Yesterday was the big day. I had a few cigarettes left yesterday morning when I woke up, so I had my coffee and smoked to my hearts content before I left for work. I saved one cigarette for the ride to work. When I got to work yesterday, I had a little ceremony to say goodbye to my "friend", and then in the peace and quiet of the morning, I rolled down my car window, lit up, and I enjoyed my last cigarette. It has now been almost 24 hours since I have smoked.
Admittedly, the patch is working for the most part. As far as those evil cigarette cravings go, like the one I had in the hospital, they are few and far between right now. The patch is really helping to cut down that raw-nerve-need to smoke. Unfortunately, it is not going to be the "cure-all" though. I am still having moments - a lot of them - where I just want to light up. Those are more of a psychological thing based on the routine of smoking. Like last night after dinner. I enjoy my after-dinner cigarette, and I really wanted one after dinner last night. I got a little moody because I couldn't have one. This morning is tough too. I love waking up in the morning and having a cigarette with my coffee. That's why I'm blogging right now ... I'm trying to keep my hands busy, lol.
Yesterday at work, as I suspected, it was pretty easy for me. Actually, it was a lot easier than I anticipated. I managed to get through half my day without thinking about going out and having a ciggy. I told myself early in the day that I couldn't watch the clock. Prior to this, I was a serious clock watcher, judging my day by the breaks I took to have a smoke. Amazingly enough, it was slow as shit yesterday at work, and yet the day went by fairly fast. I'm really hoping today will go by fast too.
Don't get me wrong - I was definitely craving a cigarette yesterday at work, but I brought munchies with me, which I utilized to the fullest. It is easy to see how my dad managed to put on so much weight when he quit smoking. There is something about the "hand-to-mouth" action that is very satisfying. Most of the day I munched on cran-raisins or soy nuts, but soy nuts are very filling, so I could only take so many of those, lol. After work last night I went to the grocery store, and I stocked up on healthy munchies, like raw veggies, more dried fruits, low-cal, low-fat snacks, and sugerless gum, which I might add is NOT calorie free, but at least it will keep my jaws busy for a while, LOL! Anything to help these cravings, and reduce the odds of a major weight gain, because I would rather smoke than put on anymore weight. I also stocked up on bottled water. I drank so much water yesterday that I thought I was going to float away, lol.
Okay ... On to day two. Time to get ready for work.
xoxo
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
A New Day Is Dawning
I have to say, today went much better than things have gone over the last week or so. First thing this morning I called and reserved the moving truck, before I even had my first cup of coffee. That was fun! Not. The guy on the phone was rather clueless. I think he must have needed his first cup of coffee too, lol. He tried to charge me $250 more than that truck was worth. You aren't the brightest bulb in the pack if you try to do that to Lady Lover when she is just waking up - she tends to let the bitch come out really quick. ;) But we managed to get things straightened out, and the truck is now reserved.
Right after I hung up the phone with the moving truck guy, I got a call from the Cardiologist's nurse. My future appointments have been approved, and I go next Tuesday for the heart monitor. Even better, she told me that I only have to wear the monitor for 24 hours. Yay! I had these visions of having to walk around with this thing for a week, trying to disguise it. Now all I have to do is come home and keep packing. Then I go the following day to have it taken off, on my way to get my perm, so that works. The following week I have a follow-up appointment with the main man (the Cardiologist, himself), so I'm hoping he'll have some information for me by then.
After talking with the nurse, it was time to call the base pharmacy about those patches. They were ready for pick-up! Finally! A day where things were going right! It's about time!
Then I get a phone call from Hubby, asking me if I wanted to go downtown and go to the new craft store that just opened up. Are you kidding? I don't say no when Hubby asks me if I want to go spend money! I'm a major craft store fanatic too, so YAY, again! It's going to be a good day, but...
Now things are getting serious about this quitting smoking, and while I was waiting for Hubby to get home, I started thinking about how I'm really going to do this - how I'm really going to quit. Eeekkk! "They" say you should set your mind on a particular day, and then go for it. I thought I had done that two days ago, but that obviously didn't work out as planned. I could have quit today, with the hope that the patches would be ready, but I simply didn't feel like it. With the moving truck guy trying to rob me, I started smoking with that first phone call, so today wasn't the day to quit. Anyway, while I was waiting for Hubby, I decided "The Day" will be Saturday.
My reason for choosing Saturday as the day to quit is simple really. I'm already used to not smoking while I'm at work. Even though I'm allowed to run out and have a quick ciggy a couple times during the course of the day, for the most part, Saturday's & Sunday's are usually my least heavy smoking days. With that being the case, it only makes sense in my mind to start on Saturday. :) Although, I can't stay couped up in that little office all day without some sunshine, so those breaks are going to be interesting. Maybe I'll just go for a short walk. I'll have to think of something, because my office doesn't have any windows, and sitting there for 8 hours with only a ringing phone and a computer to keep me company will drive me crazy if I don't get outside at least once or twice. I guess I'm going to have to take this quitting thing one day at a time...but not until Saturday, lol.
Anyway, after Hubby got home today, he and I went out. First we stopped and picked up some smokes for me. I have to admit, it was weird picking up only two packs of cigarettes. I am so used to buying cartons. Then we stopped by the pharmacy and picked up the patches. That's kind of an oxymoron, I know, but what the hell. At least now I have them ready and waiting for Saturday. :) Afterwards, we headed downtown and had lunch together, then we went to the craft store. That was fun! This town so seriously needed a good craft store, and I spent totally too much money, but I have been deprived for two years now, so I was just making up for lost time. ~hehe~
Just as we are getting ready to leave the craft store, guess who calls? Yep, it was K. He needed a ride. Oh boy. I'm starting to get the feeling that we are going to become a taxi service for him. He is going to be without a license for at least three months downtown, and on base he has already lost his driving priviledges for a year. I can only hope this won't become a daily habit, because I'll definitely have something to say about that. I know Hubby wants to help his friend out and all, but there are limits.
Well, that's about it. Probably not the most thrilling day to most people, but it was a good day for me. Tomorrow I will have to put some serious effort into packing. Moving day will be here before we know it, and there is still a lot to do.
*Hugs & Kisses* to all of you out in "Blogger Land".
Nighty-Night!
xoxo
Right after I hung up the phone with the moving truck guy, I got a call from the Cardiologist's nurse. My future appointments have been approved, and I go next Tuesday for the heart monitor. Even better, she told me that I only have to wear the monitor for 24 hours. Yay! I had these visions of having to walk around with this thing for a week, trying to disguise it. Now all I have to do is come home and keep packing. Then I go the following day to have it taken off, on my way to get my perm, so that works. The following week I have a follow-up appointment with the main man (the Cardiologist, himself), so I'm hoping he'll have some information for me by then.
After talking with the nurse, it was time to call the base pharmacy about those patches. They were ready for pick-up! Finally! A day where things were going right! It's about time!
Then I get a phone call from Hubby, asking me if I wanted to go downtown and go to the new craft store that just opened up. Are you kidding? I don't say no when Hubby asks me if I want to go spend money! I'm a major craft store fanatic too, so YAY, again! It's going to be a good day, but...
Now things are getting serious about this quitting smoking, and while I was waiting for Hubby to get home, I started thinking about how I'm really going to do this - how I'm really going to quit. Eeekkk! "They" say you should set your mind on a particular day, and then go for it. I thought I had done that two days ago, but that obviously didn't work out as planned. I could have quit today, with the hope that the patches would be ready, but I simply didn't feel like it. With the moving truck guy trying to rob me, I started smoking with that first phone call, so today wasn't the day to quit. Anyway, while I was waiting for Hubby, I decided "The Day" will be Saturday.
My reason for choosing Saturday as the day to quit is simple really. I'm already used to not smoking while I'm at work. Even though I'm allowed to run out and have a quick ciggy a couple times during the course of the day, for the most part, Saturday's & Sunday's are usually my least heavy smoking days. With that being the case, it only makes sense in my mind to start on Saturday. :) Although, I can't stay couped up in that little office all day without some sunshine, so those breaks are going to be interesting. Maybe I'll just go for a short walk. I'll have to think of something, because my office doesn't have any windows, and sitting there for 8 hours with only a ringing phone and a computer to keep me company will drive me crazy if I don't get outside at least once or twice. I guess I'm going to have to take this quitting thing one day at a time...but not until Saturday, lol.
