeries, I was finally starting to enjoy some good health for a change. Then I have to do some stupid aerobics tricks in my sleep and screw up my shoulder again. Honest to goodness, I don't know what I did, but my shoulder still hurts like hell. I went to my primary doctor on Monday for a follow-up appointment about it, and his conclusion is that he thinks it might be a bad case of tendinitis. I'm really hoping he's right, because the thought of yet another shoulder surgery doesn't make me a happy camper. But then he says, just to be on the safe side, why don't we do an MRI on it. Swell. Then he proceeds to give me a steroid/pain killer combo shot in my shoulder, which I might add HURT LIKE SHIT, then he tells me again he really thinks it's just tendinitis.

So...yesterday I went for the MRI on my shoulder. This isn't the first time I have had an MRI. I've actually had four of them. So I'm thinking to myself, '15 minutes stuck in this tube and then it will be over with. I should be a pro at them by now, right?' I wish.

The Tech preps me for the MRI, and no sooner am I slid into the "tunnel" when, without warning, I start feeling like I can't breathe and it feels like my whole world is caving in on me. Holy shit! I had a freakin' panic attack! That's an experience I wouldn't wish on anybody! Of course, the Tech pulled me out of the machine, pronto, and I sit up, white as a ghost, and I tell the Tech to just give me a few minutes to get my bearings and catch my breath. After about 5 minutes I start to lay back down so he can prep me again, and I started having another panic attack!

I have always been a little claustrophobic. For instance, when I go to bed at night, I can't sleep face to face with Hubby. No big deal, I just face the other way. The MRI machine has previously bothered me a little bit because it's such an enclosed space, but never to this degree. Damn! Just thinking about it right now has my heart racing again. I've been kind of a basket case over this since yesterday. I had a really hard time sleeping last night because of thoughts of that damn tunnel and the feeling like I can't breathe.

Well, the end result is that I didn't have the MRI done yesterday because of two panic attacks. The Tech suggested I talk to my Dr., which I did, and now I am rescheduled for another MRI on Monday. Only this time I will be drugged with Xanax. (Not sure of the spelling, lol) Basically, it's an anti-anxiety med that's supposed to relax me to the point that I won't care.

I feel like such a ninny! What's wrong with me that I can't handle 15 minutes in an MRI machine??? But when it comes down to it, I'm really not looking forward to Monday, and I pray with all I have that the drug they're giving me will knock my ass out completely. Otherwise, I don't think I can go through with it. That sounds so damn silly! But everytime I think about it, I feel like I can't breathe. This is just crazy.

Okay, I need to think about something else...let's see...oh! Halloween! *grins* Happy belated Halloween to everyone! Hubby and I got dressed up for the festivities and headed to my favorite local watering hole. Getting Hubby to dress up and go out with me that night was like pulling teeth, but I pushed the issue with him this year because it's one of my favorite times of year. But then, don't you know, when we got there Hubby sat down in his seat, and the only time he moved was when I made him slow dance with me to one song. Aside from that, Hubby sat in the same seat for 4 hours. The man didn't even get up to go to the bathroom while we were there. Just sitting there all night drives me a little bonkers, so I would get up every once in a while and be a social butterfly. But then I'd feel bad that Hubby was sitting alone, so I'd return to sit with him for a little bit more. I can't really say it was the best Halloween in my history, but it beats last year. Last year we carved a pumpkin, went to WalMart, then went home and went to bed early.

In case you haven't figured it out, Hubby really isn't much of a party animal. That's pretty much why I go out alone. It does bum me out sometimes, but then again, I'd rather go alone than feel guilty for socializing all night and leaving him sitting there alone.

Okay, the vicodin is kicking in and I have to work in the morning. Sweet Dreams!

xoxo

By Special Request...

2007-10-27T17:55:00.000-06:00

Okay, so it's definitely been a while. A little over two months to be exact. It is never my intention to let so much time go inbetween posts - honest. I actually have many times where I start thinking about things I can write about, then shit happens and I never get to write any of it. Well, a few weeks ago I made a trip to my beloved Texas. While I was there, Mr. WS commented on the fact that I don't post often anymore, but that he does read them when I do. So I told him I would make more of an effort to post on a regular basis so he'll have something to read when he visits my blog. So...Mr. WS, this one's for you! ;)

First I have to tell you that I am currently the "one-armed bandit" :( Yes, that means I am typing with one hand, so this may take a while, lol. This past week Hubby and I made a trip to Minnesota to go to the Mall of America. We decided to take one last mini-vacation before the severe cold weather hits and we have to settle in for our "long winter's nap". Anyway, while we were in Minnesota, I woke up one morning with a really sore shoulder. Right in the middle of our trip, I spent a not-so-lovely four hours in a VA Hospital emergency room because of it. Turns out there are no broken bones, but 5 days later I still can't lift my arm, and I'm in a lot of pain. Pain meds are great! But I have a feeling I screwed up my rotator cuff again, possibly tearing the muscle. I can't begin to say how much this sucks. If you recall, last year I had surgery on my other shoulder. Well, I've already had surgery on this shoulder too, about 10 years ago. It really sucks to think I might have screwed it up again. I'm dreading the next trip to the doctor. *sighs* Okay, on to happy thoughts...

Like I said, Hubby and I went to the Mall of America. Aside from being in pain, I had a great time walking the mall and spending money I really couldn't afford to spend. I got to visit my "cosmetics mecca", which happens to be the Bare Escentuals store. It's the absolute best makeup I've ever used. Up until now I've only ordered it on-line, because there are no stores near me. I know men won't understand this, but as a woman, I was THRILLED to get to see all those colors and play with the products in person! Yay for me! Hubby wasn't so thrilled when he found out how much I spent, but at least he had the good graces to tell me how beautiful I look when I get dressed to the hilt with that makeup, and with a lump in his throat tells me I'm worth it - lol!

I also got to go to an outstanding scrapbook store. Scrapbooking is one of my favorite hobbies, and falls along the lines of my passion for rubberstamping. I spent a little too much money in that store too, but geez - I'm so deprived where I live. There aren't any good scrapbook or rubberstamp stores around here, so when I find a place that has a good selection, I tend to go a little nuts. *grins* But I wasn't the only one spending money at the'ultimate mall', so I feel no guilt for my shopping extravaganza. :)

The only bummer I encountered on this trip, aside from my shoulder issue, was the clothes shopping experience. Holy shit! I found this great purse I fell in love with immediately. Then I looked at the price tag. $238.00 - American! Are these people crazy!?!? Now, if it was Prada, okay, but this was just Macy's for heaven's sake. I would spend that much on a Prada bag, which would be a steal as Prada goes. (The average Prada handbag ranges from $800.00 to $1500.00. No shit. And that's low-end.) But for a Macy's purse - I think not.

I was also on the hunt for a nice pair of brown leather clogs. I swear these people have a conspiracy going on, because EVERY SINGLE PAIR of clogs I looked at were $89.99. Now, I don't mind spending good money on my footwear, however, if I'm going to spend $100 on a pair of shoes, they better at least be comfortable. None of them "fit the bill", so needless to say, I came home without a new pair of clogs. :(

Then there were the clothes. Man oh man. If I had a few $1,000 to spend, I would have come home with a fabulous new wardrobe! Mind you, I would have been lucky to buy 10 pieces, but those pieces would have been oooo-la-la! So, sadly, I didn't come home with any new clothes either. But the makeup and the craft projects...SCORE! LOL Moving on...

It really has been a busy month for me. The week prior to going to Minnesota, I had just gotten back from a trip to Texas. I was there for a week and had a wonderful time for the most part. Although I have to admit, this particular trip felt a little "off". Not enough to make me want to change my mind about moving back, but enough to make me feel like another trip down might not be a good idea until I move back permanently. A lot of it had to do with the ol' "things change" syndrome. Things are definitely changing, mostly where all my dear friends are concerned.

There is more that I wanted to say today, but my shoulder is hurting pretty bad right now, and my hand is tired from all this typing, so I'll have to save it for another day. Hugs to you! xoxo

She's ALIVE!

2007-08-19T21:14:00.001-06:00

Eeeee-gad! It's been so long, I'm not even sure where to begin. Maybe I can try just giving some highlights for now, and then I'll get into the nitty-gritty details later. Or maybe not, lol - guess it will depend on how I'm feeling.

Okay, we'll start with the smoking. Did I quit? No (she says, hanging her head in defeat). I tried the patch for a week and don't you know, I ended up being allergic to the damn thing. I got this huge welt where ever I placed the patch, and it made my whole body itch something terrible. I could only put up with that for so long, so I stopped using it and headed to the doctor again for an alternative, which is this new-fangled pill they have out now. I haven't started taking it yet - been gearing myself up for a new quit date. I'll let you know how that goes, lol. I have stopped smoking in the house, which is a major step for me, so at least I'm making some progress, right?

Then there was the move back at the beginning of June. I'm glad that's over. I still have piles of boxes stacked around the house, trying little by little to go through everything we own, narrowing down our belongings by 2/3rds. Seems we were 22,000 lbs over our allowed weight limit, and if we don't get rid of all the excess weight, the government/military is going to charge us to move all that crap next time. That could be a very expensive prospect that we'd rather not deal with, so I'm going through everything we own, getting ready for the biggest garage sale known to man-kind. I figure at the rate I'm going, we should be ready by next spring, because there's no way I'll be ready before the cold weather sets in.

Mostly over the last few months I have just been sorting and organizing the new house, and over the last six weeks I have also been working a lot of extra hours, filling in for everyone else while they went on vacation. Not much exciting to talk about has been going on in my world.

I did get my own vacation this year. YaY! Any chance to get away from this place for a while is a blessing. Hubby and I went to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally the week before last. As expected, we had a wonderful time and didn't want to come home. If you ever get a chance to take a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I promise it will be well worth the trip, particularly if you are a nature lover. It's so beautiful there, and seeing the sights from the seat of a motorcycle is something I highly recommend. Hubby and I love it so much that we are going to renew our wedding vows there next year.

