The Turning Tides, part 5

*Special Note: I wrote these last four posts off-line while I was at work. It ended up being one really long post, so I have posted it as four separate posts, breaking up “The Turning Tides” to make reading easier. If you want to get the full scoop, start with “The Turning Tides, part 1”.

The tides in my life just keep turning and churning. I am so ready for calm waters.

Since our anniversary, things have continued to ride somewhat like a rollercoaster. For the most part things have gotten better, but there is a lot of work yet to be done in the relationship department. There are a lot of things I am trying to figure out and understand about my relationship with Hubby, and I am trying really hard to decide what is acceptable and what is not. Goddess, give me strength.

The week after our anniversary, between Christmas and New Year’s, there really wasn’t much going on. I worked on both Christmas Day and New Year’s Day, so I spent my days off trying to spend time with Son while Hubby worked. Then in the evenings, we would have dinner together and sit around watching TV. For the most part I can safely say our holidays this year were pretty uneventful. We didn’t have the normal Christmas dinner. We didn’t even give each other gifts this year. Since I had to work both holiday weekends, planning anything holiday-ish was difficult. As far as gifts were concerned, we decided rather than give each other gifts this year we would take each other shopping after the New Year.

As for New Year’s Eve, Hubby and I had decided a few weeks prior that we would stay home that night because Son was home and he’s not old enough to go bar hopping yet. I had worked on New Year’s Eve day, and when I got home I was in a fairly good mood, albeit a little tired, and I actually felt like going out for New Year’s instead of staying home. When I suggested going out, Hubby gave me “that look” that said, “but we agreed.” Ugh! So I headed to the bedroom and took a nap. When I got up from my nap, I was feeling very revived, and once again I suggested to Hubby that we go out for New Year’s Eve. It’s not that I didn’t want to ring in the New Year with Son, but I also hate sitting at home on New Year’s Eve and as it was, because of my job, I already felt like my holidays were stolen from me this year. I have this silly notion that how I ring in the New Year will be an indication of how I will spend the rest of the year, and I much prefer to spend my year enjoying life, especially after this past year and a half.

When I had suggested again that we go out that night, Hubby once again gave me “that look”. I know we agreed, but I was really, really tempted to go out without him - but rather than start my New Year’s off with an argument, I quietly conceded and stayed home. This is the kind of stuff I tend to do, giving up my good time to make everyone else happy, and I have to say that it’s getting extremely old and am really beginning to resent it.

In the end, on New Year’s Eve I was in bed by 10:30 and asleep by 11:00. What a drag. Hubby came up at midnight and gave me a New Year’s kiss which I only vaguely remember. The next morning I got up and went to work like a good girl, and through the course of the day I made the decision that I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend another year sitting at home to make Hubby happy, so come Wednesday night – Ladies night – I was going out, even if I had to go out alone.

Then Wednesday rolls around, and in the evening I announced that I was going out. I asked Hubby if he would like to join me. He didn’t seem too thrilled with the idea, but he didn’t say no. I repeated that I would really like to go out and that he was more than welcome to join me, and then I headed to the shower to get ready.

After my shower I was in the bedroom getting dressed, and Hubby was in his usual spot at his desk in his office, and I asked him if he planned on coming with me. He comes upstairs and sits on the edge of the bed next to me and tells me that he thinks I should go out and enjoy ladies night, and that he’s afraid if he goes with me he’ll “cramp my style”. What?? I told him how ridiculous that was. He says he’s been told by “other people” that he’s a buzz-kill. I said, “Yes, it’s true that my nights out with you are different than when I go out alone. The evenings always tend to be much more low-key, and no one ever asks me to dance when you’re there [Hubby doesn’t dance], but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you going out with me.” He said he didn’t understand it, but that he knows I enjoy going out and having fun, so he’s going to stay home so that I can flirt and dance and do whatever it is I do when I go out alone.” At that point I told him okay, but that he doesn’t need an invitation to go out with me – he can feel free to join me any time.

After the conversation with Hubby, I called Beauty to see if she planned on going out that night, and she said she had to be to work at 9:00 pm, and that I could catch a ride back and forth with her if I wanted to. I agreed, and went out that night pretty much alone, except for the ride with Beauty. I sat there in the country bar by myself that night and got drunk as a skunk while listening to the band. The only ‘fun’ I had that night was that Beauty was also my waitress, and she’d come over and talk to me every-so-often when she had a free minute. Then she and I went out to breakfast afterwards, and we went home. At least the band was descent that night.