Anyway, after Hubby got home today, he and I went out. First we stopped and picked up some smokes for me. I have to admit, it was weird picking up only two packs of cigarettes. I am so used to buying cartons. Then we stopped by the pharmacy and picked up the patches. That's kind of an oxymoron, I know, but what the hell. At least now I have them ready and waiting for Saturday. :) Afterwards, we headed downtown and had lunch together, then we went to the craft store. That was fun! This town so seriously needed a good craft store, and I spent totally too much money, but I have been deprived for two years now, so I was just making up for lost time. ~hehe~
Just as we are getting ready to leave the craft store, guess who calls? Yep, it was K. He needed a ride. Oh boy. I'm starting to get the feeling that we are going to become a taxi service for him. He is going to be without a license for at least three months downtown, and on base he has already lost his driving priviledges for a year. I can only hope this won't become a daily habit, because I'll definitely have something to say about that. I know Hubby wants to help his friend out and all, but there are limits.
Well, that's about it. Probably not the most thrilling day to most people, but it was a good day for me. Tomorrow I will have to put some serious effort into packing. Moving day will be here before we know it, and there is still a lot to do.
*Hugs & Kisses* to all of you out in "Blogger Land".
Nighty-Night!
xoxo
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
More Changes
Late last night I decided my blog needed a face lift, so I decided to use a different template. :) Just one more thing to change in my life, lol.
I don't really know what to talk about tonight. Today was fairly uneventful. I had a bad headache earlier today, so I didn't accomplish much, unless you count taking a 4 hour nap. Then Hubby and I met K downtown for dinner, because he wanted some company. Of course, while we were with him, all we heard about was what's going on with him because of the DUI. So far there really isn't any new news - mostly it's all "maybe" this, or "maybe" that.
While we were downtown, I made an appointment for next week to get my hair permed. I am trying to do positive things in my life to make me feel better, so I have decided to change my hair too. I haven't had a perm in over three years - ever since I cut off all my hair. Now that my hair has finally grown back out and is long again, I have decided it needs some life in it, because right now it's just feeling long and stringy. Ah, well, hopefully a perm will help.
Tomorrow is the big day. At least, it's supposed to be. I need to call the pharmacy tomorrow to see if my prescription has been filled for my nicotine patches. I hope they are ready. I'm down to my last pack of smokes, so tomorrow really would be ideal. Although I have to admit, I'm really nervous about quitting. I am still trying to tell myself it's time, and giving myself pep-talks to keep myself motivated about it. I can do this, right? Right!
I keep thinking about my dad when he quit smoking years ago. I remember it well. One day we were sitting in the living room, and my dad had a cigarette in his hand. He looked at my mom and said, "I'm done." He put out the cigarette, and never picked up another one. Go, Dad! The only problem is that he ended up using a lot of unhealthy substitutions, like candies and other foods to help him get over it, and afterwards, he didn't stop with the unhealthy eating . It became a new way of life for him. Now Dad is a diabetic, and it's kicking his butt.
That's what scares me about quitting. I don't want to end up like my dad - severely overweight, and dealing with diabetes. On the flip side, if I keep smoking, I could end up like my mother with the emphysema. I need to take a whole new approach to my efforts. Lots and lots of water to flush out my system, and lots of healthy carrot & celery sticks! I keep trying to think of things I can do to keep my hands busy too. Like working on my crafts and what not. They say excercise is good too if you start getting cravings, like taking walks. I think, maybe, if I start feeling ansy and need a smoke, maybe I'll just grab Hubby for a good romp! hehe That would be exercise, right? And it's highly unlikely that Hubby would complain. ;)
Well, that's about it for tonight, I guess. I can't really think of much else to talk about. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.
Nighty-night - xoxo
I don't really know what to talk about tonight. Today was fairly uneventful. I had a bad headache earlier today, so I didn't accomplish much, unless you count taking a 4 hour nap. Then Hubby and I met K downtown for dinner, because he wanted some company. Of course, while we were with him, all we heard about was what's going on with him because of the DUI. So far there really isn't any new news - mostly it's all "maybe" this, or "maybe" that.
While we were downtown, I made an appointment for next week to get my hair permed. I am trying to do positive things in my life to make me feel better, so I have decided to change my hair too. I haven't had a perm in over three years - ever since I cut off all my hair. Now that my hair has finally grown back out and is long again, I have decided it needs some life in it, because right now it's just feeling long and stringy. Ah, well, hopefully a perm will help.
Tomorrow is the big day. At least, it's supposed to be. I need to call the pharmacy tomorrow to see if my prescription has been filled for my nicotine patches. I hope they are ready. I'm down to my last pack of smokes, so tomorrow really would be ideal. Although I have to admit, I'm really nervous about quitting. I am still trying to tell myself it's time, and giving myself pep-talks to keep myself motivated about it. I can do this, right? Right!
I keep thinking about my dad when he quit smoking years ago. I remember it well. One day we were sitting in the living room, and my dad had a cigarette in his hand. He looked at my mom and said, "I'm done." He put out the cigarette, and never picked up another one. Go, Dad! The only problem is that he ended up using a lot of unhealthy substitutions, like candies and other foods to help him get over it, and afterwards, he didn't stop with the unhealthy eating . It became a new way of life for him. Now Dad is a diabetic, and it's kicking his butt.
That's what scares me about quitting. I don't want to end up like my dad - severely overweight, and dealing with diabetes. On the flip side, if I keep smoking, I could end up like my mother with the emphysema. I need to take a whole new approach to my efforts. Lots and lots of water to flush out my system, and lots of healthy carrot & celery sticks! I keep trying to think of things I can do to keep my hands busy too. Like working on my crafts and what not. They say excercise is good too if you start getting cravings, like taking walks. I think, maybe, if I start feeling ansy and need a smoke, maybe I'll just grab Hubby for a good romp! hehe That would be exercise, right? And it's highly unlikely that Hubby would complain. ;)
Well, that's about it for tonight, I guess. I can't really think of much else to talk about. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.
Nighty-night - xoxo
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Let Me Get This Straight...
For a while now I have been thinking about quitting smoking. Given my recent trip to the hospital, and these issues with my heart, I have come to the conclusion that it is now or never.
The thought of quitting smoking is very scary for me. I have been smoking for way too many years, and even though I can think of many reasons why I should quit, my cigarettes have been the one thing in my life I could always count on. Whether I was mad, sad, bored, hungry, depressed, lonely - whatever - my cigarettes have always been there for me. Of course, they have been there through the good times too, so they have been like my constant companion for the last 25 years. The thought of giving them up is like saying you can cut my arm off. Not gonna happen, right? But I have decided, scary or not, it is time to give them up.
For starters, my mother is going through serious health issues because of smoking. She has severe emphysema, to the point that she needs a lung transplant, but her over-all health is so poor because of it that a lung transplant is not a possibility. It seems like every day her health is deteriorating more and more, and all of it is tied to the emphysema. Her mother, my grandma, also had emphysema, and my mom's brother now has it has well. Looking at these three family members should have been enough to get me to quit years ago, right? But things never really quite hit home until it is happening to you - or me, as the case may be.
Like I said, I've been thinking about quitting for some time now. And there are a lot of reasons why I want to quit, but the one thing that has stopped me up until now is that I am afraid I will gain more weight if I quit. This past year has been difficult on me physically, and has kept me from doing any major exercise. Because of it, I have put on almost 30 pounds. It also means that I have smoked more cigarettes, because all I have done is sit around for the most part.
About 4 years ago, I talked myself into going to a series of smoking cessation classes offered on base. I made it through all the classes, but I just didn't have the will power to quit at the time. I went so far as to get a prescription for the patch, but I never got it filled. As a smoker who has had many friends over the years who were also smokers, I have heard a lot of horror stories about trying to quit. All the attempts people have made, but failed at; all the techniques, and stop-smoking aids that haven't worked for people - you start thinking nothing is going to really help, so why bother.
Well, when I was in the hospital this last time, I had a little incident with the hospital staff. During one of my moments of being awake [because they had me so doped up while I was there, I slept through most of my stay] I told Hubby that I wanted some "fresh air", and I asked one of the nurses if Hubby and I could go for a walk. The nurse told me I couldn't leave the hospital floor I was on. I said, all I want to do is go for a walk (lie, lie, lie) and I was told I no. Whoa - that really pissed me off. Never tell a smoker who needs a cigarette they can't do something. Especially if that smoker also just happens to be me. I ended up pitching a major fit. Okay, so maybe I got bit "evil", and started cussing at the hospital staff. Something about, "You can't tell me what to do. I'm a grown woman and can do whatever the hell I want. And right now I want a F****** cigarette!" Man oh man, I've never seen a nurse move so quick. She left the room, and within 5 minutes she was back in the room and slapping a nicotine patch on my back - where I couldn't reach it, I might add. I just sat there and stewed in my hospital bed, and eventually fell back to sleep.
