The last two weeks have been interesting. I am once again reminded why I don't go out very often where I live, and why I dislike it here so much.
About two weeks ago one of the girls I work with invited me to go out with her. At first I was all gung-ho to finally have a chance to get out of the house. Party time! A chance to let go of some steam and stress, and actually socialize for a change. Since that Wednesday night, I have been out 5 times. That's more than I've been out in a year and a half. I think I have been trying to play "catch-up", lol
Night #1 was great! I had one too many drinks, got to flirt, dance, and overall just have a good time. The next day was a bit of a bitch, because I had to deal with a wicked hangover, but it was worth it. Two days later came Night Out #2 - I was feeling great because I suddenly felt like maybe this place wouldn't be so bad. The bar I am going to is the only country bar in town, and while it's not Texas, it's better than most of the other bars in town. They have a different live band every week, and I would much prefer a live band to a DJ, or the radio piped in over the loud speakers. Anyway...
Night out #2 proved to be interesting. I had to work the next day, but I was determined not to let that stop me from drinking and having a good time. On this night I had 5 different men ask me to dance, which is unusual for me - not that I'm complaining. I also had someone to flirt with, which only added to the fun of the evening, and I couldn't resist giving him a yummy smooch when the night was over. He also invited me back to his place for "breakfast", which I had to turn down, because I was only going to get about 3 hours of sleep as it was, and I had to be to work in the morning. Not to mention that I'm not allowed to have intercourse right now (Doctor's orders) because of these freakin' surgeries. I have to say these surgeries are really putting a damper on the ol' fun meter! :( Anyway...
I spent the weekend working and recovering from these two nights out, then come Monday I get a call to go out to karaoke. Unfortunately, the karaoke deal didn't work out, which was determined after hitting 3 different bars in town that were supposed to have it, but didn't. So we ended up back at the country bar. This was also an interesting night. Given that it was a Monday night, things were pretty low key - not a lot of people go out on Monday nights, but there was still a live band, so I kicked back, had a few drinks, and listened to the band. At one point I think our waitress forgot about us, and I was getting thirsty, so I walked over to the bar to get a drink. While I'm standing there waiting for the bartender, the man sitting next to me starts talking to me. He had a few drinks in him, but it was clear that he was trying to flirt with me. As you already know, I love to flirt. I do, however, have my limits. I tend to steer clear of really drunk men who can't keep their hands to themselves, and this guy was very 'touchy-feely'. I tried to remain polite while fending off his hands, and then he looks at me and starts telling me what a good looking woman I am. He's even apologizing to me at this point for touching me, and then pops the question: "Are you married?"
Now he's hitting on me big time, and pretty much telling me that he wants to screw me. When I tell him I'm married, he says he respects that, but continues to see if there's a way to get around the whole married deal. I have to laugh at this, because I'm the one with the open marraige, but I can't have sex right now, damn it! This man is actually attractive, and through the course of conversation I find out he's also from Texas, which is a plus! The more I talk to him, the more I like him, and I'm thinking to myself, there's other ways to have sex besides only intercourse, but I really didn't want to have to explain why I can't have intercourse, and since I had only just met him, I couldn't trust that he would understand or have enough self-control to hold off on intercourse, so I continued to use being married as an excuse to say no.
As the evening wears on, he's not giving up on the whole flirting thing as he continues to suck down his drinks. We danced, and I have to say he is an excellent dancer. He was also most definitely persistent. I can't begin to count how many times he told me what a good looking woman I was, lol - and he kept trying to see if he'd have a chance with me. I have to confess, this country bar has been really good for my ego the last three nights I've been there. :)
Finally the bar turns on the lights. It's time to go home. As my girlfriend and I are walking out to her car, we see a very drunk Texas Dude sitting in his vehicle looking really lost. My girlfriend and I looked at each other in agreement that this guy shouldn't be behind the wheel, so we offered to drive him home. I moved him over to his passenger seat, and I got in his car and drove him home, while my girlfriend followed us.
So, this guy for the most part, while I liked him, was rather obnoxious that night. I chalked it up to his alcohol consumption and the bar atmosphere, and I guess I was right, because when we got into his car he became a completely different person. He actually became calm and sincere, although he wasn't giving up on wanting to take me home, lol On the ride to his house, I came to realize that this man was very lonely. As we were driving, he grabbed my hand and held it for the entire ride, while he proceeded to tell me about his life. I found out that he has been married five times, and most of his wives only married him for his money. On the financial note, I found out this guy is actually a millionaire - imagine my surprise on that one! When he said his marriages never work out, I couldn't help but ask why, and he said it was because he's never home because of his company. Then he looks at me all serious and says I really am a beautiful woman, and to tell my husband what a lucky man he is, and that he has the best looking woman in the state. (A message I did pass on to hubby, lol) Of course, then he starts telling me how he could satisfy me, because he's very attentive in bed, adding that he's sure I want to be with him too. When we got to where he was staying, he pulled me to him and kissed me. Damn! Why do men have to do that?!? Here I am trying to behave myself, and he's got to kiss me and give me those damn tingles! Ah well, I couldn't stay - the whole "can't have sex" issue blaring at me, so I said goodnight and left.
I have to say that I wouldn't mind running into Texas Dude again. Something tells me he's a really great guy when he's sober, and I wouldn't mind getting to know him better on a friendly level. Of course, I wouldn't mind jumping his bones either! ;) hehe I guess if I'm meant to see him again, I will, right?
That brings us to Night Out #4 - which is the turn around night. I'm starting to believe that you are only entitled to a few great nights before things start turning sour, because on night out #4 things really turned to S#!T! To start with, the last few nights out were starting to take their toll on me. When I went out that night, I was tired. I was also depressed because I was thinking about my life and how unhappy I have been, and I was thinking about Sexy Man and how happy he made me. That's a bad combination, because I started yearning for what I can't have. And then, to make matters worse, I was designated driver that night, so I couldn't drink. Plus I had to work the next morning, and it was Thanksgiving, and that meant I had to spend a holiday alone, which is a real bummer all its own. Needless to say, my mood was a bit in the dumps.
We went to the country bar again, which was fine. And when I got there, the guy I flirted with the week prior was there, and he barely said two words to me. Apparently he found out I was married, and that didn't sit well with him. Now I'm not one to moan and cry over spilt milk. If this guy doesn't want to talk to me, or do anything else for that matter, because I'm married, that's his problem, not mine. I also respect the fact that he won't get involved with a married woman. Not everyone is into the whole "sharing" thing.
Well, I sat there for the majority of the eveninig, minding my own business, and watching my charges of the evening getting drunk, trying to enjoy myself the best I can given my crappy mood. I made attempts at laughing and goofing around, trying to have a good time. Then one of the girls tells me there's a party after the bar closes, and she really wants to go. I have to work the next morning, and I'm really tired at this point, so I told her I really wanted to go home and get some sleep. Then the guy that won't touch me because I'm married asks me if I'm going to this party. I said, probably not, and that there really wasn't anything there to motivate me into going. He tells me that if I go, he'll make it worth my while. Far be it for me to be a party-pooper, so I agree to go to this party for a little bit, and I can't help but be really curious what this guy has in mind to make it worth my while. We leave, and somewhere between the door of the bar and my vehicle, we picked up an additional passenger too, and then we all headed out to the party.
When we get to the party, it seemed like the whole bar had shown up. There were a lot of peeps there. Okay, so we go inside, and were all mulling around. There was no smoking inside the house, so I went outside to have a ciggy. The passenger we had picked up earlier follows me outside to join me for a smoke, and we get to talking. He looks at me and tells me that I need to lighten up. Mind you, I'm just standing there smoking a cigarette. And given the day I've had, I think I'm doing pretty damn good in the "lightening up" department. Then he tells me that he saw me walk into the bar that night, and he was watching me all night. He said he had wanted to ask me to dance, but apparently I had this, "I'm a bitch, don't f*#K with me" look on my face all night. Doh! I tried explaining that I was having a bad day, and that I'm really not a bitch. He says, "I know, I can see that in your eyes, but you need to lighten up." So, I tried to do just that.
After our smokes, we go back inside and find the group we were hanging with. We were there about an hour at this point, and I had seen the guy that taunted me to come to this party in the first place, only he's avoiding me. Who needs this, right? Don't ask me to come to a party and tell me you'll make it worth my while, then ignore me. Finally, I plopped myself in a corner and I was watching everyone else having a good time, when he finally comes over and starts talking to me. We got into the whole married issue, and he tells me that he's not into screwing over another guy, which again, I can appreciate. At first I started explaining to him my whole open marraige thing, but then I decided it wasn't worth it, because I can't have sex anyway. Then he starts talking to some friends of his who had joined us. I'm just sitting there minding my own business. Next thing I know, he turns to me and tells me to lighten up. Geeezzzz! What is it with these people?? I tried to soften the look on my face, and then he tells me that I have the personality of four blank walls. OUCH! I ask you, who needs this shit?!?! I start to get up and walk away, and he stops me and says he's sorry, that he didn't mean it like that, that he only meant I needed to "lighten up". He goes back to talking to his friends, and I'm very hurt and frustrated at this point.
I continue to sit there, because I promised my group I would wait for them. Then this new guy walks up to me, stands next to me watching the party going on, and asks me point blank, "You're a dike, aren't you?" OMG! I could have started crying on the spot! I managed to maintain my composer, and I asked him what made him think that. He said it was the way I carried myself. I told him, if he meant was I into women, yes, but that I was also very much into men. He looked at me in surprise, like he would have never pegged me as a man lover. OUCH, again! I decided then and there that it was time to leave.
I have never thought of myself to look even remotely dike-ish. While, for the most part, I don't hide the fact that I am bi, I consider myself to be very feminine. I try to look nice when I go out, I wear my hair long, I have long nails, I always wear make-up when I go out, and if anything I try to dress with style and class, in a very feminine way. I also consider myself to be fun-loving, usually full of smiles and laughter, but all the sudden I am a bitch, a dike, and I have the personality of four blank walls. I was so hurt and upset at this point that I walked out to my car and cried.
Eventually my girlfriends and our extra passenger made it out to the car, and we finally left. I could definitely have gone my whole life without a night like that. I feel very out of my element here, and miss my friends and my life in Texas. At least my friends down there love me, regardless of my mood.
As for Night Out #5, well, it was another very low key night. I drank, tried not to seem like a bitch or a dike, and simply tried to enjoy myself. But after the night out prior to that, I have decided that I don't fit in here. While I will continue to go out simply because I need to get out of the house, I will still set my sights on getting back to that place and my friends whom I love so dearly down in Texas.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Ugh - One too many
Man oh man - my head is pounding today. So much for the theory that I can keep up with the best of them, lol Aside from the margaritas I have been enjoying recently, I really haven't done much drinking at all over the last year and half. For anyone reading my posts, you would probably think that's all I do is drink, but it really isn't. For the most part, at least in the past, I only drink when I go out with friends to bars, which down in Texas was about once week. Here where I live now, going out is a rare event. It's more like once every six months! Given all the surgeries I've had recently, I have also been on pain meds and I avoid alcohol like the plague when I'm on pain killers. It has been about three weeks since I have had to take any though, so I figured I'd be safe to drink last night.
