The Missing Margaritas - part 5

Today I am having a bad day. Not bad in the sense of things going wrong for me today, but bad in the sense that I’m hurting both physically and emotionally.

I finally had my surgery on Tuesday. Thank the Goddess that’s over. Tuesday was kind of a blur, which is probably a good thing. No one exactly relishes the thought of remembering going through a surgical procedure. I only hope this will be the last of it. I don’t think I can take anymore of hospitals or doctors right now. On the pain scale, I’m a hurtin’ pup. I feel like someone hit me with a sledgehammer between my legs. Walking hurts – sitting hurts – lying down hurts. It is “painfully” obvious that the doctor got brutal while performing this surgery. Thank goodness for Vicodin - at least the pain meds manage to dull the pain. The good news is that I’m not hurting as bad as I was from the last surgery, so hopefully I’ll be up and moving around much sooner than last time. At least, I hope so. I can’t afford to miss anymore work.

Emotionally I am a mess today also. Along with being sick and tired of dealing with doctors and hospitals, I am also sick and tired of feeling this empty hole in my heart. It is like a dull ache that never leaves me, and it creates a never-ending struggle to fight back tears. I hate feeling like this. All I want right now is for someone to put their arms around me and hold me, but here I sit, completely alone, with no one in the house but me and my critters. Hubby will be coming home tomorrow after being gone for six weeks, so I am really looking forward to not being alone in the house anymore.

Given my mood today, I thought it might do me some good to walk down memory lane again and share some more of my tales about Sexy Man. When I think about my time with him it makes me smile and puts me in a good mood. Unfortunately I can’t have any margaritas tonight because of the pain killers, hence the title, “The Missing Margaritas”, but I won’t let that stop me. I need to smile.

So where was I? I think we were heading towards “date #2” with Sexy Man…

I don’t remember too much of the following week between seeing Sexy Man. I do remember being very excited at the thought of getting to see him again, as well as the incredible desire to want to finish what we had started. I also remember him calling me one day during that week to discuss our next “get together”, which was going to be that Friday night. During our conversation he mentioned that one of the guys from work had his mom coming in for a visit, and that she would be out with the gang that night also. Apparently there had been some joking and arranging through the guys at work that Sexy Man was supposed to keep this guy’s mom company when we all went out, and that he was going to have to dance with her that night. In other words, he was supposed to keep her entertained. Sexy Man also mentioned that we (he and I) would have to play it very low key that night, so as not to give any indication that we were actually seeing each other. Basically, Sexy Man was very concerned about our mutual friends, particularly the guys from work, discovering our little secret, so discretion was of the utmost priority. I agreed. The last thing either of us wanted was to cause any problems for the other.

Friday night finally arrived, and as before, I took great care in getting ready that night. I wanted to look my best for Sexy Man, as expectations of the night to come danced around in my mind. When I got to the watering hole that night, I looked for Sexy Man’s car outside in the parking lot. He hadn’t arrived yet, which was a little disappointing, but I went inside with hopes that it wouldn’t be long before he got there. I got my drink and eagerly awaited his arrival.

On the nights I went out, I liked to try to get there right when the drink specials start – I don’t want to miss a minute of the drink specials! lol At 50 cents a drink, you can get pretty loaded during three hours worth of drink specials, which is one of the reasons we chose this watering hole as our gathering place. ;) As I’m sitting there having my .50 cent drink of Jack ‘n Coke, slowly but surely everyone starts arriving. After about a half hour or so, Sexy Man also shows up.

When I saw Sexy Man that night, I got very excited, as you can probably imagine. I couldn’t wait for a hug just so that I could feel him pressed against me again. *grins* I’m sitting there watching him, trying not to be obvious about it, as he says his hello’s to everyone. He was slowly making his way towards me, giving hugs or hand shakes to everyone in his path, when he stops and says he’s going to go to the bar to get his drink. I remember thinking to myself, what’s up with that? No hello for me?? I continued to sit there waiting patiently.

When Sexy Man returns with his drink, he stops to talk to one of the guys he knows from work. He glanced in my direction, and I gave him a small wave to say hi, and he gives me a faint smile then continues talking with his buddy. Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “you better get your ass over here and at least say hello to me.” Finally he starts making his way in my direction again, but once again he stops before he gets to me. Okay, I’ve been patient enough. I was starting to think he was going to ignore me. Then, when he looks at me again, I announced rather loudly, “Don’t I get a hug hello?”, as I stretch my arms out to get a hug. With that, he FINALLY walks up to me, scoops me in his arms and gives me a big hug. It’s about time!

Now I know that he wanted to be discrete that night, but we had been partying together for over a year, and we ALWAYS said hello with hug. Why should that change now? I would have thought it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but apparently I was wrong.

