I'm Sick of It!

I am so sick of everything right now.

I'm sick of fair-weather friends. You know the kind I'm talking about. They're the ones who only get in touch when it's convenient for them. They're the ones you CAN'T call on when you need a friend, because they really don't give a shit one way or the other. On the off-chance that you actually spend any time with them, you can't expect to have anymore than a casual conversation with them. God forbid you actually need someone to talk to, be it good or bad, because suddenly they have more important things to do. I am sick of fair-weather friends.

I'm sick of having no life. I'm sick of being in a place I hate. I'm sick of spending so much time alone. I'm sick of always trying to find things to do to occupy my time because I spend so much time alone. I am fed up with everything I call "my life" right now. I'm sick of not having my own home. I'm sick of being the only one in this household to worry about finances and the future. I'm sick of my job. I'm sick of the military bullshit. I'm sick of cold weather.

I'm also sick of being sick. Geez-oh-crimeny! I have spent the last year doing nothing but recovering. If I haven't been recovering from surgeries, then I have been recovering from stomach viruses, head traumas, colds, and the flu. Just when I thought I was over being sick, I end up with allergies that are plaguing me with ear infections. I'm 42 years old, for heaven sakes! I'm not supposed to be getting ear infections at 42 years old! I try to take care of myself - eat healthy foods, drink lots of water, take my vitamins, get lots of rest, but it seems no matter what I do, nothing helps. And you can forget exercising. Who the hell feels like exercizing when they're sick 99.9% of the time. I'm sick of being sick.

Last, but hardly least, I'm sick of having my heart stomped on! I'm am so utterly tired of sharing my heart with people, only to have them treat me like I mean nothing in the end. Why do people feel that it is okay to do that? When I care about someone, whether they are a friend, family member, or lover, they usually know it. I am an affectionate person. I spend time letting people know I am thinking about them. I make efforts to hold on relationships that mean something. I am caring and giving, and I always have shoulder when it's needed. I will give you the shirt off my back, open up my home, put food in your belly, and offer hugs of support. Yet, in the end, I am so easily forgotten. I am sick of letting people into my life who don't give a shit.

What the hell?!?! I am NOT some door mat that people can use when needed, then wipe their feet on me and discard me when they don't need me anymore. I am sick and tired of trying to be self-less in my relationships, when everyone else is being so damn selfish! I'm sick of it!