I did enjoy myself last night. I really needed to get out of the house and have some fun. I was a little surprised when the girl from work called and invited me out. She and I have actually known each other for almost 12 years (I lived here before), but we work together, and some stuff that happened at work over the summer practically destroyed our friendship. She is my relief at work, meaning she relieves me when my shift is over. Well, the other day, after I found out that I needed surgery again, she came in for her shift, and I sort of lost it. I started sobbing and telling her how much I hated my life. Basically I unloaded all my misery on her, and I guess she took pity on me, which is probably why she asked me out. I am glad she did. We had fun last night, and I can only hope that won't be the last of it. I really need some balance in my life of fun on top of all this solitude. And aside from working different shifts, she also works the weekends and holidays like I do, so she would really be the ideal person for me to go out with during the weeks.
I think it is time for me to take a nap. I got a call from work yesterday asking me if I could cover someone else's shift tonight, so I need to try to get rid of this hangover before I go in, lol
I did enjoy myself last night. I really needed to get out of the house and have some fun. I was a little surprised when the girl from work called and invited me out. She and I have actually known each other for almost 12 years (I lived here before), but we work together, and some stuff that happened at work over the summer practically destroyed our friendship. She is my relief at work, meaning she relieves me when my shift is over. Well, the other day, after I found out that I needed surgery again, she came in for her shift, and I sort of lost it. I started sobbing and telling her how much I hated my life. Basically I unloaded all my misery on her, and I guess she took pity on me, which is probably why she asked me out. I am glad she did. We had fun last night, and I can only hope that won't be the last of it. I really need some balance in my life of fun on top of all this solitude. And aside from working different shifts, she also works the weekends and holidays like I do, so she would really be the ideal person for me to go out with during the weeks.
I think it is time for me to take a nap. I got a call from work yesterday asking me if I could cover someone else's shift tonight, so I need to try to get rid of this hangover before I go in, lol
It's about time!
It has been at least 6 months since I have gone out and done any partying. :( For the first time in a very long time I went out tonight with a gal from work, and I don't mind saying, I'm BLITZED! Okay, so it's not very "Lady" like, but hey, it's been way too long - I have a lot of catching up to do! LOL I even had men flirting with me tonight, one of the guys from the band no less, and that felt great! The place I went was a country bar, with a live band. Of course, I've heard better, but they really weren't THAT bad. The only bummer was that it was quite evident that I wasn't in Texas, but it was better than what I've not had over the last 6 months, so I won't complain. I just wanted to say - thanks! I needed that!
I also have to say that as a norm, I am a Jack & Coke and tequila kind of gal. But they weren't offering the Jack on the $10 all you can drink menu, so I had to settle for Black Velvet instead. It wasn't that bad - I could get used to it for the sake of Ladies night ~hehe~ I did have to pay extra for the tequila, but it was worth it too!
Time to pass out! lol
Love & Snuggles!
I also have to say that as a norm, I am a Jack & Coke and tequila kind of gal. But they weren't offering the Jack on the $10 all you can drink menu, so I had to settle for Black Velvet instead. It wasn't that bad - I could get used to it for the sake of Ladies night ~hehe~ I did have to pay extra for the tequila, but it was worth it too!
Time to pass out! lol
Love & Snuggles!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Margaritas & Memories - part 4
I have to tell you, it feels good to remember my times in Texas – especially my last year there, and specifically my time with Sexy Man. It is like much needed therapy for me. For well over a year now I have been experiencing severe depression. Remembering the good times has brought me a moment of happiness.
My life and my way of thinking have changed drastically over the last two years, which you will come to understand if you continue reading my blog. I have been trying to decide if those changes are of the good variety, or the bad.
On the one hand, I keep telling myself they have been good changes, because they blessed me with some of the happiest moments of my life to date. On the other hand, it has created a great deal of sadness when it comes to my marriage, because I am no longer happy or content with my life the way it is anymore. The separation from Hubby, and the time spent with Sexy Man during that separation, really opened my eyes to what I want for my life. But we don’t always get what we want, and trying to determine what is fair anymore has created a serious dilemma in my life.
I am hoping by sharing all these life changing events, it will help me to make some sense of my life and maybe help me to determine where I go from here. Hell, I don’t even know if anyone is really reading these posts, so for all I know, I’m just talking to myself. Even still, somehow I feel that sharing these experiences, whether someone else is reading about them or not, is helping me to validate them simply because I am placing them in public access.
Maybe one day I will get my life figured out. Hopefully that day will be soon, because I can’t take much more of my life the way it is. In the meantime, I will keep sharing my memories and my frustrations, and trying to sort things out. Goodness knows this form of therapy is far cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist. The only question is: will it help?
Pour me another margarita!
As you have probably surmised, my first intimate encounter with Sexy Man knocked my socks off. For the next few days afterwards, I walked around with a stupid smile on my face! It was probably a good thing that I spent so much time alone at home, because I would have been hard-put to have to explain it to anyone.
For starters, Hubby and I have always kept our extracurricular partner’s away from the eyes and ears of our son, for obvious reasons. Where Roomy was concerned, he worked with Sexy Man, and sharing our encounter could have its definite drawbacks on the job. Plus, I was just so happy after months of being unhappy, and didn’t want to share it with anyone else – I wanted to revel in the excitement of it without anyone else’s interference. Under normal circumstances, I would have run straight to Hubby and told him all about it. Then he and I would have had one of our own intimate encounters. But things with Hubby were not normal anymore. I had this feeling that telling Hubby would only kill my emotional high, so I kept it to myself for the time being, with the intention of eventually letting him in on it.
Around the middle of the week following my encounter with Sexy Man, I started wondering when I was going to see him again. The weekend was coming up, so I decided to call him to see if he would be going to the watering hole one night over the weekend. I had never called him before – it was usually the guys that called each other to arrange our nights out, so I felt a little awkward about it. He was married too, after all, and I had no idea how his wife would feel about another woman calling him. But my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to try calling him around the time he would be getting off of work, with the hope that Wifey wouldn’t be around.
[Sexy Man and I have a common interest in karaoke. Several months prior to our encounter he had given me his cell phone number. He told me if I ever wanted company at karaoke to give him a call since Hubby really didn’t like to go to karaoke. Being uncomfortable about the whole marriage issue, I never called him. If I knew then what I know now…all that time wasted *sighs* Ironically enough, Sexy Man and I still have never been to karaoke together. Strange, but true.]
When Sexy Man answered the phone that day, I began to feel all the excitement of our last evening together welling up inside me. Of course I wondered if he had thought about me since that night, but I didn’t ask. I was trying to be all cool, calm, and collected, hoping I didn’t come across as some overly eager school girl. In a voice as calm as you please, I said Hi, told him what a good time I had the other night, and asked him if he had plans to go out that weekend. He said he enjoyed himself also, and asked when I planned on going out, then told me he would meet me there. It was a short conversation, but when we hung up I was so excited I could have had an orgasm on the spot!
For the next few days I bounced around the house doing all my homebound duties, until the time came for me to start getting ready to go out that Saturday night. It is amazing the things one will do when they are preparing for an evening with the hopes of attracting and impressing a certain someone. I went out that day and got a pedicure and my nails done. I gave myself a facial, shaved my leg and other intimate areas, making sure things were baby smooth (as opposed to the usual quick swipes with the razor). I spent time on my make-up and hair, and laid out my clothes ever so carefully, meticulously choosing my jewelry, making sure everything was perfect.
About a half hour before it was time to go, I called a cab for a pick-up (which I was in the habit of doing now, because I refuse to drink and drive). While I was waiting for the cab, I headed back to the mirror to take one more look to make sure everything was in place, and while I was standing there, it hit me. What was I doing?? It was like I had gotten ready for a date. I’m not supposed to be dating. I’m already married. Then the doubts started kicking in. That one evening we spent together was fabulous! But suddenly it felt very taboo, like I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing, and if I went any further, I was going to be asking for trouble. In that moment, I decided to call the cab company and cancel my ride. I picked up my cell phone and no sooner started to dial, when a horn blared outside announcing my cabs arrival. Crap!
Well, I decided to go ahead and take the cab to the watering hole. I reasoned that Sexy Man and I had been partying together for over a year, and I wasn’t the type who enjoyed standing up friends. I have had that happen more than once to me, and I have to say it’s not a pleasant feeling. Besides, I’m in control, right? Right? I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable with, and I’m sure if I explain things to him, he will understand. Right?
On the ride from my house to the watering hole, I started to get this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I continued to attempt to convince myself that he would understand, all the while feeling really uneasy about even seeing him again. Then the cab pulled up in front of the watering hole, I paid the driver and went inside.
When I got inside, after paying my cover charge, I started heading to the bar for my first drink of the night, which I had decided was going to be a strong one. I needed a drink, and bad. (Gotta love that liquid courage!) Before I got to the bar, I spotted him standing there getting his own drink. It was like he sensed I was there, and he turned his head towards me and gave me one of his sexy smiles. Suddenly all my worries melted away like they never existed.
He looked so good that night. And if I didn’t know any better, I swear he prepared for our “date” like I did, in a manly way, of course. His hair looked great, he shaved his face baby smooth, he smelled heavenly, and he was actually dressed up more than usual – yes, I believe I was definitely on a date.
The energy running between us that night was incredibly high. We didn’t do the ol’ make-out routine like we had the previous Saturday night, but it was obvious that our chemistry was extremely compatible. Everything was much more subtle though. We flirted, touched each other in soft and sensual ways, kissed each other with definite intentions, and teased each other at every opportunity. We laughed and talked, getting to know each other on a more intimate level. It was, by all accounts, the absolute best date I have ever been on.
Eventually Sexy Man decided it was time to go, because it was getting late. He offered to give me a ride again, which I accepted, of course. After opening my door for me, and making sure I was tucked safely inside his car (he is such a gentleman), he got into the car himself, and before leaving, he gave me another one of those deep passionate kisses. Then we pulled out of the parking lot, and started heading to my house. At least, that’s where I thought we were going.
Somewhere between the watering hole and my house, Sexy Man decided to take a quick right turn, and then a left, and we pulled in behind a small building. That’s when things started to get heavy.
Now that we had some privacy, we immediately got busy with some private matters. Like before, I completely invited his advances. All the hesitations and plans I had to nip this in bud earlier that night were gone. I wanted this man bad! After some major hot and heavy petting, Sexy Man asked me if I wanted to move to the back of the car where there would be more room. Was I about to say no? I don’t think so.
We both got out of the car and started moving toward the back, when Sexy Man grabbed me and started kissing me again. His hands found their way between my thighs, and between his kisses and his caresses, my knees started to get weak again. I thought I was going to pass out, and he realized the affect he was having on me (which no doubt pleased him because he had that kind of satisfied smile on his face), so he opened the back door for us to get in. But before he let me get in, he laid out a blanket for me to lie down on. (Have I mentioned what a gentleman he is?)
Once we were in the back, that’s all she wrote. First the shoes and socks, then the shirts and pants, until we’re both down to our underclothes (less my bra, because I wasn’t wearing one that night)– all the while sharing those kisses that give me the tingles from head to toe. Then I asked him to lie down on his back, and I removed his briefs - OH MY! I was so ready for THAT! His size and circumference was beautiful! I couldn’t resist taking him in my mouth. He didn’t allow that for long though, and he pulled me to him and kissed me again, while strategically placing me over his beautiful member.