This was the first time I have ever had the nicotine patch on, and surprise, surprise, it actually helped! They kept me on the patch for the duration of my hospital stay, and it helped so much so, that when I was leaving the hospital I seriously contemplated quitting right then and there. But the obstinant smoker in me asked Hubby to take off the patch about 5 minutes into the car ride, and I lit up. That was two weeks ago. Since then, every time I light a cigarette I can't help remembering how well the patch worked while I was in the hospital. And when I left the hospital, the doctor had given me a prescription for the patch, and I have been braving myself up to get the prescription filled.
Well, today I decided it was going to be the day. I headed over to the base hospital to get the nicotine patch, deciding I was ready to quit. My attitude on the way over was, "I can do it!" I confidently strutted up to the pharmacy window, handed the attendant my prescription, and...
Life just doesn't seem to want to cut me a break. Here I am trying to do the right thing. You would think that everyone around me, particularly hospital staff, would be ready to help me accomplish this particular goal, right? Wrong. Here's what I was told: "We're sorry [Lady Lover], but unless you are part of a stop-smoking program, we will not be able to fill this prescription." Uh...what??? They proceeded to explain that my insurance doesn't cover the prescription for the nicotine patch, but the military will cover it, IF, and only if, I join a smoking cessation program, because they want to make sure I'm serious about quitting before they fill the prescription.
What is wrong with these people??? What the hell do they think I'm going to do with this prescription, sell the patch on street corners??? Be serious! If I had no intentions of quitting, I wouldn't have wasted my time going to the pharmacy to have the prescription filled in the first place. Talk about ridiculous! Needless to say, at that point I really needed a cigarette. These people had me beside myself over this whole thing.
The military has a stop-smoking program with the American Lung Association, and if you call them and tell them you want to quit, they will get you a prescription for the patch. So while I am still standing there at the pharmacy window, I ask them for the phone number to the American Lung Association, and I call them on the spot, hoping they will assist me in getting this prescription filled. Easy, right? Again, wrong.
So I call the American Lung Association, trying to be calm and polite, although by now, I'm almost at my wits end. I go through the process of giving this guy all my information on the phone, all the while thinking, this is fine - not so bad - this guy is going to help me. Ha! After giving him all my info, I had to sit there and listen to him tell me how bad smoking is for me, and he starts sharing all these nifty ideas about how to help me get through the cravings, and all the things I need to start changing in my life to get through this. Then he shares with me that quitting smoking has been clinically proven to be more difficult than getting off of heroine. Thanks a lot! Can you please just help me get my prescription? After being on the phone with this guy for over 20 minutes, he decides to tell me, "I know you are ready to quit, [Lady Lover], but unfortunately, you won't be able to get your prescription filled today. It will take at least two days, because there's paperwork that has to be done before we can submit your prescription to the pharmacy."
So, let me get this straight. I'm telling you that I'm ready to quit today, and you're telling me I have to wait? My only response to this whole situation...I'm going to go have a cigarette. And that's exactly what I did.
The thought of quitting smoking is very scary for me. I have been smoking for way too many years, and even though I can think of many reasons why I should quit, my cigarettes have been the one thing in my life I could always count on. Whether I was mad, sad, bored, hungry, depressed, lonely - whatever - my cigarettes have always been there for me. Of course, they have been there through the good times too, so they have been like my constant companion for the last 25 years. The thought of giving them up is like saying you can cut my arm off. Not gonna happen, right? But I have decided, scary or not, it is time to give them up.
For starters, my mother is going through serious health issues because of smoking. She has severe emphysema, to the point that she needs a lung transplant, but her over-all health is so poor because of it that a lung transplant is not a possibility. It seems like every day her health is deteriorating more and more, and all of it is tied to the emphysema. Her mother, my grandma, also had emphysema, and my mom's brother now has it has well. Looking at these three family members should have been enough to get me to quit years ago, right? But things never really quite hit home until it is happening to you - or me, as the case may be.
Like I said, I've been thinking about quitting for some time now. And there are a lot of reasons why I want to quit, but the one thing that has stopped me up until now is that I am afraid I will gain more weight if I quit. This past year has been difficult on me physically, and has kept me from doing any major exercise. Because of it, I have put on almost 30 pounds. It also means that I have smoked more cigarettes, because all I have done is sit around for the most part.
About 4 years ago, I talked myself into going to a series of smoking cessation classes offered on base. I made it through all the classes, but I just didn't have the will power to quit at the time. I went so far as to get a prescription for the patch, but I never got it filled. As a smoker who has had many friends over the years who were also smokers, I have heard a lot of horror stories about trying to quit. All the attempts people have made, but failed at; all the techniques, and stop-smoking aids that haven't worked for people - you start thinking nothing is going to really help, so why bother.
Well, when I was in the hospital this last time, I had a little incident with the hospital staff. During one of my moments of being awake [because they had me so doped up while I was there, I slept through most of my stay] I told Hubby that I wanted some "fresh air", and I asked one of the nurses if Hubby and I could go for a walk. The nurse told me I couldn't leave the hospital floor I was on. I said, all I want to do is go for a walk (lie, lie, lie) and I was told I no. Whoa - that really pissed me off. Never tell a smoker who needs a cigarette they can't do something. Especially if that smoker also just happens to be me. I ended up pitching a major fit. Okay, so maybe I got bit "evil", and started cussing at the hospital staff. Something about, "You can't tell me what to do. I'm a grown woman and can do whatever the hell I want. And right now I want a F****** cigarette!" Man oh man, I've never seen a nurse move so quick. She left the room, and within 5 minutes she was back in the room and slapping a nicotine patch on my back - where I couldn't reach it, I might add. I just sat there and stewed in my hospital bed, and eventually fell back to sleep.
This was the first time I have ever had the nicotine patch on, and surprise, surprise, it actually helped! They kept me on the patch for the duration of my hospital stay, and it helped so much so, that when I was leaving the hospital I seriously contemplated quitting right then and there. But the obstinant smoker in me asked Hubby to take off the patch about 5 minutes into the car ride, and I lit up. That was two weeks ago. Since then, every time I light a cigarette I can't help remembering how well the patch worked while I was in the hospital. And when I left the hospital, the doctor had given me a prescription for the patch, and I have been braving myself up to get the prescription filled.
Well, today I decided it was going to be the day. I headed over to the base hospital to get the nicotine patch, deciding I was ready to quit. My attitude on the way over was, "I can do it!" I confidently strutted up to the pharmacy window, handed the attendant my prescription, and...
Life just doesn't seem to want to cut me a break. Here I am trying to do the right thing. You would think that everyone around me, particularly hospital staff, would be ready to help me accomplish this particular goal, right? Wrong. Here's what I was told: "We're sorry [Lady Lover], but unless you are part of a stop-smoking program, we will not be able to fill this prescription." Uh...what??? They proceeded to explain that my insurance doesn't cover the prescription for the nicotine patch, but the military will cover it, IF, and only if, I join a smoking cessation program, because they want to make sure I'm serious about quitting before they fill the prescription.
What is wrong with these people??? What the hell do they think I'm going to do with this prescription, sell the patch on street corners??? Be serious! If I had no intentions of quitting, I wouldn't have wasted my time going to the pharmacy to have the prescription filled in the first place. Talk about ridiculous! Needless to say, at that point I really needed a cigarette. These people had me beside myself over this whole thing.
The military has a stop-smoking program with the American Lung Association, and if you call them and tell them you want to quit, they will get you a prescription for the patch. So while I am still standing there at the pharmacy window, I ask them for the phone number to the American Lung Association, and I call them on the spot, hoping they will assist me in getting this prescription filled. Easy, right? Again, wrong.
