Let Me Get This Straight...

For a while now I have been thinking about quitting smoking. Given my recent trip to the hospital, and these issues with my heart, I have come to the conclusion that it is now or never.

The thought of quitting smoking is very scary for me. I have been smoking for way too many years, and even though I can think of many reasons why I should quit, my cigarettes have been the one thing in my life I could always count on. Whether I was mad, sad, bored, hungry, depressed, lonely - whatever - my cigarettes have always been there for me. Of course, they have been there through the good times too, so they have been like my constant companion for the last 25 years. The thought of giving them up is like saying you can cut my arm off. Not gonna happen, right? But I have decided, scary or not, it is time to give them up.

For starters, my mother is going through serious health issues because of smoking. She has severe emphysema, to the point that she needs a lung transplant, but her over-all health is so poor because of it that a lung transplant is not a possibility. It seems like every day her health is deteriorating more and more, and all of it is tied to the emphysema. Her mother, my grandma, also had emphysema, and my mom's brother now has it has well. Looking at these three family members should have been enough to get me to quit years ago, right? But things never really quite hit home until it is happening to you - or me, as the case may be.

Like I said, I've been thinking about quitting for some time now. And there are a lot of reasons why I want to quit, but the one thing that has stopped me up until now is that I am afraid I will gain more weight if I quit. This past year has been difficult on me physically, and has kept me from doing any major exercise. Because of it, I have put on almost 30 pounds. It also means that I have smoked more cigarettes, because all I have done is sit around for the most part.

About 4 years ago, I talked myself into going to a series of smoking cessation classes offered on base. I made it through all the classes, but I just didn't have the will power to quit at the time. I went so far as to get a prescription for the patch, but I never got it filled. As a smoker who has had many friends over the years who were also smokers, I have heard a lot of horror stories about trying to quit. All the attempts people have made, but failed at; all the techniques, and stop-smoking aids that haven't worked for people - you start thinking nothing is going to really help, so why bother.

Well, when I was in the hospital this last time, I had a little incident with the hospital staff. During one of my moments of being awake [because they had me so doped up while I was there, I slept through most of my stay] I told Hubby that I wanted some "fresh air", and I asked one of the nurses if Hubby and I could go for a walk. The nurse told me I couldn't leave the hospital floor I was on. I said, all I want to do is go for a walk (lie, lie, lie) and I was told I no. Whoa - that really pissed me off. Never tell a smoker who needs a cigarette they can't do something. Especially if that smoker also just happens to be me. I ended up pitching a major fit. Okay, so maybe I got bit "evil", and started cussing at the hospital staff. Something about, "You can't tell me what to do. I'm a grown woman and can do whatever the hell I want. And right now I want a F****** cigarette!" Man oh man, I've never seen a nurse move so quick. She left the room, and within 5 minutes she was back in the room and slapping a nicotine patch on my back - where I couldn't reach it, I might add. I just sat there and stewed in my hospital bed, and eventually fell back to sleep.

This was the first time I have ever had the nicotine patch on, and surprise, surprise, it actually helped! They kept me on the patch for the duration of my hospital stay, and it helped so much so, that when I was leaving the hospital I seriously contemplated quitting right then and there. But the obstinant smoker in me asked Hubby to take off the patch about 5 minutes into the car ride, and I lit up. That was two weeks ago. Since then, every time I light a cigarette I can't help remembering how well the patch worked while I was in the hospital. And when I left the hospital, the doctor had given me a prescription for the patch, and I have been braving myself up to get the prescription filled.

Well, today I decided it was going to be the day. I headed over to the base hospital to get the nicotine patch, deciding I was ready to quit. My attitude on the way over was, "I can do it!" I confidently strutted up to the pharmacy window, handed the attendant my prescription, and...

Life just doesn't seem to want to cut me a break. Here I am trying to do the right thing. You would think that everyone around me, particularly hospital staff, would be ready to help me accomplish this particular goal, right? Wrong. Here's what I was told: "We're sorry [Lady Lover], but unless you are part of a stop-smoking program, we will not be able to fill this prescription." Uh...what??? They proceeded to explain that my insurance doesn't cover the prescription for the nicotine patch, but the military will cover it, IF, and only if, I join a smoking cessation program, because they want to make sure I'm serious about quitting before they fill the prescription.

What is wrong with these people??? What the hell do they think I'm going to do with this prescription, sell the patch on street corners??? Be serious! If I had no intentions of quitting, I wouldn't have wasted my time going to the pharmacy to have the prescription filled in the first place. Talk about ridiculous! Needless to say, at that point I really needed a cigarette. These people had me beside myself over this whole thing.

The military has a stop-smoking program with the American Lung Association, and if you call them and tell them you want to quit, they will get you a prescription for the patch. So while I am still standing there at the pharmacy window, I ask them for the phone number to the American Lung Association, and I call them on the spot, hoping they will assist me in getting this prescription filled. Easy, right? Again, wrong.

So I call the American Lung Association, trying to be calm and polite, although by now, I'm almost at my wits end. I go through the process of giving this guy all my information on the phone, all the while thinking, this is fine - not so bad - this guy is going to help me. Ha! After giving him all my info, I had to sit there and listen to him tell me how bad smoking is for me, and he starts sharing all these nifty ideas about how to help me get through the cravings, and all the things I need to start changing in my life to get through this. Then he shares with me that quitting smoking has been clinically proven to be more difficult than getting off of heroine. Thanks a lot! Can you please just help me get my prescription? After being on the phone with this guy for over 20 minutes, he decides to tell me, "I know you are ready to quit, [Lady Lover], but unfortunately, you won't be able to get your prescription filled today. It will take at least two days, because there's paperwork that has to be done before we can submit your prescription to the pharmacy."

So, let me get this straight. I'm telling you that I'm ready to quit today, and you're telling me I have to wait? My only response to this whole situation...I'm going to go have a cigarette. And that's exactly what I did.