I am here to tell you that I have never felt something so heavenly! When I slid down on him, it took my breath away. The only problem though was that I was having trouble moving because I had a ceiling in my way, so Sexy Man rolls me over on my back, and is just about to get back to business when…wait…you are not going to believe this. The timing on this one is so incredibly shitty.
Just as Sexy Man is on his way to warm, wet bliss…my cell phone rings, and at the same time, his cell phone rings, and guess who were on the phones?? You guessed it – his Wifey and my Hubby. Could their timing have been any worse? Neither one of us will ignore a call from the spouses, especially that late at night. So Sexy Man pulls on his pants and heads outside to talk to Wifey, and I dig my cell phone out of my bag to talk to Hubby.
Remember, I haven’t told Hubby yet what has transpired between Sexy Man and me. When I answered the phone, I was breathing pretty heavily. Hubby says, “Whatcha doin’?” He knew immediately what was going on, and given our open marriage, he asks me to lay the phone down so he can listen. Meanwhile, as I’m having this conversation with Hubby, I look outside to see Sexy Man having his conversation with Wifey, and he shoots me this look like he’s really perturbed. In that moment, I knew the night was over, and I told Hubby I didn’t think there was going to be anything to listen to, and that I would call him when I got home. Unfortunately, I was right about it being the end of our night together. Sexy Man opens the door after hanging up with Wifey and says he needs to get home. May I just say - Damn!
While Sexy Man and I are outside putting our clothes back on, he grabs me and kisses me again, then apologizes for having to go home. What could I say – if you have to go, you have to go. Needless to say, when I got home my toy box was calling to me in a big way. I called Hubby and told him what had transpired, and Hubby said he was sorry that he had interrupted us, but that he was worried about me. Then we proceeded to have phone sex while I buzzed my way to an orgasm.
I went to sleep that night somewhat disappointed, yet very happy at the same time. That might not make much sense, but even with the bummer ending, it was still the best date I have ever had. Besides, somehow I knew that wouldn’t be the last time I saw Sexy Man. The little taste of each other we did get that night only begged for more – for both of us.
Stay tuned – more on the way…
My life and my way of thinking have changed drastically over the last two years, which you will come to understand if you continue reading my blog. I have been trying to decide if those changes are of the good variety, or the bad.
On the one hand, I keep telling myself they have been good changes, because they blessed me with some of the happiest moments of my life to date. On the other hand, it has created a great deal of sadness when it comes to my marriage, because I am no longer happy or content with my life the way it is anymore. The separation from Hubby, and the time spent with Sexy Man during that separation, really opened my eyes to what I want for my life. But we don’t always get what we want, and trying to determine what is fair anymore has created a serious dilemma in my life.
I am hoping by sharing all these life changing events, it will help me to make some sense of my life and maybe help me to determine where I go from here. Hell, I don’t even know if anyone is really reading these posts, so for all I know, I’m just talking to myself. Even still, somehow I feel that sharing these experiences, whether someone else is reading about them or not, is helping me to validate them simply because I am placing them in public access.
Maybe one day I will get my life figured out. Hopefully that day will be soon, because I can’t take much more of my life the way it is. In the meantime, I will keep sharing my memories and my frustrations, and trying to sort things out. Goodness knows this form of therapy is far cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist. The only question is: will it help?
Pour me another margarita!
As you have probably surmised, my first intimate encounter with Sexy Man knocked my socks off. For the next few days afterwards, I walked around with a stupid smile on my face! It was probably a good thing that I spent so much time alone at home, because I would have been hard-put to have to explain it to anyone.
For starters, Hubby and I have always kept our extracurricular partner’s away from the eyes and ears of our son, for obvious reasons. Where Roomy was concerned, he worked with Sexy Man, and sharing our encounter could have its definite drawbacks on the job. Plus, I was just so happy after months of being unhappy, and didn’t want to share it with anyone else – I wanted to revel in the excitement of it without anyone else’s interference. Under normal circumstances, I would have run straight to Hubby and told him all about it. Then he and I would have had one of our own intimate encounters. But things with Hubby were not normal anymore. I had this feeling that telling Hubby would only kill my emotional high, so I kept it to myself for the time being, with the intention of eventually letting him in on it.
Around the middle of the week following my encounter with Sexy Man, I started wondering when I was going to see him again. The weekend was coming up, so I decided to call him to see if he would be going to the watering hole one night over the weekend. I had never called him before – it was usually the guys that called each other to arrange our nights out, so I felt a little awkward about it. He was married too, after all, and I had no idea how his wife would feel about another woman calling him. But my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to try calling him around the time he would be getting off of work, with the hope that Wifey wouldn’t be around.
[Sexy Man and I have a common interest in karaoke. Several months prior to our encounter he had given me his cell phone number. He told me if I ever wanted company at karaoke to give him a call since Hubby really didn’t like to go to karaoke. Being uncomfortable about the whole marriage issue, I never called him. If I knew then what I know now…all that time wasted *sighs* Ironically enough, Sexy Man and I still have never been to karaoke together. Strange, but true.]
When Sexy Man answered the phone that day, I began to feel all the excitement of our last evening together welling up inside me. Of course I wondered if he had thought about me since that night, but I didn’t ask. I was trying to be all cool, calm, and collected, hoping I didn’t come across as some overly eager school girl. In a voice as calm as you please, I said Hi, told him what a good time I had the other night, and asked him if he had plans to go out that weekend. He said he enjoyed himself also, and asked when I planned on going out, then told me he would meet me there. It was a short conversation, but when we hung up I was so excited I could have had an orgasm on the spot!
For the next few days I bounced around the house doing all my homebound duties, until the time came for me to start getting ready to go out that Saturday night. It is amazing the things one will do when they are preparing for an evening with the hopes of attracting and impressing a certain someone. I went out that day and got a pedicure and my nails done. I gave myself a facial, shaved my leg and other intimate areas, making sure things were baby smooth (as opposed to the usual quick swipes with the razor). I spent time on my make-up and hair, and laid out my clothes ever so carefully, meticulously choosing my jewelry, making sure everything was perfect.
About a half hour before it was time to go, I called a cab for a pick-up (which I was in the habit of doing now, because I refuse to drink and drive). While I was waiting for the cab, I headed back to the mirror to take one more look to make sure everything was in place, and while I was standing there, it hit me. What was I doing?? It was like I had gotten ready for a date. I’m not supposed to be dating. I’m already married. Then the doubts started kicking in. That one evening we spent together was fabulous! But suddenly it felt very taboo, like I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing, and if I went any further, I was going to be asking for trouble. In that moment, I decided to call the cab company and cancel my ride. I picked up my cell phone and no sooner started to dial, when a horn blared outside announcing my cabs arrival. Crap!
Well, I decided to go ahead and take the cab to the watering hole. I reasoned that Sexy Man and I had been partying together for over a year, and I wasn’t the type who enjoyed standing up friends. I have had that happen more than once to me, and I have to say it’s not a pleasant feeling. Besides, I’m in control, right? Right? I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable with, and I’m sure if I explain things to him, he will understand. Right?
On the ride from my house to the watering hole, I started to get this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I continued to attempt to convince myself that he would understand, all the while feeling really uneasy about even seeing him again. Then the cab pulled up in front of the watering hole, I paid the driver and went inside.
When I got inside, after paying my cover charge, I started heading to the bar for my first drink of the night, which I had decided was going to be a strong one. I needed a drink, and bad. (Gotta love that liquid courage!) Before I got to the bar, I spotted him standing there getting his own drink. It was like he sensed I was there, and he turned his head towards me and gave me one of his sexy smiles. Suddenly all my worries melted away like they never existed.
He looked so good that night. And if I didn’t know any better, I swear he prepared for our “date” like I did, in a manly way, of course. His hair looked great, he shaved his face baby smooth, he smelled heavenly, and he was actually dressed up more than usual – yes, I believe I was definitely on a date.
The energy running between us that night was incredibly high. We didn’t do the ol’ make-out routine like we had the previous Saturday night, but it was obvious that our chemistry was extremely compatible. Everything was much more subtle though. We flirted, touched each other in soft and sensual ways, kissed each other with definite intentions, and teased each other at every opportunity. We laughed and talked, getting to know each other on a more intimate level. It was, by all accounts, the absolute best date I have ever been on.
Eventually Sexy Man decided it was time to go, because it was getting late. He offered to give me a ride again, which I accepted, of course. After opening my door for me, and making sure I was tucked safely inside his car (he is such a gentleman), he got into the car himself, and before leaving, he gave me another one of those deep passionate kisses. Then we pulled out of the parking lot, and started heading to my house. At least, that’s where I thought we were going.
Somewhere between the watering hole and my house, Sexy Man decided to take a quick right turn, and then a left, and we pulled in behind a small building. That’s when things started to get heavy.
Now that we had some privacy, we immediately got busy with some private matters. Like before, I completely invited his advances. All the hesitations and plans I had to nip this in bud earlier that night were gone. I wanted this man bad! After some major hot and heavy petting, Sexy Man asked me if I wanted to move to the back of the car where there would be more room. Was I about to say no? I don’t think so.
We both got out of the car and started moving toward the back, when Sexy Man grabbed me and started kissing me again. His hands found their way between my thighs, and between his kisses and his caresses, my knees started to get weak again. I thought I was going to pass out, and he realized the affect he was having on me (which no doubt pleased him because he had that kind of satisfied smile on his face), so he opened the back door for us to get in. But before he let me get in, he laid out a blanket for me to lie down on. (Have I mentioned what a gentleman he is?)
Once we were in the back, that’s all she wrote. First the shoes and socks, then the shirts and pants, until we’re both down to our underclothes (less my bra, because I wasn’t wearing one that night)– all the while sharing those kisses that give me the tingles from head to toe. Then I asked him to lie down on his back, and I removed his briefs - OH MY! I was so ready for THAT! His size and circumference was beautiful! I couldn’t resist taking him in my mouth. He didn’t allow that for long though, and he pulled me to him and kissed me again, while strategically placing me over his beautiful member.
I am here to tell you that I have never felt something so heavenly! When I slid down on him, it took my breath away. The only problem though was that I was having trouble moving because I had a ceiling in my way, so Sexy Man rolls me over on my back, and is just about to get back to business when…wait…you are not going to believe this. The timing on this one is so incredibly shitty.
Just as Sexy Man is on his way to warm, wet bliss…my cell phone rings, and at the same time, his cell phone rings, and guess who were on the phones?? You guessed it – his Wifey and my Hubby. Could their timing have been any worse? Neither one of us will ignore a call from the spouses, especially that late at night. So Sexy Man pulls on his pants and heads outside to talk to Wifey, and I dig my cell phone out of my bag to talk to Hubby.
Remember, I haven’t told Hubby yet what has transpired between Sexy Man and me. When I answered the phone, I was breathing pretty heavily. Hubby says, “Whatcha doin’?” He knew immediately what was going on, and given our open marriage, he asks me to lay the phone down so he can listen. Meanwhile, as I’m having this conversation with Hubby, I look outside to see Sexy Man having his conversation with Wifey, and he shoots me this look like he’s really perturbed. In that moment, I knew the night was over, and I told Hubby I didn’t think there was going to be anything to listen to, and that I would call him when I got home. Unfortunately, I was right about it being the end of our night together. Sexy Man opens the door after hanging up with Wifey and says he needs to get home. May I just say - Damn!
