Margaritas & Memories - part 4

I have to tell you, it feels good to remember my times in Texas – especially my last year there, and specifically my time with Sexy Man. It is like much needed therapy for me. For well over a year now I have been experiencing severe depression. Remembering the good times has brought me a moment of happiness.

My life and my way of thinking have changed drastically over the last two years, which you will come to understand if you continue reading my blog. I have been trying to decide if those changes are of the good variety, or the bad.

On the one hand, I keep telling myself they have been good changes, because they blessed me with some of the happiest moments of my life to date. On the other hand, it has created a great deal of sadness when it comes to my marriage, because I am no longer happy or content with my life the way it is anymore. The separation from Hubby, and the time spent with Sexy Man during that separation, really opened my eyes to what I want for my life. But we don’t always get what we want, and trying to determine what is fair anymore has created a serious dilemma in my life.

I am hoping by sharing all these life changing events, it will help me to make some sense of my life and maybe help me to determine where I go from here. Hell, I don’t even know if anyone is really reading these posts, so for all I know, I’m just talking to myself. Even still, somehow I feel that sharing these experiences, whether someone else is reading about them or not, is helping me to validate them simply because I am placing them in public access.

Maybe one day I will get my life figured out. Hopefully that day will be soon, because I can’t take much more of my life the way it is. In the meantime, I will keep sharing my memories and my frustrations, and trying to sort things out. Goodness knows this form of therapy is far cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist. The only question is: will it help?

Pour me another margarita!

As you have probably surmised, my first intimate encounter with Sexy Man knocked my socks off. For the next few days afterwards, I walked around with a stupid smile on my face! It was probably a good thing that I spent so much time alone at home, because I would have been hard-put to have to explain it to anyone.

For starters, Hubby and I have always kept our extracurricular partner’s away from the eyes and ears of our son, for obvious reasons. Where Roomy was concerned, he worked with Sexy Man, and sharing our encounter could have its definite drawbacks on the job. Plus, I was just so happy after months of being unhappy, and didn’t want to share it with anyone else – I wanted to revel in the excitement of it without anyone else’s interference. Under normal circumstances, I would have run straight to Hubby and told him all about it. Then he and I would have had one of our own intimate encounters. But things with Hubby were not normal anymore. I had this feeling that telling Hubby would only kill my emotional high, so I kept it to myself for the time being, with the intention of eventually letting him in on it.

Around the middle of the week following my encounter with Sexy Man, I started wondering when I was going to see him again. The weekend was coming up, so I decided to call him to see if he would be going to the watering hole one night over the weekend. I had never called him before – it was usually the guys that called each other to arrange our nights out, so I felt a little awkward about it. He was married too, after all, and I had no idea how his wife would feel about another woman calling him. But my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to try calling him around the time he would be getting off of work, with the hope that Wifey wouldn’t be around.

[Sexy Man and I have a common interest in karaoke. Several months prior to our encounter he had given me his cell phone number. He told me if I ever wanted company at karaoke to give him a call since Hubby really didn’t like to go to karaoke. Being uncomfortable about the whole marriage issue, I never called him. If I knew then what I know now…all that time wasted *sighs* Ironically enough, Sexy Man and I still have never been to karaoke together. Strange, but true.]

When Sexy Man answered the phone that day, I began to feel all the excitement of our last evening together welling up inside me. Of course I wondered if he had thought about me since that night, but I didn’t ask. I was trying to be all cool, calm, and collected, hoping I didn’t come across as some overly eager school girl. In a voice as calm as you please, I said Hi, told him what a good time I had the other night, and asked him if he had plans to go out that weekend. He said he enjoyed himself also, and asked when I planned on going out, then told me he would meet me there. It was a short conversation, but when we hung up I was so excited I could have had an orgasm on the spot!

For the next few days I bounced around the house doing all my homebound duties, until the time came for me to start getting ready to go out that Saturday night. It is amazing the things one will do when they are preparing for an evening with the hopes of attracting and impressing a certain someone. I went out that day and got a pedicure and my nails done. I gave myself a facial, shaved my leg and other intimate areas, making sure things were baby smooth (as opposed to the usual quick swipes with the razor). I spent time on my make-up and hair, and laid out my clothes ever so carefully, meticulously choosing my jewelry, making sure everything was perfect.

About a half hour before it was time to go, I called a cab for a pick-up (which I was in the habit of doing now, because I refuse to drink and drive). While I was waiting for the cab, I headed back to the mirror to take one more look to make sure everything was in place, and while I was standing there, it hit me. What was I doing?? It was like I had gotten ready for a date. I’m not supposed to be dating. I’m already married. Then the doubts started kicking in. That one evening we spent together was fabulous! But suddenly it felt very taboo, like I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing, and if I went any further, I was going to be asking for trouble. In that moment, I decided to call the cab company and cancel my ride. I picked up my cell phone and no sooner started to dial, when a horn blared outside announcing my cabs arrival. Crap!

Well, I decided to go ahead and take the cab to the watering hole. I reasoned that Sexy Man and I had been partying together for over a year, and I wasn’t the type who enjoyed standing up friends. I have had that happen more than once to me, and I have to say it’s not a pleasant feeling. Besides, I’m in control, right? Right? I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable with, and I’m sure if I explain things to him, he will understand. Right?

