The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The last two weeks have been interesting. I am once again reminded why I don't go out very often where I live, and why I dislike it here so much.

About two weeks ago one of the girls I work with invited me to go out with her. At first I was all gung-ho to finally have a chance to get out of the house. Party time! A chance to let go of some steam and stress, and actually socialize for a change. Since that Wednesday night, I have been out 5 times. That's more than I've been out in a year and a half. I think I have been trying to play "catch-up", lol

Night #1 was great! I had one too many drinks, got to flirt, dance, and overall just have a good time. The next day was a bit of a bitch, because I had to deal with a wicked hangover, but it was worth it. Two days later came Night Out #2 - I was feeling great because I suddenly felt like maybe this place wouldn't be so bad. The bar I am going to is the only country bar in town, and while it's not Texas, it's better than most of the other bars in town. They have a different live band every week, and I would much prefer a live band to a DJ, or the radio piped in over the loud speakers. Anyway...

Night out #2 proved to be interesting. I had to work the next day, but I was determined not to let that stop me from drinking and having a good time. On this night I had 5 different men ask me to dance, which is unusual for me - not that I'm complaining. I also had someone to flirt with, which only added to the fun of the evening, and I couldn't resist giving him a yummy smooch when the night was over. He also invited me back to his place for "breakfast", which I had to turn down, because I was only going to get about 3 hours of sleep as it was, and I had to be to work in the morning. Not to mention that I'm not allowed to have intercourse right now (Doctor's orders) because of these freakin' surgeries. I have to say these surgeries are really putting a damper on the ol' fun meter! :( Anyway...

I spent the weekend working and recovering from these two nights out, then come Monday I get a call to go out to karaoke. Unfortunately, the karaoke deal didn't work out, which was determined after hitting 3 different bars in town that were supposed to have it, but didn't. So we ended up back at the country bar. This was also an interesting night. Given that it was a Monday night, things were pretty low key - not a lot of people go out on Monday nights, but there was still a live band, so I kicked back, had a few drinks, and listened to the band. At one point I think our waitress forgot about us, and I was getting thirsty, so I walked over to the bar to get a drink. While I'm standing there waiting for the bartender, the man sitting next to me starts talking to me. He had a few drinks in him, but it was clear that he was trying to flirt with me. As you already know, I love to flirt. I do, however, have my limits. I tend to steer clear of really drunk men who can't keep their hands to themselves, and this guy was very 'touchy-feely'. I tried to remain polite while fending off his hands, and then he looks at me and starts telling me what a good looking woman I am. He's even apologizing to me at this point for touching me, and then pops the question: "Are you married?"

Now he's hitting on me big time, and pretty much telling me that he wants to screw me. When I tell him I'm married, he says he respects that, but continues to see if there's a way to get around the whole married deal. I have to laugh at this, because I'm the one with the open marraige, but I can't have sex right now, damn it! This man is actually attractive, and through the course of conversation I find out he's also from Texas, which is a plus! The more I talk to him, the more I like him, and I'm thinking to myself, there's other ways to have sex besides only intercourse, but I really didn't want to have to explain why I can't have intercourse, and since I had only just met him, I couldn't trust that he would understand or have enough self-control to hold off on intercourse, so I continued to use being married as an excuse to say no.

As the evening wears on, he's not giving up on the whole flirting thing as he continues to suck down his drinks. We danced, and I have to say he is an excellent dancer. He was also most definitely persistent. I can't begin to count how many times he told me what a good looking woman I was, lol - and he kept trying to see if he'd have a chance with me. I have to confess, this country bar has been really good for my ego the last three nights I've been there. :)

Finally the bar turns on the lights. It's time to go home. As my girlfriend and I are walking out to her car, we see a very drunk Texas Dude sitting in his vehicle looking really lost. My girlfriend and I looked at each other in agreement that this guy shouldn't be behind the wheel, so we offered to drive him home. I moved him over to his passenger seat, and I got in his car and drove him home, while my girlfriend followed us.

So, this guy for the most part, while I liked him, was rather obnoxious that night. I chalked it up to his alcohol consumption and the bar atmosphere, and I guess I was right, because when we got into his car he became a completely different person. He actually became calm and sincere, although he wasn't giving up on wanting to take me home, lol On the ride to his house, I came to realize that this man was very lonely. As we were driving, he grabbed my hand and held it for the entire ride, while he proceeded to tell me about his life. I found out that he has been married five times, and most of his wives only married him for his money. On the financial note, I found out this guy is actually a millionaire - imagine my surprise on that one! When he said his marriages never work out, I couldn't help but ask why, and he said it was because he's never home because of his company. Then he looks at me all serious and says I really am a beautiful woman, and to tell my husband what a lucky man he is, and that he has the best looking woman in the state. (A message I did pass on to hubby, lol) Of course, then he starts telling me how he could satisfy me, because he's very attentive in bed, adding that he's sure I want to be with him too. When we got to where he was staying, he pulled me to him and kissed me. Damn! Why do men have to do that?!? Here I am trying to behave myself, and he's got to kiss me and give me those damn tingles! Ah well, I couldn't stay - the whole "can't have sex" issue blaring at me, so I said goodnight and left.

I have to say that I wouldn't mind running into Texas Dude again. Something tells me he's a really great guy when he's sober, and I wouldn't mind getting to know him better on a friendly level. Of course, I wouldn't mind jumping his bones either! ;) hehe I guess if I'm meant to see him again, I will, right?