So I call the American Lung Association, trying to be calm and polite, although by now, I'm almost at my wits end. I go through the process of giving this guy all my information on the phone, all the while thinking, this is fine - not so bad - this guy is going to help me. Ha! After giving him all my info, I had to sit there and listen to him tell me how bad smoking is for me, and he starts sharing all these nifty ideas about how to help me get through the cravings, and all the things I need to start changing in my life to get through this. Then he shares with me that quitting smoking has been clinically proven to be more difficult than getting off of heroine. Thanks a lot! Can you please just help me get my prescription? After being on the phone with this guy for over 20 minutes, he decides to tell me, "I know you are ready to quit, [Lady Lover], but unfortunately, you won't be able to get your prescription filled today. It will take at least two days, because there's paperwork that has to be done before we can submit your prescription to the pharmacy."
So, let me get this straight. I'm telling you that I'm ready to quit today, and you're telling me I have to wait? My only response to this whole situation...I'm going to go have a cigarette. And that's exactly what I did.
chug-a-chug-a-chug....CHOOO-CHOOO!!
Have you ever been stuck at a railroad track, waiting for the train to go by so that you can cross the tracks, and when the train finally goes by, it's only going about 1 mile an hour? I hate when that happens! LOL! I'm feeling like a slow train these days. I have so much to do, and I can't seem to get any momentum up to get any of it done. For instance, right now I should be getting in the shower, because I have some stupid pizza party to go to at work. I should also be doing laundry, paying bills, and doing more packing for this move, but I just don't have it in me right now. I would rather be a slug right now and sit in front of the computer surfing eBay & posting to my blog. :)
Update on my heart issue - still waiting to hear from the insurance company about being approved for this heart monitor. The last two days I have been feeling much the same as I did the night I ended up in the ambulance. It's not a good feeling. I'm not sure what is causing it, but I have some peace of mind knowing its not a heart attack. Speak of the devil! As I'm typing this, I just got a call for the Cardiologists' nurse. It has been almost a week, and she is just NOW submitting the paperwork for this insurance approval! Good God! Apparently they are in no great hurry to see if my heart is going to stop beating on me! What is wrong with these people??? So now I have to wait possibly another week or two?! Is it any wonder my heart goes whacky?
Sunday we got a bummer of a phone call. Hubby's closest friend here got stupid Saturday night, and ended up getting a DUI! I was working 12 hour shifts this past weekend, and Hubby spent time at work keeping me company on and off. Well, Saturday night Hubby was getting text messages from his friend, being harrassed for not going out that night with him. The friend, we'll call him "K", wanted Hubby to come downtown and be the DD (designated driver) for the night. Hubby told him he wasn't coming down because he was spending time with me. That didn't sit well with K, so K harrassed Hubby all night with the text messages.
[Side note: K is divorced, and I don't think he has any great love for me, which is fine. He's okay, in my opinion, but he's got an ego the size of the Grand Canyon, and he thinks he's a god. He has tried, on more than one occassion, to lead Hubby into the "single-man" lifestyle, and I have no doubt that A LOT of our marital issues last year were due to K's influences.]
Well, Mr. "Holier than Thou" had too much to drink that night, and he has a tendancy to get really obnoxious when he gets drunk, thinking he's Superman or something. He's the kind of guy that, when he's been drinking, he'll start challenging every male in sight to wrestle him. And, God forbid, someone realize that he's had too much to drink and offer to drive him home. In his eyes, he is NEVER too drunk to drive. Then, because of his increased testosterone levels, if you try to get his keys from him, you're sure to get into a fist fight.
Okay, so Hubby told him several times that night that he couldn't come down, suggesting more than once that K call a cab to go home. But do you think K would listen? Hell no. Then Hubby gets one final text saying...get this...K needs a ride from one bar to another bar, and would Hubby come down and give him a ride. After that one, Hubby turned off his cell phone, because it was just getting ridiculous.
Now, on one hand, Hubby and K are really close buds, and Hubby felt a little guilty for telling his friend "no". On the other hand, it was Hubby's choice to hang with me, and given how late it was, Hubby didn't feel like going down there anyway. I will also add that by this time I was exhausted from working a twelve hour day, and I didn't have patience for the crap that K was pulling. I told Hubby not to feel guilty - that K was a grown man, and he could take care of himself. Plus, Hubby and I both knew that K wasn't partying alone, so there were other people down there that could help him if he needed it.
The next morning, around 8 a.m., Hubby's cell phone starts ringing. Hubby was still in bed, and he wasn't about to crawl out of bed to grab his phone. I don't touch Hubby's phone, so I let it ring. For the next hour and a half, Hubby's phone continued to ring on and off. Finally, Hubby got fed up with it and got up to check his phone to see who it was. There were no voice mails - just one text message that said, "got a dui last night - sorry I let you down." OMG! If that wasn't an intentional dig at Hubby for not going downtown that night, I don't know what would be! And, of course, that hurt Hubby tremendously, and made him feel really guilty for not going out that night and being there for his friend.
I can not believe that K laid a guilt trip on Hubby! That was so wrong! I told Hubby that he shouldn't feel guilty for that. K knew that Hubby wasn't going to go out that night. And while you hate to see any "friend" go through that, I have a hard time having sympathy for a 38 year old man who should have known better. Not to mention the fact that this wasn't K's first DUI!!! If he didn't learn his lesson the first time, then he's on his own.
Hubby and I were talking about what happened to K, and how guilty Hubby felt about not going down there. I told Hubby that if one of my friends called in the middle of the night and said they were too drunk to drive and needed a ride home, I would go get them, no questions asked. But K was playing games that night, and he was looking for Hubby to go bar hopping with him. That's not calling on a friend for help, which makes it totally different. K didn't want help getting home - he just wanted Hubby to come out that night. Besides, K wasn't alone that night. He was with a group of people. And no offense to Hubby, but if K thinks he can influence Hubby away from me, K's got another thing coming to him!
Yes, I feel like K and I have a power struggle over Hubby sometimes. I would never deny my husband time with his buddies. Never. Hubby can do what he wants. BUT...on that particular night, Hubby was sticking around with me because I needed help with some stuff after work. There's no struggle there. Hubby says, and I quote, "[Lady Lover] comes first." So should I feel guilty along with Hubby? Uh, no. I will not feel guilty about it.
On a sad note, K has screwed up his life in more ways than one. Not only did he get arrested for this [K refused the breathalizer & blood test, which was an automatic conviction], but he also lost his driver's license for a year. And the worst of it - K screwed the remainder of his military career because of this. The Base Commander is making an example out of K, and K is being forced to retire, and will probably be out of the military in less than 30 days.
Now, of course, K is feeling all kinds of remorse over what he did. While its a bummer that he let stupidity over rule his common sense, again I have a hard time feeling sorry for him. He brought this on himself, and now he is going to pay the price. The one person I feel most sorry for is Hubby. If K leaves the military, that also means he'll be leaving this place, and moving back to Texas. Hubby feels really bad for his friend, and last night Hubby said to me, "Now I have no one." I felt really bad for Hubby, because he's losing his best bud to hang out with. Although, I have to say that kind of hurt my feelings, because he still has me, but I understand all too well that we need friends aside from each other. But, and this might sound really selfish, but, maybe now Hubby will understand what I have been going through these last two year, not having any friends of my own here. While I have been hurting and lonely, Hubby has always had K to hang out with.
So, now it's a waiting game to see what the final result is going to be for K. He owns a house in town, so moving for him isn't going to happen overnight. As for K and Hubby's friendship, I support Hubby in anything he feels he needs to do for K at this point. And I will have to call on all my patience for the amount of time I know Hubby and K will be spending with each other between now and what ever the future holds for K. But I have to be clear on this - I am supporting Hubby - and only because he feels that K is his best friend. Besides, this too shall pass - and in the end Hubby & K's friendship will only be put on hold, because K is moving back to where Hubby and I are going to retire, so I know their friendship will pick up where it leaves off when K moves. Although, I have to admit, things are going to get interesting around here once K leaves, I'm sure. I have a feeling Hubby is going to hit a "poor me" stage, because he won't have his buddy around. And I know I am going to have a hard time having sympathy for that one, because I've been going through it for two years now, and most of the time Hubby seemed to care less about it.
Ah well - the train is pulling out of the station, and life keeps moving forward. Guess it's time I hop on the train and try to go with the flow. For now I need to get off my arse and hop in the shower...chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug....
Update on my heart issue - still waiting to hear from the insurance company about being approved for this heart monitor. The last two days I have been feeling much the same as I did the night I ended up in the ambulance. It's not a good feeling. I'm not sure what is causing it, but I have some peace of mind knowing its not a heart attack. Speak of the devil! As I'm typing this, I just got a call for the Cardiologists' nurse. It has been almost a week, and she is just NOW submitting the paperwork for this insurance approval! Good God! Apparently they are in no great hurry to see if my heart is going to stop beating on me! What is wrong with these people??? So now I have to wait possibly another week or two?! Is it any wonder my heart goes whacky?