On the ride from my house to the watering hole, I started to get this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I continued to attempt to convince myself that he would understand, all the while feeling really uneasy about even seeing him again. Then the cab pulled up in front of the watering hole, I paid the driver and went inside.

When I got inside, after paying my cover charge, I started heading to the bar for my first drink of the night, which I had decided was going to be a strong one. I needed a drink, and bad. (Gotta love that liquid courage!) Before I got to the bar, I spotted him standing there getting his own drink. It was like he sensed I was there, and he turned his head towards me and gave me one of his sexy smiles. Suddenly all my worries melted away like they never existed.

He looked so good that night. And if I didn’t know any better, I swear he prepared for our “date” like I did, in a manly way, of course. His hair looked great, he shaved his face baby smooth, he smelled heavenly, and he was actually dressed up more than usual – yes, I believe I was definitely on a date.

The energy running between us that night was incredibly high. We didn’t do the ol’ make-out routine like we had the previous Saturday night, but it was obvious that our chemistry was extremely compatible. Everything was much more subtle though. We flirted, touched each other in soft and sensual ways, kissed each other with definite intentions, and teased each other at every opportunity. We laughed and talked, getting to know each other on a more intimate level. It was, by all accounts, the absolute best date I have ever been on.

Eventually Sexy Man decided it was time to go, because it was getting late. He offered to give me a ride again, which I accepted, of course. After opening my door for me, and making sure I was tucked safely inside his car (he is such a gentleman), he got into the car himself, and before leaving, he gave me another one of those deep passionate kisses. Then we pulled out of the parking lot, and started heading to my house. At least, that’s where I thought we were going.

Somewhere between the watering hole and my house, Sexy Man decided to take a quick right turn, and then a left, and we pulled in behind a small building. That’s when things started to get heavy.

Now that we had some privacy, we immediately got busy with some private matters. Like before, I completely invited his advances. All the hesitations and plans I had to nip this in bud earlier that night were gone. I wanted this man bad! After some major hot and heavy petting, Sexy Man asked me if I wanted to move to the back of the car where there would be more room. Was I about to say no? I don’t think so.

We both got out of the car and started moving toward the back, when Sexy Man grabbed me and started kissing me again. His hands found their way between my thighs, and between his kisses and his caresses, my knees started to get weak again. I thought I was going to pass out, and he realized the affect he was having on me (which no doubt pleased him because he had that kind of satisfied smile on his face), so he opened the back door for us to get in. But before he let me get in, he laid out a blanket for me to lie down on. (Have I mentioned what a gentleman he is?)

Once we were in the back, that’s all she wrote. First the shoes and socks, then the shirts and pants, until we’re both down to our underclothes (less my bra, because I wasn’t wearing one that night)– all the while sharing those kisses that give me the tingles from head to toe. Then I asked him to lie down on his back, and I removed his briefs - OH MY! I was so ready for THAT! His size and circumference was beautiful! I couldn’t resist taking him in my mouth. He didn’t allow that for long though, and he pulled me to him and kissed me again, while strategically placing me over his beautiful member.

I am here to tell you that I have never felt something so heavenly! When I slid down on him, it took my breath away. The only problem though was that I was having trouble moving because I had a ceiling in my way, so Sexy Man rolls me over on my back, and is just about to get back to business when…wait…you are not going to believe this. The timing on this one is so incredibly shitty.

Just as Sexy Man is on his way to warm, wet bliss…my cell phone rings, and at the same time, his cell phone rings, and guess who were on the phones?? You guessed it – his Wifey and my Hubby. Could their timing have been any worse? Neither one of us will ignore a call from the spouses, especially that late at night. So Sexy Man pulls on his pants and heads outside to talk to Wifey, and I dig my cell phone out of my bag to talk to Hubby.

Remember, I haven’t told Hubby yet what has transpired between Sexy Man and me. When I answered the phone, I was breathing pretty heavily. Hubby says, “Whatcha doin’?” He knew immediately what was going on, and given our open marriage, he asks me to lay the phone down so he can listen. Meanwhile, as I’m having this conversation with Hubby, I look outside to see Sexy Man having his conversation with Wifey, and he shoots me this look like he’s really perturbed. In that moment, I knew the night was over, and I told Hubby I didn’t think there was going to be anything to listen to, and that I would call him when I got home. Unfortunately, I was right about it being the end of our night together. Sexy Man opens the door after hanging up with Wifey and says he needs to get home. May I just say - Damn!

While Sexy Man and I are outside putting our clothes back on, he grabs me and kisses me again, then apologizes for having to go home. What could I say – if you have to go, you have to go. Needless to say, when I got home my toy box was calling to me in a big way. I called Hubby and told him what had transpired, and Hubby said he was sorry that he had interrupted us, but that he was worried about me. Then we proceeded to have phone sex while I buzzed my way to an orgasm.

I went to sleep that night somewhat disappointed, yet very happy at the same time. That might not make much sense, but even with the bummer ending, it was still the best date I have ever had. Besides, somehow I knew that wouldn’t be the last time I saw Sexy Man. The little taste of each other we did get that night only begged for more – for both of us.

Stay tuned – more on the way…