Like, OMG!

Where do I begin? I suppose 'where I left off' would be a good place, huh? ;) I believe that would be the subject of Hubby's possible retirement.

So...We went to that retirement briefing the Thursday before Thanksgiving. Now there's an eye opener for you. If you are military, and you are getting close to the retirement point, even if it's a few years away, I STRONGLY recommend that you attend the T.A.M.P. briefing! You are required to attend it anyway, but most people don't bother going until the last minute, just before they retire. The briefing is good for 2 years, so if you have two years to go before you plan to retire, go now. Really. There is information provided in that briefing that YOU NEED TO KNOW, and having that information well in advance can really help you to plan your future.

Like I said, Hubby and I attended the briefing. Afterwards, we were in total shock over the upcoming expenses, if we wish to maintain what we have now through the military. Retirement check, my ass! What it boiled down to is that we are not financially prepared for him to retire from the military. There are a lot of factors that cumulatively make up the reasons for that assessment, and everyone's circumstances are going to be different. But for us, if he gets out next year, our life will change drastically from a financial perspective, and not in a good way.

With this new information in hand, I did some financial forecasts based on the possibilities, and presented them to Hubby. Keep in mind that he basically knows nothing about our finances, except for what I tell him, and that's his personal choice. Try as I may, I just can't get him interested in our finances. He doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of bills, etc. Personally, I think its really sad. If something were to happen to me, he would be completely clueless. Anyway, when I gave him the financial facts, it was an added kick in the ass to him, because I forced him to take a good look at our bills. Even if he doesn't want to take an active daily interest in where our money goes, I think he needs to know at least the bottom line.

Well, once the finances were laid out in front of him, I told him that we had two choices: 1) Retire and brace ourselves, because the life we know now will be gone. We simply won't be able to afford the lifestyle we have become used to. Or 2) Stay in a few more years, and prepare better for life out of the military. Pay down some debt while we can really afford to do so, and get his bachelor's degree so that when he gets out, he will be more marketable for the kind of income we need to at least maintain our lifestyle. You can only imagine his reaction to the choices. Needless to say, he wasn't happy.

See, Hubby doesn't think about shit like that. He's really good at being frugal, and it's a good thing too, because I like to spend money, so he keeps me in check, most of the time. But on the other hand, he's also lets me buy whatever I want, because he thinks it keeps me happy, so there are plenty of times when I have to keep myself in check. It's a delicate balancing act. There's plenty of stuff I'd love to have, but I often have to weigh the needs against the wants. And as frugal as Hubby can be sometimes, he can also spend some serious money. For instance, within the few weeks before we went to this briefing, Hubby got a new cellphone, a new iPod, AND a new computer. We won't even mention our trip to the Mall of America. Does he think we just pull money out of our asses to afford that kind of stuff? Whether we pay cash or buy it on credit, it still needs to be paid in full somehow, even if it's through monthly payment.

In case you can't tell, I'm more than slightly frustrated with finances and Hubby's lack of interest in them. More than once I have asked him to take over, but he refuses, so I'm the one that has to deal with the frustrations, stress, and monthly pain-in-the-ass ritual of getting them paid.

The following few days after the briefing, the tension in our house was terrible. Neither one of us was really speaking, and when we did talk, it wasn't pretty. I am stressing because I know the financial reality if he retires. And was pissed off, because all he wants to do is get away from the base we are stationed at. Sadly, that's what it all boils down to. He hates it here with every fiber of his being. What he fails to realize is that I do too. But I'm not willing to throw our financial comfort in the garbage just to escape this duty station.

I don't understand my Husband. One night we got into a huge fight over this whole ordeal. All he kept saying was he hates this f*ing place, and just wants out. Again, "this place". I have asked him several times to please see what he can do to get us reassigned. He always claims that he has no control over getting reassigned, and I think that's total bullshit. We are not on a controlled tour here. And people we know are getting orders every time we turn around. I know he can access the military website where they are always looking to fill different positions all over the world. So I ask him to please check that website regularly, just to see if anything might come available that he qualifies for and can apply for. But does he check it regularly? No. As far as I know, as of right now, he hasn't checked it in at least two months. But he'll bitch and complain daily that he's still here. Does that make sense to you?