While Sexy Man and I are outside putting our clothes back on, he grabs me and kisses me again, then apologizes for having to go home. What could I say – if you have to go, you have to go. Needless to say, when I got home my toy box was calling to me in a big way. I called Hubby and told him what had transpired, and Hubby said he was sorry that he had interrupted us, but that he was worried about me. Then we proceeded to have phone sex while I buzzed my way to an orgasm.
I went to sleep that night somewhat disappointed, yet very happy at the same time. That might not make much sense, but even with the bummer ending, it was still the best date I have ever had. Besides, somehow I knew that wouldn’t be the last time I saw Sexy Man. The little taste of each other we did get that night only begged for more – for both of us.
Stay tuned – more on the way…
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Visiting Margaritaville - part 3
Thank the Goddess, it's Friday!
Actually, it is Sunday, but Sunday's are my Friday's, because I work on the weekends. This was a long work weekend, because of Veteran's Day. (I also work all government holidays.)
To the Monday through Friday working person, you might think just working weekends has got to be a breezy job. Yes, I suppose for the most part it is a breezy job. It also pays well. The problem is that it is too breezy. In fact, it is boring as hell. I sit in a 9 x 12 room for 8 to 12 hours by myself, answering the telephone. If that phone were busy, it would be one thing. But on average I receive one hundred calls on any given day, and each call lasts approximately 15 to 30 seconds. The rest of the time, I sit there waiting for the phone to ring. (You do the math. I'm too tired to figure it out tonight. lol)
Like I said, I get paid fairly well for what I do. They have to pay us that well; otherwise no one would continue working there because it is so boring. I don't know of any other job where I can sit on my ass all day, in my slippers no less, and work on craft projects, watch movies, or play on my computer while getting paid well for it. That's the good part. The bad part is that my ass is getting bigger because I sit there munching all day, because I can't smoke at work. I also spend all my time alone. By the end of the day I am so wiped out from all the peace and quiet that I feel utterly exhausted by the time I get home and I just want to go to sleep.
I am so ready to go back to Texas and get my career started up again as a hairdresser. That has been my licensed profession for almost 25 years now. (Boy does that make me sound old!) If I really wanted to, I suppose I could do hair here, but the winters here are really long, and really cold, and driving downtown in the ice and snow really doesn't sound very appealing. Plus, the cost of gas to get back and forth to work would pretty much eat up my paychecks, so it seems like a waste of time and money. Then there is the fact that we will eventually move again, and working hard to build a clientele would only be a waste of time, because it would only mean having to start over yet again. That defeats the purpose of having a career in the hair industry. Needless to say, I have talked myself right out of getting another job in these parts. For now, I guess I will have to stick with this boring job until it is time to move again. And when my work-weekends are over, I'm just going to have to pour myself another margarita! Time for a refill!
Back to my Texas adventures...
Up to this point I have shared with you about the accident, getting a roommate, and the self-discovery that I can have my own identity. Somewhere in here, locked away behind "Wife" and "Mom" was "ME", and I was finally starting to realize that I could have fun in my life without having to be a couple.
For twenty years Hubby and I have almost always gone out together, and he was always the social one. He is one of those people that can go out and talk to anyone, and he makes friends fairly easily. I, on the other hand, am the wall flower. I will sit and watch him move around the room, being the social person that he is, while I sit there hoping someone will talk to me. It's usually nice if even Hubby would talk to me. I honestly think he tends to forget I'm there when we go out.
The friends I have today would probably laugh if I told them how shy I really am. I have a hard time making friends. Put me in a beauty salon and throw clients at me all day, and I can talk up a storm. But put me in a social setting, where I don't really know anyone, and I tend to be very reserved, quiet, and hesitant to put myself out there. I really have to get to know someone before I let the real me come out. I guess a lot of that has to do with fear of being rejected. I spent a good deal of my childhood being teased and rejected by people.
Anyway, now that Hubby was beginning to live as king of his own little world, which apparently was excluding me more and more, it forced me to start creating a world of my own. Somewhere between November when Roomy moved in, and January after Hubby left again, I started to become the social butterfly. I mean that in a literal sense, because this process of life changing events I was experiencing was very much like the caterpillar morphing into the butterfly. And now comes life altering event number three...
It was a Saturday night in the middle of January. Roomy and I had plans to go out that night, but for some reason that I don't remember, I was running late getting ready. Roomy decided to head out without me, because I wasn't anywhere near being ready to go out. We agreed that I would take a cab, and meet him at the watering hole later. I specifically called a cab to schedule a pick-up around 8:30 that evening, but the cab company was running really slow that night and didn't actually pick me up until almost 9:45. Boy did that piss me off. Anyway, the cab finally arrived after numerous calls wanting to know where the hell they were, and I finally got to the watering hole around 10:00 pm.
When I got there I was in a rather pissy mood because of the whole cab thing. As I was walking up to the door, ready to go inside and slam down my first drink to ease my frustration, there was Sexy Man standing outside talking on his cell phone.
Sexy Man was one of the original party buddies Hubby and I had been hanging out with, so by this time, hugs were a norm when we'd see each other. When he saw me that night his eyes lit up, and he wrapped his arms around me giving me a big ol' bear hug. I knew he was pretty well on his way to drunkenville, because he didn't want to let go, and that was unusual. I actually had to push myself away from him.
Finally we go inside, and as was also a normal custom at this point, Sexy Man patted the seat next to him for me to sit down. Sexy Man and I have always gotten along really well. We have a lot in common, so finding things to talk about was really easy for us. From the moment we met, I was also attracted to him, thinking he was really sexy (hence the name, Sexy Man), but I never thought to act on it because he was older than me, and we are both married. I always try to be respectful of other people's marriages, and I don't hit on married men as a general rule. He never brought his wife out with him though. I tried many times to talk him into bringing his wife with him when we went out, because I really wanted to meet her, but I always got this look that said, "Yeah, right."
So there we were, a small group of us that night, sitting in our usual spot, drinking, smoking and joking, when all the sudden Sexy Man starts having this one-on-one conversation with me about sex. I couldn't say how the conversation got started, but the next thing I know, he starts asking me how I like oral sex. This whole conversation has taken me by surprise. This is one subject Sexy Man and I have never touched on. But, hey, I'm an open-minded person, so I allowed the conversation to continue. Then he starts using his hands and tongue to mimic the process of oral sex, asking me if I liked it "this way", or "that way". I'm sitting there thinking, 'Holy shit! He's really drunk!' And I'm wondering if anyone else is seeing this? At the same time, I am beginning to get tingles in the nether-region; the visual aid was making me wet to say the least. Then, because he asked, I shared with him my version of a blowjob.
Mind you, I can have conversations about sex without it actually leading to anything. For some reason, people find it really easy to talk about sex with me, so when they do, I never assume it's because they want to have sex with me. I guess it is because I am so open-minded that people find it easy to discuss the topic with me. While I was having this conversation with Sexy Man, I didn't think it was going to lead to anything. (I think I have self-image issues. Even with the amount of partner's I have had over the years, I never really feel like anyone is attracted to me in that way. I never hear the words pretty, beautiful, or sexy used in a sentence referring to me, so I have pretty much concluded that I am nothing special to look at. It sucks to have this knowledge, but there it is.)
So there we were, Sexy Man and me, having this conversation, and it is having a definite affect on my libido. I was getting horny as hell, and if truth be told, I hadn't had any really great sex in a long time, which wasn't helping matters. But still, I wasn't about to suggest anything, for the above mentioned reasons. When push comes to shove (pardon the pun), I have a toy box at home that helps me out in desperate situations, lol! But then it happened - I got up to head to the ladies room, and before I leave, Sexy Man says to me in a really serious tone, "I don't suppose you would be interested...", and before he finishes that sentence, he says, "No, I don't suppose you would." I looked back at him, and in my own serious tone I said, "Yes. I would be interested." The look on his face told me that he was just as surprised by my consent as I was by his proposition. Then I excused myself and went to the ladies room.
[I suppose now would be a good time to mention the fact that Hubby and I have a somewhat open marriage of sorts. It doesn't work for everyone, but for Hubby and me it is a lifestyle that, in the past, has brought more passion into our personal relationship, so it works for us. At least, it used to. I don't know these days, because things have changed a lot between Hubby and me, but I'll talk about that another day.]
When I returned from the restroom, everyone but Sexy Man was leaving to head to another bar. They asked me to come along, but given the recent turn of events, I feigned the excuse that I wasn't feeling well, and I would be going home shortly. Lie, lie, lie! Of course, I had no intentions of going home just yet. I was too eager to see what was going to transpire between me and Sexy Man! This was around midnight.
After everyone left, I walked up to the table where Sexy Man was standing waiting for me. I don't think we said anything to each other at that point. He pulled me close to him, cocked his head to one side, then with that serious look on his face again, he kissed me. It wasn't any small peck either. That kiss was deep, passionate, and oh so very yummy! Can I just say, if all men kissed their women like that on a regular basis, we women would be total putty in your hands all the time! Needless to say, I turned to jell-o! lol My knees actually got weak, and the tingles were now running from head to toe. I have to tell you, at 42 years old, I have NEVER had a man (or woman, for that matter) kiss me like that. Of course, I was kissing him back, feeding off of the energy that was now in high gear between us. It was magical.
After "the kiss", he looked at me with a big smile on his face, and he told me what a good kisser I was (which is something I've never been told before, so I think I actually blushed, lol), and then he commented on how soft my lips are. (I have full lips. Hubby is always saying they are "DSL" lips.) Then Sexy Man kissed me again. Oh my, just thinking about it right now is revving my motor. ~hehe~
For the rest of the night Sexy Man and I proceeded to make out right there in the watering hole. That's another first for me. I have kissed and been kissed in bars, but never like this. Sexy Man and I were like two teenagers who couldn't get enough of each other. We were all over each other, kissing, feeling each other up, teasing each other mercilessly, and pretty much didn't give a shit who was watching. It was like we were the only two in the room, and if the waitress hadn't stopped by to see if we needed another drink, I think we probably could have had sex right then and there. When I think back on it, anyone still in the bar at that time of night got quite a show. I remember glancing over at the manager at one point, and he looked at me with a big grin on his face, lol! But you know what? I didn't care. I was in the midst of one of the most sexually charged moments I ever had, and I wasn't about to let anything stop it. Until, that is, the lights came on.
The bar was closing. It was time to go home. I started to pout, and Sexy Man took me by the hand and led me outside to his car. He said he would give me a ride home, since I had taken a cab that night. Then he placed me in his vehicle, got in himself, started the car to warm it up, and then turned to me and kissed me passionately again. Only this time, it wasn't like two teenagers, it was like a man and a woman, and let me tell you, in that moment things got really hot between us!
Next thing I know, my jeans are off, my shirt is open and my nipples are hard as a rock as he's sucking on them. I was dripping wet between my thighs as his fingers worked their magic. Then he kissed his way down my belly and began expertly using his tongue, until I had the strongest orgasm I have ever had. Meanwhile, I am trying to pleasure him at the same time, but unlike anyone else I've ever been with, he didn't want me to do anything. I never even got his jeans unzipped, let alone off, because he kept pushing my hand away. He wanted me to lay there and receive. That is another first for me. I'm not used to getting all the attention. If anything, I am used to giving, and not getting anything more than a good hard banging until "he" gets off and rolls over.