The following week I decided to go out again on Tuesday night with Beauty. She didn’t have to work that night, and she didn’t feel like drinking, so she drove and I drank. When we got to the country bar that night we expected to see a band that Beauty had been waiting for to come back into town. Apparently she has a major crush on one of the band members, so she and I got all dressed up with cowboy hats and whatnot, both of us looking pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. But when we got to the bar we found out that the band had cancelled for one reason or another, and Beauty’s mood took a nose-dive. She was very bummed out about the band not being there, and there was hardly anyone there because there was no band, so the bar was pretty much dead, for lack of a better word. We sat there for about an hour or so and both of us ended up having a few drinks, then we went to McDonald’s to get something to eat and we headed home after that.

The next day, Wednesday, Hubby, Son, and I went to the mall to do our family after-Christmas shop.

[Between New Year’s and Wednesday, things had been okay between Hubby and me. I had pretty much gotten over the whole anniversary ordeal, and given up on the ring I wanted. I was willing to try to keep moving forward, a day at a time, with the hope that things would start showing some improvement.]

While Hubby, Son and I were driving to the mall that day, Hubby and Son start telling me that they had gone to the mall over the weekend while I was working and they found a ring for me. This put a smile on my face, of course! Then they started to describe the ring; one carat marquee with a yellow gold band. Okay, I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth, but this is just how much Hubby pays attention to detail. Then they popped the price on me, and I put a halt on the whole ring thing. I said, “Thanks you guys! Really! But do you mind if I show you the ring I found that I like??”

We’ll start with the fact that I wear silver, not gold. And while a one-carat diamond is nothing to sneeze at, I had said more than once that I only wanted a half-carat because I think a whole-carat would look too gaudy on me. So when we got inside the mall, I took them to the jewelry store and showed them the ring I wanted. It’s a beautiful half-carat marquee with baguette diamonds on either side in a white gold setting. When they saw it they both agreed that it was a much prettier ring, and low and behold, it was HALF the price of the one they picked out. Hubby bought the ring for me on the spot.

I am now walking around with $1,000 worth of diamonds on my hand. Am I happy about it? Damn straight I am! It’s a beautiful ring! But I also have mixed feelings about it. In one respect it feels really good to have a ring on my finger again – and I’m tickled that Hubby finally got me the ring I wanted after ten years of telling him how much I’d like to have it. I also think I deserved this ring, which might sound really bitchy to some, but it’s the only piece of jewelry I’ve ever asked for, and I have done my fair share for Hubby over the years. I’m worth every sparkle, damn it! One piece of ‘bling-bling’ to show off is a small price for everything I’ve given up and given to my family. Plus, I don’t think Hubby realizes that when I show off this ring, it puts him a good light in other people’s eyes - Lol! Anyway, then there’s the flip side. And that is that Hubby felt so guilty about our anniversary that he decided to buy me the ring because of that. I was really hoping he would buy it because he wanted to – not because he felt guilty. There’s a huge difference between a gift given out of guilt and a gift given from the heart. Just once I would like Hubby to buy me a special gift from the heart – because he wanted to, not because I wanted it. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me.

Well, there you have it. The holidays are over. Son has left to go back to school and sadly, unless Hubby and I can figure out a way to go visit him, it may be a year before I see my son again. Now that Son is gone, the house has gotten quiet again, which makes me sad too. It’s like there is no life in this house when he’s not here. :(

As for Hubby and me, we can only take things a day at a time. So far there have been no more major issues that have cropped up, I’m loving my new ring, and Hubby seems to be making an effort to focus more on our relationship, which to me means spending quality time together when we are together, rather than hanging out in our respective offices all the time when we are home together. I actually insisted we go out together last Friday night, and while the night was low-key as expected, we enjoyed our night out listening to the band and having a few drinks. I even got Hubby out on the dance floor and tried to teach him the Texas two-step. He has two left feet and dances like a stiff board, but I’ll take that over nothing at all. :)

Oh! Here’s the best news of all – which probably deserves its own separate post, but: I went to the doctor last Thursday for my follow-up appointment, and after four very long months I am allowed to have intercourse again! Thank the Love Gods!! The doc told me there is still a chance that I may end up having to have another surgery if my incision site opens up again, but so far I think things are okay down in the nether-region. I won’t know for sure until I go for my last follow-up appointment in three months, but the dr. said if there are problems Hubby will know it before I do, so we’re having sex again with caution and having to pay close attention to how things feel. And may I just say - the first time after four months hurt like hell! But since then, things have gotten more pleasurable, so I think I’m finally on the road to a love life again! YAY! :)

Now here’s the catch – Hubby has stated that he thinks I should go out on Ladies Night’s without him. He says he wants me to be able to flirt and “enjoy myself”. There are a few men out there who have been waiting for the moment when I am able to have sex again. Eeekk! What have I gotten myself into??? Time will tell…