It's like he has no motivation to do anything to better his world. His perfect world consists of sitting in his office, messing around on the computer playing games, and listening to his music. Oh, and he faithfully sits in front of the T.V. nightly between 5:30 and 6:30. And if he can get laid, it's like the icing on the cake. Honestly, it's like he believes his only responsibility in life is to go to work every day. Beyond that, he doesn't want to deal with anything else.

One night, about a week ago, he went on this rampage about how he has made all the wrong choices in his life. It was a pity party if I've ever seen one. I watched and listened silently, while he kicked himself in the ass for every choice he has ever made. It was pretty sad. Thankfully, the only thing positive he had to say was that I was the only thing that kept him going. Good timing too, because I was bracing myself for him to blurt out marrying me as one of his bad decisions. I tried to be even more patient after that, while he continued his rant. Eventually, I got fed up with it. Hey, a person can only take so much.

It is times like this that I want to leave his ass in the dust, and move on with my life, but that wouldn't be very wifely of me, would it? I am so sick of all his bitching and complaining about his life. Several times over the last year he has stated that he, and I quote, "hates his life". He says it with such anger and disgust. I can never help but feel like I'm included in that mix of hatred. I always tell him to be careful about how he says that, because I feel like I'm included in that. Then he will always tell me that I'm the only good thing in his life.

Well, after listening to him rant for almost an hour about how he hates his life, and all his bad decisions, it was my turn to say something. What I wanted to say was, "Get over it." Instead, I said, as gently and lovingly as I could, that he needs to change his focus. Ironically, he has always told me that there is no sense looking at the past, because it's over and done with and can't be changed. So I pointed this out to him, and then told him what matters is the here and now, and what he can do to make changes for the future. I told him that a year from now he could either still be kicking himself in the ass for yet even more bad decisions, OR he can try to make some good decisions now, and be happier for them next year. I also told him that the plan, before he made this decision to retire, was to stay in at least 22 years, better if he made it to the 24 year mark, because of the major difference it would make in his retirement pay. The "plan" was that he wouldn't retire until he made Master Sergent and wore that stripe for three years, because that would also make a substantial difference in his retirement check. I told him how I wasn't asking him to stay in forever, but just until his 24 years, max. After that, he can retire, regardless of where we are financially. (Of course, I'm cringing inside while I'm saying this, because the thought of doing another 5 years at this base is like a knife wound in the belly, but I'm trying to be responsible about all this.) Then I suggested again that he change his focus, and maybe see what he can do to get his Bachelor's degree, which would also help him to pass the time in this God-Forsaken place.

Through this whole process, you have to remember that it was only a year ago that I decided I was going to stay with my husband, and make the best of our life together. For me, the important thing is that we are together, no matter where the togetherness takes place. Honestly, I still struggle with that decision a lot, but I keep telling myself its the right thing to do, even if Hubby makes that a difficult choice on a daily basis. So in the process of my turn to talk, I told him that he needs to remember that we are together, and that's the important thing. I would rather us be together struggling through the remainder of our time here, knowing that it will be better for us in the end, than leave here hoping to find our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, only to discover that we can't afford to live "happily everafter". This obviously didn't sit well with him, because he got up and walked away. And we haven't discussed it since then.

Yes, he hates it here that much. And yes, I think he forgets that I hate here "that much" too. But there is some good news, in my opinion. The next day Hubby went to the education office to see about that Bachelor's degree. So I am assuming that he is starting to at least weigh his options. He is supposed to have an appointment to go back and see them sometime this week, to see what they have to say. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting here waiting for the next talk about retirement. Oh the thrill, she says with a sigh.

xoxo