Whoa! I think I need another drink! *fans herself to cool down*
When it was all over, he smiled and kissed me again. Oh, what a sexy smile that man has! But, OMG! I actually forgot where I was! LOL As I was getting dressed, it hit me that we were still in the parking lot of the watering hole! I must have really been drunk. I have no idea if anyone saw us. I was totally caught up in the pleasure of his attention! May I just add - it was worth every moment! But, alas, it was time to really go home, so Sexy Man drove me to my house, gave me another yummy kiss goodnight, and then left.
I really thought he would want to come in, so that we could maybe move to a part-two of the evening, but he had a wife to go home to, so I didn't push the issue. It totally amazes me though that we didn't actually have intercourse that first night, and I was even more amazed that he was quite content with that. As I watched him leave, I felt like I was on the best high of my life. I went to sleep that night smiling from ear to ear, and I knew I had to see him again.
To be continued...
Actually, it is Sunday, but Sunday's are my Friday's, because I work on the weekends. This was a long work weekend, because of Veteran's Day. (I also work all government holidays.)
To the Monday through Friday working person, you might think just working weekends has got to be a breezy job. Yes, I suppose for the most part it is a breezy job. It also pays well. The problem is that it is too breezy. In fact, it is boring as hell. I sit in a 9 x 12 room for 8 to 12 hours by myself, answering the telephone. If that phone were busy, it would be one thing. But on average I receive one hundred calls on any given day, and each call lasts approximately 15 to 30 seconds. The rest of the time, I sit there waiting for the phone to ring. (You do the math. I'm too tired to figure it out tonight. lol)
Like I said, I get paid fairly well for what I do. They have to pay us that well; otherwise no one would continue working there because it is so boring. I don't know of any other job where I can sit on my ass all day, in my slippers no less, and work on craft projects, watch movies, or play on my computer while getting paid well for it. That's the good part. The bad part is that my ass is getting bigger because I sit there munching all day, because I can't smoke at work. I also spend all my time alone. By the end of the day I am so wiped out from all the peace and quiet that I feel utterly exhausted by the time I get home and I just want to go to sleep.
I am so ready to go back to Texas and get my career started up again as a hairdresser. That has been my licensed profession for almost 25 years now. (Boy does that make me sound old!) If I really wanted to, I suppose I could do hair here, but the winters here are really long, and really cold, and driving downtown in the ice and snow really doesn't sound very appealing. Plus, the cost of gas to get back and forth to work would pretty much eat up my paychecks, so it seems like a waste of time and money. Then there is the fact that we will eventually move again, and working hard to build a clientele would only be a waste of time, because it would only mean having to start over yet again. That defeats the purpose of having a career in the hair industry. Needless to say, I have talked myself right out of getting another job in these parts. For now, I guess I will have to stick with this boring job until it is time to move again. And when my work-weekends are over, I'm just going to have to pour myself another margarita! Time for a refill!
Back to my Texas adventures...
Up to this point I have shared with you about the accident, getting a roommate, and the self-discovery that I can have my own identity. Somewhere in here, locked away behind "Wife" and "Mom" was "ME", and I was finally starting to realize that I could have fun in my life without having to be a couple.
For twenty years Hubby and I have almost always gone out together, and he was always the social one. He is one of those people that can go out and talk to anyone, and he makes friends fairly easily. I, on the other hand, am the wall flower. I will sit and watch him move around the room, being the social person that he is, while I sit there hoping someone will talk to me. It's usually nice if even Hubby would talk to me. I honestly think he tends to forget I'm there when we go out.
The friends I have today would probably laugh if I told them how shy I really am. I have a hard time making friends. Put me in a beauty salon and throw clients at me all day, and I can talk up a storm. But put me in a social setting, where I don't really know anyone, and I tend to be very reserved, quiet, and hesitant to put myself out there. I really have to get to know someone before I let the real me come out. I guess a lot of that has to do with fear of being rejected. I spent a good deal of my childhood being teased and rejected by people.
Anyway, now that Hubby was beginning to live as king of his own little world, which apparently was excluding me more and more, it forced me to start creating a world of my own. Somewhere between November when Roomy moved in, and January after Hubby left again, I started to become the social butterfly. I mean that in a literal sense, because this process of life changing events I was experiencing was very much like the caterpillar morphing into the butterfly. And now comes life altering event number three...
It was a Saturday night in the middle of January. Roomy and I had plans to go out that night, but for some reason that I don't remember, I was running late getting ready. Roomy decided to head out without me, because I wasn't anywhere near being ready to go out. We agreed that I would take a cab, and meet him at the watering hole later. I specifically called a cab to schedule a pick-up around 8:30 that evening, but the cab company was running really slow that night and didn't actually pick me up until almost 9:45. Boy did that piss me off. Anyway, the cab finally arrived after numerous calls wanting to know where the hell they were, and I finally got to the watering hole around 10:00 pm.
When I got there I was in a rather pissy mood because of the whole cab thing. As I was walking up to the door, ready to go inside and slam down my first drink to ease my frustration, there was Sexy Man standing outside talking on his cell phone.
Sexy Man was one of the original party buddies Hubby and I had been hanging out with, so by this time, hugs were a norm when we'd see each other. When he saw me that night his eyes lit up, and he wrapped his arms around me giving me a big ol' bear hug. I knew he was pretty well on his way to drunkenville, because he didn't want to let go, and that was unusual. I actually had to push myself away from him.
Finally we go inside, and as was also a normal custom at this point, Sexy Man patted the seat next to him for me to sit down. Sexy Man and I have always gotten along really well. We have a lot in common, so finding things to talk about was really easy for us. From the moment we met, I was also attracted to him, thinking he was really sexy (hence the name, Sexy Man), but I never thought to act on it because he was older than me, and we are both married. I always try to be respectful of other people's marriages, and I don't hit on married men as a general rule. He never brought his wife out with him though. I tried many times to talk him into bringing his wife with him when we went out, because I really wanted to meet her, but I always got this look that said, "Yeah, right."
So there we were, a small group of us that night, sitting in our usual spot, drinking, smoking and joking, when all the sudden Sexy Man starts having this one-on-one conversation with me about sex. I couldn't say how the conversation got started, but the next thing I know, he starts asking me how I like oral sex. This whole conversation has taken me by surprise. This is one subject Sexy Man and I have never touched on. But, hey, I'm an open-minded person, so I allowed the conversation to continue. Then he starts using his hands and tongue to mimic the process of oral sex, asking me if I liked it "this way", or "that way". I'm sitting there thinking, 'Holy shit! He's really drunk!' And I'm wondering if anyone else is seeing this? At the same time, I am beginning to get tingles in the nether-region; the visual aid was making me wet to say the least. Then, because he asked, I shared with him my version of a blowjob.
Mind you, I can have conversations about sex without it actually leading to anything. For some reason, people find it really easy to talk about sex with me, so when they do, I never assume it's because they want to have sex with me. I guess it is because I am so open-minded that people find it easy to discuss the topic with me. While I was having this conversation with Sexy Man, I didn't think it was going to lead to anything. (I think I have self-image issues. Even with the amount of partner's I have had over the years, I never really feel like anyone is attracted to me in that way. I never hear the words pretty, beautiful, or sexy used in a sentence referring to me, so I have pretty much concluded that I am nothing special to look at. It sucks to have this knowledge, but there it is.)
So there we were, Sexy Man and me, having this conversation, and it is having a definite affect on my libido. I was getting horny as hell, and if truth be told, I hadn't had any really great sex in a long time, which wasn't helping matters. But still, I wasn't about to suggest anything, for the above mentioned reasons. When push comes to shove (pardon the pun), I have a toy box at home that helps me out in desperate situations, lol! But then it happened - I got up to head to the ladies room, and before I leave, Sexy Man says to me in a really serious tone, "I don't suppose you would be interested...", and before he finishes that sentence, he says, "No, I don't suppose you would." I looked back at him, and in my own serious tone I said, "Yes. I would be interested." The look on his face told me that he was just as surprised by my consent as I was by his proposition. Then I excused myself and went to the ladies room.
[I suppose now would be a good time to mention the fact that Hubby and I have a somewhat open marriage of sorts. It doesn't work for everyone, but for Hubby and me it is a lifestyle that, in the past, has brought more passion into our personal relationship, so it works for us. At least, it used to. I don't know these days, because things have changed a lot between Hubby and me, but I'll talk about that another day.]
When I returned from the restroom, everyone but Sexy Man was leaving to head to another bar. They asked me to come along, but given the recent turn of events, I feigned the excuse that I wasn't feeling well, and I would be going home shortly. Lie, lie, lie! Of course, I had no intentions of going home just yet. I was too eager to see what was going to transpire between me and Sexy Man! This was around midnight.
After everyone left, I walked up to the table where Sexy Man was standing waiting for me. I don't think we said anything to each other at that point. He pulled me close to him, cocked his head to one side, then with that serious look on his face again, he kissed me. It wasn't any small peck either. That kiss was deep, passionate, and oh so very yummy! Can I just say, if all men kissed their women like that on a regular basis, we women would be total putty in your hands all the time! Needless to say, I turned to jell-o! lol My knees actually got weak, and the tingles were now running from head to toe. I have to tell you, at 42 years old, I have NEVER had a man (or woman, for that matter) kiss me like that. Of course, I was kissing him back, feeding off of the energy that was now in high gear between us. It was magical.
After "the kiss", he looked at me with a big smile on his face, and he told me what a good kisser I was (which is something I've never been told before, so I think I actually blushed, lol), and then he commented on how soft my lips are. (I have full lips. Hubby is always saying they are "DSL" lips.) Then Sexy Man kissed me again. Oh my, just thinking about it right now is revving my motor. ~hehe~
For the rest of the night Sexy Man and I proceeded to make out right there in the watering hole. That's another first for me. I have kissed and been kissed in bars, but never like this. Sexy Man and I were like two teenagers who couldn't get enough of each other. We were all over each other, kissing, feeling each other up, teasing each other mercilessly, and pretty much didn't give a shit who was watching. It was like we were the only two in the room, and if the waitress hadn't stopped by to see if we needed another drink, I think we probably could have had sex right then and there. When I think back on it, anyone still in the bar at that time of night got quite a show. I remember glancing over at the manager at one point, and he looked at me with a big grin on his face, lol! But you know what? I didn't care. I was in the midst of one of the most sexually charged moments I ever had, and I wasn't about to let anything stop it. Until, that is, the lights came on.
The bar was closing. It was time to go home. I started to pout, and Sexy Man took me by the hand and led me outside to his car. He said he would give me a ride home, since I had taken a cab that night. Then he placed me in his vehicle, got in himself, started the car to warm it up, and then turned to me and kissed me passionately again. Only this time, it wasn't like two teenagers, it was like a man and a woman, and let me tell you, in that moment things got really hot between us!
Next thing I know, my jeans are off, my shirt is open and my nipples are hard as a rock as he's sucking on them. I was dripping wet between my thighs as his fingers worked their magic. Then he kissed his way down my belly and began expertly using his tongue, until I had the strongest orgasm I have ever had. Meanwhile, I am trying to pleasure him at the same time, but unlike anyone else I've ever been with, he didn't want me to do anything. I never even got his jeans unzipped, let alone off, because he kept pushing my hand away. He wanted me to lay there and receive. That is another first for me. I'm not used to getting all the attention. If anything, I am used to giving, and not getting anything more than a good hard banging until "he" gets off and rolls over.