Let's see...Oh - I had a birthday last week. Happy Birthday to me. My birthdays are never really too exciting, but this year wasn't bad as birthday's go. Wait. I take that back. This year had it's good points and bad points. Given that my birthday falls in the middle of August, I never really get to celebrate in a big way. For the most part, there's never really anyone around to help me celebrate, because everyone either lives too far away, or they end up being on vacation. Well, this year my birthday closely coincided with ladies night at my favorite bar here, so I called on all my local drinking associates to help me celebrate. (I call them my associates, because I never really see them outside the bar, so I don't really consider them close friends.) Anyway...

Let me back track a bit here. My birthday celebration began with an hour facial, then an hour massage. That was very yummy! Hubby is always asking me what I want for my birthday, and rather than say "don't worry about it", this year I decided to treat myself. I enjoyed both the facial and the full body massage tremendously. Next up, I got a hotel room downtown for that night so I wouldn't have to worry about driving home. I had made reservations at this hotel about two weeks prior, so Hubby knew where I was staying. When I got to the hotel to check in, the desk clerk handed me a package that was sitting behind the counter for me. Lo and behold, it was a birthday present from Hubby - a beautiful diamond bracelet. I was tickled to no end, and felt like a princess at this point.

I guess I should add here that Hubby wasn't going to be joining me that evening at the bar because he had to work in the morning, so this was a girls night out kind of birthday. Well, at this point I was really looking forward to the rest of the night. I got my room, took a shower and got ready for the evening, then I met Big T for appetizers before we headed to the bar to meet up with everyone else. I was in great spirits. I had the whole night ahead of me yet, and there were plans for after the bar that had me excited too.

Well, we finally got to the bar, and from there things went down hill. For starters, the price went up on our "ladies night - all you can drink" bracelets. Okay, so the price didn't go up that much, but still. Then, I was thoroughly dissappointed by, not one, but two different men, in a depressing way. One of them had told me he'd be working at the bar that night, and then afterwards he was supposed to accompany me to my hotel room. I had been thinking about him all day, excited at the prospect of spending "private time" with him. He and I had been trying to find time alone for months, but nothing ever seemed to work out between our schedules. We had finally worked it out to be on this night, and not only did he end up not working, but I haven't heard hide-nor-hair from him since that night. Let's just say I'm more than a little pissed at being blown off like that.

Then there was this other guy, who had told me several times over the last few weeks that he was looking forward to spending that evening with me at the bar to help me celebrate (mind you, time with guy #2 was to be during the time guy #1 was working.) Well, guy #2 ended up not showing up until 11:00 that night, stayed all of 15 minutes, then left without a trace. And here I was thinking to myself, since guy #1 was blowing me off, maybe guy #2 and I could hook-up, because our "friendship" seemed to be heading in that direction. Boy was I wrong.

Needless to say, I ended up getting really trashed that night. When I got back to my empty hotel room - alone - I peeled off my clothes and sexy undies, crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep, because I just don't understand what I'm doing that is so gawd-awful that men feel it is okay to treat me like I'm worth so little. I know I'm worth more than that, but on the flip side I feel like I must not be anything special. It's hard to explain how I'm feeling right now, so I'll let that rest for the moment. Suffice it to say, I'm feeling a bit like a man-hater right now, because I'm tired of the way men are making me feel about myself. Moving on...

OH! About a month ago I got my bellybutton pierced! That was exciting! I've been wanting to do that for the longest time, and Hubby finally talked me into it. Yay!

And last but not least, my cat ate the power cord to my laptop two days ago, so until I get my replacement, I am forced to work on my desktop pc right now, which is serious need of a "tune up". *sighs*

Well, I suppose thats it for the highlights (and the low-lights) over the last few months. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

xoxo

The Big Day

2007-05-20T04:59:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was the big day. I had a few cigarettes left yesterday morning when I woke up, so I had my coffee and smoked to my hearts content before I left for work. I saved one cigarette for the ride to work. When I got to work yesterday, I had a little ceremony to say goodbye to my "friend", and then in the peace and quiet of the morning, I rolled down my car window, lit up, and I enjoyed my last cigarette. It has now been almost 24 hours since I have smoked.

Admittedly, the patch is working for the most part. As far as those evil cigarette cravings go, like the one I had in the hospital, they are few and far between right now. The patch is really helping to cut down that raw-nerve-need to smoke. Unfortunately, it is not going to be the "cure-all" though. I am still having moments - a lot of them - where I just want to light up. Those are more of a psychological thing based on the routine of smoking. Like last night after dinner. I enjoy my after-dinner cigarette, and I really wanted one after dinner last night. I got a little moody because I couldn't have one. This morning is tough too. I love waking up in the morning and having a cigarette with my coffee. That's why I'm blogging right now ... I'm trying to keep my hands busy, lol.

Yesterday at work, as I suspected, it was pretty easy for me. Actually, it was a lot easier than I anticipated. I managed to get through half my day without thinking about going out and having a ciggy. I told myself early in the day that I couldn't watch the clock. Prior to this, I was a serious clock watcher, judging my day by the breaks I took to have a smoke. Amazingly enough, it was slow as shit yesterday at work, and yet the day went by fairly fast. I'm really hoping today will go by fast too.

Don't get me wrong - I was definitely craving a cigarette yesterday at work, but I brought munchies with me, which I utilized to the fullest. It is easy to see how my dad managed to put on so much weight when he quit smoking. There is something about the "hand-to-mouth" action that is very satisfying. Most of the day I munched on cran-raisins or soy nuts, but soy nuts are very filling, so I could only take so many of those, lol. After work last night I went to the grocery store, and I stocked up on healthy munchies, like raw veggies, more dried fruits, low-cal, low-fat snacks, and sugerless gum, which I might add is NOT calorie free, but at least it will keep my jaws busy for a while, LOL! Anything to help these cravings, and reduce the odds of a major weight gain, because I would rather smoke than put on anymore weight. I also stocked up on bottled water. I drank so much water yesterday that I thought I was going to float away, lol.

Okay ... On to day two. Time to get ready for work.
xoxo

A New Day Is Dawning

2007-05-17T21:11:00.000-06:00

I have to say, today went much better than things have gone over the last week or so. First thing this morning I called and reserved the moving truck, before I even had my first cup of coffee. That was fun! Not. The guy on the phone was rather clueless. I think he must have needed his first cup of coffee too, lol. He tried to charge me $250 more than that truck was worth. You aren't the brightest bulb in the pack if you try to do that to Lady Lover when she is just waking up - she tends to let the bitch come out really quick. ;) But we managed to get things straightened out, and the truck is now reserved.

Right after I hung up the phone with the moving truck guy, I got a call from the Cardiologist's nurse. My future appointments have been approved, and I go next Tuesday for the heart monitor. Even better, she told me that I only have to wear the monitor for 24 hours. Yay! I had these visions of having to walk around with this thing for a week, trying to disguise it. Now all I have to do is come home and keep packing. Then I go the following day to have it taken off, on my way to get my perm, so that works. The following week I have a follow-up appointment with the main man (the Cardiologist, himself), so I'm hoping he'll have some information for me by then.

After talking with the nurse, it was time to call the base pharmacy about those patches. They were ready for pick-up! Finally! A day where things were going right! It's about time!

Then I get a phone call from Hubby, asking me if I wanted to go downtown and go to the new craft store that just opened up. Are you kidding? I don't say no when Hubby asks me if I want to go spend money! I'm a major craft store fanatic too, so YAY, again! It's going to be a good day, but...

Now things are getting serious about this quitting smoking, and while I was waiting for Hubby to get home, I started thinking about how I'm really going to do this - how I'm really going to quit. Eeekkk! "They" say you should set your mind on a particular day, and then go for it. I thought I had done that two days ago, but that obviously didn't work out as planned. I could have quit today, with the hope that the patches would be ready, but I simply didn't feel like it. With the moving truck guy trying to rob me, I started smoking with that first phone call, so today wasn't the day to quit. Anyway, while I was waiting for Hubby, I decided "The Day" will be Saturday.

My reason for choosing Saturday as the day to quit is simple really. I'm already used to not smoking while I'm at work. Even though I'm allowed to run out and have a quick ciggy a couple times during the course of the day, for the most part, Saturday's & Sunday's are usually my least heavy smoking days. With that being the case, it only makes sense in my mind to start on Saturday. :) Although, I can't stay couped up in that little office all day without some sunshine, so those breaks are going to be interesting. Maybe I'll just go for a short walk. I'll have to think of something, because my office doesn't have any windows, and sitting there for 8 hours with only a ringing phone and a computer to keep me company will drive me crazy if I don't get outside at least once or twice. I guess I'm going to have to take this quitting thing one day at a time...but not until Saturday, lol.

Anyway, after Hubby got home today, he and I went out. First we stopped and picked up some smokes for me. I have to admit, it was weird picking up only two packs of cigarettes. I am so used to buying cartons. Then we stopped by the pharmacy and picked up the patches. That's kind of an oxymoron, I know, but what the hell. At least now I have them ready and waiting for Saturday. :) Afterwards, we headed downtown and had lunch together, then we went to the craft store. That was fun! This town so seriously needed a good craft store, and I spent totally too much money, but I have been deprived for two years now, so I was just making up for lost time. ~hehe~

Just as we are getting ready to leave the craft store, guess who calls? Yep, it was K. He needed a ride. Oh boy. I'm starting to get the feeling that we are going to become a taxi service for him. He is going to be without a license for at least three months downtown, and on base he has already lost his driving priviledges for a year. I can only hope this won't become a daily habit, because I'll definitely have something to say about that. I know Hubby wants to help his friend out and all, but there are limits.

Well, that's about it. Probably not the most thrilling day to most people, but it was a good day for me. Tomorrow I will have to put some serious effort into packing. Moving day will be here before we know it, and there is still a lot to do.

*Hugs & Kisses* to all of you out in "Blogger Land".
Nighty-Night!
xoxo

More Changes

2007-05-16T21:40:00.000-06:00

Late last night I decided my blog needed a face lift, so I decided to use a different template. :) Just one more thing to change in my life, lol.

I don't really know what to talk about tonight. Today was fairly uneventful. I had a bad headache earlier today, so I didn't accomplish much, unless you count taking a 4 hour nap. Then Hubby and I met K downtown for dinner, because he wanted some company. Of course, while we were with him, all we heard about was what's going on with him because of the DUI. So far there really isn't any new news - mostly it's all "maybe" this, or "maybe" that.

