The sign says, "OUT OF ORDER"

What happened to the days when life was actually fun?

I have been having a miserable time the last several weeks. It all started with that damn trip to the Mall of America, after I came back from my trip to Texas. Mind you, the trip to 'THE MALL" was a good time, but while we were there I ended having a serious shoulder issue, which I have now found out is severe tendinitis. So now I am in physical therapy for my shoulder...again. Today was the first day of PT, and she is starting me out with mild exercises, but my shoulder hurts and is feeling it big time tonight. *whimpers*

Also while we were at the mall, I ended up getting my period. (Hey, my blog is titled "As Real As It Gets", so if that's too much for ya, I might suggest reading another blog, LOL!) Anyway, it was a really bad one as periods go. I won't get into the details about it, because as real as it gets, it's just gross to go much further, LOL. Well, that one ended, kinda sorta, but I only got about two weeks break before the next one started up. Yes, they are only supposed to come about every 28 days or so, so two weeks was way too soon.

When it started again, it was worse than the last time. So bad, in fact, that I ended up in the emergency room because I was bleeding profusely. I was also experiencing really bad dizziness, to the point that I couldn't stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out. They ran blood tests to check my hemoglobin levels and make sure I wasn't having a miscarraige, and they did an ultra sound to get a look-see. In the process, they discovered that I wasn't pregnant, but I have several fibroids in my uterus, which can apparently cause really bad periods.

Now, to the men out there, I know it is hard for you imagine what a woman must go through on a monthly basis. For those of you who might be in a long term relationship, you'll probably have at least an inkling based on your sweethearts monthly mood changes and her intimate moments with a heating pad, chocolate, and salty foods, lol. While that might sound like a cozy picnic, it really isn't. Hubby asked me one time what menstrual cramps felt like. The best way I can describe it where a man might be able to understand is to say, remember what it feels like to have stomach cramps when you're having tummy issues? Now imagine having to deal with that for three to four days straight. His reaction was, "no thanks." LOL! And I can't say as I blame him. I would gladly give up this monthly ritual if I could. Actually, that might be the case for me.

Well, the fibroids they found prompted my gynocologist to do an endrometrial biopsy this past Friday. That's when they go through the cervix, into the uterus and take tissue samples to check for cancer. To say that is a painful procedure would be the understatement of the Century. First you have to endure the insertion of a 12-inch long narrow tube through your cervix and into the uterus, which is as painful as the biopsy itself. Then you have to lay perfectly still while they take the tissue samples. Let me tell you quite frankly, I NEVER want to go through that again!!! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I was crying like a baby and begging the doctor to be done, and that's after she even tried to numb my uterus with lidocain. I can't fathom what it would have been like without the lidocain.

When the procedure was done the doctor actually had the audacity to tell me, "no sex for at least a week." Just to set the record straight, as of right now I haven't had sex in six weeks. And after a procedure like that, sex was the LAST thing on my mind. She even gave Hubby a look that said, "NO SEX! UNDERSTAND?!" lol Yes, Hubby was with me during the procedure, which is done right there in the doctors office. He actually held my hand during the biopsy, which I was grateful for. Afterwards, all he could say was, "Thank God I'm not a woman." Needless to say, I think he gained a whole new perspective on what women go through. Of course, I could have gone without seeing the "holy shit" look on his face while he was watching the procedure, but I am still glad he was there. Now I am just waiting for the test results, which they said should take a week and a half to two weeks. Merry Christmas. Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

After almost three weeks of bleeding, the bleeding FINALLY stopped this past Tuesday. They have me taking Provera for ten days, by the end of which I've been told to brace myself for the worst period I've ever had. Swell. After the last six weeks, I can only imagine what I'm in for.

Now, check this out...

On Tuesday I was laying down getting ready to take a nap. Hubby came home early from work and laid down with me. We were spooning. All the sudden my hormones went into overdrive. I swear it's because of the Provera, but I got horny as hell. Of course, I'm not allowed to have sex yet, so all we could do was lay there talking about how horny we were. It was such a bummer.