After the hug hello, he went about his business of being discrete again. Sexy Man was on my mind in a big way, and I really wanted to sit with him and talk, but given his lack of enthusiasm to say hello to me, I thought it would be best if I let him do what he felt was best in this circumstance, so I left him alone. Although, to be honest, I was starting to get a bad vibe, thinking there might be more to this distance than just the need for discretion.

I had brought my camera with me that night, because everyone we knew was going to be there. Initially I had forgotten I had it with me, but eventually I remembered it, and pulled it out to start taking some pictures. As luck would have it, I took about 3 or 4 pictures when my camera batteries decided to die on me. In need of a ride to the store to get more batteries, I walked up to Sexy Man and asked him if he would mind running me to the store. Of course, I was also hoping for a little one on one time with him too, so this was the perfect excuse to get him alone. He agreed to take me to the store, and we left.

Given the whole hug incident, I was a little leery of making any attempts at physical contact with Sexy Man that evening. When we left to go to the store, I tried to be as nonchalant as I could about the whole thing, because I didn’t want him to know I was disappointed. Well, when we walked outside, he actually put his arm around me and kissed me, which I was totally not expecting. I was happy about it, but surprised too. Then we drove to the store, but not a whole lot was said aside from casual conversation. Meanwhile, I’m wishing he would kiss me again.

While we were in the store walking around looking for batteries, the casual conversation continued. Once or twice he actually touched me, like he was just letting me know he was there. But then we turned a corner, going into an aisle that was empty, and he practically body-slammed me against a column, pressing his body against me like he wanted to get inside of me, and he proceeded to kiss me hard and passionately. It was the kind of kiss that said I want you, and I want you now! But before I knew what hit me, the kiss was over, and he was walking away from me like nothing ever happened. Whoa! If you have never experienced that kind of spontaneous passion, let me just tell you, it’s FABULOUS! It set my whole body on fire in a matter of seconds!

A little flushed and dazed by the kiss, I caught up to Sexy Man and asked him what that was all about. He grabbed my hand and smiled his sexy smile at me, then said we needed to be careful incase we ran into anyone we knew. Then he let go of my hand, and wouldn’t you know it, at that moment someone he knew walked into the store. Timing, right? It’s all about timing. As Sexy Man walks over to the guy to say hello, I found the batteries I was looking for. I paid for them, and met him at the door. On the way to the car, I told him what a difficult night it was going to be having to keep my hands to myself, and then we got in the car, he kissed me again, and we headed back to the bar.

When we got back to the watering hole, we also went back to being discrete. It really turned out to be a hard night for me. I wanted so bad to spend time with him, but we barely said two words to each other all night. The one time all night that I did manage to spend a few minutes with him, we also managed to get one picture taken of us together. I really didn’t understand his need to be as distant as he was being. For anyone who really knew us, people might have thought Sexy Man and I were mad at each other or something, because we always hung out together talking when were out. Now we were acting like we barely knew each other. As the night wore on, that bad vibe came back again, and I started to wonder if maybe he really wasn’t all that interested anymore.

For the rest of the night I watched Sexy Man talking and dancing with his co-worker’s mom, while I tried to have a good time myself enjoying my time with the rest of my friends, trying to patient for the night to be over when I might actually get to spend some quality time with him. But as the night progressed, instead I started to get the impression that he was very into his co-worker’s mom, and that I had suddenly become old news. I hate to admit it, but I was jealous. He pretty much danced with her, and her alone, all night, and I hadn’t gotten to dance with him even once. Then “Amarillo by Morning” started playing, which is one of my all time favorite George Strait songs. When the song came on, I noticed Sexy Man was alone for the moment, so I walked up to him and grabbed his hand to start heading towards the dance floor with him, when out of nowhere comes “Mom”. She grabbed his other hand and said, “I love this song – let’s dance!”, and she proceeded to pull him out on the dance floor. Well, I must have had quite the look on my face, because she stopped and looked at me and said, “I’m sorry. Do you mind?” What was I going to say, “Yes I mind. I want to screw this man’s brains out and you can’t have him”? I’m sure that would have gone over really well. Instead, I said that I didn’t mind, and I watched them go out to the dance floor.

I don’t know why this affected me like it did. Up to this point, what Sexy Man and I had was pretty much just a “party-buddy” friendship which had turned into a sexual desire for each other. But while I watched them out on the dance floor, I actually started to cry. Then the song was over, and as I watched the two of them head back to our table, I dried my eyes and decided that it was probably over before it really got started. He had found his “date” for the night, and it wasn’t me, so I might as well get over it. For the remainder of the night, I tried to put Sexy Man out of my mind.