While we were downtown, I made an appointment for next week to get my hair permed. I am trying to do positive things in my life to make me feel better, so I have decided to change my hair too. I haven't had a perm in over three years - ever since I cut off all my hair. Now that my hair has finally grown back out and is long again, I have decided it needs some life in it, because right now it's just feeling long and stringy. Ah, well, hopefully a perm will help.

Tomorrow is the big day. At least, it's supposed to be. I need to call the pharmacy tomorrow to see if my prescription has been filled for my nicotine patches. I hope they are ready. I'm down to my last pack of smokes, so tomorrow really would be ideal. Although I have to admit, I'm really nervous about quitting. I am still trying to tell myself it's time, and giving myself pep-talks to keep myself motivated about it. I can do this, right? Right!

I keep thinking about my dad when he quit smoking years ago. I remember it well. One day we were sitting in the living room, and my dad had a cigarette in his hand. He looked at my mom and said, "I'm done." He put out the cigarette, and never picked up another one. Go, Dad! The only problem is that he ended up using a lot of unhealthy substitutions, like candies and other foods to help him get over it, and afterwards, he didn't stop with the unhealthy eating . It became a new way of life for him. Now Dad is a diabetic, and it's kicking his butt.

That's what scares me about quitting. I don't want to end up like my dad - severely overweight, and dealing with diabetes. On the flip side, if I keep smoking, I could end up like my mother with the emphysema. I need to take a whole new approach to my efforts. Lots and lots of water to flush out my system, and lots of healthy carrot & celery sticks! I keep trying to think of things I can do to keep my hands busy too. Like working on my crafts and what not. They say excercise is good too if you start getting cravings, like taking walks. I think, maybe, if I start feeling ansy and need a smoke, maybe I'll just grab Hubby for a good romp! hehe That would be exercise, right? And it's highly unlikely that Hubby would complain. ;)

Well, that's about it for tonight, I guess. I can't really think of much else to talk about. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

Nighty-night - xoxo

Let Me Get This Straight...

2007-05-15T22:51:00.000-06:00

For a while now I have been thinking about quitting smoking. Given my recent trip to the hospital, and these issues with my heart, I have come to the conclusion that it is now or never.

The thought of quitting smoking is very scary for me. I have been smoking for way too many years, and even though I can think of many reasons why I should quit, my cigarettes have been the one thing in my life I could always count on. Whether I was mad, sad, bored, hungry, depressed, lonely - whatever - my cigarettes have always been there for me. Of course, they have been there through the good times too, so they have been like my constant companion for the last 25 years. The thought of giving them up is like saying you can cut my arm off. Not gonna happen, right? But I have decided, scary or not, it is time to give them up.

For starters, my mother is going through serious health issues because of smoking. She has severe emphysema, to the point that she needs a lung transplant, but her over-all health is so poor because of it that a lung transplant is not a possibility. It seems like every day her health is deteriorating more and more, and all of it is tied to the emphysema. Her mother, my grandma, also had emphysema, and my mom's brother now has it has well. Looking at these three family members should have been enough to get me to quit years ago, right? But things never really quite hit home until it is happening to you - or me, as the case may be.

Like I said, I've been thinking about quitting for some time now. And there are a lot of reasons why I want to quit, but the one thing that has stopped me up until now is that I am afraid I will gain more weight if I quit. This past year has been difficult on me physically, and has kept me from doing any major exercise. Because of it, I have put on almost 30 pounds. It also means that I have smoked more cigarettes, because all I have done is sit around for the most part.

About 4 years ago, I talked myself into going to a series of smoking cessation classes offered on base. I made it through all the classes, but I just didn't have the will power to quit at the time. I went so far as to get a prescription for the patch, but I never got it filled. As a smoker who has had many friends over the years who were also smokers, I have heard a lot of horror stories about trying to quit. All the attempts people have made, but failed at; all the techniques, and stop-smoking aids that haven't worked for people - you start thinking nothing is going to really help, so why bother.

Well, when I was in the hospital this last time, I had a little incident with the hospital staff. During one of my moments of being awake [because they had me so doped up while I was there, I slept through most of my stay] I told Hubby that I wanted some "fresh air", and I asked one of the nurses if Hubby and I could go for a walk. The nurse told me I couldn't leave the hospital floor I was on. I said, all I want to do is go for a walk (lie, lie, lie) and I was told I no. Whoa - that really pissed me off. Never tell a smoker who needs a cigarette they can't do something. Especially if that smoker also just happens to be me. I ended up pitching a major fit. Okay, so maybe I got bit "evil", and started cussing at the hospital staff. Something about, "You can't tell me what to do. I'm a grown woman and can do whatever the hell I want. And right now I want a F****** cigarette!" Man oh man, I've never seen a nurse move so quick. She left the room, and within 5 minutes she was back in the room and slapping a nicotine patch on my back - where I couldn't reach it, I might add. I just sat there and stewed in my hospital bed, and eventually fell back to sleep.

This was the first time I have ever had the nicotine patch on, and surprise, surprise, it actually helped! They kept me on the patch for the duration of my hospital stay, and it helped so much so, that when I was leaving the hospital I seriously contemplated quitting right then and there. But the obstinant smoker in me asked Hubby to take off the patch about 5 minutes into the car ride, and I lit up. That was two weeks ago. Since then, every time I light a cigarette I can't help remembering how well the patch worked while I was in the hospital. And when I left the hospital, the doctor had given me a prescription for the patch, and I have been braving myself up to get the prescription filled.

Well, today I decided it was going to be the day. I headed over to the base hospital to get the nicotine patch, deciding I was ready to quit. My attitude on the way over was, "I can do it!" I confidently strutted up to the pharmacy window, handed the attendant my prescription, and...

Life just doesn't seem to want to cut me a break. Here I am trying to do the right thing. You would think that everyone around me, particularly hospital staff, would be ready to help me accomplish this particular goal, right? Wrong. Here's what I was told: "We're sorry [Lady Lover], but unless you are part of a stop-smoking program, we will not be able to fill this prescription." Uh...what??? They proceeded to explain that my insurance doesn't cover the prescription for the nicotine patch, but the military will cover it, IF, and only if, I join a smoking cessation program, because they want to make sure I'm serious about quitting before they fill the prescription.

What is wrong with these people??? What the hell do they think I'm going to do with this prescription, sell the patch on street corners??? Be serious! If I had no intentions of quitting, I wouldn't have wasted my time going to the pharmacy to have the prescription filled in the first place. Talk about ridiculous! Needless to say, at that point I really needed a cigarette. These people had me beside myself over this whole thing.

The military has a stop-smoking program with the American Lung Association, and if you call them and tell them you want to quit, they will get you a prescription for the patch. So while I am still standing there at the pharmacy window, I ask them for the phone number to the American Lung Association, and I call them on the spot, hoping they will assist me in getting this prescription filled. Easy, right? Again, wrong.

So I call the American Lung Association, trying to be calm and polite, although by now, I'm almost at my wits end. I go through the process of giving this guy all my information on the phone, all the while thinking, this is fine - not so bad - this guy is going to help me. Ha! After giving him all my info, I had to sit there and listen to him tell me how bad smoking is for me, and he starts sharing all these nifty ideas about how to help me get through the cravings, and all the things I need to start changing in my life to get through this. Then he shares with me that quitting smoking has been clinically proven to be more difficult than getting off of heroine. Thanks a lot! Can you please just help me get my prescription? After being on the phone with this guy for over 20 minutes, he decides to tell me, "I know you are ready to quit, [Lady Lover], but unfortunately, you won't be able to get your prescription filled today. It will take at least two days, because there's paperwork that has to be done before we can submit your prescription to the pharmacy."

So, let me get this straight. I'm telling you that I'm ready to quit today, and you're telling me I have to wait? My only response to this whole situation...I'm going to go have a cigarette. And that's exactly what I did.

chug-a-chug-a-chug....CHOOO-CHOOO!!

2007-05-15T07:40:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been stuck at a railroad track, waiting for the train to go by so that you can cross the tracks, and when the train finally goes by, it's only going about 1 mile an hour? I hate when that happens! LOL! I'm feeling like a slow train these days. I have so much to do, and I can't seem to get any momentum up to get any of it done. For instance, right now I should be getting in the shower, because I have some stupid pizza party to go to at work. I should also be doing laundry, paying bills, and doing more packing for this move, but I just don't have it in me right now. I would rather be a slug right now and sit in front of the computer surfing eBay & posting to my blog. :)

Update on my heart issue - still waiting to hear from the insurance company about being approved for this heart monitor. The last two days I have been feeling much the same as I did the night I ended up in the ambulance. It's not a good feeling. I'm not sure what is causing it, but I have some peace of mind knowing its not a heart attack. Speak of the devil! As I'm typing this, I just got a call for the Cardiologists' nurse. It has been almost a week, and she is just NOW submitting the paperwork for this insurance approval! Good God! Apparently they are in no great hurry to see if my heart is going to stop beating on me! What is wrong with these people??? So now I have to wait possibly another week or two?! Is it any wonder my heart goes whacky?

Sunday we got a bummer of a phone call. Hubby's closest friend here got stupid Saturday night, and ended up getting a DUI! I was working 12 hour shifts this past weekend, and Hubby spent time at work keeping me company on and off. Well, Saturday night Hubby was getting text messages from his friend, being harrassed for not going out that night with him. The friend, we'll call him "K", wanted Hubby to come downtown and be the DD (designated driver) for the night. Hubby told him he wasn't coming down because he was spending time with me. That didn't sit well with K, so K harrassed Hubby all night with the text messages.

[Side note: K is divorced, and I don't think he has any great love for me, which is fine. He's okay, in my opinion, but he's got an ego the size of the Grand Canyon, and he thinks he's a god. He has tried, on more than one occassion, to lead Hubby into the "single-man" lifestyle, and I have no doubt that A LOT of our marital issues last year were due to K's influences.]

Well, Mr. "Holier than Thou" had too much to drink that night, and he has a tendancy to get really obnoxious when he gets drunk, thinking he's Superman or something. He's the kind of guy that, when he's been drinking, he'll start challenging every male in sight to wrestle him. And, God forbid, someone realize that he's had too much to drink and offer to drive him home. In his eyes, he is NEVER too drunk to drive. Then, because of his increased testosterone levels, if you try to get his keys from him, you're sure to get into a fist fight.