That brings us to Night Out #4 - which is the turn around night. I'm starting to believe that you are only entitled to a few great nights before things start turning sour, because on night out #4 things really turned to S#!T! To start with, the last few nights out were starting to take their toll on me. When I went out that night, I was tired. I was also depressed because I was thinking about my life and how unhappy I have been, and I was thinking about Sexy Man and how happy he made me. That's a bad combination, because I started yearning for what I can't have. And then, to make matters worse, I was designated driver that night, so I couldn't drink. Plus I had to work the next morning, and it was Thanksgiving, and that meant I had to spend a holiday alone, which is a real bummer all its own. Needless to say, my mood was a bit in the dumps.

We went to the country bar again, which was fine. And when I got there, the guy I flirted with the week prior was there, and he barely said two words to me. Apparently he found out I was married, and that didn't sit well with him. Now I'm not one to moan and cry over spilt milk. If this guy doesn't want to talk to me, or do anything else for that matter, because I'm married, that's his problem, not mine. I also respect the fact that he won't get involved with a married woman. Not everyone is into the whole "sharing" thing.

Well, I sat there for the majority of the eveninig, minding my own business, and watching my charges of the evening getting drunk, trying to enjoy myself the best I can given my crappy mood. I made attempts at laughing and goofing around, trying to have a good time. Then one of the girls tells me there's a party after the bar closes, and she really wants to go. I have to work the next morning, and I'm really tired at this point, so I told her I really wanted to go home and get some sleep. Then the guy that won't touch me because I'm married asks me if I'm going to this party. I said, probably not, and that there really wasn't anything there to motivate me into going. He tells me that if I go, he'll make it worth my while. Far be it for me to be a party-pooper, so I agree to go to this party for a little bit, and I can't help but be really curious what this guy has in mind to make it worth my while. We leave, and somewhere between the door of the bar and my vehicle, we picked up an additional passenger too, and then we all headed out to the party.

When we get to the party, it seemed like the whole bar had shown up. There were a lot of peeps there. Okay, so we go inside, and were all mulling around. There was no smoking inside the house, so I went outside to have a ciggy. The passenger we had picked up earlier follows me outside to join me for a smoke, and we get to talking. He looks at me and tells me that I need to lighten up. Mind you, I'm just standing there smoking a cigarette. And given the day I've had, I think I'm doing pretty damn good in the "lightening up" department. Then he tells me that he saw me walk into the bar that night, and he was watching me all night. He said he had wanted to ask me to dance, but apparently I had this, "I'm a bitch, don't f*#K with me" look on my face all night. Doh! I tried explaining that I was having a bad day, and that I'm really not a bitch. He says, "I know, I can see that in your eyes, but you need to lighten up." So, I tried to do just that.

After our smokes, we go back inside and find the group we were hanging with. We were there about an hour at this point, and I had seen the guy that taunted me to come to this party in the first place, only he's avoiding me. Who needs this, right? Don't ask me to come to a party and tell me you'll make it worth my while, then ignore me. Finally, I plopped myself in a corner and I was watching everyone else having a good time, when he finally comes over and starts talking to me. We got into the whole married issue, and he tells me that he's not into screwing over another guy, which again, I can appreciate. At first I started explaining to him my whole open marraige thing, but then I decided it wasn't worth it, because I can't have sex anyway. Then he starts talking to some friends of his who had joined us. I'm just sitting there minding my own business. Next thing I know, he turns to me and tells me to lighten up. Geeezzzz! What is it with these people?? I tried to soften the look on my face, and then he tells me that I have the personality of four blank walls. OUCH! I ask you, who needs this shit?!?! I start to get up and walk away, and he stops me and says he's sorry, that he didn't mean it like that, that he only meant I needed to "lighten up". He goes back to talking to his friends, and I'm very hurt and frustrated at this point.

I continue to sit there, because I promised my group I would wait for them. Then this new guy walks up to me, stands next to me watching the party going on, and asks me point blank, "You're a dike, aren't you?" OMG! I could have started crying on the spot! I managed to maintain my composer, and I asked him what made him think that. He said it was the way I carried myself. I told him, if he meant was I into women, yes, but that I was also very much into men. He looked at me in surprise, like he would have never pegged me as a man lover. OUCH, again! I decided then and there that it was time to leave.

I have never thought of myself to look even remotely dike-ish. While, for the most part, I don't hide the fact that I am bi, I consider myself to be very feminine. I try to look nice when I go out, I wear my hair long, I have long nails, I always wear make-up when I go out, and if anything I try to dress with style and class, in a very feminine way. I also consider myself to be fun-loving, usually full of smiles and laughter, but all the sudden I am a bitch, a dike, and I have the personality of four blank walls. I was so hurt and upset at this point that I walked out to my car and cried.

Eventually my girlfriends and our extra passenger made it out to the car, and we finally left. I could definitely have gone my whole life without a night like that. I feel very out of my element here, and miss my friends and my life in Texas. At least my friends down there love me, regardless of my mood.

As for Night Out #5, well, it was another very low key night. I drank, tried not to seem like a bitch or a dike, and simply tried to enjoy myself. But after the night out prior to that, I have decided that I don't fit in here. While I will continue to go out simply because I need to get out of the house, I will still set my sights on getting back to that place and my friends whom I love so dearly down in Texas.