Sunday we got a bummer of a phone call. Hubby's closest friend here got stupid Saturday night, and ended up getting a DUI! I was working 12 hour shifts this past weekend, and Hubby spent time at work keeping me company on and off. Well, Saturday night Hubby was getting text messages from his friend, being harrassed for not going out that night with him. The friend, we'll call him "K", wanted Hubby to come downtown and be the DD (designated driver) for the night. Hubby told him he wasn't coming down because he was spending time with me. That didn't sit well with K, so K harrassed Hubby all night with the text messages.
[Side note: K is divorced, and I don't think he has any great love for me, which is fine. He's okay, in my opinion, but he's got an ego the size of the Grand Canyon, and he thinks he's a god. He has tried, on more than one occassion, to lead Hubby into the "single-man" lifestyle, and I have no doubt that A LOT of our marital issues last year were due to K's influences.]
Well, Mr. "Holier than Thou" had too much to drink that night, and he has a tendancy to get really obnoxious when he gets drunk, thinking he's Superman or something. He's the kind of guy that, when he's been drinking, he'll start challenging every male in sight to wrestle him. And, God forbid, someone realize that he's had too much to drink and offer to drive him home. In his eyes, he is NEVER too drunk to drive. Then, because of his increased testosterone levels, if you try to get his keys from him, you're sure to get into a fist fight.
Okay, so Hubby told him several times that night that he couldn't come down, suggesting more than once that K call a cab to go home. But do you think K would listen? Hell no. Then Hubby gets one final text saying...get this...K needs a ride from one bar to another bar, and would Hubby come down and give him a ride. After that one, Hubby turned off his cell phone, because it was just getting ridiculous.
Now, on one hand, Hubby and K are really close buds, and Hubby felt a little guilty for telling his friend "no". On the other hand, it was Hubby's choice to hang with me, and given how late it was, Hubby didn't feel like going down there anyway. I will also add that by this time I was exhausted from working a twelve hour day, and I didn't have patience for the crap that K was pulling. I told Hubby not to feel guilty - that K was a grown man, and he could take care of himself. Plus, Hubby and I both knew that K wasn't partying alone, so there were other people down there that could help him if he needed it.
The next morning, around 8 a.m., Hubby's cell phone starts ringing. Hubby was still in bed, and he wasn't about to crawl out of bed to grab his phone. I don't touch Hubby's phone, so I let it ring. For the next hour and a half, Hubby's phone continued to ring on and off. Finally, Hubby got fed up with it and got up to check his phone to see who it was. There were no voice mails - just one text message that said, "got a dui last night - sorry I let you down." OMG! If that wasn't an intentional dig at Hubby for not going downtown that night, I don't know what would be! And, of course, that hurt Hubby tremendously, and made him feel really guilty for not going out that night and being there for his friend.
I can not believe that K laid a guilt trip on Hubby! That was so wrong! I told Hubby that he shouldn't feel guilty for that. K knew that Hubby wasn't going to go out that night. And while you hate to see any "friend" go through that, I have a hard time having sympathy for a 38 year old man who should have known better. Not to mention the fact that this wasn't K's first DUI!!! If he didn't learn his lesson the first time, then he's on his own.
Hubby and I were talking about what happened to K, and how guilty Hubby felt about not going down there. I told Hubby that if one of my friends called in the middle of the night and said they were too drunk to drive and needed a ride home, I would go get them, no questions asked. But K was playing games that night, and he was looking for Hubby to go bar hopping with him. That's not calling on a friend for help, which makes it totally different. K didn't want help getting home - he just wanted Hubby to come out that night. Besides, K wasn't alone that night. He was with a group of people. And no offense to Hubby, but if K thinks he can influence Hubby away from me, K's got another thing coming to him!
Yes, I feel like K and I have a power struggle over Hubby sometimes. I would never deny my husband time with his buddies. Never. Hubby can do what he wants. BUT...on that particular night, Hubby was sticking around with me because I needed help with some stuff after work. There's no struggle there. Hubby says, and I quote, "[Lady Lover] comes first." So should I feel guilty along with Hubby? Uh, no. I will not feel guilty about it.
On a sad note, K has screwed up his life in more ways than one. Not only did he get arrested for this [K refused the breathalizer & blood test, which was an automatic conviction], but he also lost his driver's license for a year. And the worst of it - K screwed the remainder of his military career because of this. The Base Commander is making an example out of K, and K is being forced to retire, and will probably be out of the military in less than 30 days.
Now, of course, K is feeling all kinds of remorse over what he did. While its a bummer that he let stupidity over rule his common sense, again I have a hard time feeling sorry for him. He brought this on himself, and now he is going to pay the price. The one person I feel most sorry for is Hubby. If K leaves the military, that also means he'll be leaving this place, and moving back to Texas. Hubby feels really bad for his friend, and last night Hubby said to me, "Now I have no one." I felt really bad for Hubby, because he's losing his best bud to hang out with. Although, I have to say that kind of hurt my feelings, because he still has me, but I understand all too well that we need friends aside from each other. But, and this might sound really selfish, but, maybe now Hubby will understand what I have been going through these last two year, not having any friends of my own here. While I have been hurting and lonely, Hubby has always had K to hang out with.
So, now it's a waiting game to see what the final result is going to be for K. He owns a house in town, so moving for him isn't going to happen overnight. As for K and Hubby's friendship, I support Hubby in anything he feels he needs to do for K at this point. And I will have to call on all my patience for the amount of time I know Hubby and K will be spending with each other between now and what ever the future holds for K. But I have to be clear on this - I am supporting Hubby - and only because he feels that K is his best friend. Besides, this too shall pass - and in the end Hubby & K's friendship will only be put on hold, because K is moving back to where Hubby and I are going to retire, so I know their friendship will pick up where it leaves off when K moves. Although, I have to admit, things are going to get interesting around here once K leaves, I'm sure. I have a feeling Hubby is going to hit a "poor me" stage, because he won't have his buddy around. And I know I am going to have a hard time having sympathy for that one, because I've been going through it for two years now, and most of the time Hubby seemed to care less about it.
Ah well - the train is pulling out of the station, and life keeps moving forward. Guess it's time I hop on the train and try to go with the flow. For now I need to get off my arse and hop in the shower...chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug....
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Changes Ahead - part 2
I am really tired tonight, but I felt like posting, so here I am. :)
I've been packing all day. Back in October I was supposed to move back to Texas, and a good deal of my belongings are already packed. But about two weeks before I was supposed to move, Hubby asked me to stay through the winter. I agreed, so here I still sit, but I never unpacked the boxes that I had already packed. Although, in the last 6 or 7 months I have been pulling things out of boxes, little by little if I needed them. Well, now that I am packing again, I am finding that I've pulled out a heck of a lot more than I thought I had. Add that to all the things I've purchased over that time, and I feel like I've got a lot of packing to do - again. It is amazing how much "stuff" can be accumulated over the course of such a short period of time.
I am having mixed emotions about this upcoming move. In one respect, I'm really bummed that this move is only relocating us two blocks away. I was really hoping that my next move would be back to my beloved Texas. I also don't know how this is going to affect the move I am supposed to make in September. Having to pack a moving truck again so soon will probably be the cause of a few arguements between Hubby and I, and I hate fighting. On the other hand, I am actually looking forward to this move, because we are moving into a much nicer house. It's also bigger. Much bigger. I don't know how many square feet the house is that we are living in now, but this new house is a 1700 sq. ft., 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath home, with a two car garage. Oh - and I have to stress the word NEW. Our base has been doing a lot of revamping, and the housing area is getting a major overhaul, so we are getting a brand new house. I am finding that I can't complain about it, although the simple act of having to move is a pain in the butt. Especially when you consider that we were told we would be in a house that wouldn't be affected by the construction when we moved in.
Anyway, I am finding that I am actually getting excited about this move. I really need a change of scenery, and I keep telling myself this just might be what the doctor ordered. A fresh start on a new street, new neighbors, a great house, maybe a new perspective on things... I am also hoping that maybe I can make a friend or two over there. It also cuts my travel time to work in half. Not that my travel time is really all that bad - as it is, it only takes me 5 minutes to get to work. It's one of the perks of living and working on base. But now, my travel time will only be 2 1/2 minutes, lol! Mind you, that's also a pit fall, because there are only two of us that work in my office that live on base. If one of the full-timer's gets stuck because of bad weather, gets sick, or whatever, Big T or I are the ones they call on to fill in or help out.