Okay, so Hubby told him several times that night that he couldn't come down, suggesting more than once that K call a cab to go home. But do you think K would listen? Hell no. Then Hubby gets one final text saying...get this...K needs a ride from one bar to another bar, and would Hubby come down and give him a ride. After that one, Hubby turned off his cell phone, because it was just getting ridiculous.

Now, on one hand, Hubby and K are really close buds, and Hubby felt a little guilty for telling his friend "no". On the other hand, it was Hubby's choice to hang with me, and given how late it was, Hubby didn't feel like going down there anyway. I will also add that by this time I was exhausted from working a twelve hour day, and I didn't have patience for the crap that K was pulling. I told Hubby not to feel guilty - that K was a grown man, and he could take care of himself. Plus, Hubby and I both knew that K wasn't partying alone, so there were other people down there that could help him if he needed it.

The next morning, around 8 a.m., Hubby's cell phone starts ringing. Hubby was still in bed, and he wasn't about to crawl out of bed to grab his phone. I don't touch Hubby's phone, so I let it ring. For the next hour and a half, Hubby's phone continued to ring on and off. Finally, Hubby got fed up with it and got up to check his phone to see who it was. There were no voice mails - just one text message that said, "got a dui last night - sorry I let you down." OMG! If that wasn't an intentional dig at Hubby for not going downtown that night, I don't know what would be! And, of course, that hurt Hubby tremendously, and made him feel really guilty for not going out that night and being there for his friend.

I can not believe that K laid a guilt trip on Hubby! That was so wrong! I told Hubby that he shouldn't feel guilty for that. K knew that Hubby wasn't going to go out that night. And while you hate to see any "friend" go through that, I have a hard time having sympathy for a 38 year old man who should have known better. Not to mention the fact that this wasn't K's first DUI!!! If he didn't learn his lesson the first time, then he's on his own.

Hubby and I were talking about what happened to K, and how guilty Hubby felt about not going down there. I told Hubby that if one of my friends called in the middle of the night and said they were too drunk to drive and needed a ride home, I would go get them, no questions asked. But K was playing games that night, and he was looking for Hubby to go bar hopping with him. That's not calling on a friend for help, which makes it totally different. K didn't want help getting home - he just wanted Hubby to come out that night. Besides, K wasn't alone that night. He was with a group of people. And no offense to Hubby, but if K thinks he can influence Hubby away from me, K's got another thing coming to him!

Yes, I feel like K and I have a power struggle over Hubby sometimes. I would never deny my husband time with his buddies. Never. Hubby can do what he wants. BUT...on that particular night, Hubby was sticking around with me because I needed help with some stuff after work. There's no struggle there. Hubby says, and I quote, "[Lady Lover] comes first." So should I feel guilty along with Hubby? Uh, no. I will not feel guilty about it.

On a sad note, K has screwed up his life in more ways than one. Not only did he get arrested for this [K refused the breathalizer & blood test, which was an automatic conviction], but he also lost his driver's license for a year. And the worst of it - K screwed the remainder of his military career because of this. The Base Commander is making an example out of K, and K is being forced to retire, and will probably be out of the military in less than 30 days.

Now, of course, K is feeling all kinds of remorse over what he did. While its a bummer that he let stupidity over rule his common sense, again I have a hard time feeling sorry for him. He brought this on himself, and now he is going to pay the price. The one person I feel most sorry for is Hubby. If K leaves the military, that also means he'll be leaving this place, and moving back to Texas. Hubby feels really bad for his friend, and last night Hubby said to me, "Now I have no one." I felt really bad for Hubby, because he's losing his best bud to hang out with. Although, I have to say that kind of hurt my feelings, because he still has me, but I understand all too well that we need friends aside from each other. But, and this might sound really selfish, but, maybe now Hubby will understand what I have been going through these last two year, not having any friends of my own here. While I have been hurting and lonely, Hubby has always had K to hang out with.

So, now it's a waiting game to see what the final result is going to be for K. He owns a house in town, so moving for him isn't going to happen overnight. As for K and Hubby's friendship, I support Hubby in anything he feels he needs to do for K at this point. And I will have to call on all my patience for the amount of time I know Hubby and K will be spending with each other between now and what ever the future holds for K. But I have to be clear on this - I am supporting Hubby - and only because he feels that K is his best friend. Besides, this too shall pass - and in the end Hubby & K's friendship will only be put on hold, because K is moving back to where Hubby and I are going to retire, so I know their friendship will pick up where it leaves off when K moves. Although, I have to admit, things are going to get interesting around here once K leaves, I'm sure. I have a feeling Hubby is going to hit a "poor me" stage, because he won't have his buddy around. And I know I am going to have a hard time having sympathy for that one, because I've been going through it for two years now, and most of the time Hubby seemed to care less about it.

Ah well - the train is pulling out of the station, and life keeps moving forward. Guess it's time I hop on the train and try to go with the flow. For now I need to get off my arse and hop in the shower...chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug....

Changes Ahead - part 2

2007-05-09T21:50:00.000-06:00

I am really tired tonight, but I felt like posting, so here I am. :)

I've been packing all day. Back in October I was supposed to move back to Texas, and a good deal of my belongings are already packed. But about two weeks before I was supposed to move, Hubby asked me to stay through the winter. I agreed, so here I still sit, but I never unpacked the boxes that I had already packed. Although, in the last 6 or 7 months I have been pulling things out of boxes, little by little if I needed them. Well, now that I am packing again, I am finding that I've pulled out a heck of a lot more than I thought I had. Add that to all the things I've purchased over that time, and I feel like I've got a lot of packing to do - again. It is amazing how much "stuff" can be accumulated over the course of such a short period of time.

I am having mixed emotions about this upcoming move. In one respect, I'm really bummed that this move is only relocating us two blocks away. I was really hoping that my next move would be back to my beloved Texas. I also don't know how this is going to affect the move I am supposed to make in September. Having to pack a moving truck again so soon will probably be the cause of a few arguements between Hubby and I, and I hate fighting. On the other hand, I am actually looking forward to this move, because we are moving into a much nicer house. It's also bigger. Much bigger. I don't know how many square feet the house is that we are living in now, but this new house is a 1700 sq. ft., 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath home, with a two car garage. Oh - and I have to stress the word NEW. Our base has been doing a lot of revamping, and the housing area is getting a major overhaul, so we are getting a brand new house. I am finding that I can't complain about it, although the simple act of having to move is a pain in the butt. Especially when you consider that we were told we would be in a house that wouldn't be affected by the construction when we moved in.

Anyway, I am finding that I am actually getting excited about this move. I really need a change of scenery, and I keep telling myself this just might be what the doctor ordered. A fresh start on a new street, new neighbors, a great house, maybe a new perspective on things... I am also hoping that maybe I can make a friend or two over there. It also cuts my travel time to work in half. Not that my travel time is really all that bad - as it is, it only takes me 5 minutes to get to work. It's one of the perks of living and working on base. But now, my travel time will only be 2 1/2 minutes, lol! Mind you, that's also a pit fall, because there are only two of us that work in my office that live on base. If one of the full-timer's gets stuck because of bad weather, gets sick, or whatever, Big T or I are the ones they call on to fill in or help out.

So, like I said, I'm actually getting excited about this move. Initially Hubby and I decided to let the military move us, but then we realized we could make some money by moving ourselves, so that's what we have decided to do. It's probably not the smartest idea given our recent health issues, but we could really use the money. Besides, Hubby is recruiting a bunch of military guys from work to help us out on moving day. As far actually moving furniture and boxes, we'll have help, so it shouldn't be too tough.

Speaking of health issues, today I was supposed to call the doctor about the portable heart monitor I'm supposed to be on. Well, before I called the doctors office today to set up a time for that, I decided maybe I should call our health insurance company, just to make sure I was cleared with authorization for these upcoming appointments. It's a good thing I called. For starters, the doctor and his nurse weren't even in today. That's a little frustrating since it was them who told me to call today. On top of that, I found out that I am not authorized for these appointments. Now I have to wait to hear back from both the doctor and our insurance company before I can get this stuff taken care of. I have been told it can take up to a week for the authorization process, and I can't even make the appointments until I have that authorization number, which means it could be two weeks or more before I do the heart monitor thing. Like there isn't enough stress in my life right now. *sighs*

I have been thinking a lot about Sexy Man today. Most of the time I try not to think about him, but for some reason he has been on my mind all day. I really miss him, and that makes me sad. There have been a few times when I wanted to pick up the phone and send him a text just to see how he is doing. I always stop myself with a reminder of how he decided to end things, which always makes me feel worthless in his eyes, and then I get pissed off all over again about how he handled things. Then I start mulling over our relationship, rehashing the wonderful times we had, and hitting a brick wall when I get to how things ended. I am still very confused over the way things ended, because I can't understand how two people who had something so wonderful can just let things end the way it did - or more to the point, how HE could end things the way HE did. It's a nasty little cycle that I really need to break, so I am trying to stay strong.

On a more happy note, after a very relaxing back rub, Hubby and I had some really good sex last night! I turned on HBO and there was a "Real Sex" episode on about the ultimate orgasm, lol - Hubby watched it with me, and he really must have been paying attention, because he made me have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Now guys, here's the scoop: A LOT of women NEED clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and for them, to have one with only vaginal stimulation is a real treat. It is a very different sensation as orgasms go. Last night, Hubby and I had to take it slow and easy because of that angiogram procedure I had done, but because of that, he was hitting my G-spot juuussst right! YUMMY!!

If you want to give your lady a real treat, try this... While you are having intercourse, (don't forget the pre-sex back massage*wink-wink*), start out only going about two inches in, and use a slow but steady rhythm. Do this for as long as you possibly can (only going about two inches in) - it will be a treat for you too, but you'll probably have to call on every ounce of self-control you have if your lady is going to reach orgasm this way, because once you let your load go and get soft, it won't feel nearly as yummy to her. By using this method, you are essentially massaging her G-spot with the head of the penis, and it's HEAVENLY! [A side note to this is that it just isn't the same when you are slamming your lady with full strokes.]