Whoa! I think I need another drink! *fans herself to cool down*
When it was all over, he smiled and kissed me again. Oh, what a sexy smile that man has! But, OMG! I actually forgot where I was! LOL As I was getting dressed, it hit me that we were still in the parking lot of the watering hole! I must have really been drunk. I have no idea if anyone saw us. I was totally caught up in the pleasure of his attention! May I just add - it was worth every moment! But, alas, it was time to really go home, so Sexy Man drove me to my house, gave me another yummy kiss goodnight, and then left.
I really thought he would want to come in, so that we could maybe move to a part-two of the evening, but he had a wife to go home to, so I didn't push the issue. It totally amazes me though that we didn't actually have intercourse that first night, and I was even more amazed that he was quite content with that. As I watched him leave, I felt like I was on the best high of my life. I went to sleep that night smiling from ear to ear, and I knew I had to see him again.
To be continued...
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Can Someone PLEASE!
I need a break!! Just when I think life might be looking up, I get this really crummy news today. 6 weeks ago I had surgery in the pelvic region, which included an incision within the vaginal canal. Today I had my follow-up appointment, and I was all set to hear "all is well". Instead, I hear "F*#k!" coming from between my legs as the Doctor is examining me. No joke.
Okay, so, I'm an open-minded person. I hear the "F" word used all the time. I even use it occasionally myself, so when I hear it, it usually doesn't phase me. Today, however, it threw me for a loop! It's not something one is accustomed to hearing in a doctor's office - particularly from the doctor while he is in the middle of a pelvic exam! Lucky for the Doc, he's from my hometown, and I like him. Otherwise I would have had a real problem with it.
It turns out the incision in the vaginal canal hasn't healed properly, which means I am going to have to have surgery again to fix it, and apparently the doc was none too happy about it. F*#K!!! I'm none too happy about it either! This is going to be my third surgery in less than six months! I am starting to feel like a science project!
At the end of June this year I had shoulder surgery. I spent three months recovering from that, and I'm actually STILL trying to heal from it. Then at the end of September, I had this other surgery. I was just finally starting to feel better, and could actually get around and start doing things that required some physical exertion. Now I have to go through it all again. This really sucks! Not only do I have to have this third surgery while Hubby is away for six weeks, but it means I will have to prolong having sex again for another six weeks too. Not to mention that I have go through the healing process yet again, which is a bitch all on its own.
Like life can't get anymore depressing!
After the bad news today I decided the rest of the day was going to be spent having some "pamper me" time. I think I deserve it, don't you? Yes, I'd say I definitely deserve it, so I went out after my doctors appointment and took myself to lunch, got my hair colored and cut, got my nails done, and had a pedicure too. Yay for me! I haven't done that in a while, and I have to say, DAMN, THAT FELT GREAT! Then I even took myself out to dinner just to put the finishing touches on my day. :)
Now I am bee-u-ti-ful, but pooped! lol Time for bed - have to work in the morning. Nighty-night!
Okay, so, I'm an open-minded person. I hear the "F" word used all the time. I even use it occasionally myself, so when I hear it, it usually doesn't phase me. Today, however, it threw me for a loop! It's not something one is accustomed to hearing in a doctor's office - particularly from the doctor while he is in the middle of a pelvic exam! Lucky for the Doc, he's from my hometown, and I like him. Otherwise I would have had a real problem with it.
It turns out the incision in the vaginal canal hasn't healed properly, which means I am going to have to have surgery again to fix it, and apparently the doc was none too happy about it. F*#K!!! I'm none too happy about it either! This is going to be my third surgery in less than six months! I am starting to feel like a science project!
At the end of June this year I had shoulder surgery. I spent three months recovering from that, and I'm actually STILL trying to heal from it. Then at the end of September, I had this other surgery. I was just finally starting to feel better, and could actually get around and start doing things that required some physical exertion. Now I have to go through it all again. This really sucks! Not only do I have to have this third surgery while Hubby is away for six weeks, but it means I will have to prolong having sex again for another six weeks too. Not to mention that I have go through the healing process yet again, which is a bitch all on its own.
Like life can't get anymore depressing!
After the bad news today I decided the rest of the day was going to be spent having some "pamper me" time. I think I deserve it, don't you? Yes, I'd say I definitely deserve it, so I went out after my doctors appointment and took myself to lunch, got my hair colored and cut, got my nails done, and had a pedicure too. Yay for me! I haven't done that in a while, and I have to say, DAMN, THAT FELT GREAT! Then I even took myself out to dinner just to put the finishing touches on my day. :)
Now I am bee-u-ti-ful, but pooped! lol Time for bed - have to work in the morning. Nighty-night!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Margarita Time Again! - part 2
If you are just tuning in, you need to check out part 1 - the post entitled "Strawberry Margaritas Anyone???"...
Wow! I didn't realize how much I liked Strawberry Margaritas! lol They are a tasty treat! Yummy!
So where was I? Oh yeah, I was telling you about the night at the pool hall and heading home on Roomy's motorcycle.
Okay, so there we were, hopping on the bikes to head home. I got on Roomy's bike because we were heading to the same place, and Buddy was going to his house. This was around 2:00 a.m...
As we were pulling on to the main road to head home, Roomy and I were side-swiped by a pick-up truck going 60 mph. Mind you, Roomy and I hadn't really started to pick up speed yet. We were only doing about 15 mph when we were hit. O-M-G! You wanna talk about life-altering moments! I'm here to tell you that the Goddess was watching out for us that night! I felt this pick-up truck run straight down the right side of my body, and he was going so fast that I saw him as nothing more than a white blur. (I kept swearing it was white truck, because it was a hit and run, and the police were looking for the guy. But we heard later from the police that it was actually a red truck, and the guy did finally come back.) Thank the Goddess I was wearing my leather jacket that night too, because this guys side-view mirror broke on my back. Somehow though, by the grace of the Gods, I managed to walk away from this ordeal with only bruises. Bad bruises, but only bruises, none-the-less. Roomy, on the other hand, wasn't quite as lucky, but he was still lucky, if you know what I mean. His right ankle was broken in three places, and his pinky was degloved. Ewww! But I'm tellin' you, it could have been a hell of a lot worse! If this guy that hit us had been one inch to the left, I wouldn't be here today to tell you this story. (We found out later the guy that hit us was text messaging while he was driving. Of course, that never came out on any of the reports, and we couldn't prove it. But we got this information from the guy who was in the truck with him that night. What pisses me off is that he blamed the accident on us, saying Roomy's tail-lights weren't working, which was total bullshit, because Roomy's tail lights were still on when the police got there.) Needless to say, we spent the rest of that night, into the morning hours, at the hospital. I got to go home eventually. Roomy had to stay in the hospital for a few days, because he required surgery.
When the accident happened, it happened very quickly. Everything was a big blur. It wasn't until I sat down later and started thinking about it, that it hit me how close I came to losing my life that night. It had a major impact on me. A moment like that really makes you start to appreciate being alive. It put me in "life review" mode, and I realized just how precious life truly is. My life, in particular. (Roomy's life too, of course, but the impact it had on me and how I look at my life now is what I'm trying to get at.) Anyway...
After the accident, I started to rethink how I lived my life. I have lived most of my adult life as a Mom and Wife. I married Hubby when I was 22, and we had Son 5 months later, so my whole adult life up to this point has been focused on them. When the accident happened, I realized that my life mattered just as much as theirs does, and while I feel raising Son was worth every moment, I never really had much focus on myself. If truth be told, I really didn't have my own identity. I was, "his wife", and "his mom", and that was about it. It wasn't until this accident that it dawned on me that I needed to start living for myself. Son was almost all grown up, spreading his wings, and would soon be heading off to college. Hubby wasn't even around anymore. He was 1400 miles away, and while we talked on the phone, and I knew he loved me, he has never really given much thought to what I gave up in my life to be that supportive wife and "always there" mom.
[Speaking of Hubby, at the time of the accident, it had been almost 6 months since I had seen him. The accident happened the beginning of December, and he was due to be home for the holidays three weeks after the accident. He was also none-to-happy to hear about the accident, by the way. His big question was: Why were you with Roomy on the motorcycle? Once I explained, he got over it. I am also happy to report that Roomy is doing much better. He was on crutches for a quite a while, and will be dealing with screws and pins in his ankle for the rest of his life, but he is now back to a somewhat normal healthy state of living.]
Okay, so now I am dealing with this whole life-review thing. I had been living my life with my family being my only priority, and now I was finding I was pretty much on my own. Except for the occasional sighting of my Son, empty conversations with Hubby, and hanging out with Roomy from time to time, I had no one but me. I was really glad that Hubby would be home soon for a visit. I really needed some attention. (You have to remember that by the time Hubby came home, it had been 6 months since I had sex. That sucks!)
Well, about the time I started to feel better from the accident, Hubby finally made it home for the holidays. He was home for a few weeks. In that few weeks, I came to find out that Hubby had gotten fairly self-centered in our time apart. He hadn't been showing a whole lot of interest in what his family was up to when I would talked to him on the phone. He would always change the subject like he wasn't interested. At first I thought maybe it was because of stresses at work. But when he made his trip home, it was like the icing on the cake, because he acted like he really didn't want to be there. He was distant, and unaffectionate. Oh, yes, we did have sex, but it wasn't anything spectacular. He has always been self-centered when it came to sex anyway, so that wasn't any great surprise. What surprised me was his lack of family participation. It seemed like all he wanted to do was sit like a lump in front of the TV. After not being together for six months, I had expected more from him on an intimate level. At the very least, conversation, and maybe some snuggles. But all that was at a minimum.
Between the life-changing moment of the accident, and now Hubby acting like his world was the only one that mattered, I was starting to feel more alone than I ever had. After Hubby left, I decided it was time to start having a life. With the exception of the times I tagged along with Roomy when he was going out, for the most part, I hated going out alone, so I didn't go out. After Hubby left, I decided that was going to change, so I started going out by myself. And that is life changing event number 2.
The first few times I went out alone after Hubby left, I pretty much stayed to myself, mostly because I didn't see anyone I recognized. Finally, one night I ran into some people that Roomy had introduced me to. I didn't really know them all that well, but I sort of jumped into conversation with them, and I learned that I could be social without anyone else having to drag me out. Yay for me! From that moment on, I started becoming my own woman, and because of it, I started making some of the best friends I have ever had in my life. This happened within the two weeks after Hubby left to go back to his duty station - and at the end of the second week, life altering event #3 took place.
Stay tuned...
Wow! I didn't realize how much I liked Strawberry Margaritas! lol They are a tasty treat! Yummy!
So where was I? Oh yeah, I was telling you about the night at the pool hall and heading home on Roomy's motorcycle.
Okay, so there we were, hopping on the bikes to head home. I got on Roomy's bike because we were heading to the same place, and Buddy was going to his house. This was around 2:00 a.m...