When the night was over, I grabbed my cell phone to call a cab. At that moment, Sexy Man walks up to me, touches my arm and asks me if I’m okay. I told him I was fine, and that I was just calling a cab to go home. He closes my cell phone and says he will give me a ride home. I said thank you, but that it was okay, I can just call a cab, and he tells me not to be silly. I’m not really in the mood to argue, so I accept the ride, at the same time wondering where “mom” was. Apparently she had left with her son, which surprised me as well as confused me.

As we are driving to my house, Sexy Man starts telling me what a terrible dancer “mom” was. I didn’t really comment, just letting him ramble about his evening. At that point, I wasn’t really interested in hearing about his evening. I just wanted to go home. I’m not acting bitchy or anything like that, but I had pretty much concluded that any physical contact we had that night was going to be the last of it given his actions (or lack thereof) that evening. In my mind, he was just being the gentleman that he was by giving me a ride home, because he hadn’t so much as touched me since we left the watering hole, let alone given me any indication that the passionate kiss we had shared at the store earlier that night was going to lead to anything else. I sat there quietly in his car, listening to him talk, but not really paying much attention to what he was saying. I was just watching the streets roll by as we got closer to my house.

Well, this night is just full of surprises, because Sexy Man passed right by my street. At first I thought he had missed the turn off, maybe forgetting how to get to my house. I said, “You missed the turn, just make a left h-e-r-e” as he passes yet another street. He’d pretty much stopped talking now. Then, about 6 blocks later, he makes a left, and pulls in behind some quick oil change place.

Now I am really surprised and confused again. I asked him what we were doing there, and he says, “I’ve been thinking about you all night.” I’m thinking, “You could have fooled me”, but I didn’t say anything. Then he puts in an Eagles CD.

One of the first things Sexy Man and I ever realized we have in common is our love of the musical group, The Eagles, which is our favorite group.

We sat there listening to The Eagles for a few minutes, and Sexy Man grabs my hand, holding it and stroking it with a serious look on his face. Then tenderly he touches my face and pulls me to him to kiss me. You have to know by now that this mans kisses make me melt, and as frustrated as I was about how the whole evening had gone down, each kiss made me forget that frustration a little more.

The mood was suddenly very intimate. I was also raining that night, which also had an impact on the mood. Then the song “New York Minute” comes on and Sexy Man pulls back to listen to the song. With his eyes closed, he starts singing with the CD, then stops and looks outside for a second, and he comments on how much he really loves the rain. I know this might sound corny to some people, but in that moment, I felt like I caught a glimpse into his soul. Something about the way he said it and the look in his eyes…

This was turning out to be a very a strange night for me, with a full range of emotions being felt on a personal level, not to mention Sexy Man’s inconsistent and unpredictable behavior. When the song was over, Sexy Man reaches for me, telling me that he wants me. Suddenly he is all over me, kissing me passionately again, with his hands almost in a frenzy trying to get my pants off. It didn’t take long for that fire to start burning within me again, and I’m equally grabbing and pulling at his pants trying to remove them at the same time. We happened to be in Wifey’s van that night, instead of his car, and Sexy Man gets up and starts heading to the back of the van, stretching out his hand for me to follow.

When I got to the back of the van, all I could think of at the time was that I really needed to feel this man inside me. He and I had two encounters so far that still hadn’t led to his own release, and all I wanted was for him to screw my brains out at that point. I am guessing that he felt the same, because he laid me on the seat on my back and proceeded to do just that. I have no idea how long we were there. I know it was a while. Sexy Man has great stamina. Good thing too, because all I kept thinking was, “please don’t stop!” It was, for all intents and purposes, a good ol’ fashioned screwing. There was no foreplay except for the few minutes in the front seat – but then, we had already had enough of that before hand given our last two times together, so when all is said and done, we simply wanted to get down to the business of sex, and I wasn’t complaining.

When it was all over and both of us are all hot, sweaty, and pleasantly exhausted, Sexy Man is still laying on top of me, and I hear him say the damnedest thing. As he’s climbing off of me, he says, “I didn’t think it was going to be like that.” Huh? I didn’t know what to say. To this day, I still don’t know what he meant by that. Was he disappointed? Or was he surprised at how hard core it was? Did he have something else in mind, and things didn’t work out like he had planned? I don’t know. Given the look on his face, I got the impression that he was disappointed. I wish I had asked him then and there what he meant by it.

Needless to say, my ego felt like it had just been shot down in the worst way. Then, to add insult to injury, as we’re climbing into the front seat to leave, I hit my head on the light fixture on the ceiling of the van, which left a goose-egg size lump on my head that hurt for a week. To this day, I swear that was Wifey hitting me on the head, getting back at me for screwing her husband in her van. I suppose it was a fitting ending to that night, given the course of events.

After Sexy Man dropped me off that night, I really didn’t think I would hear from him again. I went to bed that night confused about everything that happened. Mostly, I was disappointed that I might have disappointed him and I vowed that, given the chance, the next time we were together it would be different – much different.

To be continued…