Well, I suppose it is time for me to get to bed. I have more packing to do tomorrow. I'm trying to take it easy after being in the hospital, so it is a slow process. Good thing I have three weeks before the move actually takes place.

xoxo

Changes Ahead

2007-05-07T23:35:00.000-06:00

Wow! I just re-read my last post. It's pretty obvious that I am turning into a very bitter woman, and I don't like it one bit. I can only imagine that anyone out in "blogger land" who might read my posts would find it unappealing too. I know that last one was a major bummer, but I have to say - Damn! It felt good to get that off my chest! And now it's time to move forward. Let's see...well...we'll start with the news that Hubby and I got last Monday.

So, last Monday was Hubby's birthday. He doesn't like to make big fusses about his birthday. I think getting older really bothers him, although he won't admit it. I had plans to take him to the Red Wing store to buy him these $200 boots for his birthday that he's really been wanting. They're motorcycle boots. Well, don'tcha know, the Red Wing store in town stopped carrying the motorcycle boots. Hubby was so disappointed. I told him he could order them, but he insists that he wants to try them on before he buys them. I can understand that. I've done the mail order thing with shoes, and it can be disappointing and a pain in the butt if you have to return them. So, Hubby didn't get his boots like I had planned. Then he suggested that he would look for new riding boots when we go to Sturgis this year, so I told him to go for it. Meanwhile...

Hubby and I are sitting at home later that morning, and his cell phone rings. It's the base housing office. They want to remodel the houses on our street, so we have been told that we have to move out of our house no later than June 15th. I've been wanting to move for almost two years now, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind. That was strike two for Hubby's birthday too. It wasn't news he wanted to hear, let alone on his birthday. We sat at home for most of the day feeling very bewildered over this upcoming move. It made it hard to really enjoy the day.

Well , I was determined that the day wouldn't be a total waste for Hubby's birthday. We had plans to go out to dinner that evening. He had his heart set on a certain dish at a certain resturant, so I was going to make sure he got at least that much. Only problem was that I wasn't feeling too good, but I wasn't going to let that stop us from going out to dinner.

For the week prior to Hubby's birthday, I had been experiencing numbness and tingling in my left arm. As I was getting ready for Hubby's birthday dinner, the numbness started to get worse, and overall, I just started feeling really bad - just an overall yuckiness started to set in. Hubby came into the bathroom while I was putting my make-up on and noticed that I didn't quite look myself. He suggested that we not go out to dinner, but I insisted. I wasn't about to add a strike three to his day, so I finished getting ready and we left for dinner.

Dinner was good. Hubby enjoyed his meal, and we had good, light conversation. I still wasn't feeling well though, so after dinner we went straight home. We spent what was left of the night chillin' at our computers, then we both went to bed early.

Ya know, some days, no matter what you do, things just don't work the way you plan. This particular day was simply one of those days.

Through the course of the night, my yucky feeling continued to progress, to the point that the numbness in my arm started getting much worse. Nausea set in, then weakness in legs, and by the time I went to bed, I felt like complete shit. I told Hubby I was going to call the dr. in the morning to make an appointment. Then we went to bed. As I lay there, the nausea and numbness continued to worsen. Then I started to feel this warm pressure in the left side of my chest. I'm sure you know where this is heading.

At 2:00 in the morning, I crawled out of bed trying not to disturb Hubby, grabbed my cell phone, and called our after-hours care unit at the base hospital. I thought, worse case scenerio, they would be able to get me an appointment first thing in the morning. Uh, not. After describing my symptoms to the on-call doctor, I was told to hang up and call 911 immediately. CRAP! I so did not want to make that call. I also hated the fact that I would have to wake up Hubby. His birthday this year wasn't going to make the top 10 list as it was. The last thing he needed was to be awakened in the middle of the night to take me to the hospital.

Well, I woke up Hubby, because I needed to. I tried to explain to him what was going on, but he was in a stuper and really didn't understand. Then I made the 911 call, and within 10 minutes I had two police cars, a fire truck, and an ambulance outside my house. Suddenly I had my house filled with people. I can't tell you how many people were actually standing in my livingroom, but I was surrounded. If I wasn't nervous before, I was definitely nervous now. Then they tell me they are taking me to the hospital downtown. They asked if I could walk out to the ambulance on my own, or if they needed to the get the stretcher. Of course I'll walk! Silly people. Well, just as I was about to get into the ambulance, my legs gave way underneath me, and they ended up carrying me into the ambulance anyway. Guess I should have taken the ride on the gurney. Silly me.

My trip to the emergency room ended up to be a two day stay in the hospital. [Oh, can I just tell you - chewing aspirin is NASTY! And nitroglycerin squirts under the tongue are even worse!] My blood pressure wasn't looking too good, which is actually very unusual for me. I have always been told that my blood pressure is really good for an overweight 40-something smoker, but not this day. Then they did all kinds of EKG's on me, and eventually hooked me up to a heart monitor.

Over the course of my two day hospital stay, I endured several chest x-rays, more blood samples drawn than I care to count (We all know how much I hate needles. They drew so much blood that I actually have track marks in two of my veins. No shit.), three shots in my stomach (yeah, please explain that one, right? They were giving me blood thinners and anti-blood clot meds that apparently could only be delivered through the stomach), an anti-depressant (because in a previous life I had an anxiety attack), pain meds, muscle relaxers, high blood pressure medication, and more x-rays and EKG's. Then, to top it all off, I had a stress test which I failed miserably, which was then followed by the fabulous (not so much) experience of having an angiogram done.

Let me tell you about an angiogram. An angiogram is where they inject a dye into your heart through the main artery, via a small incision in your groin area. They tell you that they are going to give you a medication that will make you very relaxed - to the point that you won't remember a thing. Uh, excuse me...bullshit! So, yeah, I was relaxed, but I remember the whole thing. Especially the part where they tell you, "you are going to feel a warm sensation in your chest", when they inject the dye. Uh, bullshit again! Warm sensation? Not. The moment they started injecting the dye, I felt it. And "warm" is not the proper adjective I would use here. As soon as they injected the dye, I felt an instantaneous hot flash from my groin to my neck. By the way, when I say hot flash, I mean, HOT flash. It feels almost like someone torched you. Thankfully it doesn't last very long, but I couldn't help wondering if the top of my head was smoking from the experience.

At the end of my two day excursion, here's what they found. First, I didn't have a heart attack. Thank the Gods! Second, it wasn't an anxiety attack. Third, the arteries running to and from my heart look good - no blockages in sight. But then comes the bad news. Apparently, one of the chambers of my heart is not playing nice - not pumping like the rest of them. I also seem to be having issues with random heart tremors. Like my heart all the sudden decides to go nuts for a few seconds, whenever the hell it feels like it. So now, they want to hook me up to a portable heart monitor while I'm at home, to see if they can pin-point what is causing these issues.

I ask you...haven't I had enough this past year? Someone...Anyone...hear me now: I'm D-O-N-E! If I never see another hospital the rest of my life, it would suit me just fine! What the hell? I enter my 40's and suddenly by body decides to go to shit?! It's just not right. I swear it's this place that I'm living. If I don't make some changes soon, this place is going to be the death of me, truly. We won't even get into my so-called "love life" right now. I need a break!

Then there's Hubby. He has been on high blood pressure medication for at least the last 5 years. Yesterday he had a migraine, which was brutal, and he still had it this morning when we got up. For at least the last year, it seems like several times a week he gets headaches. I've been asking him to please make an appointment about it, but he puts it off and just accepts the headaches as a part of life. I guess this morning was the turning point because of this migraine, so he saw a doctor about it today.

When he got to the doctors office, the first thing they did was take his blood pressure, which turned out to be 174/114. If you know nothing about blood pressure, let me tell you, that's bad. That's very bad. The doctor told him if they didn't get his blood pressure down, he could have a fatal stroke. As it is, one of his brothers had a quadruple bi-pass at the age of 36. His father also had a quadruple bi-pass in his 60's. There's some unusual family genetics at work here that causes heart problems for the men in his family. I know that heart disease can be genetic, but this genetic thing in Hubby's family is an unusual one. They carry a unique gene that makes their blood thicken, making the blood pump slower than most. That, in and of itself, is a problem, and when you add that to possible heart problems, it really complicates things.

So now Hubby's dealing with a worsening issue with his blood pressure, and I'm dealing with a whacky heart issue myself. I believe it is time for both of us to make some severe changes in our lives, if we are ever going to make it to old age. Mind you, I've been saying this for a while now, but I believe Hubby finally realizes that I might be right. We simply can't go on living like this.

There is a lot more I want to share, but it is almost 1:00 in the morning and I'm tired, so off to bed I go.

Nighty-night. xoxo

I'm Sick of It!

2007-04-22T21:48:00.000-06:00

I am so sick of everything right now.

I'm sick of fair-weather friends. You know the kind I'm talking about. They're the ones who only get in touch when it's convenient for them. They're the ones you CAN'T call on when you need a friend, because they really don't give a shit one way or the other. On the off-chance that you actually spend any time with them, you can't expect to have anymore than a casual conversation with them. God forbid you actually need someone to talk to, be it good or bad, because suddenly they have more important things to do. I am sick of fair-weather friends.

I'm sick of having no life. I'm sick of being in a place I hate. I'm sick of spending so much time alone. I'm sick of always trying to find things to do to occupy my time because I spend so much time alone. I am fed up with everything I call "my life" right now. I'm sick of not having my own home. I'm sick of being the only one in this household to worry about finances and the future. I'm sick of my job. I'm sick of the military bullshit. I'm sick of cold weather.

I'm also sick of being sick. Geez-oh-crimeny! I have spent the last year doing nothing but recovering. If I haven't been recovering from surgeries, then I have been recovering from stomach viruses, head traumas, colds, and the flu. Just when I thought I was over being sick, I end up with allergies that are plaguing me with ear infections. I'm 42 years old, for heaven sakes! I'm not supposed to be getting ear infections at 42 years old! I try to take care of myself - eat healthy foods, drink lots of water, take my vitamins, get lots of rest, but it seems no matter what I do, nothing helps. And you can forget exercising. Who the hell feels like exercizing when they're sick 99.9% of the time. I'm sick of being sick.