As we were pulling on to the main road to head home, Roomy and I were side-swiped by a pick-up truck going 60 mph. Mind you, Roomy and I hadn't really started to pick up speed yet. We were only doing about 15 mph when we were hit. O-M-G! You wanna talk about life-altering moments! I'm here to tell you that the Goddess was watching out for us that night! I felt this pick-up truck run straight down the right side of my body, and he was going so fast that I saw him as nothing more than a white blur. (I kept swearing it was white truck, because it was a hit and run, and the police were looking for the guy. But we heard later from the police that it was actually a red truck, and the guy did finally come back.) Thank the Goddess I was wearing my leather jacket that night too, because this guys side-view mirror broke on my back. Somehow though, by the grace of the Gods, I managed to walk away from this ordeal with only bruises. Bad bruises, but only bruises, none-the-less. Roomy, on the other hand, wasn't quite as lucky, but he was still lucky, if you know what I mean. His right ankle was broken in three places, and his pinky was degloved. Ewww! But I'm tellin' you, it could have been a hell of a lot worse! If this guy that hit us had been one inch to the left, I wouldn't be here today to tell you this story. (We found out later the guy that hit us was text messaging while he was driving. Of course, that never came out on any of the reports, and we couldn't prove it. But we got this information from the guy who was in the truck with him that night. What pisses me off is that he blamed the accident on us, saying Roomy's tail-lights weren't working, which was total bullshit, because Roomy's tail lights were still on when the police got there.) Needless to say, we spent the rest of that night, into the morning hours, at the hospital. I got to go home eventually. Roomy had to stay in the hospital for a few days, because he required surgery.
When the accident happened, it happened very quickly. Everything was a big blur. It wasn't until I sat down later and started thinking about it, that it hit me how close I came to losing my life that night. It had a major impact on me. A moment like that really makes you start to appreciate being alive. It put me in "life review" mode, and I realized just how precious life truly is. My life, in particular. (Roomy's life too, of course, but the impact it had on me and how I look at my life now is what I'm trying to get at.) Anyway...
After the accident, I started to rethink how I lived my life. I have lived most of my adult life as a Mom and Wife. I married Hubby when I was 22, and we had Son 5 months later, so my whole adult life up to this point has been focused on them. When the accident happened, I realized that my life mattered just as much as theirs does, and while I feel raising Son was worth every moment, I never really had much focus on myself. If truth be told, I really didn't have my own identity. I was, "his wife", and "his mom", and that was about it. It wasn't until this accident that it dawned on me that I needed to start living for myself. Son was almost all grown up, spreading his wings, and would soon be heading off to college. Hubby wasn't even around anymore. He was 1400 miles away, and while we talked on the phone, and I knew he loved me, he has never really given much thought to what I gave up in my life to be that supportive wife and "always there" mom.
[Speaking of Hubby, at the time of the accident, it had been almost 6 months since I had seen him. The accident happened the beginning of December, and he was due to be home for the holidays three weeks after the accident. He was also none-to-happy to hear about the accident, by the way. His big question was: Why were you with Roomy on the motorcycle? Once I explained, he got over it. I am also happy to report that Roomy is doing much better. He was on crutches for a quite a while, and will be dealing with screws and pins in his ankle for the rest of his life, but he is now back to a somewhat normal healthy state of living.]
Okay, so now I am dealing with this whole life-review thing. I had been living my life with my family being my only priority, and now I was finding I was pretty much on my own. Except for the occasional sighting of my Son, empty conversations with Hubby, and hanging out with Roomy from time to time, I had no one but me. I was really glad that Hubby would be home soon for a visit. I really needed some attention. (You have to remember that by the time Hubby came home, it had been 6 months since I had sex. That sucks!)
Well, about the time I started to feel better from the accident, Hubby finally made it home for the holidays. He was home for a few weeks. In that few weeks, I came to find out that Hubby had gotten fairly self-centered in our time apart. He hadn't been showing a whole lot of interest in what his family was up to when I would talked to him on the phone. He would always change the subject like he wasn't interested. At first I thought maybe it was because of stresses at work. But when he made his trip home, it was like the icing on the cake, because he acted like he really didn't want to be there. He was distant, and unaffectionate. Oh, yes, we did have sex, but it wasn't anything spectacular. He has always been self-centered when it came to sex anyway, so that wasn't any great surprise. What surprised me was his lack of family participation. It seemed like all he wanted to do was sit like a lump in front of the TV. After not being together for six months, I had expected more from him on an intimate level. At the very least, conversation, and maybe some snuggles. But all that was at a minimum.
Between the life-changing moment of the accident, and now Hubby acting like his world was the only one that mattered, I was starting to feel more alone than I ever had. After Hubby left, I decided it was time to start having a life. With the exception of the times I tagged along with Roomy when he was going out, for the most part, I hated going out alone, so I didn't go out. After Hubby left, I decided that was going to change, so I started going out by myself. And that is life changing event number 2.
The first few times I went out alone after Hubby left, I pretty much stayed to myself, mostly because I didn't see anyone I recognized. Finally, one night I ran into some people that Roomy had introduced me to. I didn't really know them all that well, but I sort of jumped into conversation with them, and I learned that I could be social without anyone else having to drag me out. Yay for me! From that moment on, I started becoming my own woman, and because of it, I started making some of the best friends I have ever had in my life. This happened within the two weeks after Hubby left to go back to his duty station - and at the end of the second week, life altering event #3 took place.
Stay tuned...
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Strawberry Magarita Anyone??? part 1
I think I'm losing it. I usually have this rule that I don't drink at home unless I have company visiting. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I'm afraid if I start drinking at home just for the hell of it I'll find myself enjoying it too much. Tonight, however, I'm breaking my own rule. I'm so frickin' lonely - I really need something to make life fun! Okay, so I don't know how much fun I can have drunk by myself, but I'm willing to give it a shot (or two or three), LOL!
I just got home from work. It has been a long day. My job is so incredibly B-O-O-O-R-I-N-G, and that tends to make the days at work even longer. Hubby is away on business for the next 6 weeks, so at the moment I am completely alone at home, except for my critters, but they aren't much for conversation. Sadly, I don't have any friends where I live either. My work schedule is opposite the majority of the population around here, so while I'm working everyone else is enjoying their time off. And when I'm off, everyone is too tired to come out and play because they've been working all day. I've been here a year and a half, and with each passing day I hate this place more and more.
Now, you have to understand that I am not anti-social - not by any means. I am most definitely a "people-person". I love getting together with friends and hanging out. I especially love to party! It's my way of cutting loose and letting go of stress. When it comes to drinking, I can keep up with the best of them! I also enjoy going to karaoke, dancing and playing pool, and just hanging with my friends and having a good time. I like to have playmates too! I enjoy the pre-party ritual of getting ready, and trying to look good so I feel good. I also love to flirt when I'm out. Men, women, it doesn't matter. I'm a flirt - plain and simple. *grins* And it doesn't necessarily have to lead to anything either. Most of the time it is harmless flirting, although if something does happen, that's an added bonus! But most of the fun is in the hunt. I'm a Leo, and we Lionesses LOVE the hunt! Unfortunately, the hunting grounds where I live are sparse to say the least. People around here are just too "goody-two-shoes" for me - they simply don't have a clue what a good time is all about. *winks and sighs*
I am currently hating my life in a big way, and I really, Really, REALLY miss Texas! Let me tell you about Texas...
Hubby is in the military. He has been in for 18 years, so you can imagine that we have had a few military moves during his career. Not as many as some, but having to uproot yourself at any time is a pain in the butt. Being a military wife isn't an easy job. As a military spouse you are expected to support your better-half by moving whenever you're told, staying behind and taking care of the homestead and all that entails by yourself whenever they go away on assignment, and generally learning to live as a single parent, hopefully prepared to handle anything that comes your way.
The military community is a unique one. When you make friends, there is a special bond, especially if you live on base, because you are all going through the same thing. But friends in the military generally come and go, because everyone tends to move around so much. Needless to say, you never really get a chance to feel like you are part of a community for very long because it always seems like you are moving and having to start over.
Well, one of Hubby's duty assignments led us to living in Texas for 5 years. When we got there we lived off-base, which is unusual for us, so we didn't have the normal camaraderie or restrictions usually associated with living on-base. Initially, life felt fairly seperated from the way we were used to living. But we were a family, so Hubby was busy working, and I was busy being a stay-at-home-mom taking care of our teenage son and doing all those wifely duties. Eventually we settled in, and became comfortable with living off-base. Then it came time for those damned orders again, and Hubby got reassigned to another duty station. Only this time, our son was getting ready to go into his senior year of high school, and as a parent, I just couldn't see pulling him out of his school and making him start over for one lousy year. So, Son and I stayed behind, while Hubby moved to his next assignment without us.
The plan was that Hubby would go ahead of us, and after Son graduated High School, Son would go off to college, and I would move to be with Hubby. This seperation was only going to be for a year. As things go in the military world, Hubby and I have spent a lot of time apart over the years - months and months at a time - so to go one more year didn't seem like it was going to be any big deal. Boy was I wrong.
When Hubby first left, I found the seperation hard, like it always is. When you are married, you get used to having that companionship on a daily basis. But Hubby and I made this decision for our sons sake, so I tried to make the most of it. What I didn't count on was our son reaching the time in his life where he starts spreading his wings. My Son wasn't around much in his senior year. He stayed pretty busy with school and after-school activities, and when he wasn't doing something because of school, he was starting to have a life that didn't include Mom. Needless to say, I didn't see him very often, except for the occasional, "Hi Mom, what's for dinner? Going to my room now."
During this time we were also hurting for money because we were having to pay double living expenses (2 rents, double the utilities, etc...), in addition to forking out cash for Son's senior year, and trying to prepare for his going to college, so I really didn't go out much. Actually, I didn't go out at all. (Kinda like now - how depressing.) I had a few friends, but they really weren't the "let's go out" kind. They were more like the "let's stay home and watch a movie" kind. Anyway, like I said, I didn't go out much.
After a while, I started to feel like I had been abandoned. Hubby was busy working, and Son was busy having a life, and the lack of anyone to talk to was starting to get to me. (Again, kind of like now. *pouts*) Then I got a bright idea! (*ding* insert lightbulb here!) Hubby had a buddy that was still there that was looking for a place to live, so I invited him to rent a room from us. Not only would that give us some extra money, but it would be nice to have another adult around to talk to from time to time. So, out went the invitation to the buddy to live with me and Son. He accepted, and moved in. Little did I know, having a roommate was about to lead to a major turning point in my life.
Hey - these margaritas are going down way too smooth, hehe! Cheers!
Okay, so now Son and I have a Roomy. Things actually seemed to go pretty good. I got used to having a roommate pretty easily. (I later decided that living with Roomy was no different than living with Hubby - the only difference was Roomy and I didn't have sex. But that's a story I'll save for later.) Roomy and I both valued our privacy, so when we needed to be alone we'd go to our rooms and shut the door. We pretty much knew that if the door was shut, the other person didn't want to be bothered. I gave Roomy free run of the house. I wanted him to feel like it was home for him, as much as it was for us. We got along really great, so when we felt like having company, we'd hang out in the livingroom together watching movies, or we would sit at the kitchen table drinking coffee or some other beverage of choice and we would talk.
Initially, Roomy and I knew each other from being party buds - he worked with Hubby, and they used to go out after work on Fridays with other guys from work to drink away the stress of the week. Finally they decided to get together with the spouses included one night, and that started a regular event about once a month. That's when I met Roomy.