Then, last night was ladies night at my local haunt. Hubby has jokingly dubbed it, "Lady-Laid Night", LOL! Anyway, I have been told not to drink alcohol right now because it thins the blood, so when I went out last night, I volunteered to be designated driver for anyone interested, and me and a few girlfriends went out.

Here's a little bit of a back story for you...

Last year, (yes, I said last year) I had an "intimate moment" with this guy I call "Biker Dude" (during my kissing spree moment). Biker Dude and I have never had intercourse, but during one night last year, we had quite the good time otherwise, and I left him driving home with a smile on his face that would tickle anyone. *grins* After that night, we tried several times to hook up again, but things just never seemed to work out for one reason or another. Well, over the course of this past year, he and I have actually become good friends, and in the process he ended up having some serious health issues of his own, which sadly also in the process, killed his sex drive. For the longest time until then, he and I would tease each other mercilessly when we we met up at the bar, always saying that we were going to tear each other's clothes off at the first good chance we got. That chance never came, and then his sex drive went out the window.

For the last four or five months when we would see each other, it was on a friendly level - always huggy-kissy, but no teasing with the heavy sexual innuendos. I always let him know that I thought he was still sexy, with a "wink-wink*, but his reactions were lacking enthusiasm anymore. After a while, I backed off, eventually asking him what happened to the "fun". That's when he confessed his lack of interest in sex, which had to do with his illness. From that point on, I stopped being the playmate, and I became the friend. And that was okay, because I have started to care about this guy as a close friend, and I love all my close friends dearly. Basically, I had settled on the fact that he and I would never "go there" again.

So last night, like I said, was ladies night. Biker Dude was there working. (He works there part-time as a bouncer.) When I saw him, we gave each other the usual ritual huggy-kissy, but then the damndest thing happened. He actually gave me one of those sexy growls in my ear, then told me how hot I looked and how he wanted to ravish me. Oh my!!! Could it be that my Biker Dude playmate had returned?

Throughout the night, every time we got close to each other, he would grab me and hug me and whisper sexy naughties into my ear. Keeping in mind that I wasn't drinking, but he was, all I kept thinking was it must be the alcohol...he's just drunk and only THINKS he's horny, lol, because he'd made it pretty obvious in the last few months that he wasn't interested. Then towards the end of the night, he tells me he needs a ride home, because he's had too much to drink. Now I'm thinking, great! I get to carry his drunk ass into his house, and explain to his wife that I'm just a friendly taxi ride. Oh, did I forget to mention the fact that he's married? Yeah, that was actually part of the reason we were never able to get together after that one night. That and he was one of a few friends who got DUI's last year, and that caused all kinds of "hook up" issues. Okay, so I tell Biker Dude there are no worries - I'll be sure he gets home safe and sound.

On the way home, it was just the two of us, and he asks me to pull over into this parking lot. So I pull over, and he starts telling me the doctors have him on this new medication, and he has his sex drive back. Then he tells me how much he has thought about me over the last year, and how much he wished he could have been sparked enough to take me somewhere and ravish me. (There's that word again, "ravish" - I kinda like it. *grins*) Then he proceeds to telling me how badly he wants me right then and there, and he kisses me like he is really really hungry for me. (Uh, have I mentioned the word "tingle"?! Cause that kiss made me tingle something fierce!!) All that teasing and temptation came rushing back, and all I wanted him to do was RAVISH ME!

We made out like there was no tomorrow for about 15 minutes. All the while, the tingles were screaming at me! Then it all came rushing back to me - kinda like a ton of bricks dropping on my head. I can't have sex right now.

I can't begin to tell you how bummed out I was. Then, of course, I had to break the news to him, all the while thinking how damned-the-luck ironic it was that his sex drive comes back in full force at the same time I'm going through all these female issues. Talk about sexual frustration. *sighs* So, I told him the news, and as expected, he was really dissappointed. Then he kissed me one last time and I drove him home.

I don't know when I'll see Biker Dude again, but I'm looking forward to our next huggy-kissy moment. I can only hope, when the time comes, that we are both in good working order. ;)

xoxo