So, like I said, I'm actually getting excited about this move. Initially Hubby and I decided to let the military move us, but then we realized we could make some money by moving ourselves, so that's what we have decided to do. It's probably not the smartest idea given our recent health issues, but we could really use the money. Besides, Hubby is recruiting a bunch of military guys from work to help us out on moving day. As far actually moving furniture and boxes, we'll have help, so it shouldn't be too tough.
Speaking of health issues, today I was supposed to call the doctor about the portable heart monitor I'm supposed to be on. Well, before I called the doctors office today to set up a time for that, I decided maybe I should call our health insurance company, just to make sure I was cleared with authorization for these upcoming appointments. It's a good thing I called. For starters, the doctor and his nurse weren't even in today. That's a little frustrating since it was them who told me to call today. On top of that, I found out that I am not authorized for these appointments. Now I have to wait to hear back from both the doctor and our insurance company before I can get this stuff taken care of. I have been told it can take up to a week for the authorization process, and I can't even make the appointments until I have that authorization number, which means it could be two weeks or more before I do the heart monitor thing. Like there isn't enough stress in my life right now. *sighs*
I have been thinking a lot about Sexy Man today. Most of the time I try not to think about him, but for some reason he has been on my mind all day. I really miss him, and that makes me sad. There have been a few times when I wanted to pick up the phone and send him a text just to see how he is doing. I always stop myself with a reminder of how he decided to end things, which always makes me feel worthless in his eyes, and then I get pissed off all over again about how he handled things. Then I start mulling over our relationship, rehashing the wonderful times we had, and hitting a brick wall when I get to how things ended. I am still very confused over the way things ended, because I can't understand how two people who had something so wonderful can just let things end the way it did - or more to the point, how HE could end things the way HE did. It's a nasty little cycle that I really need to break, so I am trying to stay strong.
On a more happy note, after a very relaxing back rub, Hubby and I had some really good sex last night! I turned on HBO and there was a "Real Sex" episode on about the ultimate orgasm, lol - Hubby watched it with me, and he really must have been paying attention, because he made me have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Now guys, here's the scoop: A LOT of women NEED clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and for them, to have one with only vaginal stimulation is a real treat. It is a very different sensation as orgasms go. Last night, Hubby and I had to take it slow and easy because of that angiogram procedure I had done, but because of that, he was hitting my G-spot juuussst right! YUMMY!!
If you want to give your lady a real treat, try this... While you are having intercourse, (don't forget the pre-sex back massage*wink-wink*), start out only going about two inches in, and use a slow but steady rhythm. Do this for as long as you possibly can (only going about two inches in) - it will be a treat for you too, but you'll probably have to call on every ounce of self-control you have if your lady is going to reach orgasm this way, because once you let your load go and get soft, it won't feel nearly as yummy to her. By using this method, you are essentially massaging her G-spot with the head of the penis, and it's HEAVENLY! [A side note to this is that it just isn't the same when you are slamming your lady with full strokes.]
Well, I suppose it is time for me to get to bed. I have more packing to do tomorrow. I'm trying to take it easy after being in the hospital, so it is a slow process. Good thing I have three weeks before the move actually takes place.
xoxo
I've been packing all day. Back in October I was supposed to move back to Texas, and a good deal of my belongings are already packed. But about two weeks before I was supposed to move, Hubby asked me to stay through the winter. I agreed, so here I still sit, but I never unpacked the boxes that I had already packed. Although, in the last 6 or 7 months I have been pulling things out of boxes, little by little if I needed them. Well, now that I am packing again, I am finding that I've pulled out a heck of a lot more than I thought I had. Add that to all the things I've purchased over that time, and I feel like I've got a lot of packing to do - again. It is amazing how much "stuff" can be accumulated over the course of such a short period of time.
I am having mixed emotions about this upcoming move. In one respect, I'm really bummed that this move is only relocating us two blocks away. I was really hoping that my next move would be back to my beloved Texas. I also don't know how this is going to affect the move I am supposed to make in September. Having to pack a moving truck again so soon will probably be the cause of a few arguements between Hubby and I, and I hate fighting. On the other hand, I am actually looking forward to this move, because we are moving into a much nicer house. It's also bigger. Much bigger. I don't know how many square feet the house is that we are living in now, but this new house is a 1700 sq. ft., 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath home, with a two car garage. Oh - and I have to stress the word NEW. Our base has been doing a lot of revamping, and the housing area is getting a major overhaul, so we are getting a brand new house. I am finding that I can't complain about it, although the simple act of having to move is a pain in the butt. Especially when you consider that we were told we would be in a house that wouldn't be affected by the construction when we moved in.
Anyway, I am finding that I am actually getting excited about this move. I really need a change of scenery, and I keep telling myself this just might be what the doctor ordered. A fresh start on a new street, new neighbors, a great house, maybe a new perspective on things... I am also hoping that maybe I can make a friend or two over there. It also cuts my travel time to work in half. Not that my travel time is really all that bad - as it is, it only takes me 5 minutes to get to work. It's one of the perks of living and working on base. But now, my travel time will only be 2 1/2 minutes, lol! Mind you, that's also a pit fall, because there are only two of us that work in my office that live on base. If one of the full-timer's gets stuck because of bad weather, gets sick, or whatever, Big T or I are the ones they call on to fill in or help out.
So, like I said, I'm actually getting excited about this move. Initially Hubby and I decided to let the military move us, but then we realized we could make some money by moving ourselves, so that's what we have decided to do. It's probably not the smartest idea given our recent health issues, but we could really use the money. Besides, Hubby is recruiting a bunch of military guys from work to help us out on moving day. As far actually moving furniture and boxes, we'll have help, so it shouldn't be too tough.
Speaking of health issues, today I was supposed to call the doctor about the portable heart monitor I'm supposed to be on. Well, before I called the doctors office today to set up a time for that, I decided maybe I should call our health insurance company, just to make sure I was cleared with authorization for these upcoming appointments. It's a good thing I called. For starters, the doctor and his nurse weren't even in today. That's a little frustrating since it was them who told me to call today. On top of that, I found out that I am not authorized for these appointments. Now I have to wait to hear back from both the doctor and our insurance company before I can get this stuff taken care of. I have been told it can take up to a week for the authorization process, and I can't even make the appointments until I have that authorization number, which means it could be two weeks or more before I do the heart monitor thing. Like there isn't enough stress in my life right now. *sighs*
I have been thinking a lot about Sexy Man today. Most of the time I try not to think about him, but for some reason he has been on my mind all day. I really miss him, and that makes me sad. There have been a few times when I wanted to pick up the phone and send him a text just to see how he is doing. I always stop myself with a reminder of how he decided to end things, which always makes me feel worthless in his eyes, and then I get pissed off all over again about how he handled things. Then I start mulling over our relationship, rehashing the wonderful times we had, and hitting a brick wall when I get to how things ended. I am still very confused over the way things ended, because I can't understand how two people who had something so wonderful can just let things end the way it did - or more to the point, how HE could end things the way HE did. It's a nasty little cycle that I really need to break, so I am trying to stay strong.
On a more happy note, after a very relaxing back rub, Hubby and I had some really good sex last night! I turned on HBO and there was a "Real Sex" episode on about the ultimate orgasm, lol - Hubby watched it with me, and he really must have been paying attention, because he made me have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Now guys, here's the scoop: A LOT of women NEED clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and for them, to have one with only vaginal stimulation is a real treat. It is a very different sensation as orgasms go. Last night, Hubby and I had to take it slow and easy because of that angiogram procedure I had done, but because of that, he was hitting my G-spot juuussst right! YUMMY!!
If you want to give your lady a real treat, try this... While you are having intercourse, (don't forget the pre-sex back massage*wink-wink*), start out only going about two inches in, and use a slow but steady rhythm. Do this for as long as you possibly can (only going about two inches in) - it will be a treat for you too, but you'll probably have to call on every ounce of self-control you have if your lady is going to reach orgasm this way, because once you let your load go and get soft, it won't feel nearly as yummy to her. By using this method, you are essentially massaging her G-spot with the head of the penis, and it's HEAVENLY! [A side note to this is that it just isn't the same when you are slamming your lady with full strokes.]
