Claustrophobia

I can't help wondering why shit always happens to me. *sighs* After last years fiasco of health issues and four surgeries, I was finally starting to enjoy some good health for a change. Then I have to do some stupid aerobics tricks in my sleep and screw up my shoulder again. Honest to goodness, I don't know what I did, but my shoulder still hurts like hell. I went to my primary doctor on Monday for a follow-up appointment about it, and his conclusion is that he thinks it might be a bad case of tendinitis. I'm really hoping he's right, because the thought of yet another shoulder surgery doesn't make me a happy camper. But then he says, just to be on the safe side, why don't we do an MRI on it. Swell. Then he proceeds to give me a steroid/pain killer combo shot in my shoulder, which I might add HURT LIKE SHIT, then he tells me again he really thinks it's just tendinitis.

So...yesterday I went for the MRI on my shoulder. This isn't the first time I have had an MRI. I've actually had four of them. So I'm thinking to myself, '15 minutes stuck in this tube and then it will be over with. I should be a pro at them by now, right?' I wish.

The Tech preps me for the MRI, and no sooner am I slid into the "tunnel" when, without warning, I start feeling like I can't breathe and it feels like my whole world is caving in on me. Holy shit! I had a freakin' panic attack! That's an experience I wouldn't wish on anybody! Of course, the Tech pulled me out of the machine, pronto, and I sit up, white as a ghost, and I tell the Tech to just give me a few minutes to get my bearings and catch my breath. After about 5 minutes I start to lay back down so he can prep me again, and I started having another panic attack!

I have always been a little claustrophobic. For instance, when I go to bed at night, I can't sleep face to face with Hubby. No big deal, I just face the other way. The MRI machine has previously bothered me a little bit because it's such an enclosed space, but never to this degree. Damn! Just thinking about it right now has my heart racing again. I've been kind of a basket case over this since yesterday. I had a really hard time sleeping last night because of thoughts of that damn tunnel and the feeling like I can't breathe.

Well, the end result is that I didn't have the MRI done yesterday because of two panic attacks. The Tech suggested I talk to my Dr., which I did, and now I am rescheduled for another MRI on Monday. Only this time I will be drugged with Xanax. (Not sure of the spelling, lol) Basically, it's an anti-anxiety med that's supposed to relax me to the point that I won't care.

I feel like such a ninny! What's wrong with me that I can't handle 15 minutes in an MRI machine??? But when it comes down to it, I'm really not looking forward to Monday, and I pray with all I have that the drug they're giving me will knock my ass out completely. Otherwise, I don't think I can go through with it. That sounds so damn silly! But everytime I think about it, I feel like I can't breathe. This is just crazy.

Okay, I need to think about something else...let's see...oh! Halloween! *grins* Happy belated Halloween to everyone! Hubby and I got dressed up for the festivities and headed to my favorite local watering hole. Getting Hubby to dress up and go out with me that night was like pulling teeth, but I pushed the issue with him this year because it's one of my favorite times of year. But then, don't you know, when we got there Hubby sat down in his seat, and the only time he moved was when I made him slow dance with me to one song. Aside from that, Hubby sat in the same seat for 4 hours. The man didn't even get up to go to the bathroom while we were there. Just sitting there all night drives me a little bonkers, so I would get up every once in a while and be a social butterfly. But then I'd feel bad that Hubby was sitting alone, so I'd return to sit with him for a little bit more. I can't really say it was the best Halloween in my history, but it beats last year. Last year we carved a pumpkin, went to WalMart, then went home and went to bed early.

In case you haven't figured it out, Hubby really isn't much of a party animal. That's pretty much why I go out alone. It does bum me out sometimes, but then again, I'd rather go alone than feel guilty for socializing all night and leaving him sitting there alone.

Okay, the vicodin is kicking in and I have to work in the morning. Sweet Dreams!

xoxo