Last, but hardly least, I'm sick of having my heart stomped on! I'm am so utterly tired of sharing my heart with people, only to have them treat me like I mean nothing in the end. Why do people feel that it is okay to do that? When I care about someone, whether they are a friend, family member, or lover, they usually know it. I am an affectionate person. I spend time letting people know I am thinking about them. I make efforts to hold on relationships that mean something. I am caring and giving, and I always have shoulder when it's needed. I will give you the shirt off my back, open up my home, put food in your belly, and offer hugs of support. Yet, in the end, I am so easily forgotten. I am sick of letting people into my life who don't give a shit.

What the hell?!?! I am NOT some door mat that people can use when needed, then wipe their feet on me and discard me when they don't need me anymore. I am sick and tired of trying to be self-less in my relationships, when everyone else is being so damn selfish! I'm sick of it!

My Hero of the Night

2007-04-17T23:48:00.000-06:00

Tonight I went out as planned. I got my nails done, stopped by McD's to get a burger, then I headed to the country bar to check out the band of the week, while hoping just maybe there would be someone there I knew that I could hang out with.

For starters, I went to a new nail place. The guy did a disappointing job on my nails. The prices here are so much higher than they are down in Texas. You would think for the money you would get top service and a job worthy of the price. Not so much. Serves me right for trying someone different. I am so unhappy that I am seriously considering going to my regular place tomorrow to have them fixed rather than wait until I need my next fill. *sighs* Only problem is that I really like the polish color, and I had my toes done too. If I get my nails fixed, that means I'll need to get my toes repolished to match. arrgghh. I know that sounds really vain, but I enjoy taking a some pride in my appearance - right on down to my polished toes, lol

After getting my nails done & getting a bite to eat, I headed to the country bar. When I got there I was surprised to see so many cars in the parking lot for a Tuesday night. Unfortunately, the only people I knew when I went in were the bartenders and the manager. I tried calling one of the girls I know to see if she wanted to come out and join me, but she never returned my call. Well, since I was already there, I decided to stay for a drink and check out the band.

So...I'm sitting there alone, minding my own business, drinking my drink and enjoying the band of the week. They were actually really good, which means I might go back again one day this week if I can find someone to go with me. Anyway...I finished my first drink, and decided to stay for a second one since I was really enjoying the band. While I'm sitting there, this guy walks up to me and says, "You have beautiful breasts!" He starts making these noises, like 'mmm-mmm-mmm" - Then he askes me if I will turn towards him so that he can see them better. Uh...what the hell??? I have had men approach me before, and even comment on my cleavage in a subtle, even polite or humorous way, but I have never had anyone be quite so blunt. If this guy hadn't been so insistent on wanting to see them, I would have taken it as a compliment, but he turned out to be really annoying and wouldn't go away. The whole time he stood there next to my table, he stared with intent at my cleavage all the while telling me how great they were.

It didn't take long for me to tell this guy that he was making me really uncomfortable, and eventually I asked him to leave or I was going to get the manager. Then he apologizes (while still staring at my cleavage) and tells me that when he sees something he likes, he goes for it. Period. Then he continues with, "Look around. You have the best breasts in this bar", while pointing out the breasts of other women in the bar. OMG! At this point I started looking around for the manager. Then this other guy, who patrons the country bar nightly, came over and sat next to me and started talking to me. My hero! The breast-obsessive guy findly left. Thank the Gods!

There's nice, there's flirtatious, and then there's plain old scary. This guy was just plain old scary! So much so that for the first time ever, I actually requested that the manager walk me to my car when I left.

When I went out tonight, this was not the kind of "fun" I was looking for. And this is EXACTLY why I hate going out alone. I wish I could find a real friend to hang out with here.

As for my hero, well, he's an 89 year old man, LOL! He's a good guy though - friendly and funny, and everyone there loves him. It's nice to know that chivalry still exists.

A Moment of Silence

2007-04-17T13:26:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning, while sitting at my computer, I surfed to the homepage of the news and discovered that a tragedy had taken place. There had been a shooting at Virginia Tech. As I kept an eye on the news coverage, the death toll rose from one to thirty-two lives taken during the course of this senseless and tragic event.

After the initial shock of hearing what had happened, thoughts of my son immediately came to my mind. My son is currently away at college in the State of Virginia. Knowing that he is at a different university offered little comfort to me, as my thoughts raced to his own safety.

As a parent, this is one of those moments in life that is our greatest fear. A child leaves the nest to spread their wings, and you can only hope and pray that they will remain healthy and safe when they leave the comfort of their home and the loving arms of their parents.

My son is safe. Having heard his voice brings relief to my mind and heart. But my child has been touched by this incident. Two friends of his lost friends in the shootings at Virginia Tech, and one friend left campus to be with a friend who was wounded, bringing this tragedy closer to home.

This whole ordeal saddens me. So many lives are touched by this.

From those who lost their lives, to those left behind to grieve and make sense of this, to the nation that mourns with the mourners, I offer blessings of peace, love, and the warmth of healing light to bring comfort to your minds and hearts.

A moment of silence do I give, for the lives and souls of the departed.
A moment of hope do I give, that we remember those souls for their gifts of life.
For through their lives and their senseless deaths,
May we always remember how precious we truly are to one another.

Blessed Be.

My Decision...

2007-04-16T22:10:00.000-06:00

After looking at my archive count, I realized that I have only posted to my blog once a month over that last three months. I thought I'd try to break that habit, so here I am. :) Actually, I have decided that I am going to try to post something to my blog at least once a week. My life isn't really all that exciting, particularly right now, but who knows...I'm sure with all the things swimming around in my head, I can manage to find something to talk about. For this post, we'll start with this past Saturday evening.

I'm sure I have mentioned that I am into the motorcycle scene. I absolutely LOVE riding motorcycles. If you have never been on one, but you're into the whole freedom-loving, nature-loving lifestyle, then I highly recommend trying it out. There's just something about being on a motorcycle - the power of the engine beneath you; the freedom of the ride; the feeling of the wind against your body; the connection and experience with nature that you can't get from riding in a car; even the vulnerability that exists, as well as the dangers...it's both a rush and a serene experience all at the same time - not to mention just plain old fun!

Well, Saturday while I was at work, I went out to smoke a cigarette towards the end of the day, and while I'm out there, Hubby drives up on his motorcycle and parks next to me. It was a beautiful day out, which has been a rarity around here. As soon as I saw Hubby on the bike, I just knew that when I got off of work I would have to insist that Hubby take me for a ride before the sun went down. He agreed, so when I got off work I immediately went home, got into my gear, and off we went. :)

It really was a beautiful evening for a ride! The air had a bit of a bite to it, but with my leathers on, it was more than bearable. And it wasn't too windy out either, which made for perfect riding. (When you're going 70 mph on a motorcycle, and the wind is whipping at you from the sides at 40 mph across open fields, the ride becomes interesting to say the least as you try to keep your bike steady while fighting with the wind at the same time.) Windy days are usually a given around here, so it was nice to have my first ride of the season be a calm one, lol - Anyway...

Where I live, there really aren't too many options for destinations. Anything good is going to be at least two hours away, so if you 'just want to go for a ride', the routes are limited. When we hopped on the bike that evening, Hubby asked me which route I wanted to go, and after thinking about it, I told him, "let's just go to the country bar for a little bit". He agreed, and we hit the road. (The country bar is about 20 minutes away so it wasn't too far, and we wouldn't risk getting caught out at night, which is something we try to avoid.)

When we got to the country bar the band was already playing. This was about 5:30, so I thought the band was actually early that night, because they don't usually start playing until 8-8:30. Then I rememered that on Saturday evenings the band of the week has a jam session where anyone can join the band with their own personal instruments or vocals. It actually turned out to be the most enjoyable hour and half that Hubby and I have had in a while. Since we haven't been to the country bar in two months, we lucked out that the band of the week was pretty damn good. Then to add to the enjoyment, those individuals who 'jammed' with the band turned out to be pretty damn good too! We were impressed - as everyone on the stage managed to crank out anything from Pink Floyd to country to the Blues, we had a hard time figuring out who was actually in the band, and who was only there for the jam session.

Hubby tried to talk me into getting up there too, but I had to say no. I love to sing. When I was in Texas, I was the primary vocals in a garage band (I think I've mentioned that before). The thought of singing with a band again tempted me terribly, but I decided against it. Since I am only just getting over the flu and just getting my speaking voice back, I really didn't think it was a good idea to try to belt out any tunes just yet, lol. But I have to say again...it was sooooo tempting. I miss singing with a band. It is so much different than singing karaoke. Ah well, maybe next time. The jam session was over about 7:30-ish, so Hubby and I took off and headed home, where I fixed dinner and then Hubby headed to bed.

Then I worked again on Sunday. When I got home, Hubby was still at work, so I laid down to take a nap. (Oh, I guess I forgot to mention, Hubby started working 12 hour shifts on Sunday. It's only for a week or so.) Well, I guess I must have really needed that nap, because I laid down at 4:45 and didn't wake up until 9:30. Doh! When I woke up, I went downstairs, and just as I was about to give Hubby a hug, he says to me in a really pissy tone, "I'm going to bed." I asked what was wrong, and he says to me, "I just wanted to spend some time with my wife and have dinner. I just had some crackers, now I'm going to bed." What the hell?? I said, "Why didn't you wake me up?" He says, "Because you were sleeping pretty hard." I said, "You should have woke me up." He says again in a really pissy tone, "Why bother." OMG! So the alternative is to be an ass about it? And did you notice the comment about the "crackers" for dinner? He's going to get shitty with me because he couldn't get off his ass and fix himself something besides crackers for dinner? I don't think so! He's a grown man, and it wouldn't the be first time he fended for himself. Geez! Needless to say, I spent the next hour stewing over the whole stupid ordeal. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell that was all about. I refuse to be a kitchen slave, and he knows it. I also don't play slave to victims either. It was a bullshit moment, and today I told him so. After apologizing for the night before, he gets all cozy with me and tells me he wants to roll around naked with me. Uh...no. He went to bed about an hour ago, by himself. Nighty-night!