Well, I suppose it is time for me to get to bed. I have more packing to do tomorrow. I'm trying to take it easy after being in the hospital, so it is a slow process. Good thing I have three weeks before the move actually takes place.
xoxo
Monday, May 07, 2007
Changes Ahead
Wow! I just re-read my last post. It's pretty obvious that I am turning into a very bitter woman, and I don't like it one bit. I can only imagine that anyone out in "blogger land" who might read my posts would find it unappealing too. I know that last one was a major bummer, but I have to say - Damn! It felt good to get that off my chest! And now it's time to move forward. Let's see...well...we'll start with the news that Hubby and I got last Monday.
So, last Monday was Hubby's birthday. He doesn't like to make big fusses about his birthday. I think getting older really bothers him, although he won't admit it. I had plans to take him to the Red Wing store to buy him these $200 boots for his birthday that he's really been wanting. They're motorcycle boots. Well, don'tcha know, the Red Wing store in town stopped carrying the motorcycle boots. Hubby was so disappointed. I told him he could order them, but he insists that he wants to try them on before he buys them. I can understand that. I've done the mail order thing with shoes, and it can be disappointing and a pain in the butt if you have to return them. So, Hubby didn't get his boots like I had planned. Then he suggested that he would look for new riding boots when we go to Sturgis this year, so I told him to go for it. Meanwhile...
Hubby and I are sitting at home later that morning, and his cell phone rings. It's the base housing office. They want to remodel the houses on our street, so we have been told that we have to move out of our house no later than June 15th. I've been wanting to move for almost two years now, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind. That was strike two for Hubby's birthday too. It wasn't news he wanted to hear, let alone on his birthday. We sat at home for most of the day feeling very bewildered over this upcoming move. It made it hard to really enjoy the day.
Well , I was determined that the day wouldn't be a total waste for Hubby's birthday. We had plans to go out to dinner that evening. He had his heart set on a certain dish at a certain resturant, so I was going to make sure he got at least that much. Only problem was that I wasn't feeling too good, but I wasn't going to let that stop us from going out to dinner.
For the week prior to Hubby's birthday, I had been experiencing numbness and tingling in my left arm. As I was getting ready for Hubby's birthday dinner, the numbness started to get worse, and overall, I just started feeling really bad - just an overall yuckiness started to set in. Hubby came into the bathroom while I was putting my make-up on and noticed that I didn't quite look myself. He suggested that we not go out to dinner, but I insisted. I wasn't about to add a strike three to his day, so I finished getting ready and we left for dinner.
Dinner was good. Hubby enjoyed his meal, and we had good, light conversation. I still wasn't feeling well though, so after dinner we went straight home. We spent what was left of the night chillin' at our computers, then we both went to bed early.
Ya know, some days, no matter what you do, things just don't work the way you plan. This particular day was simply one of those days.
Through the course of the night, my yucky feeling continued to progress, to the point that the numbness in my arm started getting much worse. Nausea set in, then weakness in legs, and by the time I went to bed, I felt like complete shit. I told Hubby I was going to call the dr. in the morning to make an appointment. Then we went to bed. As I lay there, the nausea and numbness continued to worsen. Then I started to feel this warm pressure in the left side of my chest. I'm sure you know where this is heading.
At 2:00 in the morning, I crawled out of bed trying not to disturb Hubby, grabbed my cell phone, and called our after-hours care unit at the base hospital. I thought, worse case scenerio, they would be able to get me an appointment first thing in the morning. Uh, not. After describing my symptoms to the on-call doctor, I was told to hang up and call 911 immediately. CRAP! I so did not want to make that call. I also hated the fact that I would have to wake up Hubby. His birthday this year wasn't going to make the top 10 list as it was. The last thing he needed was to be awakened in the middle of the night to take me to the hospital.
Well, I woke up Hubby, because I needed to. I tried to explain to him what was going on, but he was in a stuper and really didn't understand. Then I made the 911 call, and within 10 minutes I had two police cars, a fire truck, and an ambulance outside my house. Suddenly I had my house filled with people. I can't tell you how many people were actually standing in my livingroom, but I was surrounded. If I wasn't nervous before, I was definitely nervous now. Then they tell me they are taking me to the hospital downtown. They asked if I could walk out to the ambulance on my own, or if they needed to the get the stretcher. Of course I'll walk! Silly people. Well, just as I was about to get into the ambulance, my legs gave way underneath me, and they ended up carrying me into the ambulance anyway. Guess I should have taken the ride on the gurney. Silly me.
My trip to the emergency room ended up to be a two day stay in the hospital. [Oh, can I just tell you - chewing aspirin is NASTY! And nitroglycerin squirts under the tongue are even worse!] My blood pressure wasn't looking too good, which is actually very unusual for me. I have always been told that my blood pressure is really good for an overweight 40-something smoker, but not this day. Then they did all kinds of EKG's on me, and eventually hooked me up to a heart monitor.
Over the course of my two day hospital stay, I endured several chest x-rays, more blood samples drawn than I care to count (We all know how much I hate needles. They drew so much blood that I actually have track marks in two of my veins. No shit.), three shots in my stomach (yeah, please explain that one, right? They were giving me blood thinners and anti-blood clot meds that apparently could only be delivered through the stomach), an anti-depressant (because in a previous life I had an anxiety attack), pain meds, muscle relaxers, high blood pressure medication, and more x-rays and EKG's. Then, to top it all off, I had a stress test which I failed miserably, which was then followed by the fabulous (not so much) experience of having an angiogram done.
Let me tell you about an angiogram. An angiogram is where they inject a dye into your heart through the main artery, via a small incision in your groin area. They tell you that they are going to give you a medication that will make you very relaxed - to the point that you won't remember a thing. Uh, excuse me...bullshit! So, yeah, I was relaxed, but I remember the whole thing. Especially the part where they tell you, "you are going to feel a warm sensation in your chest", when they inject the dye. Uh, bullshit again! Warm sensation? Not. The moment they started injecting the dye, I felt it. And "warm" is not the proper adjective I would use here. As soon as they injected the dye, I felt an instantaneous hot flash from my groin to my neck. By the way, when I say hot flash, I mean, HOT flash. It feels almost like someone torched you. Thankfully it doesn't last very long, but I couldn't help wondering if the top of my head was smoking from the experience.
At the end of my two day excursion, here's what they found. First, I didn't have a heart attack. Thank the Gods! Second, it wasn't an anxiety attack. Third, the arteries running to and from my heart look good - no blockages in sight. But then comes the bad news. Apparently, one of the chambers of my heart is not playing nice - not pumping like the rest of them. I also seem to be having issues with random heart tremors. Like my heart all the sudden decides to go nuts for a few seconds, whenever the hell it feels like it. So now, they want to hook me up to a portable heart monitor while I'm at home, to see if they can pin-point what is causing these issues.
I ask you...haven't I had enough this past year? Someone...Anyone...hear me now: I'm D-O-N-E! If I never see another hospital the rest of my life, it would suit me just fine! What the hell? I enter my 40's and suddenly by body decides to go to shit?! It's just not right. I swear it's this place that I'm living. If I don't make some changes soon, this place is going to be the death of me, truly. We won't even get into my so-called "love life" right now. I need a break!
Then there's Hubby. He has been on high blood pressure medication for at least the last 5 years. Yesterday he had a migraine, which was brutal, and he still had it this morning when we got up. For at least the last year, it seems like several times a week he gets headaches. I've been asking him to please make an appointment about it, but he puts it off and just accepts the headaches as a part of life. I guess this morning was the turning point because of this migraine, so he saw a doctor about it today.
When he got to the doctors office, the first thing they did was take his blood pressure, which turned out to be 174/114. If you know nothing about blood pressure, let me tell you, that's bad. That's very bad. The doctor told him if they didn't get his blood pressure down, he could have a fatal stroke. As it is, one of his brothers had a quadruple bi-pass at the age of 36. His father also had a quadruple bi-pass in his 60's. There's some unusual family genetics at work here that causes heart problems for the men in his family. I know that heart disease can be genetic, but this genetic thing in Hubby's family is an unusual one. They carry a unique gene that makes their blood thicken, making the blood pump slower than most. That, in and of itself, is a problem, and when you add that to possible heart problems, it really complicates things.