Okay, before you get any bright ideas, Roomy and I have never had sex. There was actually a time, one night when we were all out, that I actually hit on Roomy (before he was our Roomy), but he turned me down. He couldn't grasp screwing the wife of a friend, even when the friend (my Hubby) knew about it. That's another story for another day. But I just needed to say for the record, Roomy and I have never had sex.
Backtracking about nine months or so before Hubby moved away...Once a month we all got together at our favorite watering hole to let loose and have a good time. The group of us basically consisted of myself and Hubby, Roomy (who was going through a divorce), JJ (actually a husband and wife), Sexy Man (whom I will fill you in on later), GQ Guy, and various other peeps who would stop by from time to time. We all got along great! Then came time for Hubby to move, and when he left, my time out on the town pretty much stopped because I felt awkward going out alone. That lasted for about 4 months.
Well, when Roomy moved in after Hubby left, we both went out one night together, and he started introducing me to some of the local peeps he knew. There were also those nights that he got me to go out with the usual crowd too, and I enjoyed hanging out with them, so of course, I'd tag along. I guess you could say Roomy and I became "party companions" as well as roommates.
One night Roomy and I went to the Watering Hole, and we spent about two or so hours there, when he and another buddy of his (by this time the buddy was also a friend of mine) asked if I wanted to go to another bar with them. I was all for it. The only catch was that they were on motorcycles, and I wasn't doin' the ol' drinkin' and drivin' thing, so I hopped on the back of Buddy's bike, and off we went down the road to a pool hall. It was a fun night, with interesting conversation, talking about the different ways to get women to orgasm. Not sure how that one got started, but anyway...
Finally it came time to go home, because the bar was closing. Well, since Roomy and I live together, it only made sense to hop on Roomy's bike and catch a ride home, so that's what I did. What happens next is the first major event in a series of life changing events for me...
Stay tuned for the next post! ;)
I just got home from work. It has been a long day. My job is so incredibly B-O-O-O-R-I-N-G, and that tends to make the days at work even longer. Hubby is away on business for the next 6 weeks, so at the moment I am completely alone at home, except for my critters, but they aren't much for conversation. Sadly, I don't have any friends where I live either. My work schedule is opposite the majority of the population around here, so while I'm working everyone else is enjoying their time off. And when I'm off, everyone is too tired to come out and play because they've been working all day. I've been here a year and a half, and with each passing day I hate this place more and more.
Now, you have to understand that I am not anti-social - not by any means. I am most definitely a "people-person". I love getting together with friends and hanging out. I especially love to party! It's my way of cutting loose and letting go of stress. When it comes to drinking, I can keep up with the best of them! I also enjoy going to karaoke, dancing and playing pool, and just hanging with my friends and having a good time. I like to have playmates too! I enjoy the pre-party ritual of getting ready, and trying to look good so I feel good. I also love to flirt when I'm out. Men, women, it doesn't matter. I'm a flirt - plain and simple. *grins* And it doesn't necessarily have to lead to anything either. Most of the time it is harmless flirting, although if something does happen, that's an added bonus! But most of the fun is in the hunt. I'm a Leo, and we Lionesses LOVE the hunt! Unfortunately, the hunting grounds where I live are sparse to say the least. People around here are just too "goody-two-shoes" for me - they simply don't have a clue what a good time is all about. *winks and sighs*
I am currently hating my life in a big way, and I really, Really, REALLY miss Texas! Let me tell you about Texas...
Hubby is in the military. He has been in for 18 years, so you can imagine that we have had a few military moves during his career. Not as many as some, but having to uproot yourself at any time is a pain in the butt. Being a military wife isn't an easy job. As a military spouse you are expected to support your better-half by moving whenever you're told, staying behind and taking care of the homestead and all that entails by yourself whenever they go away on assignment, and generally learning to live as a single parent, hopefully prepared to handle anything that comes your way.
The military community is a unique one. When you make friends, there is a special bond, especially if you live on base, because you are all going through the same thing. But friends in the military generally come and go, because everyone tends to move around so much. Needless to say, you never really get a chance to feel like you are part of a community for very long because it always seems like you are moving and having to start over.
Well, one of Hubby's duty assignments led us to living in Texas for 5 years. When we got there we lived off-base, which is unusual for us, so we didn't have the normal camaraderie or restrictions usually associated with living on-base. Initially, life felt fairly seperated from the way we were used to living. But we were a family, so Hubby was busy working, and I was busy being a stay-at-home-mom taking care of our teenage son and doing all those wifely duties. Eventually we settled in, and became comfortable with living off-base. Then it came time for those damned orders again, and Hubby got reassigned to another duty station. Only this time, our son was getting ready to go into his senior year of high school, and as a parent, I just couldn't see pulling him out of his school and making him start over for one lousy year. So, Son and I stayed behind, while Hubby moved to his next assignment without us.
The plan was that Hubby would go ahead of us, and after Son graduated High School, Son would go off to college, and I would move to be with Hubby. This seperation was only going to be for a year. As things go in the military world, Hubby and I have spent a lot of time apart over the years - months and months at a time - so to go one more year didn't seem like it was going to be any big deal. Boy was I wrong.
When Hubby first left, I found the seperation hard, like it always is. When you are married, you get used to having that companionship on a daily basis. But Hubby and I made this decision for our sons sake, so I tried to make the most of it. What I didn't count on was our son reaching the time in his life where he starts spreading his wings. My Son wasn't around much in his senior year. He stayed pretty busy with school and after-school activities, and when he wasn't doing something because of school, he was starting to have a life that didn't include Mom. Needless to say, I didn't see him very often, except for the occasional, "Hi Mom, what's for dinner? Going to my room now."
During this time we were also hurting for money because we were having to pay double living expenses (2 rents, double the utilities, etc...), in addition to forking out cash for Son's senior year, and trying to prepare for his going to college, so I really didn't go out much. Actually, I didn't go out at all. (Kinda like now - how depressing.) I had a few friends, but they really weren't the "let's go out" kind. They were more like the "let's stay home and watch a movie" kind. Anyway, like I said, I didn't go out much.
After a while, I started to feel like I had been abandoned. Hubby was busy working, and Son was busy having a life, and the lack of anyone to talk to was starting to get to me. (Again, kind of like now. *pouts*) Then I got a bright idea! (*ding* insert lightbulb here!) Hubby had a buddy that was still there that was looking for a place to live, so I invited him to rent a room from us. Not only would that give us some extra money, but it would be nice to have another adult around to talk to from time to time. So, out went the invitation to the buddy to live with me and Son. He accepted, and moved in. Little did I know, having a roommate was about to lead to a major turning point in my life.
Hey - these margaritas are going down way too smooth, hehe! Cheers!
Okay, so now Son and I have a Roomy. Things actually seemed to go pretty good. I got used to having a roommate pretty easily. (I later decided that living with Roomy was no different than living with Hubby - the only difference was Roomy and I didn't have sex. But that's a story I'll save for later.) Roomy and I both valued our privacy, so when we needed to be alone we'd go to our rooms and shut the door. We pretty much knew that if the door was shut, the other person didn't want to be bothered. I gave Roomy free run of the house. I wanted him to feel like it was home for him, as much as it was for us. We got along really great, so when we felt like having company, we'd hang out in the livingroom together watching movies, or we would sit at the kitchen table drinking coffee or some other beverage of choice and we would talk.
Initially, Roomy and I knew each other from being party buds - he worked with Hubby, and they used to go out after work on Fridays with other guys from work to drink away the stress of the week. Finally they decided to get together with the spouses included one night, and that started a regular event about once a month. That's when I met Roomy.
Okay, before you get any bright ideas, Roomy and I have never had sex. There was actually a time, one night when we were all out, that I actually hit on Roomy (before he was our Roomy), but he turned me down. He couldn't grasp screwing the wife of a friend, even when the friend (my Hubby) knew about it. That's another story for another day. But I just needed to say for the record, Roomy and I have never had sex.
Backtracking about nine months or so before Hubby moved away...Once a month we all got together at our favorite watering hole to let loose and have a good time. The group of us basically consisted of myself and Hubby, Roomy (who was going through a divorce), JJ (actually a husband and wife), Sexy Man (whom I will fill you in on later), GQ Guy, and various other peeps who would stop by from time to time. We all got along great! Then came time for Hubby to move, and when he left, my time out on the town pretty much stopped because I felt awkward going out alone. That lasted for about 4 months.
Well, when Roomy moved in after Hubby left, we both went out one night together, and he started introducing me to some of the local peeps he knew. There were also those nights that he got me to go out with the usual crowd too, and I enjoyed hanging out with them, so of course, I'd tag along. I guess you could say Roomy and I became "party companions" as well as roommates.
One night Roomy and I went to the Watering Hole, and we spent about two or so hours there, when he and another buddy of his (by this time the buddy was also a friend of mine) asked if I wanted to go to another bar with them. I was all for it. The only catch was that they were on motorcycles, and I wasn't doin' the ol' drinkin' and drivin' thing, so I hopped on the back of Buddy's bike, and off we went down the road to a pool hall. It was a fun night, with interesting conversation, talking about the different ways to get women to orgasm. Not sure how that one got started, but anyway...
Finally it came time to go home, because the bar was closing. Well, since Roomy and I live together, it only made sense to hop on Roomy's bike and catch a ride home, so that's what I did. What happens next is the first major event in a series of life changing events for me...
Stay tuned for the next post! ;)
Friday, November 03, 2006
A Place To Call Home
I have been checking out blog sites for the longest time. Several of my friends have blog spaces, and they all seem to choose different blog programs or sites to host their blogs on. Being the friend I am, I have signed up on several blog spaces and started blogs so that I can connect with those friends. Only problem is most of the material I write is either depressing or has to be censored to a certain degree, because the real me would shock most of the people I know. Given that, I felt it was time to have my own personal blog that I could call home - a place where I can post what ever the hell I want to without worrying about having to be "politically correct" all the time. So here I am. :)
Okay, first things first - if you've noticed my blog address, then you may be wondering why I call myself "Lady Lover". Well, for starters, I am a Lady, at least most of the time, hehe - and I am a lover - as opposed to being a fighter. There are other reasons as well - such as the fact that I love women as much as I love men. Yes, that would make me bisexual. I am also a Witch and a Wiccan Priestess, and the title of "Lady" is a title of a Priestess of the Goddess. All that being said, "Lady Lover" just seemed to work! ;)
Here's a few other tidbits about me:
Okay, first things first - if you've noticed my blog address, then you may be wondering why I call myself "Lady Lover". Well, for starters, I am a Lady, at least most of the time, hehe - and I am a lover - as opposed to being a fighter. There are other reasons as well - such as the fact that I love women as much as I love men. Yes, that would make me bisexual. I am also a Witch and a Wiccan Priestess, and the title of "Lady" is a title of a Priestess of the Goddess. All that being said, "Lady Lover" just seemed to work! ;)
Here's a few other tidbits about me:
- Marital Status: A Wife of 20 Years
- Children: Mother of One FANTASTIC Son
- Stature: Vertically Challanged & More to Love
- Drink/Smoke
- Religion: Wicca
- Sex: Yes, please!
If there's anything else you want to know, may I suggest leaving me a comment with your question in it. Or you can simply keep checking out my blog and get to know me one post at a time.
Well, I guess that's it for now. There are tons of things I want to share through my blog, but they will have to wait until another day because I have to work in the morning. Nighty-night! *HUGS*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)