Now I'm sitting here alone, yet again. I hate this solitude. And because Hubby is on 12 hour shifts all week, I will spend my days by myself, and then by 9:00 pm, I will be left alone yet again because he'll be in bed. Might I add, his 9 pm bedtime is not unusual. He's generally in bed by 9:00 whether he's working 12's or not. *sighs* I think tomorrow I will go downtown and get my nails done, and maybe go to the country bar to see what kind of trouble I can get into, hehe! If I'm not mistaken, Biker Dude plays pool on Tuesday nights (she says with a devilish grin!)

You may think by that last comment that I'm getting over my recent heartbreak. No, I'm still dealing with it, and probably will be for a while. But I have made a decision...

Several months ago I started making a scrapbook album of my time with Sexy Man. The idea was to give it to him when I moved back to Texas as a gift. Well, when Sexy Man and I had our few hours together recently, we had spent some time looking at photos I had stored on my computer from when I lived down there before. During the few minutes we were looking at photos, I had asked him whether he remembered a particular moment, and he commented, "Women have such better memories than men." When he said that, I knew that I needed to finish the scrapbook to give to him. Then our relationship ended, and now I have this gift for him staring at me, so I've decided to go ahead and finish it, and still give it to him when I move back to Texas. How I am actually going to get it to him will prove to be interesting, since I really don't want to see him, particularly right now. But maybe by then I'll be able to handle it. Who knows.

Why would I do something so crazy as to finish this scrapbook for him? I've asked myself that a couple of times, and the only thing I can come up with is that I think working on it might be a healing outlet for me in some wierd way. I don't know. If it proves to be too much for me emotionally, then maybe I'll just burn the damn thing. Again, I don't know. It just seems to me if I intended it to go to him, then I still think he should have it. Besides, a lot of love and hard work has gone into this damn thing. And if truth be told, I think he needs to remember what we shared. Then maybe he'll see how wrong it was to end things the way he did. Not that I want to start things back up with him, honestly. At this particular moment, I really don't. I don't think I can bring myself to go through all that again. But I still want him to have this scrapbook.

While I'm telling you about this scrapbook, now would also be a good time to share with you that while I was visiting Mr. & Mrs. WS, Mrs. WS had shared a scrapbook she made of our good times at the watering hole before we all moved. I loved seeing our time together through her eyes. The only thing was, it had only been two days since my break-up with Sexy Man, and of course there were photos in there of me and Sexy Man. At the time, seeing those photos hit me really hard, for obvious reasons, and I was overwhelmed with tears. I don't know why I hadn't braced myself for those photos, because Sexy Man was as much a part of those good times as anyone else who used to hang out with us. Later on the irony hit me about my own scrapbook. After looking at hers, I wasn't so sure I'd be able to finish the one I had started for Sexy Man. I couldn't even open mine until today. But then today I decided to pull it out and just look at it. I managed to do so without crying, although I felt a real heaviness in my heart looking at those pictures. After looking at my scrapbook today, that's when I decided that I needed to finish it. If I could look at it today without crying, then maybe six months from now I'll be able to look at it with fond memories, instead of with heartache.

So anyway, there you have my decision. As far as going out tomorrow night goes, Mrs. WS said to me not too long ago, "the best way to get over someone is to find someone new." So I am going to take her word on that, and go out tomorrow night to see if I can strike up a little fun! What do I have to lose, right? I'll keep you "posted"! ;)

Love Sucks & Life Goes On

2007-04-13T06:07:00.000-06:00

It is hard to believe that it has been over a month since I last posted anything. Lady Lover has been a busy girl. Actually, I've been a really sick girl. :( During the second week of my trip to Texas, I managed to get the flu, which has lasted three weeks so far. *sniffles* I have managed to experience the full array of flu symptoms, to include losing my voice which I still haven't gotten back completely. The good news is after - count 'em...not one, but THREE rounds of antibiotics, I'm FINALLY starting to feel better than I sound. I even missed two days of work, which is something I am not in the habit of doing. *sighs* My boss actually had the audacity to insist on a doctor's note because she didn't believe me. The nerve of some people! Aside from needing a weekend off because of one of my surgeries, this was the only time I have ever called in sick. Like it wasn't obvious enough that I couldn't speak??? This woman (my boss) is a real head case.

Well, during my inability to speak and feeling crappy these last three weeks, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I had these grand plans to tell you all about my wonderful time in Texas, but there has been an incident that is over-shadowing my happy thoughts. I have been trying really hard to let it go, but try as I may, the hurt is just too much right now. I need to talk about it with the hope that it will help me to move on. So here goes...

The day I left Texas, Sexy Man and I ended our two year relationship. After three weeks my heart still feels like it has a hole in it the size of Texas, and emotionally I am feeling really raw right now. I am so hurt and pissed off at the way things went down - and through it all, I still love this man, which makes it all the more painful.

I know I never finished the "Margarita Memoirs" which, by the way, I moved to it's own seperate blog a few weeks ago with the intention continuing. But with recent events, I don't know if I can bring myself to work on it right now. Anyway...anyone who reads my blogs has never really gotten the full scope of my relationship with Sexy Man, so to really understand how I came to love this man as much as I do will be a mystery to most. I suppose at this point it really doesn't matter though. I suppose at this point the only thing that matters is understanding that I love this man with all my heart. I guess in the end, that doesn't really matter anymore either, because he doesn't want me in his life anymore.

Here's what happened...

On the Thursday during my first week in Texas, I got a call from Sexy Man asking me if he could come to my hotel room and visit. I said yes, of course, and as I waited for him to get there I spent my time primping in the mirror to make sure I looked okay, all the while going crazy with anticipation. Finally there's the knock on the door, and when I open it, Sexy Man is standing there with this big beautiful smile on his face. And don't you know, he's also sporting a goatee, which I have always found to be sexy as hell, especially on Sexy Man. [Have I ever told you that I'm a sucker for a man with a goatee? Seriously. I don't know why, but I love them!] When he came into the room, he gave me one of his big ol' bear hugs with a yummy kiss, and we just stood there for a few moments holding each other.

I was so nervous about seeing him, because it had been almost a year and a half since we had seen each other, even though we had communicated quite often during that time apart. But during that time apart, I had felt the distance growing between us over the last few months, and I had felt that our time was coming to an end, even though I had hoped with all my heart that wouldn't be the case.

If you remember my last post, one of the reasons I made this trip to Texas was to try to bring closure to our relationship - or at least find out where we stood. At the time, I told myself I would accept what ever happens, and deal with it. What I didn't expect was how things actually happened, or how much it would hurt.

Well, After Sexy Man and I said hello, he waltzed into my room and plopped down on the bed and started talking with me as though there had never been any time apart. We spent two hours laying on that bed talking, catching up on all the things going on in our lives. Actually, that's not completely true - he did most of the talking. He eventually realized that I hadn't been "sharing" much, and asked how things had been going for me. I found it hard to divulge the details of my life over the last year and half, because it has been a very difficult time for me. As soon as I started to tell him what was going on, my eyes filled with tears and I couldn't continue. Thankfully, he didn't push the issue. He already has a pretty good idea of how miserable I am where I am living right now, but he doesn't know too many details. Whenever we would talk on the phone, I always tried to leave my misery out of it. I preferred to keep our conversations positive and up-beat. Anyway...

During our time in my room, we really hadn't been very physically connected. I was actually afraid to touch him, because I was afraid of how he might respond given the distance growing from our time apart. Eventually, I told him that I didn't know if I was allowed to touch him or not, and he told me, "Of course you can touch me!" As if to say I was a silly woman for even thinking that, he pulled me to him and held me and kissed me again. It felt so good to feel his arms around me and to feel his lips against mine after all that time. We stayed like that for a few minutes, hugging, holding each other, and kissing. I wanted so badly to push him back on the bed and have one of those incredible make-out sessions, but I kept myself in check, afraid to go too far. Then I told him how much I had missed him, and shared with him that I had been trying to give him space. He asked if I meant space there in the room, and while I had been trying to give him space there too, I said, "No - I mean space as far as contacting you." He said, "I noticed that you weren't getting in touch as often." Then I said, "Just because you don't hear from me as often doesn't mean I have stopped loving you. I still love you, [Sexy Man]." He responded with, "I know exactly what you mean." We continued to hold each other, and after a few more minutes he suggested we go to the park and take a walk.

[I don't think I ever got around to mentioning the park in the Margarita Memoirs, but Sexy Man and I had many, many memorable moments in that park, so taking a "walk in the park" has special meaning to us. It was one of the only public places we could go to be together without worrying about running into people either one of us knew. And we have had some excellent conversations in the park - among other things. The other public place we would go was the watering hole, but then, we usually had alcohol in our systems there and really didn't give a crap if people saw us or not.]

When we got to the park, I had a flood of happy memories come back to me of our previous times there. Most of all, I felt an incredible feeling of peace wash over me - like I was back where I belonged. I think he felt it too because he hugged me tightly when we got there. Then, as he always did, Sexy Man grabbed my hand and we started taking our walk through park. We talked, we laughed, and we enjoyed our time together holding hands the whole way, but about a quarter of the way through our walk I felt this incredible need for reality check, and I told him that I wanted him in my life - but if he couldn't handle that and still manage his marraige, he needed to tell me. Again, for the second time that day, I choked back tears, and as I said that I braced myself to hear the worst. But instead of saying whether he could or couldn't handle it, he maintained silence. I waited for his response, but rather than insist on a response, I walked silently with him. He never responded to it. He eventually broke the silence with a joke, and we kept walking as though I had never said anything.

We continued our walk through the park, once again enjoying our time together. Of course, there was this issue of my previous comments now in the back of my mind, but this was our first time together in a while, and I really didn't want to spoil it further, so I left it alone for the time being. Then, about three quarters of the way through our walk, Sexy Man says to me, "[Wifey] and I have been together for a lot of years. We have children together. We have a history together." This actually made me angry, because this is not the first time he has said this to me. I pointed this out, stopping him dead in his tracks, while also telling him, "Every time you say that, you make it sound like you are the only one here with a spouse. [Hubby] and I have also been together for a lot of years. We also have a child together. We also have a history together - you are not the only one." His response to that was, "I know - I needed to remind myself, as much as I needed to say it to you."