So now Hubby's dealing with a worsening issue with his blood pressure, and I'm dealing with a whacky heart issue myself. I believe it is time for both of us to make some severe changes in our lives, if we are ever going to make it to old age. Mind you, I've been saying this for a while now, but I believe Hubby finally realizes that I might be right. We simply can't go on living like this.
There is a lot more I want to share, but it is almost 1:00 in the morning and I'm tired, so off to bed I go.
Nighty-night. xoxo
So, last Monday was Hubby's birthday. He doesn't like to make big fusses about his birthday. I think getting older really bothers him, although he won't admit it. I had plans to take him to the Red Wing store to buy him these $200 boots for his birthday that he's really been wanting. They're motorcycle boots. Well, don'tcha know, the Red Wing store in town stopped carrying the motorcycle boots. Hubby was so disappointed. I told him he could order them, but he insists that he wants to try them on before he buys them. I can understand that. I've done the mail order thing with shoes, and it can be disappointing and a pain in the butt if you have to return them. So, Hubby didn't get his boots like I had planned. Then he suggested that he would look for new riding boots when we go to Sturgis this year, so I told him to go for it. Meanwhile...
Hubby and I are sitting at home later that morning, and his cell phone rings. It's the base housing office. They want to remodel the houses on our street, so we have been told that we have to move out of our house no later than June 15th. I've been wanting to move for almost two years now, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind. That was strike two for Hubby's birthday too. It wasn't news he wanted to hear, let alone on his birthday. We sat at home for most of the day feeling very bewildered over this upcoming move. It made it hard to really enjoy the day.
Well , I was determined that the day wouldn't be a total waste for Hubby's birthday. We had plans to go out to dinner that evening. He had his heart set on a certain dish at a certain resturant, so I was going to make sure he got at least that much. Only problem was that I wasn't feeling too good, but I wasn't going to let that stop us from going out to dinner.
For the week prior to Hubby's birthday, I had been experiencing numbness and tingling in my left arm. As I was getting ready for Hubby's birthday dinner, the numbness started to get worse, and overall, I just started feeling really bad - just an overall yuckiness started to set in. Hubby came into the bathroom while I was putting my make-up on and noticed that I didn't quite look myself. He suggested that we not go out to dinner, but I insisted. I wasn't about to add a strike three to his day, so I finished getting ready and we left for dinner.
Dinner was good. Hubby enjoyed his meal, and we had good, light conversation. I still wasn't feeling well though, so after dinner we went straight home. We spent what was left of the night chillin' at our computers, then we both went to bed early.
Ya know, some days, no matter what you do, things just don't work the way you plan. This particular day was simply one of those days.
Through the course of the night, my yucky feeling continued to progress, to the point that the numbness in my arm started getting much worse. Nausea set in, then weakness in legs, and by the time I went to bed, I felt like complete shit. I told Hubby I was going to call the dr. in the morning to make an appointment. Then we went to bed. As I lay there, the nausea and numbness continued to worsen. Then I started to feel this warm pressure in the left side of my chest. I'm sure you know where this is heading.
At 2:00 in the morning, I crawled out of bed trying not to disturb Hubby, grabbed my cell phone, and called our after-hours care unit at the base hospital. I thought, worse case scenerio, they would be able to get me an appointment first thing in the morning. Uh, not. After describing my symptoms to the on-call doctor, I was told to hang up and call 911 immediately. CRAP! I so did not want to make that call. I also hated the fact that I would have to wake up Hubby. His birthday this year wasn't going to make the top 10 list as it was. The last thing he needed was to be awakened in the middle of the night to take me to the hospital.
Well, I woke up Hubby, because I needed to. I tried to explain to him what was going on, but he was in a stuper and really didn't understand. Then I made the 911 call, and within 10 minutes I had two police cars, a fire truck, and an ambulance outside my house. Suddenly I had my house filled with people. I can't tell you how many people were actually standing in my livingroom, but I was surrounded. If I wasn't nervous before, I was definitely nervous now. Then they tell me they are taking me to the hospital downtown. They asked if I could walk out to the ambulance on my own, or if they needed to the get the stretcher. Of course I'll walk! Silly people. Well, just as I was about to get into the ambulance, my legs gave way underneath me, and they ended up carrying me into the ambulance anyway. Guess I should have taken the ride on the gurney. Silly me.
My trip to the emergency room ended up to be a two day stay in the hospital. [Oh, can I just tell you - chewing aspirin is NASTY! And nitroglycerin squirts under the tongue are even worse!] My blood pressure wasn't looking too good, which is actually very unusual for me. I have always been told that my blood pressure is really good for an overweight 40-something smoker, but not this day. Then they did all kinds of EKG's on me, and eventually hooked me up to a heart monitor.
Over the course of my two day hospital stay, I endured several chest x-rays, more blood samples drawn than I care to count (We all know how much I hate needles. They drew so much blood that I actually have track marks in two of my veins. No shit.), three shots in my stomach (yeah, please explain that one, right? They were giving me blood thinners and anti-blood clot meds that apparently could only be delivered through the stomach), an anti-depressant (because in a previous life I had an anxiety attack), pain meds, muscle relaxers, high blood pressure medication, and more x-rays and EKG's. Then, to top it all off, I had a stress test which I failed miserably, which was then followed by the fabulous (not so much) experience of having an angiogram done.
Let me tell you about an angiogram. An angiogram is where they inject a dye into your heart through the main artery, via a small incision in your groin area. They tell you that they are going to give you a medication that will make you very relaxed - to the point that you won't remember a thing. Uh, excuse me...bullshit! So, yeah, I was relaxed, but I remember the whole thing. Especially the part where they tell you, "you are going to feel a warm sensation in your chest", when they inject the dye. Uh, bullshit again! Warm sensation? Not. The moment they started injecting the dye, I felt it. And "warm" is not the proper adjective I would use here. As soon as they injected the dye, I felt an instantaneous hot flash from my groin to my neck. By the way, when I say hot flash, I mean, HOT flash. It feels almost like someone torched you. Thankfully it doesn't last very long, but I couldn't help wondering if the top of my head was smoking from the experience.
At the end of my two day excursion, here's what they found. First, I didn't have a heart attack. Thank the Gods! Second, it wasn't an anxiety attack. Third, the arteries running to and from my heart look good - no blockages in sight. But then comes the bad news. Apparently, one of the chambers of my heart is not playing nice - not pumping like the rest of them. I also seem to be having issues with random heart tremors. Like my heart all the sudden decides to go nuts for a few seconds, whenever the hell it feels like it. So now, they want to hook me up to a portable heart monitor while I'm at home, to see if they can pin-point what is causing these issues.
I ask you...haven't I had enough this past year? Someone...Anyone...hear me now: I'm D-O-N-E! If I never see another hospital the rest of my life, it would suit me just fine! What the hell? I enter my 40's and suddenly by body decides to go to shit?! It's just not right. I swear it's this place that I'm living. If I don't make some changes soon, this place is going to be the death of me, truly. We won't even get into my so-called "love life" right now. I need a break!
Then there's Hubby. He has been on high blood pressure medication for at least the last 5 years. Yesterday he had a migraine, which was brutal, and he still had it this morning when we got up. For at least the last year, it seems like several times a week he gets headaches. I've been asking him to please make an appointment about it, but he puts it off and just accepts the headaches as a part of life. I guess this morning was the turning point because of this migraine, so he saw a doctor about it today.
When he got to the doctors office, the first thing they did was take his blood pressure, which turned out to be 174/114. If you know nothing about blood pressure, let me tell you, that's bad. That's very bad. The doctor told him if they didn't get his blood pressure down, he could have a fatal stroke. As it is, one of his brothers had a quadruple bi-pass at the age of 36. His father also had a quadruple bi-pass in his 60's. There's some unusual family genetics at work here that causes heart problems for the men in his family. I know that heart disease can be genetic, but this genetic thing in Hubby's family is an unusual one. They carry a unique gene that makes their blood thicken, making the blood pump slower than most. That, in and of itself, is a problem, and when you add that to possible heart problems, it really complicates things.
So now Hubby's dealing with a worsening issue with his blood pressure, and I'm dealing with a whacky heart issue myself. I believe it is time for both of us to make some severe changes in our lives, if we are ever going to make it to old age. Mind you, I've been saying this for a while now, but I believe Hubby finally realizes that I might be right. We simply can't go on living like this.
There is a lot more I want to share, but it is almost 1:00 in the morning and I'm tired, so off to bed I go.
Nighty-night. xoxo
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