Once again, we continued our walk, mostly in silence at this point. When we eventually got back to the car, we stood there by the car just holding each other. I laid my head on his chest while he held me, and I told him I always felt so at peace with him. He said, "That's because we have always been so comfortable with each other." Then we got in the car and headed back to my hotel.

When we returned to the hotel, he hugged me and kissed me again, and made a comment about how he needed to get home, because "playing golf in the dark would be hard to explain." Then he told me that he would really like to join us Saturday night, and he'll try to be there. With that, I looked at him and said, "Please don't abandon me, Baby." He said, "I won't." Then he said, "Please go out tonight and enjoy yourself. Please don't sit in your room alone." I promised him that I would find something to occupy my time that night, we kissed again and said goodbye, and then he left.

Now, I have to ask you...does this sound like a man who is about to end a relationship? A part of me recognizes that we were both trying to say things to each other that day that never managed to come out. But still. What we really needed was some time to talk about "us", and as far as I knew, we would get to see each other again, so I wasn't too concerned about trying to get everything out right then and there. Gotta love that hind-sight, because there are so many things I wish I had said to him that day. :( But then, I didn't think it would be the last time we would see each other either.

Given the small momentary strains of our visit that day, I decided to leave Sexy Man alone on Friday, so I didn't contact him. I left him alone on Saturday too, knowing that if he wanted to see me that night he would join us at the watering hole. Well, that afternoon I got a text message from him saying the family had planned a cookout, and he would see what he could do about getting out that evening. I sent him one back saying I hoped he could make it. I knew when I got his text that he wouldn't be out that night, and as expected, the night came and went and no Sexy Man. Even though I knew he probably wouldn't show up, I was still hurt, because I still hoped that just maybe he'd find time to spend with me since my visit was a short one. I had my brief moment of tears over that, but then I let it go and continued to enjoy my time with my friends. (I'll fill you in on the fun later.) Then Sunday came and went. I have always given Sexy Man his Sunday's with his family, so once again I left him alone. Then Monday rolls around.

Now I have gone three days without seeing him, and really not hearing from him except for the text message on Saturday. Come Monday, I only had one day left in town if we were going to spend any more time together because I was leaving the next day. So Monday, around late morning, I sent Sexy Man a text message asking him if he would be able to get together that evening for a drink. A few hours later, late afternoon, I finally heard back from him telling me that he wouldn't be able to make it - giving me some lame excuse that he had some stomach thing going on that the kids gave him. I don't know if he was really sick or not, but I have my suspicions that was only an excuse to get out of seeing me, because I've heard something similar once before. I sent him a text back, letting him know that I was suspicious, but to feel better. Then he asks me when I was leaving. I told him check out was at 11:00, and he said he'd see me in the morning. You can only imagine my dissappointment about not getting to see him that evening. I was definitely getting the impression that he didn't want to see me. I managed to fill my evening visiting friends, and waited patiently for morning to arrive, at the same time, feeling apprehensive about what the morning would bring.

Well, the next morning rolls around, and I start packing up the car to leave. At 10:45 I checked out of the hotel, and I sat in my car in the hotel parking lot waiting for him to stop by. I knew that he took his lunch time at 10:45, so I figured he'd be there about 11:00. 11:00 rolls around, and no Sexy Man in sight. 11:15 rolls around, and still no Sexy Man. I knew at that moment that he wasn't coming. He didn't call or even send a text message, and the disappointment I felt was overwhelming. It was obvious that he was letting go, which broke my heart. What hurts most is that he said nothing. After everything he and I have shared, he was going to let me leave town without even so much as a goodbye. That's when I sent him a text message letting him know how hurt I was.

The following are the text messages that we sent to each other:

[By the way, Sexy Man and I had an agreement that I would never call him, but I could text him all I wanted. His wife found a cell phone bill at one point and started to scrutinize and question "a particular phone number" that was showing up on the bill. To the very end I respected that situation, so that's why I sent him a text instead of calling him. On the flip side, he never hesitated to call me - when he wanted to.]

LL - [11:17 am] I am so hurt, [Sexy Man]. I guess I know how you really feel now. I can’t believe you are choosing to end it this way – that hurts I most of all. – [Lady Lover]

SM - [11:32 am] [Lady Lover]-I’m sorry you are so hurt. My life is a mess now! I have things to work out with my family. Too much stress. I’m sorry baby – I wish you the best. Love [SM]

LL -[11:42 am] All I’ve done is love u. All I’ve asked 4 is honesty & a chance to share the love I thought we had 4 each other. Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll walk away forever.

SM - [11:50 am] I can’t give you the love you want and need. I’m taken. Take care of yourself and thank U for loving me.

LL - [11:56 am] Maybe you should have thought about that before you spent 5 months being the man in my life & telling me you loved me. Don’t thank me – this hurts like hell.

And that was the end of it, and the end of our relationship. I haven't heard from him since, and it is everything I can do to keep myself from writing him an e-mail and pointing out how wrong it was that he couldn't find the time to say goodbye to me in person or by phone. Even worse is that he chose to end our relationship through text messages.

Then there's his comment, "Thank U for loving me" - OMG! Thank you for loving him??? That felt like a slap in the face. It felt like he was patting me on the head like some dog, thanking me for being loyal, and sending my happy "loving" ass on its way!

For two years WE have had a relationship - I wasn't the only one involved here. For two years I have loved this man with every ounce of my being, while believing he loved me too. Difficulties aside, I was under the impression that we cared very deeply for one another. If being married was an issue, then why the hell did he ever start something with me in the first place - or keep it going by making me believe for the last two years that he gave a shit and actually wanted me in his life???

The fact that we are both married to someone else has always been very difficult on both of us. When we first started seeing each other, there was a definite something we both needed in our lives, and we found it in each other. As time passed, as we continued to spend time together, our relationship grew into real love for one another. We both recognized what we found in each other, but because of that, we also struggled terribly with our conscience because of our spouses. So we both tried to hold on to what we had with each other while also staying in our marriages.

I have no doubt that Sexy Man loves me. I also understand why he can't bring himself to leave his wife. He stands to lose a lot if he leaves her. The same holds true if I were to leave my husband. But the truth is that we both almost did leave our spouses so that we could be together. I wasn't the only one "loving" here!

Even through my anger and disbelief, I need to say - before anyone starts judging our situation, you need to know that we never intended to fall in love. I don't think anyone ever really plans on that. Even though what Sexy Man and I had was wrong in so many ways, because neither one of us was ever really available, I have never known anything to feel so right at the same time, and I believe Sexy Man felt that too. But still, when it came down to it, as much as we both wanted to be together, neither one of us could bring ourselves to hurt our spouses by leaving them.

Now here I sit with this huge hole in my heart, and I am so angry that after two years this is how he chose to end it. I miss my Sexy Man. I miss hearing his voice. I miss feeling his touch. I miss my friend, and I miss my lover. And knowing that I will never be able to spend time with him again is more painful than I can possibly express in words. All the while, I am still struggling to make my own marriage work.

This whole thing is so messed up.

A part of me knows this had to end. The other part of me wishes that we could have at least remained friends, because our relationship was about so much more than just sex. The chemistry, the passion, the things we had in common, the compassion and understanding that we had, when we danced it was like floating on air, when we made love it was with mind, body & soul, and the way we were able to talk and laugh together...we could talk about anything and everything, until it came to our personal relationship with each other. Whenever we started to talk about "us", it was always too heartwrenching to discuss, because we both knew deep-down that it could never be more. But everything else that made up the "us" when we were together was amazing and beautiful. Now it is over, and I find that I can't stop loving him, even with this anger I am feeling.

Like I told Mr & Mrs. WS, I guess I got my closure - but that doesn't make it hurt any less. When it came down to it, in my heart I didn't want closure, even with our difficult circumstances. Would it have been better if I had just driven out of town that day without saying a word? Probably not. If I had done that, then I would be sitting here right now hoping for things that would never come. And then I'd be kicking myself for not getting the closure I needed so that I could move on.

I am so angry, and I miss him.

I have told myself a few times over the last few days that I need to forgive him in my heart for handling this the way he did. I have to believe that even as cowardly as it was, the way he handled this, that he still loves me, and that it was as difficult for him to let go as it is for me. Then again, maybe I'm just kidding myself. Maybe I imagined everything? Maybe he never felt for me the way I thought he did? Did I misinterpret his feelings and intentions all this time?

Through all that, I am so frustrated and confused. If this is what he planned on doing, then why did he see me at all? After giving him more than one opportunity to walk away, why didn't he take one of them? Why did he have to choose to make me feel like I meant nothing in the end? I don't understand, and that adds to my heartache.

They say time heals all wounds. Right now I feel myself building this wall around my heart, because this hurts so damn much. I don't ever want to feel this kind of heartache again. I do know that I will keep pushing on, because I have to. I am telling myself that I need to put the focus back on my relationship with Hubby, but I am finding it hard to give him my heart, which isn't fair to him. I am also faced with the fact that I will be moving back to Texas, hopefully in September, and knowing one of the things I loved so much about being there was my Sexy Man. Now Sexy Man is out of the picture, and this will make the move a tough one emotionally. I have to say, Thank the Gods for the wonderful friendships I have down there. If it weren't for my friends who mean the world to me, I would probably never go back. With that in mind, I have decided that somehow I will find forgiveness in my heart for what has happened, before I make this move. I can't go back to Texas with this anger. And I can't dare hope that Sexy Man and I will be able to work this out. I know I have to let this go. The question is how? Is six months enough time to get over the greatest love of my life? Right now, if I could just stop crying, that would be an improvement.

I have pretty much let all my Texas friends know what has happened. They have stated more than once that it was weird to see me with Hubby because they are so used to seeing me with Sexy Man. Now a few of them have asked me if I still plan on moving back to Texas with what has happened. My answer is, Yes, I will still be moving back to Texas. While my love for Sexy Man has been a major part of why I love Texas so much, my love for my friends and the life I had when Sexy Man wasn't "available" is just as important to me as it ever was - now, even more so. I have decided I will not give up my Texas - not for any man! I just need healing time, and I hope you will have patience with me as I am sure to mention Sexy Man in future posts as I work through this.

Thanks for allowing me to share.